This was my first burn...

waterlyric · Post by **waterlyric** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 5:35 pm

As I'm sure several virgin burners, upon returning back to reality for the first time would say, there is NO POSSIBLE WAY to relay the complete impact of our first time. My vivid memories are woven amongst random interludes of chilled-out numbness, so bear with the cryptic descriptions you're about to read.

Upon our arrival at approximately 1ish am ***day morning, we were strip searched (kidding) and welcomed "home" -- shortly thereafter we were made to hit an enormous bell with an equally enormous stick and shout the words, "I'm not a virgin anymore!" to the other arriving masses. Instantly I was awed by the sense of inclusion I felt, and by the lack of self-consciousness. As we made our way out to 4:30 and Estuary, I was giddy at the notion of finally making it out here to this dusty alien land that I'd dreamt about for so long.

When we finally neared our campsite, there were several moments of confusion as we drove around searching for signs. Everywhere we looked we saw things -- both outrageous and mundane -- we didn't realize it yet but we were already under a spell. Finally we happened upon some friendly burners who guided us in the right direction, and we managed to set up camp. I don't remember much about the rest of the night, but I remember waking up with a beer next to my head. I also remember feeling reborn that morning, a different person already.

We stayed around camp most of the time during the day. We experienced the most tremendous dust storm followed by my utmost cherished gifts received on the playa - sweet refreshing rain, a visit from a philosophical Dan and the gorgeous technicolor double rainbow. It was a sign, albeit I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it indicated. All I can say is that it was beautiful and surreal, and I wish I had more than a picture to remember the moment by...

My nights were a drunken blur but just know that they were filled and fulfilling to the point of extreme intensity. Disposable cameras be damned, but I saw some things that human beings aren't capable of processing. Things that defy nature, gravity, common sense... And I soaked it all up like a sponge, and wanted more.

By the night of the burn I was a savage in more ways than one. I was consumed by the desert, and became one with the playa. Barefoot I walked to the Man, was burnt upon his appendages and felt more than I have ever felt. I just was, without explanation, without fear or justification for none was needed. I was a part of something and nothing.

Following the burn I made my way back to camp, alone but surrounded by my new family. In the midst of so much commotion was a calmness within me. I saw the BRC Bookmobile standing alone like a mirage, and made my way inside. Within seconds my eyes found The Homecoming, and again the feeling of something meaningful happening overtook me. So many times I was stopped once back upon the playa - a drink of water here, a foot rub there - I never felt alone. I have never seen so much unconditional humanity from such a huge group of people. I've never witnessed such selfless acts of kindness and they were directed at me! It was amazing, awe-inspiring, eye-opening and heartwrenching at the same time. I couldn't help but think about the true world I lived in, and the selfishness I'm surrounded by in my day-to-day life. We were to leave in mere hours, and then made to wait an entire year before being in this mecca again... To feel sad seemed normal, but with sadness came gratitude to have experienced it at all. With gratitude came the urgent need to DO something to extend the feeling into our real lives. So that is what I intend to do.

My heart belongs to the playa.

Lelu · Post by **Lelu** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 5:49 pm

^^^

OMG I couldn't put it better myself! Although Im in a natural depressed state right now (of course feelin so good for an entire week and coming back to this mundane life) I have become rejuvenated and reborn. I have this sense of wanting to accomplish and stem out my new knowledge that I have been taught at BM. I have always been a kind loving person who finds beauty in all but now its taken to a new level. Being at BM for a week also taught me a bit more of myself....besides some of it being a blur (damn cheap liquor and friendly bar mates!) I have absorbed a lot of what I was looking for. Finding truth not only in myself but others.

Thankx waterlyric for the warm post. Im sure there are many others that feel the same but cannot describe it in words. Im sure having a hard time! :)

trevkong · Post by **trevkong** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 9:18 pm

Ya im suffering from a serious case of black rock refuge syndrome, wearing my goggles in my car helps a little....but not enough :(

BitterDan · Post by **BitterDan** » Sun Sep 09, 2007 11:39 am

wearing my goggles in my car helps a little

I think I'll try that.

Lorgasm · Post by **Lorgasm** » Sun Sep 09, 2007 11:53 am

So this was your first burn. Let me say thank you for making the decision and the sacrifice. Thank you for sharing your precious moments with us. I am sure you had a great experience. Yes, there were tears and the moments of confusion. But they were happy tears. I know you are still baskin in the afterglow of sweet love and sweet release. Embrace it. Share it. Take what you have learned and spread the joy. Your presence at the burn was such a great gift to us and we appreciate it. Even though I have been there before, each moment is still a first. Its a beautiful thing. You have held the apple and kudos for taking that bite. You are part of a wonderful family. I look forward to many more experiences with you.

Welcome Home.