This post is mostly in answer to Djaded's question... to wit:
"What could someone expect to see/experience when visiting a poly camp? (I already KNOW but was curious about personal good/bad experiences)"
I've been to Burning Man twice. Both times I camped in Poly Paradise. The camp has two official "events"... the daily Human Carcass Wash and the following Poly High Tea. I can tell you what they are supposed to be... and I can tell you how they actually work out.
First I would like to make the disclaimer that I am not an official spokesman for Poly Paradise, and that the opinions expressed here are mine alone and may not reflect the opinions of other members of the camp, or the camp organizers. For more OFFICIAL information on Poly Paradise see references at the end.
The Human Carcass Wash is one of the nice ways to get clean at Burning Man. Stroke Greg (who tends to be the master of ceremonies there) is constantly saying that the purpose of the Human Carcass Wash is to learn about how to ask people what their limits are, and to practice respecting those limits. Getting clean is a secondary benefit. It works like this....
There are 3 (sometimes 4, I'll explain) "washing stations". People form 2 lines facing each other.
The first group of 4 (2 on each side) are given spray bottles with a mild soap solution. Between them is a large basin. A person steps into the basin to be soaped. THE FIRST THING THAT GROUP IS SUPPOSED TO DO IS ASK THE PERSON WHAT THEIR LIMITS ARE. Example: No soap in the face. Once this is clear they spray the person down respecting their limits. Once soapy, that person steps to the next station.
This is scrubbing. Again, the 4 people manning (womanizing?) this station are supposed to ask for the person's limits. Example: I'll wash my own dick/pussy or don't touch my breasts... Then, 4 sets of hands are supposed to scrub that person, again respecting the limits. After sufficient scrubbing, that person steps to the next station.
This is rinse and squeegee. 4 people with spray bottles of clear water ask for limits again, and then rinse the person off. They can use their hands to "squeegee" the person down, again respecting limits. Depending on the size of the crowd the RINSE and SQUEEGEE might be split into 2 stations so that more people get to participate.
Not the trick is... You cannot walk up and get washed. You start at the back of the line and work your way through all the stations until you are at the head of the line, THEN you get to go through.
How does it work in actual practice? Pretty darn good. There are people who "work the lines" (that would be me), introducing people to the end of the line, telling people what their job is, promoting people up the line (e.g. Taking their rinse bottle away and telling them they are now a scrubber), making sure the bottles stay full, and constantly constantly telling people to ask for, state, and respect each person's limits.
Possible down sides to this event:
1) Cameras: We have signs that we put to indicate that while this is occurring the area is a NO CAMERA ZONE. In practice the people who are enjoying the activity tend to chase off any camera people pretty darn quickly, though I will not say it can't happen. People are able to be more free at Burning Man than they can in the "so-called" real world... but you have to respect the fact that some of these people might not want what goes on there to become "public" in ways they don't control.
2) Gawkers: I'm usually much to busy running the line to pay much attention the gawk factor. We do try to run the HCW on a side of the camp that is not next to a main road. It's unlikely that you would stumble upon the HCW unless you were looking for it, though 200 naked people can be quite a crowd. I would imagine that with all the sights to see at Burning Man, standing and watching the HCW would get kind of boring pretty quick. After all, as is the case with nudist resorts, the average human body is just that... pretty average. And we don't limit the HCW to only the beautiful people (though in a way, everyone who participates fully is already beautiful).
3) Participants who don't respect the limits: The HCW is not only about respecting stated limits.. it's also about STATING them. If someone violates your limits let be known in clear terms and someone like me will ask the participant to either respect what we are doing, or leave. There is no room for a lack of respect here. None. Should a participant decide to be obnoxious... well, as a previous post noted the ratio of men to women at Burning Man will assure me of plenty of deputizable help in convincing the person to leave.
4) Participants who ... how shall I say this... don't want to be promoted: This is purely my problem as someone who runs the line. I'm (one of) the people who taps someone on the shoulder and says "You are now a scrubber.", or "You are now a soaper", and who hands them the appropriate bottle, or takes it out of their hands, etc. And I've noticed people, now and then, who find they like a spot on the line and don't want to "move on". This is easily solved with a hand on the shoulder and a sympathetic "Now, you really have to move up.. you've been promoted."
In sum... I've been involved in running the HCW for 2 years, and for most of the people who participate it is a strange, fun, and sometimes invigorating experience that generates plenty of repeat business and new volunteers. Once people understand how it works we get volunteers from the participants, and water donations from everywhere. (NOTE: we recapture and process most of the water from this event and are recognized by the Earth Guardians as having one of the best gray water processing systems on the Playa thanks to our gray water master, Steve - he just LIVES for it.)
Poly High Tea is held after the HCW and is open to anyone who wants to sit in our covered communal area, sip tea, eat cookies and listen/talk to people who are actively involved in a poly lifestyle. It's a very informal discussion with no set topic, and no set ending time (though dinner preparations might start in the communal kitchen and that's pretty much and indication that it's time to wrap things up). Topics in the past have included: how to handle scheduling between partners, what about jealousy, legal problems, raising children in a poly home, what's poly and what's swinging and what's the difference, whether to obey speed limits on the highway (for real), how did YOU get started as poly, etc. etc.
There is a very low gawker factor on this since, if you're not interested in the discussion, it gets boring quick. Nothing much to titillate a frat type here. The only downside is, sometimes, trying to hear what people have to say due to outside noise, or low voices. There's no pressure to participate, though we usually do a round robin everyone introduce yourself kind of thing at some point. I'm usually there, but so worn out from the HCW that it's my afternoon relaxation time in a comfy chair (well.. as comfy as a camp chair can be.. we don't have alot of couches).
Now to address the NON-FORMAL aspects of Poly Paradise.
Djaded wrote: "Do you have any suggestions to thwart unwanted attention from overly eager poly people?" - A good firm NO will work just fine. If the person continues then I have to wonder if they are really poly. One of the things that is VERY VERY big in the poly community everywhere is RESPECT. It's difficult to make a relationship with two people work... it's friggin impossible with more than 2 without COMMUNICATION and RESPECT. If someone advertises themselves as "poly" and does not respect your simple "I'm not interested in a physical (or other) relationship with you." - then I guarantee you, they are not poly.. or they are insanely dense. Insanely dense people don't last long in the poly community as I have experienced it.
For my part, it's impossible for me to know if my attention is unwanted until I've given it, and been told at that point that it's unwanted. This almost never happens to me.... mostly because I never give someone "attention" until they've smacked me with a 2x4 and asked for it. I tend to be something of a loner as a result. (a poly loner.. hum.. have to think on that.)
Djaded wrote: "By "observing *mostly*" I meant we would be participating to the degree that my GF anf I felt comfortable in the poly camps."
Well, I have laid out the things you can "participate" in, and how that participation can work. Contributions are always welcome, especially work and water. Should you want to camp with Poly Paradise you would be welcome and allowed to participate in other aspects of the camp - communal meals, communal food, communal cold water supply, easy gray water disposal, the ability to relieve yourself without necessarily having to go the porto-potties (I won't explain that, but is has to do with the chemistry of gray water processing - explanation available on the Poly Paradise page).
There are other aspects of poly paradise that are available to camp members and invitees that are not made public. You and your GF would not even be AWARE of this unless you received and accepted an invitation to participate from a camp member.
Djaded wrote: "Also, I did not say I had a problem with hanging out with an older crowd in the poly camps (they probably have a few things to teach me) I was just wondering if I could expect a similar age range (35-45) that we find at the Texas "lifestyle" clubs and parties. "
I'm 49 (yes, I had a draft card once and was actually CALLED a hippie).... and I think I'm one of the older people in poly paradise, though most of them probably don't know that and I don't let on. I'm close to, or at the top of, the age range you will find there. Last year the age range dropped to less than 1 as we had a baby at the camp, though that's probably not very informative for you. I don't know all the ages involved but I would say early thirties up to me.
In my experience poly people tend to be an older crowd in general because younger people are pretty much still learning how to make one-on-one relationships work, and only later realize that, perhaps other ways of relating can work too. (Insert standard disclaimer here - IMHO - your mileage may vary, etc) I did monogamy in my first marriage for 17 years. It's not my thing anymore, though many in the poly community would NOT call me poly (because their mileage varies). C'est la vie - difference makes the world go round.
Now: On to the references I promised:
The Official Poly Paradise website - at least I guess you could call it that - can be found at:
http://www.azcompuguy.com/polyparadise
You can reach our Camp Daddy - at scott (at) azcompuguy (dot) com
Once again.... I am not an official representative of PolyParadise, Burning Man, BLC, or the BLM. I'm just a guy with opinions ever bit as worthless as everyone else's.
--Tears--