Critical Tits photography
oh my GOD!...I am one of those pervs!....my first year at BM I took pics of lots of things....or so I thought...I get home and review the digital images and I have HUNDREDS of pictures of half naked women...in my defense I went to the ride in support of breast cancer awareness which why I thought the ride was developed...this year (my 4th) I am going to try and see more and shoot less
- sunnflower
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2006 1:54 pm
- Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Last year was my first burn, overall I felt people were respectful and got into the spirit of the CT ride and it was fun. I didn't mind the photography because I felt we were all decorated and it was, after all, a parade. What I didn't like was during BM if I chose not to wear a top was having a few lewd comments or leers occur. But, nothing is perfect, even BLR, and there will always be a few "types" who just DON'T GET IT.
OK, not every man taking pictures is a perv. My first year I took about 10 CT shots, all group and no one recognizable, more a proof of concept than anything else. Was busy in '04, in '05 I was a shooting fool, racing ahead to get the best shots -- of friends. A couple of friends have blown one of my pics up and it is hanging in their home. Yes they both have tits and have been together 8 years. I may or may not be out there this year, it depends on requests. I was asked in '05.
I have to admit, in general the guys out there taking pictures creeps me out. It is more along the lines of what kind of life do these guys lead that random boobie pictures is a big deal.
SED, are you going to make it the meet and greet? I want to know if you are the woman that totally messed up a great shot and then yelled at me for taking her topless photo (came in from stage left just as I shot, deleted it).
I knew that I had really gotten into this life when I asked a naked woman to move out ot the shot and asked near naked woman to pose with an art work.
I have to admit, in general the guys out there taking pictures creeps me out. It is more along the lines of what kind of life do these guys lead that random boobie pictures is a big deal.
SED, are you going to make it the meet and greet? I want to know if you are the woman that totally messed up a great shot and then yelled at me for taking her topless photo (came in from stage left just as I shot, deleted it).
I knew that I had really gotten into this life when I asked a naked woman to move out ot the shot and asked near naked woman to pose with an art work.
I like playing with fire.
I think the era of public nudity at burning man is over regardless, at least for me.
I don't want to be in anyone's random photograph nude on the net, and it is just not that interesting to walk around nude. If I were a woman and I wanted to ride in ct, I would wrap a headscarf around my face. I just went around with a headscarf in Egypt as a man, just to protect myself from excessive attention, and I loved it.
I don't want to be in anyone's random photograph nude on the net, and it is just not that interesting to walk around nude. If I were a woman and I wanted to ride in ct, I would wrap a headscarf around my face. I just went around with a headscarf in Egypt as a man, just to protect myself from excessive attention, and I loved it.
ta epi ta
I'll be there, I expect. Not a woman, last I checked.Silver 2 wrote: SED, are you going to make it the meet and greet? I want to know if you are the woman that totally messed up a great shot and then yelled at me for taking her topless photo (came in from stage left just as I shot, deleted it).
It ain't the hanging, it's the drop.
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skateboardkid
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:10 am
- Location: Ashland OR
legalities
Below is an excerpt from the Burning Man rules for filming and photography. Since Critical Tits is performance art, this rule does apply.
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES FOR MEDIA AND PARTICIPANTS
The copyright of any unique design, written work, artwork or performance is owned by the person or group of people who created it. You must ask permission before filming or photographing such artwork and performances and obtain signed model/property license(s) or release(s) from all appropriate parties. You may not make any use of images of such designs, artworks or performances without obtain a release or license from the creator(s).
http://www.burningman.com/press/pressRandR.html
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES FOR MEDIA AND PARTICIPANTS
The copyright of any unique design, written work, artwork or performance is owned by the person or group of people who created it. You must ask permission before filming or photographing such artwork and performances and obtain signed model/property license(s) or release(s) from all appropriate parties. You may not make any use of images of such designs, artworks or performances without obtain a release or license from the creator(s).
http://www.burningman.com/press/pressRandR.html
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Being a transexual isn't confusing, it's fun
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Being a transexual isn't confusing, it's fun
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Re: legalities
Having this language in a section titled "... MEDIA ..." undercuts its applicability for people who are not members of the media. Most of Burning Man is art. If this rule applied to everyone at the event, hardly anything could be photographed. If "must ask permission" applied to people taking pictures for memories (& friends & families), as to public art displays, participants would need to find Larry Harvey for permission to take a picture of The Man.jenn_nc wrote:Below is an excerpt from the Burning Man rules for filming and photography. Since Critical Tits is performance art, this rule does apply.
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES FOR MEDIA AND PARTICIPANTS
The copyright of any unique design, written work, artwork or performance is owned by the person or group of people who created it. You must ask permission before filming or photographing such artwork and performances and obtain signed model/property license(s) or release(s) from all appropriate parties. You may not make any use of images of such designs, artworks or performances without obtain a release or license from the creator(s).
I have to say that I was completely disgusted by CT this year. This was my third year at BM. My first year I never saw CT. Last year, I saw it going by at my camp. Guys in my camp were yelling nasty things at the girls, and it completely disgusted me.
This year, I happened to (without even realizing that it was going on) be right in the middle of the playa, with my sister (a first-timer) near the starting poing. I could not believe how disgusting the men were. The CT parade faked the men out, and didn't head straight for center camp, instead heading to the left... The men came running, pedaling their bikes super fast and the art cars came zooming, to get to the front so that they could take pictures of the naked girls. It was so disgusting to me. The guys (and no, they were not just "tourists", I saw guys dressed up in crazy costumes as well as guys in t-shirts and jeans) were so pathetic to watch. They came zooming to the front on their bikes, leaping off of them (wheels still spinning on the ground) so that they could take pictures. I was disgusted with the amount of cameras and videos (taken from digital cameras) that were out there. I saw only a small handful of women supporting the parade.
I truly do not understand how this event supports empowering women. Aren't we already allowed to walk around naked at BM? Why would I want to ride in a parade with a bunch of gawkers taking pictures...
This year, I happened to (without even realizing that it was going on) be right in the middle of the playa, with my sister (a first-timer) near the starting poing. I could not believe how disgusting the men were. The CT parade faked the men out, and didn't head straight for center camp, instead heading to the left... The men came running, pedaling their bikes super fast and the art cars came zooming, to get to the front so that they could take pictures of the naked girls. It was so disgusting to me. The guys (and no, they were not just "tourists", I saw guys dressed up in crazy costumes as well as guys in t-shirts and jeans) were so pathetic to watch. They came zooming to the front on their bikes, leaping off of them (wheels still spinning on the ground) so that they could take pictures. I was disgusted with the amount of cameras and videos (taken from digital cameras) that were out there. I saw only a small handful of women supporting the parade.
I truly do not understand how this event supports empowering women. Aren't we already allowed to walk around naked at BM? Why would I want to ride in a parade with a bunch of gawkers taking pictures...
I didn't even attend CT this year. Even tho I know it to be one of the events that define Burning Man and as a virgin burner I wanted to see, experience, and participate in as much as possible. But I had afeeling that the hordes of Whackers would be out in force and I did not want to be mixed in with them. As an Old Guy I had already experienced a lot of disgusted looks from women in camp who Assumed that the Old Guy in the loincloth was there to leer,stare,touch inappropriately etc. even though I did none of those things I was lumped in with those Whackers. I will attend next time WEARING A BRA and carrying a large mirror to shine back at the camera and give those goons something else to shoot at. All persons deserve respect except those who are not respectful.
- AntiM
- Moderator
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- Burning Since: 2001
- Camp Name: Anti M's Home for Wayward Art
- Location: Wild, Wild West
Sixth burn, first CT. We had two lovely young women in camp this year who decided I needed to do CT as I'm a BC survivor. I never have mainly because I can't maneuver our rhoadescar by myself. They pedaled, I rode backwards on the back deck and did the parade queen wave.
The guys at the starting point creeped me out the most with their big cameras and neatly pressed jeans. Along the route, not so much, and I saw at least one female videographer. A few times guys did turn and catch me waving; funny, but the few who took my picture made eye contact, we nodded, and they shot. The girls didn't seem to mind their pictures being taken overall, but yes, they didn't like the obvious droolers. We honked our horn and got guys to ring their bike bells, and yelled and interacted with the bystanders rather than ignoring them. It made them look at the girls' faces, not just their bodies.
Maybe I'm a bit jaded, I'm old and fat and lumpy and pretty comfy in my own skin anymore, so being photgraphed was actually a compliment for me. Not to invalidate the feelings of other women, but hey, boobs make men stupid. As long as there is a CT there will be stupid men along the route.
The guys at the starting point creeped me out the most with their big cameras and neatly pressed jeans. Along the route, not so much, and I saw at least one female videographer. A few times guys did turn and catch me waving; funny, but the few who took my picture made eye contact, we nodded, and they shot. The girls didn't seem to mind their pictures being taken overall, but yes, they didn't like the obvious droolers. We honked our horn and got guys to ring their bike bells, and yelled and interacted with the bystanders rather than ignoring them. It made them look at the girls' faces, not just their bodies.
Maybe I'm a bit jaded, I'm old and fat and lumpy and pretty comfy in my own skin anymore, so being photgraphed was actually a compliment for me. Not to invalidate the feelings of other women, but hey, boobs make men stupid. As long as there is a CT there will be stupid men along the route.
Any guy with self-esteem would ride the other way just to not be in a group of oggling yahoos. As soon as I heard CT was happening, I made sure to be doing something else.
Do the unobvious and your experience will often be more interesting.
Here's a tip: If you want to meet an interesting hetero male during CT, go the opposite direction with your clothes on and say hello to the first nice smile you see on a guy without a camera.
Do the unobvious and your experience will often be more interesting.
Here's a tip: If you want to meet an interesting hetero male during CT, go the opposite direction with your clothes on and say hello to the first nice smile you see on a guy without a camera.
ta epi ta
I keep coming back to this topic.
Here's a thing. All throughout our society I see pictures of men, bare chested, nic pecs and sixpack, oiled and sexy. And I watch women react.
They react appreciatively. They ogle. They sigh. They make comments. Sometimes, depending on the situation, they even yell appreciative words.
All over. Walk through a mall and count the ads with bare chested men.
Bare chested women? Few and far between. Usually hidden and associated with porn. And a man makes an appreciative comment at the risk of being taken for a boor. Worse, if he is with wife or girlfriend or female friend, he risks startled, angry approbation--from the same woman who, likely as not, will gladly ogle the bare chested male displays all around her. With her male companion right there.
Some will say that this is because the bare male chest is common, it is not as sexualised. But the second part of that is a lie. Yes, it's common, but it damned well isn't sexless.
It just isn't immediately prurient. It's an example of a 'beautiful body'.
I had always assumed that CT was pursuing the same status for the female chest. To take it from prurience to prominence. To give it the same relaxed sexuality that we associate with the bare male chest.
And it will, if we let it.
But it can't if women don't understand that a lot of the male behaviour at CT stems from the fact that men don't get the constant casual exposure to women's secondary sexual characteristics that women enjoy every day from men. That all of the casual ogling THEY do is compressed into tiny glorious points for men. Not casual at all but rather bright moments where they get to appreciate the female form even as women get to do every day.
And they are derided for doing so, they are criticised and called 'pervert' and countless other names. All while women ogle mens bare chests with society's approval and aid.
Realise that even the rudest comments come, at least in part, from the sheer joy of being able to do something, if even for a moment, that women get to do every day.
Here's a thing. All throughout our society I see pictures of men, bare chested, nic pecs and sixpack, oiled and sexy. And I watch women react.
They react appreciatively. They ogle. They sigh. They make comments. Sometimes, depending on the situation, they even yell appreciative words.
All over. Walk through a mall and count the ads with bare chested men.
Bare chested women? Few and far between. Usually hidden and associated with porn. And a man makes an appreciative comment at the risk of being taken for a boor. Worse, if he is with wife or girlfriend or female friend, he risks startled, angry approbation--from the same woman who, likely as not, will gladly ogle the bare chested male displays all around her. With her male companion right there.
Some will say that this is because the bare male chest is common, it is not as sexualised. But the second part of that is a lie. Yes, it's common, but it damned well isn't sexless.
It just isn't immediately prurient. It's an example of a 'beautiful body'.
I had always assumed that CT was pursuing the same status for the female chest. To take it from prurience to prominence. To give it the same relaxed sexuality that we associate with the bare male chest.
And it will, if we let it.
But it can't if women don't understand that a lot of the male behaviour at CT stems from the fact that men don't get the constant casual exposure to women's secondary sexual characteristics that women enjoy every day from men. That all of the casual ogling THEY do is compressed into tiny glorious points for men. Not casual at all but rather bright moments where they get to appreciate the female form even as women get to do every day.
And they are derided for doing so, they are criticised and called 'pervert' and countless other names. All while women ogle mens bare chests with society's approval and aid.
Realise that even the rudest comments come, at least in part, from the sheer joy of being able to do something, if even for a moment, that women get to do every day.
"Life is like a box of razor blades. Sharp, shiny, and good for removing unwanted body hair"
- ckburn
- Posts: 48
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 9:23 pm
- Burning Since: 2000
- Location: you wouldn't believe me if i told you
This was my seventh burn and also the seventh time I missed the CT parade. I did happen upon the party on the Playa afterward, and observed a pretty small number of guys shooting pictures or video without permission.
I prefer to let the women enjoy their parade without my participation. How can I participate, since I am male? If I attend I am a spectator, and I've sworn off spectating at Burning Man, since I have so much more fun participating.
Curtis
I prefer to let the women enjoy their parade without my participation. How can I participate, since I am male? If I attend I am a spectator, and I've sworn off spectating at Burning Man, since I have so much more fun participating.
Curtis
It's sad that the hit counter for BM photos of naked breasts on my site is double the other kinds of photos. So if you're in CT you probably know that there will be pictures of your tits on the net. Creepy photographers are rarely the ones with BIG lenses though in my experience.
Lots of nekkkkiiid breastss here: http://www.dblock.org/ShowPost.aspx?id=1064
Lots of nekkkkiiid breastss here: http://www.dblock.org/ShowPost.aspx?id=1064
Re: Critical Tits photography
[quote="Blonde Iguana"]I rode in the Critical Tits parade this year for the first time with a friend and my daughter (and our breasts were very nicely painted, if I do say so myself). We were waiting around on our bikes at the base of the Man for the parade to begin, milling about en masse with scores of other topless goddesses. As we waited, we were surprised at the number of dazed-looking un-costumed men wandering around amidst the women, clutching their cameras in their sweaty hands. Then, I made a mistake...I made eye contact with one of those men. He was immediately encouraged by that eye contact to came up and very politely ask if he could photograph us. Since he was so polite, we said yes, and smiled and posed obligingly on our bikes as he snapped his pic. Suddenly, outta the blue, we were surrounded by about 6 or 7 sweaty un-costumed men with cameras, all snapping pictures. Like hyenas circling a lone wildebeest, the shutterbugs had how somehow sensed that this photographer had cut us from the herd, and they instantly grabbed the opportunity to jump in and photograph the boobies for themselves. A couple of them asked permission, which we granted very tentatively as we edged away...the rest just started snapping away with their cameras. It was absolutely bizarre, and very creepy...we had to jump on our bikes and beat a quick retreat from the circling frenzy of shutterbugs.
So, our first time at Critical Tits taught us our lesson the hard way...do NOT give any strange man permission to photograph you, because you may open the door to becoming the subject of way more photographs than you intended. It makes me wonder if there should be some controls on allowing camera-toting, un-costumed men access to the pre-parade CT gathering. Of course, how would you keep them out? Maybe a new catch-and-release camp, like the BRC Animal Control...capture and tag them, steal their pants, paint their wieners and take pictures of them to post on the internet; and don't turn them loose until the CT parade is over....
Anyway, lesson learned...just say NO. Other than that initial weirdness, the CT ride was a BLAST. I was picking sequins and spirit gum off my boobs for at least a couple days afterwards.[/quote]
I included this original post from Blonde Iguana, even tho it has been a year since she had this experience at the 2005 CT, because it is the post that started this thread and it seems that her experiences and the questions they raise are valid at any CT or at BM in general.
Blonde Iguana, if you are still following this thread I apologize for talking about you in the third person.
you raise the question about controls on the type of activity you described. Many of the replies agree but don't think BM needs more rules. A lot of men have offered to police other guys.A few women have more or less said "We don't need your stinkin' help". My take onit IMHO is this;
CT is supposed to be Empowering for women. that is good. anything good for Women is good for Humankind. Anything good for 3000 humans is important enough for this human male to see.
Anything bad for Women,like pervs w/cameras is bad period. Since the women are riding they are doing all they can to promote this good thing and can't take time to deal with the negatives. thats where the real human males come in. My woman sure takes care of me; i feel an obli to help make CT a positive thing(with your permission Ladies, of course).
I would like to approach every man at CT, with acamera, with the question " who did YOU get permission from?"and expain to the ones w/o permission that permission is required for all photos at Burning Man. The ones who are photographing a GF, friend or campmate should not have a prob. but the pervs will have something to think about. Its not much but it's what I got. Hope it helps.
BTW IMHO I think self rightious(writechus...whatever) men who stay away from CT( like I did this year ) are copouts and unable to enforce their manhood. Thanks for your insight Blonde iguana. I will do better in the future.
So, our first time at Critical Tits taught us our lesson the hard way...do NOT give any strange man permission to photograph you, because you may open the door to becoming the subject of way more photographs than you intended. It makes me wonder if there should be some controls on allowing camera-toting, un-costumed men access to the pre-parade CT gathering. Of course, how would you keep them out? Maybe a new catch-and-release camp, like the BRC Animal Control...capture and tag them, steal their pants, paint their wieners and take pictures of them to post on the internet; and don't turn them loose until the CT parade is over....
Anyway, lesson learned...just say NO. Other than that initial weirdness, the CT ride was a BLAST. I was picking sequins and spirit gum off my boobs for at least a couple days afterwards.[/quote]
I included this original post from Blonde Iguana, even tho it has been a year since she had this experience at the 2005 CT, because it is the post that started this thread and it seems that her experiences and the questions they raise are valid at any CT or at BM in general.
Blonde Iguana, if you are still following this thread I apologize for talking about you in the third person.
you raise the question about controls on the type of activity you described. Many of the replies agree but don't think BM needs more rules. A lot of men have offered to police other guys.A few women have more or less said "We don't need your stinkin' help". My take onit IMHO is this;
CT is supposed to be Empowering for women. that is good. anything good for Women is good for Humankind. Anything good for 3000 humans is important enough for this human male to see.
Anything bad for Women,like pervs w/cameras is bad period. Since the women are riding they are doing all they can to promote this good thing and can't take time to deal with the negatives. thats where the real human males come in. My woman sure takes care of me; i feel an obli to help make CT a positive thing(with your permission Ladies, of course).
I would like to approach every man at CT, with acamera, with the question " who did YOU get permission from?"and expain to the ones w/o permission that permission is required for all photos at Burning Man. The ones who are photographing a GF, friend or campmate should not have a prob. but the pervs will have something to think about. Its not much but it's what I got. Hope it helps.
BTW IMHO I think self rightious(writechus...whatever) men who stay away from CT( like I did this year ) are copouts and unable to enforce their manhood. Thanks for your insight Blonde iguana. I will do better in the future.
We got what we got. We'll get what we get. Let's burn.
I think in law the phrase "attractive nuisance" might apply to CT - a well publicised event with several thousand half naked women is going to attract the element of the crowd who's social skills are less than advanced.
This year I was the only ranger at the after party - I had multiple women come up to me with camera tags they had ripped from guys but there was really nothing I could do. I did talk to a couple of idiots with long lenses and pro looking gear and they seemed to get the message but overall it's going to pretty much impossible to make CT camera free. Interestingly I also noticed women photographing women with no complaints at all - the photos are equally likely to end up on the web.
Personally I was disappointed that the party was open this year (I worked security last year) but my partner said she preferred it because the art cars added a lot to the vibe.
I guess in the end CT, like all of Burning Man is evolving and if you expect it to be like it was last year you risk missing seeing the new things this year. If I were to approach CT with beginners mind I'd say it was still a massively positive event for the majority of participants.
Trapper
This year I was the only ranger at the after party - I had multiple women come up to me with camera tags they had ripped from guys but there was really nothing I could do. I did talk to a couple of idiots with long lenses and pro looking gear and they seemed to get the message but overall it's going to pretty much impossible to make CT camera free. Interestingly I also noticed women photographing women with no complaints at all - the photos are equally likely to end up on the web.
Personally I was disappointed that the party was open this year (I worked security last year) but my partner said she preferred it because the art cars added a lot to the vibe.
I guess in the end CT, like all of Burning Man is evolving and if you expect it to be like it was last year you risk missing seeing the new things this year. If I were to approach CT with beginners mind I'd say it was still a massively positive event for the majority of participants.
Trapper
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Kinetic IV
- Posts: 2977
- Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2005 7:34 pm
- Location: Kyiv, Ukraine as of 10/27/06
do it earlier in week
my vote, do it on wednesday or thursday latest. I did not join CT because that morning I thought I would have some fun on the titty totter with my husband, then head on over.
I was dismayed at the creeps who lined up in their camping chairs just to watch and take pics of topless girls on a see saw (as if there aren't a lot more interesting things to photograph). One guy insisted on taking pics even after I let him know that was enough. It put a damper on my whole day, and spoiled my idealized vision that most guys at BM are totally cool and respectable. there was no way after that little incident I was going on the CT ride, I thought it would be more about about fending off creeps, not enjoying a fun, liberating, ride.
One or two shots can be ok, but the first poster was right. Its like you let one guy take your picture and its open season. ick.
LOVE the T-Shirt, absolutely love it. I will do one next year!
I was dismayed at the creeps who lined up in their camping chairs just to watch and take pics of topless girls on a see saw (as if there aren't a lot more interesting things to photograph). One guy insisted on taking pics even after I let him know that was enough. It put a damper on my whole day, and spoiled my idealized vision that most guys at BM are totally cool and respectable. there was no way after that little incident I was going on the CT ride, I thought it would be more about about fending off creeps, not enjoying a fun, liberating, ride.
One or two shots can be ok, but the first poster was right. Its like you let one guy take your picture and its open season. ick.
LOVE the T-Shirt, absolutely love it. I will do one next year!
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Taz
- Posts: 107
- Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2003 9:31 am
- Burning Since: 2000
- Camp Name: Safer Sex
- Location: San Leandro
- Contact:
survey
On previous years I asked why women rode in critical tits. Because it's empowering, was one of the answers. Empowering? To show your tits? So was this a political demonstration? Oh , forget the politics, it's just plain fun. Was this fun? I heard they took the erotic services out of the ride this year. I'm confused . Is this what women do to express their power over men or that of their victimization? Wonder what their answers will be next year.
- EvilDustBooger
- Posts: 3807
- Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2005 1:56 pm
- Location: Outside the Box
It`s a classic example of the "Haves And Have-Nots"...
...Those that have are trying to keep it away from those that don`t.
And those that give it up freely tend to get mobbed by those deprived of it...especially when they do it in public.
Lots of historical examples out there.
...maybe they should serve cake next year.
...Those that have are trying to keep it away from those that don`t.
And those that give it up freely tend to get mobbed by those deprived of it...especially when they do it in public.
Lots of historical examples out there.
...maybe they should serve cake next year.
- joel the ornery
- Posts: 2657
- Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 3:28 pm
- Burning Since: 1998
- Location: i'm the snarky one in your worst fucking nightmares
- Contact:
EvilDustBooger wrote:It`s a classic example of the "Haves And Have-Nots"...
...Those that have are trying to keep it away from those that don`t.
And those that give it up freely tend to get mobbed by those deprived of it...especially when they do it in public.
Lots of historical examples out there.
...maybe they should serve cake next year.
Eddie Izzard wrote: There's no Church of England fundamentalism. We can't have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalism. Jihad! …
Ah ha … Church of England fundamentalism is impossible because you can't have:
"You must have tea and cake with the vicar or you die!"
Tea and cake or death! Students with beards,
"Tea and cake or death! Tea and cake or death!
Little Red Cookbook! Little Red Cookbook!" Ca – you know, 'cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Everybody – anyone could answer that.
"Cake or death?"
"Uhh, cake please."
"Very well! Give him cake!"
"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice!"
"You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, cake for me, too, please!"
"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry …"
"You said death first, ah-ha, ah-ha, death first!"
"Well, I meant cake!"
"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England! Cake or death?"
"Uh, cake please."
"Well, we're out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn't expect such a rush! So what'll it be?"
"What, so my choice is 'or death?' Well, then I'll have the chicken, please."