Donna Matrix's Bible Trivia Question O' the Day !!!

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 11:42 pm

What in tarnation are you talking about ?
If those are from scripture, then let us know the source please ?

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 11:55 pm

Actually, nevermind.
That is a good idea, changing the topic to SEX, the ultimate distractor.
Maybe it will stop some of the unholy verbal warfare that has preceded this page.

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What punishment does God provide for a man who accidentally ejaculates?

A. He will eventually go blind.
B. Not only must he wash himself and anything his semen may have touched, but he must leave and not return until night.
C. Hair follicles will grow on his palm.
D. None of the above.

Tiahaar · Post by **Tiahaar** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:16 am

oneeyeddick wrote:What in tarnation are you talking about ?
If those are from scripture, then let us know the source please ?

heh sorry that was from erri2000's rules back on page 7, (my additions).
great thread OED!!! I will go with B though coach always said A and C

but with the caveat that I always ejaculate intentionally...that's ok right? and is that colorful party boy with the lollipop available tonight?

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:45 am

Recent studies in Creation Science show us that oral sex can be extremely dangerous!
We know this to be a fact. For those of you young people who have not yet been to Bible College,
and are reading this article, "oral sex," means the placement of a hoochie or a tallywhacker into a human mouth.
Creation research indicates that Satan is using the human tongue to infiltrate the soul by way of the vagina,
anus, and hole in the tip of the penis
(enormous penises have bigger holes, allowing for a greater number of demons to gain entrance, which is why black men commit so much crime).
Creation Scientists have not yet determined exactly how thousands of tiny little demons
extract themselves from human semen and vaginal excretions, but they are convinced
that the human tongue is being used as their makeshift nest.
"It is on the palette where the devil's minions spawn and reproduce like a swarms of tiny red maggots."
says Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards.
"Once enough of them are bred, an army is assembled. They exit the nesting area and enter the throat.
It is at this point, you are infected, and the battle for your soul begins."

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:24 am

OK back from the igloo. What did I miss?

erri2000 · Post by **erri2000** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:45 am

oneeyeddick wrote:

WHOLLY CRAP! I find this very very disturbing. What if you spit?

Tiahaar wrote:and is that colorful party boy with the lollipop available tonight?

The prizes here are really great. Donna traded me, ha ha sucker!

I ask if he wants to hang out.

Hey Colorful Party Boy do you want to hang out with Tiahaar?

He wants to know if you have a Wii?

I go with D None of the above. ANd I agree with Tiahaar who accidentally ejaculates?

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 8:48 am

I don't think Nintendo has made simulations of that.....yet !!!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 10:51 am

I'm going with D, too. Look what happened to Onan.

erri2000 · Post by **erri2000** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:25 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:I'm going with D, too. Look what happened to Onan.

I tried to read up on Onan but I keep coming to the WTF conclusion? In a nutshell this guy... WTF? He... WTF!

According to the text, after Yahweh had killed Onan's older brother Er, Judah asked Onan to have sex with Tamar, Er's former wife, so that the offspring could be declared Er's heir

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

That is some pretty dysfunctional shit.

Maybe God didn't want any more of Er's heir's.

mereth · Post by **mereth** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:29 pm

erri2000 wrote: Maybe God didn't want any more of Er's heir's.

**groan**

The only Onan I know is from Aeon Flux. (And yes the movie sucked dirty donkey balls.)

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:30 pm

The Bible says that when Onan chose not to copulate and instead released his seed on the ground,
God was so angry that he struck Onan dead.

Genesis 38:9-10 (King James Version)

9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

This is God making it very clear that a man's seed is only to
be produced for making babies.

BitterDan · Post by **BitterDan** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:39 pm

I'm going to hell.

mereth · Post by **mereth** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:41 pm

*giggle* I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
[youtube][/youtube]

OK, what's the next piece of trivia?

erri2000 · Post by **erri2000** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:53 pm

oneeyeddick wrote:The Bible says that when Onan chose not to copulate and instead released his seed on the ground,
God was so angry that he struck Onan dead.

Genesis 38:9-10 (King James Version)

9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

This is God making it very clear that a man's seed is only to
be produced for making babies.

So he went over to her house and then jerked off instead of having sex with her?

Really? Goes into her house with a big "I am not gonna fuck you, but take this" and pulls one off. Then God kills him.

That sounds really perverted. And God watched him do it... then kills him. This sounds like a snuff film.

I am way confused. Am I interpreting that wrong?
Am I that dyslexic cixelsyd taht I mA?

erri2000 · Post by **erri2000** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:08 pm

Another question.

Why wouldn't he have sex with her?

mereth · Post by **mereth** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:14 pm

If I'm interpreting this right, he didn't want his brother to have to deal with "sloppy seconds". Does that sound right?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:42 pm

erri2000 wrote:
oneeyeddick wrote:The Bible says that when Onan chose not to copulate and instead released his seed on the ground,
God was so angry that he struck Onan dead. :shock:

Genesis 38:9-10 (King James Version)

9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

This is God making it very clear that a man's seed is only to
be produced for making babies.
So he went over to her house and then jerked off instead of having sex with her?

Really? Goes into her house with a big "I am not gonna fuck you, but take this" and pulls one off. Then God kills him.

That sounds really perverted. And God watched him do it... then kills him. This sounds like a snuff film.

I am way confused. Am I interpreting that wrong?
Am I that dyslexic cixelsyd taht I mA?

It's believed that he practiced coitus interuptus with her.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 2:44 pm

The traditional understanding is that he didn't want to have sons that would be considered his brother's instead of his own. Also, he didn't want to support the widow and her children.

erri2000 · Post by **erri2000** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:02 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:The traditional understanding is that he didn't want to have sons that would be considered his brother's instead of his own. Also, he didn't want to support the widow and her children.

Did he have to jerk off on her? Why didn't he just say "Uhhh, sorry just not happening, just not doing it for me. You know this has never happened before. Really."

And then when God said "Do it or I will kill you."

He could have said "Well why don't you create some Viagra."

I don't like that God would force you to have sex with someone. Ehhhhhhhhh man, I just got shivers. Am I alone on this?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:04 pm

No, you are not alone on this. Millions of people find Yahweh to be incredibly creepy on multiple levels.

RingO'Fire · Post by **RingO'Fire** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:06 pm

No, no, no... Here's the deal. Ol' Oneeye had it right.

OneEyeDick wrote:9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

Under the old school Hebrew Law, if a man died without having any children, then the man's brother was supposed to have sex with his widowed sister-in-law and bear children for his brother. In this manner, the dead man's name wouldn't perish from the Earth.

Deuteronomy 25:5-6 wrote:If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. 6 The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.

...Onan knew that the seed should not be his...

In other words, the child Onan would be fathering wouldn't be known as his child, but would be his dead brother's child. Onan didn't like this idea at all, apparently.

There was a very specific public procedure that Onan could have followed if he didn't want to father children for his dead brother, described in Deuteronomy 25:7. However, refusing this "duty" to his dead brother apparently also carried a social stigma.

7 However, if a man does not want to marry his brother's wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, "My husband's brother refuses to carry on his brother's name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me." 8 Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, "I do not want to marry her," 9 his brother's widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, "This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother's family line." 10 That man's line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.

So, Onan, rather than going through the embarassing & potentially stigmatizing public ceremony, "went unto his brother's wife" (i.e., had sex with her), but when he orgasmed, he pulled out and "spilled his seed upon the ground." Apparently God didn't take kindly to Onan's attempt to circumvent The Law, and therefore "slew him."

So, all those years in the 19th century (and before?) that masturbation was referred to as "Onanism", the people using this term were misinformed. It has nothing to do with masturbation.

BTW, here's a great searchable Bible website: http://www.biblegateway.com/

erri2000 · Post by **erri2000** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:10 pm

RingO'Fire wrote:So, Onan, rather than going through the embarassing & potentially stigmatizing public ceremony, "went unto his brother's wife" (i.e., had sex with her), but when he orgasmed, he pulled out and "spilled his seed upon the ground."

An Italian contraceptive

RingO'Fire wrote:Apparently God didn't take kindly to Onan's attempt to circumvent The Law, and therefore "slew him."

This is still really selfish and fucked up.

EDIT -----

This also implies that God watched him loss his load on the ground? Who's "god" are they talking about.

thisisthatwhichis · Post by **thisisthatwhichis** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:20 pm

Geez, Greenpenis...... If ya didn't already have that song on the Monty Python video last year.... It's a keeper for this year........

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:33 pm

Damn Strait !!!!
I've never heard it that I can remember ?

Thanks for that, Mereth.
I'll put it on the ol' looper tonight(cassette deck).

And BTW TITWI, my name is Dick

thisisthatwhichis · Post by **thisisthatwhichis** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:37 pm

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:48 pm

thisisthatwhichis wrote:Geez, Greenpenis...... If ya didn't already have that song on the Monty Python video last year.... It's a keeper for this year........ 8)

I would love to read some sort of memoir/essay from one of the kids who was in that choir. Or a really good article with interviews with several. They gotta be in their 30s or so, by now.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 5:01 pm

I wonder if any of them went on to get thier other 11 minutes of fame ?

mereth · Post by **mereth** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 5:08 pm

Apparently the special edition of Meaning of Life ha such a thing, per
http://www.movieweb.com/news/70/1370.php

Here's a little tidbit on that in an interview I found here:
http://www.lofficier.com/montypython.htm

LOFFICIER: Did you have any trouble getting parents to let their children appear in the "Every Sperm is Sacred" number?

JONES: No. We had trouble trying to keep them away from it! There was only one set of parents, a mother and a father strangely enough, that didn't want their child to do it after they read the words.

LOFFICIER: Come on, you did cheat on "Every Sperm Is Sacred" didn't you?

JONES: Not on the song. Only on the stuff that Mike was saying about "wearing the little rubber thing on the end of my cock". When we actually came to do that, with all the kids there, the guardians of the kids were a bit worried about it, so Michael actually said "a little rubber thing on the end of my sock", and we had to dub it in later.

BigCock · Post by **BigCock** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 5:30 pm

RingO'Fire wrote:Under the old school Hebrew Law, if a man died without having any children, then the man's brother was supposed to have sex with his widowed sister-in-law and bear children for his brother. In this manner, the dead man's name wouldn't perish from the Earth.

It was a good deal for the widow in a time when separation from the community meant death.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 6:00 pm

All this jibber-jabber about Onan's cumming just made me remember that the built-in generator's brand name
on my RV is Cummins/Onan. ...wierd

OK , we figured out that God doesn't like you wasting your seed when it should be making eggs fertile.

The Bible does not actually outlaw masturbation, it severely restricts the circumstances under which it may occur.
First off, obviously, do not under any circumstances let your seed hit the ground.
Secondly, no man will be permitted to have any sexual thoughts during the process.
The apostles told us repeatedly that Jesus forbids lust, since sex is for baby-making, not anxiety release.

We are to 'abstain from fleshly lusts' (1 Peter 2:11)
'flee also youthful lusts' (2 Timothy 2:22)
for lust 'bringeth forth death' (James 1:15)

And more to the point for those debauched divorcees, Matthew told us that
'whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart' (Matthew 5:28}.

This means that masturbation of an erect organ can occur only if the erection is naturally-induced,
such as by the morning sun or an overfilled bladder

The only way to masturbate without lust is to keep your mind on Christ at all times.

Here... I hope this helps.