Are you a Burning Man Apologist? Take the test and find out

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:16 pm

One of my favorite columns in the SF Weekly was "The Apologist". I was
always bummed that they never did one for Burning Man, so I stole the
concept and created my own.

Are you a Burning Man Apologist? Take the Test and find out

1.How will you be participating in Burning Man's "Green" Theme for 2007?

A. I'll be staying home this year.
B. I'm painting my scrotum GREEN!
C. My camp has decided to ban glow sticks in favor of blinkies, we're
also purchasing carbon offset credits from "coolingman.org" to make
our RV's carbon neutral, and we're drinking our bongwater!

2. Tom Price, Environmental Manager for Burning Man LLC, was recently quoted in Business 2.0 Magazine as saying:
"Here's the value proposition: 40,000 of the smartest, most socially networked content-generating people on the planet, whose tolerance for B.S. is negative point-five, all checking out your product."
What's your take on this quote?

A. This quote is WHY I'm staying home this year.
B. Burning Man has an environmental manager?
C. Tom Price thinks I'm Smart?!?!

3. This year Burning Man has invited corporations to exhibit their
wares in a "Green Pavilion" What's your take on this recent turn of
events?

A. It all makes sense now, Larry had to steal the brand from John Law
& Michael Mikel so he could sell it to GOOGLE!
B. I hope they have cool schwag, I really need a new mouse pad.
C. Burning Man is going to save the planet, you fucker!

4. Current TV will be on the playa again this year broadcasting daily
video content of the event on the web and on their cable channel in
addition to offering a live telecast of the burn. How does such an
endeavor fit in with the "No Spectators" and "Immediate Experience"
ethos of the event?

A. You mean I can watch the Burn at home, on my couch? For free?
Anyone want to buy two tickets?
B. As long as the Current TV satellite truck and crane aren't blocking
my view of the burn AGAIN this year, I'm cool with it.
C. Did you know that Current TV isn't allowed to display their logo?
They call it "TV Free Burning Man" You wouldn't even know that it was
Current TV! Unless you read that article in Business 2.0 magazine
where Marian tells everyone about Current TV, It's their "GIFT" OK?

5. Larry Harvey and Marian Goodell recently posted this response to
the Business 2.0 article:

"The article thus conveys the impression that Mr. Harvey is a kind of
addled Howard Hughes. Ms. Goodell, in this account, could be taken for
every conservative's nightmare vision of Hillary Clinton. These are
not characterizations; they are cartoons. They may help to hype a
story, but are distortions of reality."

A. I always thought that Larry looked a lot like Joe Camel.
B. Who is Larry Harvey?
C. Does this mean they don't want us to vote for Hillary? I'm
confused. BURNINGMAN! Woot!

6. This year Burning Man is banning trees and plants in an effort to
prevent moop, what's your opinion of this latest rule?

A. It figures, they ban the only thing that will actually remove the
carbon dioxide generated from the event, call me when they get around
to banning rave camps.
B. What's moop?
C. That's because someone has to clean up every inch of the playa on
their hands and knees!, OK? Not me of course, but someone!

7. Are we witnessing the end of Burning Man?

A. Burning Man was over in 1993
B. Maybe, but we've got a few good years left before they open the
first Walmart on the playa.
C. If these are, in fact, the end times, I'm sure Larry has a better
plan for us all.

How to score:
Score zero points for every "A" answer, one point for every "B," and
two points for every "C."

0-6 points: This place is looking more like Larry Harvey Land every year.
7-10 points: Who cares? It's all about Monkeys!
11-14 points: Congratulations! You're a true apologist for Burning
Man, now go volunteer!

Oh, and feel free to add your own questions.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:56 am

You still use a mouse pad?

skygod · Post by **skygod** » Fri Jul 20, 2007 8:11 am

Drinking Bongwater is overated.

Post by **actiongrl** » Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:49 am

Chai,

You forgot as part of 4 C "Current TV also doesn't take any advertising during their TV Free Burning Man programming on their channel, so they're really just there to put cameras in the hands of the community to tell the Burning Man story. They're BURNERS dammit!"

BTW, if you guys ever want to do a podcast about Current I would love to talk to you about it. We could talk to Justin Gunn from the TV Free Project too, maybe.

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:29 am

1B
2C
3B
4A
5C
6A
7B

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Sat Jul 21, 2007 12:43 am

so they're really just there to put cameras in the hands of the community to tell the Burning Man story.

You mean a billion dollar cable tv channel can't even afford to pay a camera crew? I've got start one of these companies that exist using free labor, damn!

We'd love to do a podcast about Current TV, but I don't think they could afford our "Site Fee".

Speaking of Current, what happened to the link on the homepage? Where's the current tv love?

Post by **actiongrl** » Sat Jul 21, 2007 8:06 am

Current doesn't pay us a site fee either, thanksverymuchmistersmartypantsloveyameanit. And yes they have a camera crew, but like BURNcast, they want to give a voice to the community.

Ya know, Chai, sometimes the "fingers in the ears I'm not lissssstennnninggggg" thing that you do just comes across as really ignorant and closed minded, and when you go around cracking wise about stuff you don't actually know about, I find myself cringing (for your sake) and wishing you'd just write me a note and ask some questions instead of making assumption after assumption because it "builds" your "case".

Why is you guys working so hard on BURNcast about Burning Man (complete with "community" advertising, including an ad for your telecommunications company that gives you a free phone number, and ads for a sale featuring Da Bomb's furry hats and legwarmers) somehow so valiant and good and yet you repeatedly decry Current's efforts, which basically amount to the same kind of production with a larger budget and cameras? I'm really dying to know what the difference is.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Sat Jul 21, 2007 10:35 am

Ya know, Chai, sometimes the "fingers in the ears I'm not lissssstennnninggggg" thing that you do just comes across as really ignorant and closed minded, and when you go around cracking wise about stuff you don't actually know about, I find myself cringing (for your sake) and wishing you'd just write me a note and ask some questions instead of making assumption after assumption because it "builds" your "case".

Chai, it seems like you have been doing a lot of that shit lately.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 1:05 am

Current doesn't pay us a site fee either

I know, I was making a joke about Discovery Channel and the money they paid Burning Man LLC to film two years ago, it was inside joke between us, I'm sorry if it seemed that I was to imply that Current TV was doing the same thing as Discovery Channel has in the past.

Ya know, Chai, sometimes the "fingers in the ears I'm not lissssstennnninggggg" thing that you do just comes across as really ignorant and closed minded, and when you go around cracking wise about stuff you don't actually know about, I find myself cringing (for your sake) and wishing you'd just write me a note and ask some questions instead of making assumption after assumption because it "builds" your "case".

I have no "case" Andie, I'm making a joke and presenting my point of view. I'm not sure when Burning Man lost it's sense of humor about itself, but I hope that it finds it again someday.

As for my ignorance, I read everything on the website and most of the stuff you write here and on tribe, so if I'm ignorant, maybe it has something to do with your communication strategy? It's difficult to track what's going on when you choose to respond to certain questions, but not others.

I did ,weeks ago in fact, send an email to "[email protected]" and I have yet to receive a response.

But hey that's the typical response from Burning Man, if we don't get it, we must be misinformed, right?

Why is you guys working so hard on BURNcast about Burning Man (complete with "community" advertising, including an ad for your telecommunications company that gives you a free phone number, and ads for a sale featuring Da Bomb's furry hats and legwarmers) somehow so valiant and good and yet you repeatedly decry Current's efforts, which basically amount to the same kind of production with a larger budget and cameras? I'm really dying to know what the difference is.

Well, I'm just a contributor to BURNcast, but as far as I can tell, BURNcast does not appear to have established any kind of rules or 10 principles forbidding advertising or commodificaiton. It's a form of media that was developed by participants about participants for participants. People are asked permission before they are interviewed and recorded (unlike Discovery Channel, right Andie?)

BURNcast doesn't rebrand itself for the week of Burning Man, and members of the LLC don't request interviews from business magazines and then name drop it all over the place. Burning Man doesnâ€™t put a link up to BURNcast on it's homepage either.

There are some costs involved like bandwidth and such and those bills get paid in part by the fuzzy hats bomb sells and through donations.

My question is how does Current TV pay for a satellite truck (and related uplink services), a mobile editing bay, a golf cart, and a half dozen employees for a week?

Post by **actiongrl** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:59 am

Chai, I'm sorry. These jokes sometimes ring out like constant and not always accurate criticisms which I suppose would wear on anyone. The guy with the hammer and all that. I'd so much rather be talking about constructive things and/or things that are true.

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:03 am

I'd so much rather be talking about constructive things and/or things that are true.

Like what Andie? we'e here for you,......

Post by **actiongrl** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 4:10 pm

Not trying to hijack Chai's thread...I just wouldn't want to see myths about Current perpetuated. I think they're good people with their hearts in the right place (which is to say, "on fire in the middle of the desert,") who are doing a cool thing.

Back to the quiz at hand.

EspressoDude · Post by **EspressoDude** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:25 pm

It won't be a wallymart on the playa; it will be an IKEA!!!

40,000 people in line to get their Camp-in-a-Box

oh, and they only had six 5mm allen wrenches in stock!!!

DaBomb · Post by **DaBomb** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 7:22 pm

actiongrl wrote: Why is you guys working so hard on BURNcast about Burning Man (complete with "community" advertising, including an ad for your telecommunications company that gives you a free phone number, and ads for a sale featuring Da Bomb's furry hats and legwarmers)

Hey y'all...don't forget! BURNcast is brought to you by our beloved sponsor:

Playazon.com - the burners on-line resource for that burning sensation! Visit them on the web at http://www.Playazon.com and remember: you gotta shop to burn!

And before y'all get too snarky, just remember: Playazon is a burner backed business and a member of the Black Rock City Better Business Bureau!

Post by **actiongrl** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 7:48 pm

I wholeheartedly endorse Playazon.com! - Andie Grace

DaBomb · Post by **DaBomb** » Sun Jul 22, 2007 7:51 pm

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 1:14 pm

I love Chai. I don't always agree with his cause or his ways, but I love that someone is doing it and I love that someone is doing it with his voice and humor.

As for selling hats, it's the L.A. BM org way.

As for WTF is going on this year. Shit, I took a year off, paid no attention and look what's happening. Christ, I wish I'd not come here. Cats outta the bag though. Makes me feel a little less guilty about my paltry participation this year though. A sponsored pavilion, ads in biz mags, sheeeeit.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:51 pm

Hey Stuart, I love you too!

I'm glad that you're going to be out this year, I can't wait to see you again and catch up on what's been happening in your life.

See ya' on the playa.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 9:51 am

I am fairly much into documentaries.
I am in the local media co-op.
I volunteered to run a camera for the burning man crew before I ever got there. (They wouldn't take me my first year.)
And I am working on some dockos myself.

I have seen some things on the playa that would be wonderful events on film. but I have come to the conclusion that much of burning man should not be documented on video.
The mythology of 'you had to be there' is part of the event and you cannot record the ultra mega hyper hidef experience.
Some things I am all for taping there, but not all.

I decided none of the things I would have taped, should be recorded.

At the gate last year, I made newcomers justify why they should get in, or I would not let them in.
Many answers were panicked and hysterically funny, but some were beautiful and sublime.

Should that be recorded?
Or another moment in time you can only hear about?

If it is recorded, should it be only in docko form or on tv?

Think about those special once in a lifetime moments out there.
Should you be able to see them on tv, as through the glass in the back of a taxicab? (Gee, that looks dangerous!)

Would finding the Tuna Guyz be the same if you could watch them on tv, like some refugee camp on the other side of the world?

StevenGoodman · Post by **StevenGoodman** » Mon Jul 30, 2007 3:46 pm

1.How will you be participating in Burning Man's "Green" Theme for 2007?

B. Army Men are GREEN!

2. Tom Price, Environmental Manager for Burning Man LLC, was recently quoted in Business 2.0 Magazine as saying:
"Here's the value proposition: 40,000 of the smartest, most socially networked content-generating people on the planet, whose tolerance for B.S. is negative point-five, all checking out your product."
What's your take on this quote?

C. Of course I'm Smart!!!

3. This year Burning Man has invited corporations to exhibit their
wares in a "Green Pavilion" What's your take on this recent turn of
events?

A. We are all DOOMED anyway, might as well sell out now!

4. Current TV will be on the playa again this year broadcasting daily
video content of the event on the web and on their cable channel in
addition to offering a live telecast of the burn. How does such an
endeavor fit in with the "No Spectators" and "Immediate Experience"
ethos of the event?

C. The Current TV feed will be taken over by WTF 99.9 on your FM dial.

5. Larry Harvey and Marian Goodell recently posted this response to
the Business 2.0 article:
"The article thus conveys the impression that Mr. Harvey is a kind of
addled Howard Hughes. Ms. Goodell, in this account, could be taken for
every conservative's nightmare vision of Hillary Clinton. These are
not characterizations; they are cartoons. They may help to hype a
story, but are distortions of reality."

A. I always thought that Larry looked a lot like Joe Camel. And he would look a lot better in Coma instead of Kakhis.

6. This year Burning Man is banning trees and plants in an effort to
prevent moop, what's your opinion of this latest rule?

A. Better to ban glo sticks.

7. Are we witnessing the end of Burning Man?

C. If these are, in fact, the end times, I'm sure Larry has a better
plan for us all. Yes, we are all DOOMED, seems even Larry has caught on!

How to score:
Score zero points for every "A" answer, one point for every "B," and
two points for every "C."

0-6 points: This place is looking more like Larry Harvey Land every year.
7-10 points: Who cares? It's all about Monkeys!
11-14 points: Congratulations!

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:10 am

Nice Oven Mit!

StevenGoodman · Post by **StevenGoodman** » Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:28 am

Chai Guy wrote:Nice Oven Mit!

Of Course!!!

But MITT is spelled with TWO Ts Ts.

Back to re-education for you!
You WILL REPORT!
You WILL BE IN THE DOOM DOME!
We will have INTERROGRATIXES for you!
You WILL like it!
We will continue until you LIKE IT!

YOU DO LIKE IT?
Of Course You Like IT!

JediDale · Post by **JediDale** » Fri Aug 03, 2007 1:12 pm

Start really slashing prices!! The Jedi Council felt a "stirring in The Force" a couple of years ago, and realized "We can protect you, not fight a war for you". Hence, it is up to the collective consciousness of Burners to make a personal choice. That choice is simply this: "What will it take the Sith corporations to move me, as an indivudual, to sell out Burning Man?" Perhaps it's somewhat like the "Everyone is a whore, it's just a matter of price"
However, I truly believe that there are those who will Continually Be Vigilant
and Have High Ethics, and Eternally Oppose the Sith Corporations!!

Genuinely,

JediDale Of Reno

"May The Force Be With You!!"

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Fri Aug 03, 2007 2:35 pm

I like what BM awoke in me.

I'm not going this year.

when the man burns this year, i will be hosting a small gathering of like minded people, and we will burn our art.

Does that make me an apologist? I don't know.

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Fri Aug 03, 2007 4:02 pm

A semi-unpaid endorsement from your sponsors, Playazon.com.

Hah. Ah yoused tuh be jus' an ah-non-eeee-mouse Burnar. Ah used to be a burned our boring burner, hahd nun of the ceature cumferts of home, people wood come thru mah theem camp and shudder, thain walk over to them guyz at Jiffey-loooob.

Then Ah dun went an' fawndedized PLAYAZON.COM, ahnd mah lahf changed. I got the fuhl Larry cowel-eckshun, gawt the fuhl set of kawfee mugz, ah even splurged and got mahself a whooooole shitterreeee uhf Harvee-Hut tokens tuh hand out to anywun who would stawp by and look at muh Artistik lyntharr coal-eck-shun.

Naw, people wander near mah cayaump, peepul even stawp by ahnd stawp laffing lawng enyff tew git themselves a Harvee-hut tokin. Yup... PLAYAZON chaunged me frum a bakwuds hik to a really happening kewl kinda persun.

So, uh, yeah - be wum of them thar smart folk lahk MEEEE, and git yerself over to PLAYAZON.COM raht now. Git on ovuh thar, yauh hear?

(Prices at Playazon.com do not include additional tax, license fees, transport fees, shipping charges, customs duties, or full and appropriate bribes. Playazon is a corporate image of "The Man. Inc.". All rights reserved, Â©2007 Playazon dotcom, a Harvey-Headbanger production.)

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Fri Aug 03, 2007 4:04 pm

blyslv wrote:I like what BM awoke in me.

I'm not going this year.

when the man burns this year, i will be hosting a small gathering of like minded people, and we will burn our art.

Does that make me an apologist? I don't know.

No, it makes you a visionary...

DaBomb · Post by **DaBomb** » Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:29 pm

Bay Bridge Sue wrote:So, uh, yeah - be wum of them thar smart folk lahk MEEEE, and git yerself over toPLAYAZON.COM raht now. Git on ovuh thar, yauh hear?

I...

think...

I love you!

(So what am I so afraid of?)

Batmoose · Post by **Batmoose** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:33 pm

[quote="skygod"]Drinking Bongwater is overated.[/quote]

Fact. And it's non-effective unless you can get a buzz from filtered tar and other wastes that are water soluble.

Also, never use booze as bongwater, as thc-9 is alcahol soluble.

this message sponsored by the Better Heads Bureau of the Burning Bush.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:40 am

i am a gerlach apologist.

bruno pays me every year to tell people about his raviolis.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 1:52 pm

I presume that you leave out the part about their being alien eggs that hatch in your belly.

Are you a Burning Man Apologist? Take the test and find out

Are you a Burning Man Apologist? Take the test and find out

My Light Saber would like to have a mind of its own and....