Single women and creep factor

[wedeliver]

Living life in fear is a choice.

Wanting to be safe doesn't mean living in fear - being prepared is also a choice!

Bring a Condom. Next year the theme should be TROJAN

[wedeliver]

I could have said bring a boy scout but that would be sick.

[Glittering Clitoris]

ie don't take liquid gifts that might get ya all fucked up...

or, if you do, make them drink it too by pouring it in his mouth first. if he spits it out pour it all on the ground in front of him and walk away.

If he drinks it and you both get fucked up then rape him of course only if you think he's cute enough to rape.

[gyre]

Why would you drink something if you were that suspicious?
If someone asked me to taste something I offered them, I would try to get as far away from them as possible, as soon as possible.
I just ask people what is in their mixtures.

[MikeVDS]

If someone asked me to taste something I offered them, I would try to get as far away from them as possible, as soon as possible.

Why? It seems like a perfectly reasonable request from a lone female stranger who you're offering a drink to. I don't really know anything about those type of drugs but I wouldn't think that just a sip would be a good test though considering the dose would be quite small. The best way to watch out for yourself is to keep people you trust around if you're at strange camps taking drinks from strange people.

[actiongrl]

I am not sure why it's any funnier to joke about raping a guy than raping a girl, so I'm going to pretend that wasn't said.

I have felt safer at Burning Man walking alone than ever, anywhere. My strongest advice is to know how to use your language and CLEARLY say no when you're not interested (the same skills you need in any bar, right?) and never, ever, ever accept a drink from an open container, or leave your own drink sitting anywhere out of your sight. Also, don't just run off with a new "friend" all alone without telling a friend where you're going and letting them see who you're with and when you'll be back. If you do make a new friend and they invite you to hang out, stick to visiting populated areas while you get to know each other - that's how you'd do it if you were in a city, right? You also wouldn't go back to someone's home (in this case, tent) five minutes after meeting them and just imbibe whatever they gave you, either, would you? No. It's a city. You should act like you would in a city.

There's no reason to be overly panicky about it, but it is a large population, and in any crowd that size, you have to comport yourself with caution. You can't just forget your personal safety because you're at Burning Man - would that we had a way to screen for assholes and pervs at the gate, but alas, they don't tend to self-identify when they've got lousy intentions... it only takes one loser with bad intentions in a crowd of 40,000 wonderful people to ruin your experience, and in any crowd that big, you'll attract some bad apples. Don't be afraid to meet new people, but don't lose your head, either.

[Toolmaker]

If someone asked me to taste something I offered them, I would try to get as far away from them as possible, as soon as possible.

Why? It seems like a perfectly reasonable request from a lone female stranger who you're offering a drink to. I don't really know anything about those type of drugs but I wouldn't think that just a sip would be a good test though considering the dose would be quite small. The best way to watch out for yourself is to keep people you trust around if you're at strange camps taking drinks from strange people.

Actually theres dangerous shit out there than can have effects with very small doses. If you aren't prepared to handle an "altered" experience do NOT drink something from someone you do not trust with your life. And do NOT let anyone you don't know spray ya with anything. This is mentioned in the Rangers guide. Sad, but some jerks in the world think its cute to dose people.

[MikeVDS]

Actually theres dangerous shit out there than can have effects with very small doses.

True, but there are also probably things that one could take a sip of and be fine watching you get drugged up drinking the whole glass.

[gyre]

At some point, we all decide to trust someone or not.
Can you tell whether someone can be trusted in five minutes or five months?
Not in my experience.
If someone is that nervous, they shouldn't be accepting a drink from me at all.
That would make me nervous.

And you can take a sip of some very toxic stuff without ill effects.
I've done it by mistake.
I recommend reading the chemical hazard sheet while you're waiting to see if you feel any effect.
The time will just fly by.

How do we decide who we trust?

[actiongrl]

Who do we trust?

Well, knowing as we do that women everywhere get unwittingly dosed and then taken advantage of by strangers who seemed like nice guys at the time, I'd say we err strictly on the side of caution in the name of personal safety. BRC, any large gathering, or just in the city. It's all the same.

A fella just has to understand a lady's preference for a can of beer or at least a cocktail made from bottled ingredients she got to watch you make in full view of other people, in times like this.

I was at NY decom once and a guy in an obviously fake moustache and track suit (ironic, or disguise?) tried to give me a beer. I accepted, but when he handed me the beer I noted that had already been opened. So, when he turned his back I dumped it all into a pile of sand. He kept coming back the whole night just hovering in the area, kinda watching my scene. Was he waiting to see if drugs had taken effect, or did the bartender just hand it to him that way and he was coming back to see if I wanted to hang out? Should I have trusted him because he was kinda cute and flirty and I didn't want to offend him? C'mon. Who's to say that something awful wouldn't have happened if I had just said, "Well, he seems nice..."

Better safe than sorry, ladies. No drink and no cute guy is worth risking your safety.

[K-mom]

Yeah I'm regularly ditching beers/drinks at clubs, when I've been stupid and let my attention get taken away by the band playing or whatever ... I'll look back and realise there's some strange looking dude standing next to my drink ... call me paranoid but after nearly having my roommate die on me two years ago due to a drug-n-date-rape situation, I prefer to just sacrifice a drink here and there.

'course, you would think I'd learn to pay more attention........

[Lorgasm]

A few years ago I was a victim of a spiked drink. All I had was a couple of glasses of wine and a shot. I woke to find myself in a booth with people hovering around me. I used whatever energy I had left (I was so scared-this wierd feeling of drifting in and out of conciousness) to actually scream at my girlfriend to get my keys and take me home. I ended up sleepin it off at her house. The next day I told my other friend about it and she confirmed the worst. Yes, I was dosed. I later found out this happended to some other girls and that it was possible that the Bartender was doing it for his customers. Few weeks later, the bar closed down. Being the optimist, I was strangely flattered. However, I also felt violated and raped even though nothing happened. Sick fucking bastards.

[Box Burner]

many years ago I went to a farewell party for a drummer freind who was going into the marines. It was an even mix of mexicans, tongans and whites and everybody was having a good time. Some idiot offers to put some acid in my drink and I declined. H then states that it is free and he has been sneaking it into other peoples drinks and the fun should begin soon. Not cool. I guess he felt safe telling me because I had really long hair at the time. I told him that it was not a good thing to do and to stop it, but as soon as he walked away I saw him try to do it to someone else. That did it. I informed some of my tongan freinds of the situation and what I thought of it and they promptly carried him out and in their own apealing way bluntly invited him leave and not come back. The rest of the partyers were informed of the situation ad advised to dump their drinks, or not, if they felt so inclined. Spiking drinks is very uncool. might let it slide with spiking puch with liquor, but not with anything else.

[MikeVDS]

Or caffeine, but who even considers that a drug anymore?

[helitack]

What about single creeps and the women factor?

[Apollonaris Zeus]

Some idiot offers to put some acid in my drink and I declined. .

I guess it wasn't Brown Acid?


Where's CAPAX?

You people have scared her

Now she thinks even the people at the "meet and greet" drug people too!

[Ron]

Or caffeine, but who even considers that a drug anymore?

Just those of us who get violently ill when we ingest it. Caffeine, like all drugs, can inspire idiosyncratic reactions and for me can be a death sentience. One person's peanuts is another's deadly poison, eh? I'd suggest sticking with the first conclusion, that spiking drinks is never cool, regardless of what they are being spiked with. Giving folk substances without their consent is just assholish behavior, plain and simple.

Ron

[unjonharley]

You people have scared her

Now she thinks even the people at the "meet and greet" drug people too!

\/
Wow now..The only one I spiked was the good fire doctor..Way I hear it we all did..

[bronco2121]

just to chime in - there are a great number of creepy single women out there that i would not take a drink from.

the idea that women are a protected class in this case (bah)- there are a lot of nutty insane chicks out on the playa. drugging someone is not about sex - it's about violence: not gender specific.

half, if not most of the bartenders there are women.

smacks of male bashing.

B!

[bronco2121]

i thought about my above post (posted 24 hours ago) a bit, and considered - it's probably not a male-bashing thing, but moreover that offensive concept of 'single women and the creep factor' is very likely rooted in whatever it is in the female psyche that keeps television networks like LIFETIME going and going and going showing repeated scenarios of violence towards women.

it's that rape fantasy thing that is a very common fantasy (don't get offended - i'm talking about the fantasy). so minus boring television - the fantasy scene moves to places like the playa in some people's imaginations... oh, is this drink SAFE? i've seen that bunny before, is he stalking me?

it's much more interesting than any TV setting. hence: is he a creep? does he have a pill? oh my!

L A D Y!!!! yeah, sometimes that happens - but it happens to men as much as women. women are at least as likely to drug you as a man - it's about violence, not getting in your pants. so STOP freaking guys out about us guys. go flip on LIFETIME and imagine safeway is the playa.

B!

[theCryptofishist]

L A D Y!!!! yeah, sometimes that happens - but it happens to men as much as women.

Cites?

[actiongrl]

Bronco, I disagree, and I think that if a man wants to help create a safe environment for women part of his duty is to make it okay for her to NOT be afraid of offending poor macho sensibilities if she takes precautions to protect herself from harm. This stuff happens, and I think your numbers are bunk. It's estimated that in the US a woman is raped every two minutes. (Source: University of Washington Women's Center). It just isn't worth the risk.

These days a guy should respect a smart cookie of a gal who doesn't just fall into his arms softly and quietly and accept everything he offers her just because he "seems like a nice guy"....too often we're taught that it's not "nice" to question a man and "he's probably okay," and "it's not ladylike to suggest that he might be anything but honest," and I'm sorry, the risk that he's not makes it worth taking the chance I'll offend him. Call it "the new chivalry", but a fella today would do well to go to lengths to make it okay for a woman to express and defend her need to feel safe in a world that sometimes isn't.

If a guy I just met doesn't like me or finds me overly cautious because I won't take an open drink from him, it's no skin off my nose. I know plenty of guys who'd respect my choice to protect myself, and besides I've got my own booze back at camp, thanks.

[actiongrl]

Oh and by the way, I don't have cable, nor do I watch TV. But I do read the news, and neighborhood police blotters, and talk to my community.

[gyre]

It's interesting that you describe women as smart, but find men's feelings invalid and belittle them.

I don't think anyone has said women shouldn't be cautious.

No one has answered my question, including you.
How do you know who you can trust?
These kinds of games make me glad sex is the least interesting thing on the playa.

And maybe someone can explain why anyone would want to drug someone for sex?
How is that appealing?
The only women that are more interesting when they are drunk or whatever are those that are repressed when they are straight.
And what a barrel of laughs that is.

Give me someone who can express themselves because they want to.
Who wants sex as an afterthought?

[helitack]

How do you know who you can trust?

You don't, you have to earn it.

[bronco2121]

theCryptofishist wrote

>>>Cites?

you won't find an official cite to support my statement. to believe that women have a propensity for violence equal to men, you have to be a true feminist.

actually, i think women are naturally more violent than men http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/360100.html . but don't ask me for the report, because it doesn't exist. society KNOWS that women are sweet and moral and belong on a pedestal when they're not otherwise deserving of society's sympathies as hapless victims of male brutality.

so all things being equal (because they are)... crazy violence needing an outlet - guys punch people and play sports (don't get me started on the true motivation for wars). women on the other hand are more passive and manipulative in their voilence towards other people. women drugging cocktails is at least on par with men drugging cocktails.

still, i'll comb through the internet to see what society cites on the subject. but who would sponsor such research or reporting? we as males can't even admit that prostate cancer is a problem.

B!

[gyre]

How do you know who you can trust?

You don't, you have to earn it.

How is that an answer?
Do you want to elaborate?
When have you earned trust?
I know from experience that time doesn't necessarily tell me anything useful, at least regarding women.
Sociopaths have to look trustworthy.
I think I'll just be myself.

I think sooner or later, you take a leap and trust people.
Someone have a 'psychic' connection we don't know about?
If you know how to find out people are trustworthy without that risk, I would certainly be interested.
Please tell us.

[actiongrl]

Gee, I guess that since the question was from a woman asking about creepy men, that's the behavior I chose to answer to.

And I am not going to argue that no woman has ever or would ever drug a man's cocktail, but, um....well..., not to be indelicate, but wouldn't it be a little tough for a man to be used for a typical male/female sex act if he were passed out because someone slipped him a mickey?

Note that I'm referring to the standard act - I know men can be taken advantage of in other ways. But if the argument is that men are raped by women as often as women are raped by men, well, I'll be sitting here waiting for your cite. I don't think so, and the question was FROM a woman seeking to feel safe coming to the event alone, was it not?

This has nothing to do with bashing the whole male gender, it's about being aware that there are a few bad apples in any crowd, and that a woman who is single and wants to be safe should NOT be afraid of offending anyone's sensitive ego if she senses that something is amiss. It's not a big deal - you can make new friends, go on dates, have a good time, even have sex if things go that direction, all without freaking out...but being aware and mindful as a single woman is just fracking common sense. Taking care of yourself and trusting your instincts is important and a real man will not be offended by a woman who chooses to be cautious and get to know him before trusting him with her safety. There's no free pass just because you're in a new environment where everyone seems so "cool" - they almost always are, but you still gotta keep your head on and remember you're in a city. That's my only point.

[bronco2121]

the drugger gets off on the drugging. many men i know have claimed to have been drugged.

but on the subject of gender and propensity for violence, you can find much reporting on the subject here: http://www.batteredmen.com/ ( specifically here: http://www.batteredmen.com/batmphil.htm )

women do 50% of the battering at home. and if you look at the root cause of much (dare i say 'most') male-to-male violence, you'll find a woman pulling the strings creating jealousy and other drama.

more than once, i've seen women at clubs walk over to bluto and basically tell bluto to go hit so-and-so because so-and-so disrespected her. then bluto does it. can you really blame bluto in this case? bluto is bluto.

guys are always getting bounced and trounced at clubs and parties for no apparent reason - just that a chick feels like being violent towards someone and bluto is happy to do the work for her.

i have a friend who just had his bank account stripped and his baby stolen by its mother and she fled the country. is that violent? it's a certain kind of rape.

and then there's an entire culture of gold-diggers - accepted by society in general. these are thieves among us, yet it's all funny somehow.

be afraid of the single women out there. hell, be afraid of the woman you're with - she's the most likely person in the world to beat you (and/or have you beaten) and steal from you.

i'm a feminist. women are equal - including in the creep factor.

B!

[Sensei]

Main Entry: mi·sog·y·ny
Pronunciation: m&-'sä-j&-nE
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek misogynia, from misein to hate + gynE woman