Happy "Oh Shit" Eve

[phoenix2008]

9/10/2007

Dear friend,

Today marks the fifth anniversary of a very important date- "Oh Shit
Eve"- where we await the next day with white knuckles and a clenched chest.
Do our "enemies" hate us so much they will again "punish" us at the cost of
their own lives?

It is my hope that today I will be able to convince you that the
actions of a single person (you) can help change the course of our future.
As an American, you are partly responsible for the actions of our country as
a whole. Remember that "We the People" business? It was not a joke.

After I walked in the desert (Playa) during the Burning Man festival
I had what felt like a spiritual death and rebirth. When I returned home and
was still "full of the spirit" or what you burners call "flat" I had a vision
(which follows this letter).

I have been tempted to redact the messianic portion, but it was an
integral part of my experience and I'm feeling now it should be left whole and
as-is. Those of us of the Christian persuasion are expecting and hoping someone
will come help guide us through to the next age. However, to be perfectly
clear, I am not the next coming of Jesus, and I don't think he will be back
for quite some time. So if that's you, Mr Christian, please remember that you
are a steward of the Earth and try to act accordingly. The current rate of
raping and pillaging we are doing to the Earth won't see us through to the
next millennium.

Regarding the shoe hunt, it is important they be new shoes. They don't
have to be Pradas, but they must be in good condition. To have them otherwise
would be disrespectful. Doing some back-of-the-napkin math my guess is if
everyone brought one family of four's worth of shoes it would be adequate.

I will also post a diary a little later explaining my Playa experience when I have
a little time.

Thank you, friend.
Austin (aka Phoenix)




P.S. The following was written the evening of 9/2/2007, the evening of the
temple burn (which I wasn't present for). Also, yes- I think it's a little
gauche to have a vision like this after only having been once to an event you
have been putting on for 30 years or so. Not my fault, man, it's your playa
giving me the vision. Also I don't know how themes and such are normally
chosen. For all I know this sort of thing happens every year. Please also
forgive any misunderstood technical details.

If any of the following vision makes sense to you, by all means run
away with it and make it yours. I sincerely believe you have the power to
make it happen as written.



Ok, here goes:





ATTENTION CRAZY FUCKING WORLD:

First of all, I would like to thank the people who guided me through death and
rebirth. It has always been my single greatest fear to die alone. I was very
thankful to have those of you who were with me hold my hand throughout.


Dear Burners,
As you have probably noticed, The Burn is becoming too large for Playa. Many of
you have thought that this is because there are too many new people. In fact,
it is because there are too many old people. In the coming year, the regional
Burns will be happening at the same time as the Burn at BRC. Those of you who
have been coming to the Burn for more than four years need to come and support
the regional Burns.

To the people who know who I am, I would appreciate it if you do not reveal my
identity, because dying on a cross is not my fucking bag. I would also
appreciate it if you do not make me a religion, because the one you already
have is just fine and you should be appreciative of your parents for having
given it to you.

In the coming year, you will need to collect 135,000 pairs of white shoes. You
will also need to collect the appropriate number of combat boots. For each
regional Burn, the number of combat boots will be the same for the number of
soldiers. You will need to find their names, their ranks, and any medals or
citations that they might have been awarded. The combat boots will need to be
tagged with these. The shoes will need to be placed in spiral fashion around
the Temples, the white shoes in proportion to the number of combat boots for
the given region.

Next year's ticket will feature a Phoenix, which as it turns out is a
multi-colored bird. It will also be tagged with a yellow ribbon. Outside the
shoes, you will need to hang "Support Our Troops" signs. Underneath the signs,
you will need a large box to hold the gifts that the troops will get next year.

During the Temple Burn, the combat boots will be burned too. The white shoes
will not be burned, but you may write messages on the white shoes. Be sure to
provide an appropriate number of children's shoes.

Our brothers and sisters in Iraq will be building a Temple this year from the
wooden remnants of their rubble. After the American Burns, we will be sending
them the white shoes. As you may have noticed, the white shoes are nameless,
but they are not nameless to the Iraqis. They will be putting the names on the
shoes and when they are ready, they will burn the Temple with the shoes.

I understand that many of you are very angry with Mr Bush this year. But you
must understand it has been his task to lead us through the end of the age. And
he has gifted you with a path through. When he comes unarmed to the Burn next
year, you must greet him with open arms and support. He doesn't need your
bullshit, you've already given him enough of that.

There will need to be a new Nevada regional. In the coming year, we will be
welcoming our brothers and sisters of the country western variety. You must
make sure that you allow for them to bring their horses, because that is an
important part of their culture. You must honor and respect them, for their
heritage is our heritage. You will also be bringing feathers to every Burn
except BRC to acknowledge our Native American heritage.

I thank you for having built so many beautiful nuclear weapons because at the
end of this, we're going to shove them all into space and blow the fuck
out of Mars. It's gonna be really sweet.

There will need to be a new Nevada Burn because BRC is incapable of supporting
the animals. You will also need to bring plenty of extra water, because being
reborn makes you very thirsty.

The theme of next year's Burning Man is interconnectedness. Now here you can
see I've cheated, because it being the Year of the Phoenix, it's also about
rebirth too. The Burns will need to be connected via high latency connections.
It is important that they be able to chat with one another but it is also
important that they not spend time grousing about the web.

To those veteran Burners, I understand that this will be a very painful year
for you, but in the coming years, you will be able to visit other regionals and
explore the richness of the rest of the world, so everything will be okay,
I promise.

If you will be attending a regional next year, you will need to burn your BRC
material--your badges, your pins, what have you--or you will need to gift it to
a new member, and replace them with the markings of your regional burn.

Have a nice age.

Phoenix

[trilobyte]

Kind of a tall and strange order... but good luck with the project.

~Trilo~

[phoenix2008]

That's a kind of "Little Red Hen" (http://tinyurl.com/2on4v) response.

That is of course my fault, because I didn't ask the question I'm asking now:

Who will help me collect the shoes?

If you (person reading this: yes, you) are willing and able to help me, please respond with "I will". This may seem like a big project, but with a little help I believe it will go smoothly.

Thanks for reading,
Austin

[phoenix2008]

On second thought I'm going to meditate on this a little more, wrt asking for help.

Austin

[Samsa Bee]

"
I thank you for having built so many beautiful nuclear weapons because at the
end of this, we're going to shove them all into space and blow the fuck
out of Mars. It's gonna be really sweet. "

This is classic stuff right here.....WTF?
One of the most baffling pieces of writing Ive ever read. I enjoyed it but do not know what to think....would I be insulting if I asked if this was just sattire? I mean, Honestly I laughed out loud when I read ^^ that

[phoenix2008]

Yeah, I could see why you might think so, but no, it is not satire.

Sooner or later we will get itchy fingers and want to push the big red button. We all know it's just a matter of when. So, instead of planning to turn the Earth to cinders, let's make use of them positively. Yes, I suppose there are a few microbes alive on Mars. But honestly, fuck 'em, it's either us or them. So goes the vision.

If you were to make a 3 foot wide spiral of 140000 shoes around a single temple it would be over 25 miles long (about a marathon), make 900 revolutions, and take the average person around 8 hours to walk. That's just a conservative approximation of the number of people killed since the beginning of the _current_ war which we are conveniently distanced from.

140000 is also about the same number who were conveniently incinerated at a distance in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Notice I don't say killed, because radiation took many more lives later. Nowadays we have thousands upon thousands of weapons far more devastating than either of those. I would much rather put them to good use than leave them out for the children to play with, wouldn't you? And yes, I'm aware of the dangers of launching weapons/art warheads into space, but I trust our scientists more than our politicians, don't you?

I use humor because it is healing, and because it's my style. But yes, I am quite serious. Are you?

Seriously, anyone digging this? I'm about to ask for a shoe grant, it would be nice to know at least a couple of people have my back.

phx.

[phoenix2008]

BTW, I find it comical the idea that leaving 35000 nukes around until we find the right set of people to burn is somehow "sane" vs. nuking mars which is "crazy".

Seriously, people, _you_ are the crazy ones. Snap out of it already.

phx.