So basically, I've screwed myself.

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:49 pm

----Feel free to scan through this post, it's full of grossness and drama.----

Well shit, y'all. Lots o' drama surrounding my trip. . . It will be my first time, and I am quite determined to go, no matter what happens. I already have my ticket. Unfortunately, I messed up big time (at least it seems that way). I invited a close friend to go with me without really thinking about it. She enjoys the outdoors and she isn't an uptight person at all really. Anyway, I really wanted her to go with me and I was in a bit of a "manic" state of mind...So I bought her a ticket too, with the agreement that (if she attended) she would pay me back, and if not I would sell it.
So, now I am thinking she would not fare so well in this sort of environment. I've realized I bought both tickets on a GIANT impulse, and now I can't un-invite her.
Also, the people I am planning to camp with are all cool, though there will be an ex-boyfriend there. We are ..somewhat civil? We don' get in big spats or anything, he is just stressing because he thinks I'm going to get myself raped or something. I know I brought this up a little bit earlier. My only other options are going alone or going with strangers....I don't relaly want to go with strangers...I am thinking about going alone, except for the drive there might not be a good idea to do alone (bout 400 miles).
I know people are just going to say "Ditch the drama-queens", but that doesn't seem like a good solution. The ex seems to want to make it work (the trip, not the relationship), but neither of us is quite sure how to go about that. He grilled me, asking me if i would use drugs or alcohol or sleep with strangers. I seemed to have my boundaries down, though he didn't. I think it has more to do with jealousy or something. I really don't know how to even approach this.

Dork · Post by **Dork** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:12 pm

Tell the friend you bought an extra ticket that she's welcome to if she decides to go, no pressure. Do your best to tell her about the event and let her decide if she wants to go or not.

The ex sounds like drama waiting to happen. Find a new group or go alone. There will be plenty of camps looking for new members to help out with preparations. Find a local group you can spend time with ahead of time to see if you get along. If you're concerned about the drive it's easy enough to find someone to ride up with.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:22 pm

Did you say 400 miles to travel alone?? Thats not very far theses days to take a drive that will change your life... I went alone my 1st year and never looked back.. Now this will be year 10.. If you want drama take the ex.. If you want issues with your gal pal take her... I'd say fuck it and joining the fine folks at the Booby Bar.. My opinions are just that... Mine

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:00 pm

I second ibdave...

I have to drive over 450 miles a day for 4 days straight to get to the playa. You can do 400 without any problem. Find some good tunes and let it roll. And the best way to address the friend who you are now questioning is to be honest and frank with her about it. Tell her you're worrying about the climate and her compatibility with it. Make sure she knows what sheâ€™s getting into. Talk to her about it and she what she thinks. If after that, she still wants to do it, then I'd say bring her on!!!

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:02 pm

Or you can pick up a hitch hiker along the way...and take them to the burn, or wait till ya get to the gates and gift the ticket to someone...

then go camp with BOOBY bar!

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:05 pm

Blackbird wrote:...asking me if i would use drugs or alcohol or sleep with strangers...

And if he's asking you this from the air-conditioned comfort of "off playa", then I'd watch out. Itâ€™ll only get worse in the extremes of the desert.

I'd say hang out and meet others here online. You'll make friends that you can't wait to meet and camp with by the time August rolls around. Go visit the ex if you want, but don't let him dictate your playa experience. No way... Life's too short and time on the playa is even more precious.

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:14 pm

Thanks everyone, your advice was about what I expected. I think the loose plan right now (talked to a couple of the people in the group about it-ex included) is to travel together, caravan style I suppose. I am definitely going with the intention of being COMPLETELY self-sufficient (not sharing any equipment, rides, stoves, food, et cetera). At the moment the idea is to set up camp adjacent to theirs and spend as little time as possible in contact with icky peoples. I can't quite cut that whole group out, because they are good friends (even the ex when hes not being silly) and we have funtimes. I suppose it's my own fault if anything bad happens...We shall see.
Thanks again.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:16 pm

Blackbird, Just where is your nest located at???

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:21 pm

Don't worry about the ticket.
You can always sell it later.

Tiahaar · Post by **Tiahaar** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:21 pm

Hi Blackbird, yes what they said : )

IMHO buying a ticket is the first sign a person is ready to go to the Burn so have Girlfriend pay you now and own the ticket. Then start planning to have a blast together. If she decides not to go then its up to her to deal with the resale. Bring a bike...there's a whole lotta playa to get away from ex's out there!

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:32 pm

ibdave wrote:Blackbird, Just where is your nest located at???

Lovely Santa Cruz, CA. I know 400 mi. may not seem like a lot to y'all, but I've never driven farther than San Francisco( been farther, just didn't do all the driving myself). I tend to stick to residential streets whenever possible, our measly hwy 1 doesn't do much of anything for anyone in terms of less stressful driving. Except maybe...Not provide it? Anyway. . .

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:35 pm

Tiahaar wrote:Hi Blackbird, yes what they said : )

IMHO buying a ticket is the first sign a person is ready to go to the Burn so have Girlfriend pay you now and own the ticket. Then start planning to have a blast together. If she decides not to go then its up to her to deal with the resale. Bring a bike...there's a whole lotta playa to get away from ex's out there!

Yeah, I know. I would LOVE it if she bought it off me/decided not to go. I don't want to wait until late july to find out whether she's going. She says she cannot afford it, and needs to wait until she knows when school starts before she can commit....Fair enough I suppose, but it's starting to piss me off. Unfortunately, in my manic state of mind, along with buying a ticket, I told her she had until July 4th to decide and that she could pay me in installements if she had to. I just wanted to have someone to go with...I was NOT thinking clearly.

I'm fucked. Anyone have a rewind button I can borrow for a while?

SED · Post by **SED** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 2:51 am

Hey, anyone gives you trouble--I'll kick the shit right out of 'em.

There. Problem solved.. Now let's party!

Atar · Post by **Atar** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:00 am

I believe I traveled about 3,500 miles to get to Burningman last year, by myself. And I had a blast. I would advise finding another group or going alone also.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:41 am

You must be talking one way?

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:48 am

Yep, 400 miles ain't nuthin'. One moderate day's travel, even at the speed limit! I drive from Michigan each year, alone, and usually don't even pull over to stretch until Iowa or so. Just make sure that your ride is ready, and if you have to pile stuff over the spare tire consider an Emergency Unpack Plan for getting to it...THEN you'll never NEED to. Sounds like you've got a handle on the camping arrangements, but I'd endorse the Booby Bar people- They're my new neighbors!

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:51 am

yup, and you can always say.. to your friend...BOOBY BAR...the DRAMA free Camp! no if and or buttocks

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 6:50 am

Blackbird wrote:
ibdave wrote:Blackbird, Just where is your nest located at???
Lovely Santa Cruz, CA. I know 400 mi. may not seem like a lot to y'all, but I've never driven farther than San Francisco( been farther, just didn't do all the driving myself). I tend to stick to residential streets whenever possible, our measly hwy 1 doesn't do much of anything for anyone in terms of less stressful driving. Except maybe...Not provide it? Anyway. . .

Big group of Burners in that area.. 2 of my campmate live in Felton.....

flightless · Post by **flightless** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:32 am

Be as autonomous as possible and then you will be able to meet up with the drama queens as you wish, without being chained to them. Definitely make it clear to the ex AND to other friends that you are going there to wander and explore and do your own thing, so they should only join you if they are comfortable with that too.

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:28 am

Blackbird wrote:

I'm fucked. Anyone have a rewind button I can borrow for a while?

Know what I'd do??

(1) Go. 400 miles? Hell, I've done 400 miles one way on a whim, 1400 miles on a weekend for fun. BRC isn't bad. Start building up your gas cash stash, get yer camping gear and stuph together. After al - the #1 thing is to do YOUR thing, not everyone elses thing. IF you're worried about everyone else, or have all these expectations, how the hell you gonna enjoy your burn?? So... with that in mind...

(2) GIFT your friend the ticket, so it's no longer a stressor on your part. OK, it''s a 200 dollar ticket. And so fucking what? This trip will cast more than $200, and the stress relief you will feel from no longer having this freaking piano shaped anvil over your head will feel wonderful. Want justification? OK... cheap education which maybe next time will keep you from jumpintg into a frying pan. But how you gonna plan for this thing when you're so stressed about this silly $200 ticket?

(Note - the only reason I get extra tix - and I always do - is in case someone needs one and can't swing it. can I afford it? No way. But I still do, as someone else will then get to go out and burn. No expectations, no guilt, no headaches, no hassles. And no Anvils over ones head.)

(3) Relax.
You're gonna go out there and have fun, or not, or be happy, or br miserable, but whatever you do, it should be genuilnely YOUR experience. Don't worry about other people places, things....

'nuff sed 4 now...

hugz,
bb

flightless · Post by **flightless** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:35 am

Blackbird wrote:Anyway, I really wanted her to go with me and I was in a bit of a "manic" state of mind...So I bought her a ticket too, with the agreement that (if she attended) she would pay me back, and if not I would sell it.
So, now I am thinking she would not fare so well in this sort of environment. I've realized I bought both tickets on a GIANT impulse, and now I can't un-invite her.

One thing you could do is email her/talk to her and say "I know I said I would sell your ticket if you decided not to go - so I am thinking that I shouldn't wait until the last minute to try and do that (b/c it would stress me out...) -- Do you think you could let me know by [May or whatever] whether you'll be able to go, so I have some time to sell the ticket?" That puts the ball in her court and then you don't have to fret over it so much.

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:45 am

I still like my idea better...

You bought the ticket as a gift for her, then gift her the ticket and erase it from your mind. Let her know if she wants to travel with you, cool, if she wants to travel with someone else, cool, if she decides not to go and sells the ticket, cool. (She may be facing eviction and need the tix $ to save her ass then, too... what a kewl thing, be able to save a friend's ass!)

Cuts the dramatics and BS to the lowest common denominator. As well as any potential guilt. And reduces your ulcer content!

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:19 am

ibdave wrote: Big group of Burners in that area.. 2 of my campmate live in Felton.....

Yep, you can always tell who's been to burning man the second week of school, dusty cars everywhere.

As to gifting the ticket to my friend. . .That is a really nice idea but 250 dollars is a helluva lot of money for me. I don't have a job and she can really afford this trip better than I can. I feel really mean saying that somehow.
I feel like a lot of drama could be avoided by not doing this. She also gets somewhat peeved whenever I mention Burning Man (not all that often to her, maybe once every couple of days we talk), I'm not sure why. I can't even tell if she really wants to go..I am getting major mixed signals from her. I do want someone to go with, but I'd rather that person not bring a dramafest.

thanks for listening to my bitching, y'all.

flightless · Post by **flightless** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:22 am

Blackbird wrote:She also gets somewhat peeved whenever I mention Burning Man (not all that often to her, maybe once every couple of days we talk), I'm not sure why. I can't even tell if she really wants to go..I am getting major mixed signals from her.

I think you should be really direct with her. "I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from you -- would you rather I just sell this other ticket?"

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:36 am

Blackbird wrote:She also gets somewhat peeved whenever I mention Burning Man (not all that often to her, maybe once every couple of days we talk), I'm not sure why. I can't even tell if she really wants to go..

Uh Oh... If she's not excited about it, look out. You can get your $$$ back for that ticket from someone else with no problem if you have to have it. And I undersatnd how things can be tight and getting it back would help a lot.

I have a personal rule of not forcing anyone into Burning Man. If they aren't excited enough to make an effort on there own, then it's probably not going to work. If you can't tell that she wants to go then she probably doesn't. Be understanding and keep on movin...

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:47 am

LeChatNoir wrote:
Blackbird wrote:She also gets somewhat peeved whenever I mention Burning Man (not all that often to her, maybe once every couple of days we talk), I'm not sure why. I can't even tell if she really wants to go..
Uh Oh... If she's not excited about it, look out. You can get your $$$ back for that ticket from someone else with no problem if you have to have it. And I undersatnd how things can be tight and getting it back would help a lot.

I have a personal rule of not forcing anyone into Burning Man. If they aren't excited enough to make an effort on there own, then it's probably not going to work. If you can't tell that she wants to go then she probably doesn't. Be understanding and keep on movin...

EXACTLY!! That is how I am feeling. LIke, if she really wanted to go she would be finding everyway to get this ticket and to go. I do realize money is an issue, and so is missing the first week of school but..Yeah I feel that way, definitely. Finally someone understands, haha.

SED · Post by **SED** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:10 pm

pinemom wrote:yup, and you can always say.. to your friend...BOOBY BAR...the DRAMA free Camp! no if and or buttocks

No buttocks?

Does that mean I have to stop being a total ass?

Archantael · Post by **Archantael** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:12 pm

SED wrote:No buttocks?

Does that mean I have to stop being a total ass?

Is that possible?

mojo · Post by **mojo** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:55 pm

Blackbird - BBSue is wise, as usual. The single most important thing is to enjoy the experience and the experience has already begun - a big part of it is the preparation and the journey. Take it easy on yourself and enjoy the ride.

Having a disagreement or major bitchfest is almost unavoidable for us in the first day until we acclimate to the altitude, so if there is an atmosphere for potential drama, it will be inflated. Be prepared to grab your dust mask and watter bottle and go for a long walk when things get irritating, no matter where you camp or who you are there with.

It sounds like Pinemom, the Queen of the Booby Bar, has extended the invitation to camp with them. It just doesn't get much better than that.

Stop in and see us at Jungle Camp - there's always room in the shade and something's always cooking.

As for the drive, the roads you will be on out of the bay area are literally FULL of burners. Put a Burning Man symbol on your car window with glass chalk. (You will see lots of these on the way). I can't think of anyone on this board who would not stop to help should you have any problems.

In short, you have far more friends than you know - you just haven't met us all yet.

Blackbird · Post by **Blackbird** » Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:24 pm

mojo wrote:you have far more friends than you know - you just haven't met us all yet.

That's good to hear. Thanks for the support.

So basically, I've screwed myself.

So basically, I've screwed myself.

Re: So basically, I've screwed myself.

Re: the ticket for your friend