Confessions.

que.f.o. · Post by **que.f.o.** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 1:41 am

Epic, it sounds like you had a pretty terrible time. I'd suggest staying home from now on. (Default home that is)

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 5:17 am

F*** YOU, THAT'S NOT THE BM SPIRIT of community.

So, could you elaborate? What IS your idea of BM spirit or community for that matter.

Enquiring minds wanna know.

Tancorix · Post by **Tancorix** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 8:34 am

Epic, I've had the same problem with Costco for 2 years now. It's either closing early, or lines out the wazoo but I've yet to have the Costco experience work for me. Last year I gave up after an hour wait, this year I got to fill out the form but it took too long to get it turned in. Costco is a great camp and I hear lots of good things about it, but I hope they sit down and see if they can streamline some of their processes to make it even better for 04. And seeing the Costco people come through the gate in Catholic school girl outfits is something I will never forget. (And despite all the above, remember it's a group of VOLUNTEERS, and if we bitch too much they could say screw this and that would be a loss. There are no entitlements on the playa, to speak of).

As for the private parties, there is some cliquishness out there and I've ranted on that before. I also subscribe to the "You make your own experience" approach and for 03 I talked to more people, gifted, participated more and I got all the invites I ever wanted. And that's a stretch for me as off playa I am very shy.

And as for the girl out by the Temple of Gravity, quit your whining about missed opportunities. She wanted something and you could have gifted yourself. You passed on that so quit your whining!

And now back to Badger's question: What IS your idea of BM spirit or community for that matter?

(Edited to fix errors made by a bad keyboard.)

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 11:41 am

Ow! My sense of entitlement!

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:39 pm

I was denied access to Burners private parties, etc. at BRC. So much for gifting. To all of you that have private events, camps or whatever either on the Esplandade or in a "public area"

Maybe consider the possibility that those 'private parties' are nothing more than an opportunity for close friends to take a break from from the event so that they can catch up on a year's absence from each other. Also, just maybe, a good number of these folks don't feel it necessary to keep their tent doors open 24/7 just to provide you with a meaningful experience or an opportunity to 'schmor borg' about from camp to camp.

I'm curious what you brought to the table BTW.

epic · Post by **epic** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 8:25 pm

message board trolls who jump down my throat for critiquing what they consider a sacred event. Freedom of speech works all ways, flamemonkeys!
You are part of the problem, not the solution.
As far as the chick at the temple, I was a nice guy and left her to sober up (and take her meds).
I took the BM community to be one of inclusion, not exclusion and one of sharing and welcoming, non judgemental accepting deal, not an adults club/fraternity/sorority, which is what many of the theme camps, art cars, interactive installations etc have come to be, in my opinon. They may as well just hang out a Country Club style MEMBERS ONLY sign and require an ID card! It's kind of weird that groups spend months of labor and immense money concocting objects, vehicles, parties, etc to display and appreciate for less then a week, then fall back on the same large city style mentality of making people wait in line to get in an exclusive dance club! Why leave the city in that mindset?
Rather then the temporary community and family spirit I sense more many seperate insular groups, but that's inevitable I suppose as the event grows.
I mean, this is a festival without rules and limits, but because people crave red tape and micro management they invent it!
I recall one turd who actually expected to physicaly or mentally abuse people to allow them to be hoisted up a pole in a chair or something like that. This is someone that who in real life is a spineless drone, yet who sprouts balls and power because he oversees a primitive ride at BM!
A few of the rangers also suffer from mall cop syndrome. That said, 90% of the experience is positive. Law enforcement is excluded from the 90%.

Otisserie · Post by **Otisserie** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 9:41 pm

I took the BM community to be one of inclusion, not exclusion and one of sharing and welcoming, non judgemental accepting deal, not an adults club/fraternity/sorority, which is what many of the theme camps, art cars, interactive installations etc have come to be, in my opinon.

Look, nobody is inclusive all the time. If you were alone in your tent with some woman you probably wouldn't want some other guy wondering in either. Maybe a group wants to have an intimate party or gathering in which they know and trust everyone there. The only way to do that is to limit the guests to people they know. Or maybe the space just isn't big enough to invite the whole playa. Relax, it's not personal.

Is there some BM charter that promises unlimited access to all camps at all times? If so I haven't heard of it.

Everyone needs private and public time. People want some time alone with their friends. Respect their desires. That IS one of the tenents of BM.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 9:45 pm

Flamemonkeys aside Epic. Maybe answer the question(s).

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Sun Jan 11, 2004 11:08 pm

*Nowhere* on your ticket stub does it promise you a good time or an open door into every camp - and those closed doors were probably just a matter of lousy timing.

So much for gifting? Who the hell promised you a gift? Yeah there are turds there... and walk ten feet in the opposite direction you're likely to find someone who's doing something amazing they want to share with you. Badger's question is a good one. Were you out there making gifts yourself or just walking around with your metaphorical hands outstretched?

This is *not* a festival without rules and limits - please refer to the survival guide. The environment is limiting, *human nature* is a limit in itself and by golly, the rules for getting along with others are *not* thrown out the second you hit the playa. I think those rules and limits are substantially expanded but not made to disappear altogether.

By the way, I commend you on the nice guy action of not doing the drunk girl. That was a good thing.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:41 am

we had one exclusivity rule; no strangers in the RV. This rule was bent slightly to allow for my single RV-mates sexual endeavers. We would also not allow village-mates to stash their drugs in our RV after they were busted or with people who were busted (many folk have disdain for the RV set. Then they want your RV to be their safety deposit box, heroin den, fast food outlet, etc., etc.. But that's another tirade.)

anyhow, I believe there is something in the themecamp manifesto that says something about making them open to the public and interactive.

I confess that I think one side of this argument has set up some straw men. I confess that perhaps the other needs to be more specific in order to mitigate that behavior.

I confess that I think most people generally suck. I confess that I am sweet enough on the event to actually wholeheartedly believe that at BRC the numbers on that are better than in other parts of the world.

I confess that my camp had no walls save for the one that media was projected onto. Epic, if you are feeling down and rejected come by and get a beer, a friendly greating, some music and animation. Oh, bring the promiscuous girls you encounter and reject as well. My campmates will love you for it. You are all welcome, but perhaps that is because I am not yet cool enough.

epic · Post by **epic** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 12:32 pm

The difference is the "residential portion" of the city (ie streets other then Esplanade) vs. the "public portion" (everything else) I think. Your RV and inside of a sleep tent is a bit more private. I can see how residents of an RV laying down all that $$ would want to bring their F**K buddys home for a shag.
One of the bus/art things I wanted to go in and was denied was just to shoot a pic of the skyline from the top level. The door woman didn't believe it.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 1:29 pm

it might have been the Satreheden. They were having much sex w/many in the thing and as a result would have been real unhappy with anyone who brought a camera on board.

dj big E · Post by **dj big E** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 6:22 pm

I to felt unwanted at a few"theme camps"and immediatly left fuck um if they dont want me then they dont want fun fuck um i just moved on to the nekt stimulating thing which was usually about 20 ft lmao.I to got yelled at for trying to take a picture from a two story art car which was parked and vacant at the space cowboys camp.which just made me sneak onto it and take my picture anyways hope i pissed them off .One thing i noticed at the burn all though theyre are so many fun and positive people at the burn theyre are plenty that want to rain on your parade i myself just keep laughing at them. And last but definately not least thank to technopatra and any one else that maintains this forum i really really need these chats especially wright after the burn.

i confess granny panty's sound sexy ruffles i hope. tee hee big "E"

KellY · Post by **KellY** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 9:21 pm

Regarding Epic's complaints and related things:

You know, I think there's this common experience when people (especially folks who feel like outsiders in the mainstream culture) discover the subculture that makes them really feel like they've found their place at last. First there's the big thrill of discovery and sense of elation, then exploring and feeling around. Then you discover that these subcultures have cliques, status climbers, cool heirarchies, shy people who can't seem to connect, and stupid rules just like any other group of people does. It doesn't matter whether it's Burning Man, the goth scene, Rennaisance Fairs, whatever. Heck, right now I'm designing lights for a play about gay guys disillusioned with the whole gay "scene".

The thing is, once you find your world(s) that you think are right for you, it's much easier to find real friends and folks you can connect with, despite all the problems. These are the ones who you know you have the most in common with, who get your jokes. But it doesn't mean all doors in that world are open to you.

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:02 pm

Hear, hear, KellY.

Nor should you feel the need to open your doors to everyone.

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:03 pm

I confess that school takes up entirely too much of my time.

I confess that I have missed the connection to other burners that I get on eplaya.

I confess to still having lurid fantasies about the cute girl with pink hair in my camp.

I confess that I have no patience for the infantile behavior of 18 year old college students when I'm trying to learn.

I confess that I miss BRC so much that I've been dreaming about it an average of twice a week.

I confess that I have no idea when I will be able to get back on eplaya again

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Jan 13, 2004 10:45 am

much like physical abuse is the cycle of emotional abuse. Unless they are somewhat enlightened, people who felt ostracized when they grew up will turn around and do the same to others if given a little social standing.

Booker · Post by **Booker** » Tue Jan 13, 2004 10:51 am

which need not prevent one from suggesting that the loud-mouths take their act someplace else and let others get on with their learning.

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Fri Jan 16, 2004 4:34 pm

I confess to being simple.

I was confused, for instance, when preparing a cake & the recipe said
"Take the zest from one orange". Anthropomorphized the shit out of that, with me suddenly expected to assume the role of dominator when I was simply baking a freaking cake?: "Oh, you like it rough, huh?!".

On the plus side of being simple, I get giddy when buying pistachio nuts by weight and some are hulled... I call them "freebies" not only for the lack of labor involved to free them from a hull, also for not having to pay for shell weight on a few nuts.

(disclaimer: pistachio nuts are forbidden fruit on the playa... the shells are an unintended yet frequently wind-borne source of moop to be dealt with)

PurplMyst · Post by **PurplMyst** » Mon Jan 19, 2004 6:32 pm

I confess to lurking like mad on this board and only posting sparsely.

I confess to being an aimless newbie on '03 and not embracing the experience as much as I could have. This is not to say that I didn't have an absolute AMAZING time...

I confess to having regular BM dreams & chomping at the bit for more fun in '04. Costumes, gifts & such are already in the planning stages.

I confess to wanting to drag a certain someone out to the Playa and show him a whole new world.

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Fri Jan 23, 2004 10:04 pm

I confess to having not been to BM, but have tried for years.

I confess to living in a strange place. People here are very nice, but I think they see me as an anomaly. I live pretty isolated and make my living at art in a primarily agricultural area (perhaps a feat in itself). This can be a very clique-y place and people who think like me are few and far between.

I confess that I used to live in a really cool, progressive place with great circles of friends. I had to move for reasons out of my control. I miss them and only get to see ‘em a couple times a year. So it goes...

I confess to reading posts about someone having a bad experience on the playa and then getting all icky feeling. Worrying that this may be the case for me also. “If I can’t be understood at BM, then where the hell do I fit?” I understand the need for privacy and respect it. But feeling like you’re not wanted somewhere just sucks... even when you do say F ‘em and move on. I generally don’t go unless I’m invited and have probably missed out on some good times because of it. On the other hand I will talk to anybody too and generally ask “How ya’ doin’?” at the drop of a hat... unless its that really really pretty girl over there who I can’t figure out if she smiled at me or the overgrown frat boy behind me, and she doesn’t look like she’d go for his type, and aww, shit... I’ll just go drink my Guinness out on the porch where I can look at the stars.

I confess to being pretty logical too. Counting every registered user of the eplaya, that’s only 10% of the population of BRC and many of these are like me and haven’t been yet. With that in mind only a certain amount are “been there, done that” burners and an even smaller amount have touted bad experiences. Not much for attaining any preconceived notion (which is not a good practice in the first place). But it still makes you wonder.

I confess that I worry that I may be TOO nice, sometimes. In Epic’s case (assuming he’s not a troll, and I tend to think he’s not) I hate that he had a bad time... sincerely. I think his hurt may have been misunderstood by some of the others here... and that he also could have worded it a little more clearly to show everyone that he was just venting. And I applaud him for being a gentleman in the case of the girl and her bike. But to make the point of my particular confession, I would not only have turned her down, but would have helped her find her bike, helped her find her camp and sleeping place, tucked her in and then left fully knowing that I would probably never see her again as long as I lived... because that’s what I would want someone to do for my daughter. Not to say epic did anything wrong by not doing this mind you. That’s just the way I am and will continue to be until I up and croak. I can’t leave my logic or conscience at the gate and I worry that this may be a requirement, at least for a large part of BM. And BTW, if random consensual sex is your thing, then go for it. I honestly wish you no ill, brothers and sisters and want you to be free. Though for me, sex is just a very intimate act... even sacred. With the right person it can be astoundingly sublime. I prefer to feel those strong emotions the next morning, not just for the duration of the E trip. Besides... I don’t want any unwanted playa “gifts”, especially since I’m allergic to penicillin. And before you say “CONDOMS”, let me tell you that I haven’t found one yet that will fit on my tongue. I’m well aware and accustomed to raincoats, but there’s more to f-in’ than just using your little head, ya know.

I confess that I understand that I’ve probably given a bunch of you guys some fodder for poking some serious fun at me. In the words of our fearless, intelligent, and oh, so well spoken leader, “Bring ‘em on!” I worked for many years in a machine shop before working for myself and can hang with the best of ‘em when it comes to givin’ people shit. Just be ready to take as much as you dish.

I confess that some of the art I’ve seen from the playa is just incredible. With this kind of work being created simply for the sake of creating it, there has to be some minds out in that desert that I can relate to. I just know it... I just feel it in my bones.

I confess that I’m probably up too late and rattle on too long. But you can’t say that I don’t attempt to keep the chatter going. I hope to liven up conversations and get to know you guys. That way when I do meet you in the desert, I can give you something I made with my own hands and you’ll know I really was thinking about you when I made it. Peaceful dreams...

Matt

que.f.o. · Post by **que.f.o.** » Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:47 am

You need to be in Black Rock city this year. Without fail. OK? Because Matt, this is the place to fit in. This is the place to be yourself in all your wonders and all your quirks. You can join our community at what ever level you feel comfortable with, both here on the eplaya as well as in the dust. Best guess is you'll have an experience that changes your life in some positive way. There is pretty much no downside. Be there.

walmark · Post by **walmark** » Sat Jan 24, 2004 4:40 pm

I confess that in 03 I WAS a virgin.

I confess that I have longed for the playa for the past 151 days.

I confess that the "StopBurningMan" thread is really annoying me!

Bob A · Post by **Bob A** » Sat Jan 24, 2004 5:20 pm

I confess that I'm a virgin and am gonig in 2004, hell or high water!

I confess that my story sounds a lot like Matt's. Although I'm still working on finding my creative outlet.

Matt, I think we will both find that we are finally at home when we reach the playa in 2004, and 30,000 of our best friends ands and family will all be there to welcome us home. Give or take a few assholes, every family has an uncle or aunt no one talks about, and in a family this size there has to be a few.

Bob A

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Sat Jan 24, 2004 7:48 pm

Que.f.o....

Thank you for your kind words. Barring some unexpected catastrophic problem, I’ll be there. I kinda’ go with the flow of life, ya know?. If it’s meant to be, it will be. And my PLAN is for it to be.

You can join our community at what ever level you feel comfortable with

I plan to dive right in. I am a natural care giver and love to help out. I aims to please... We’ll see as the time draws near. I’m a pretty resourceful guy and am competent in several trades so I’m sure I’ll find a spot. Who knows... maybe I’ll just wander around in my kilt and a tool belt and offer help to those where ever I may be. Now there’s a concept... The Wandering Workman of the Apocalypse. Hmmmm.....

Bob A. ...

Yes, my friend... that is the feeling I get. I’m sure that whatever the experience, it will only lead to personal growth. And be worthy of the journey. Yes... there are unhappy people in all walks of life and sometimes they cross our paths. So it goes... Life is about balance. If it never rained, how would you know how special a sunny day was? Smile...

M

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the
affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure
the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in
others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden
patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded!"

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

que.f.o. · Post by **que.f.o.** » Sat Jan 24, 2004 8:00 pm

Very cool Matt. See ya at home.

Sobretta Franjipan · Post by **Sobretta Franjipan** » Tue Jan 27, 2004 3:20 pm

I confess I am on Vicodin right now because I started a mosh pit at a party last Saturday and practically smashed my teeth in and broke my nose. Fortunately I *only* have a busted lip, a bruised/swollen nose, a sprained finger, and reinjured ribs due to the misunderstanding of a 225 lb. guy thinking that by my moshing with him I was hitting on him. When I didn't reciprocate his molesting moves he gave me a full blown punch in my preexisting injured ribs. As I doubled over in pain I fell hitting my face. He immediately ran out the door.

I confess THAT GUY SUCKS!!!!

BirthdayBabb · Post by **BirthdayBabb** » Wed Jan 28, 2004 2:41 am

I confess that I, a never again virgin, was really glad the cute guy in the untied bathrobe greeting people as we turned off the pavement onto the playa DIDN'T walk over to my van and see me blushing.

I confess that by the end of my first day I was no longer embarrassed.

I confess that I was very sorry when Naked Skinny Guy at the camp across the road got too sunburned and started wearing clothes on Friday.

I confess I was looking at naked guys during Critical Tits to see if they were saluting.

I can't wait to go Home. PEACE, LOVE, DRUGS

McBidgeyFuggalo · Post by **McBidgeyFuggalo** » Sun Feb 01, 2004 9:20 am

stuart wrote:much like physical abuse is the cycle of emotional abuse. Unless they are somewhat enlightened, people who felt ostracized when they grew up will turn around and do the same to others if given a little social standing.

Unless you are able to see, understand, and overcome the wrongs you have been dealt, the cycle WILL continue. I lived with my mom when I was growing up, my dad was an alcohalic and uselly in jail while I was young. One morning, when I was seven, I woke up in the most horrible pain I had ever been in, it felt like a knife was being twisted around between my neck and shoulder on the left side of my body. Unfortunately for me it was one of my moms meeting days, wich uselly meant I get myself ready and to school because she had to be in early. Well this morning was different, I took my bath in tears while I listened to my mom bitch about "possibly" being late to work. I was bitching that I coudn't go to school, so she asked if I would rather go to the doctors, which was a threat she had often used to get me to go to school, I said please. When we got to the hospital, we were told then doctor wouldn't be in till 8, it was about 6:30 in the morning, and here meeting started at 7. That ride back to the house I still to this day regard as the worse moment in my life. The whole time my mom complained, and I remember her specific words to this day through the haze of pain, "If you weren't in the car right now I would run it off the road or into a tree to kill myself just so I wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit." When I was 9 I broke my ankle sliding into first base, tore every ligiment in my foot. One mornig I was getting my crutches out of the back of the truck, and she drove off, running over my broke foot and re-injuring me. This to was a meeting day and the whole ride to school she bitched about her job and how she was going to be late because she didn't have time to give me a ride to school. The whole ride back home I got yelled at for not moving out of the way quick enough. When I was 17, she accidently slammed my skull in a car door cuttin me farely well and leaving a quarter size welt, instead of apologizing, she told me to get over it, then she noticed I was gushing blood, at that point in my life, she finally apologized to me for the first time ever. I don't know if I'm enlightened from my experiences, but I am very carefull in my treatment of other. One unfortunate thing being raised in this kind of envioment, I became scared to show pain, or any emotion other than happiness. I always voulentarily take the short end of the stick and have found that I only seem to have a care for the wellbeing
of others, not myself. I am now 24 years old and I still do not know what it is to be cared for. I am very shy towards most people and I guess my confession is that of self-hatred. I spent all of my first BM 2003 by myself
wondering around on the back streets. And the most ironic thing about it, seeing as it was my first year, I was dubbed brother virgin by the naming wheel. 2004 will be my next burn, and hopefully I can tear down the wall I have built around myself. At last my true confession, though last year was my first burn, I will still be brother virgin this year as well.

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Sun Feb 01, 2004 11:20 am

Man...

First let me say that you've done well to handle your situation. Good for you, Mcbidgey.

You know, I understand what you mean about being concerned with the welfare of others. Even to day I struggle with my willingness to take the stinky end of the stick. Struggled with it for years and years. I’ve found that you have to be careful. It’s a constant balancing act between the selfless and the selfish. Just as your mother was caught in a cycle of probably (deep down inside) knowing she’s not doing the right thing but unable to do any different, so too can you get caught in your own cycle. Here’s how I’ve come to look at it for myself:

I love to help people. I like the thought of someone else’s load being made a little lighter, and probability of them helping others in kind. I wish to leave this place a little better than I found it... seems that is just simply the right thing to do. But... if I were to allow myself, I would bear others burdens until they literally crushed me. It’s a delicate balance. I help others... I just can’t turn a blind eye. But I also take time for myself and seek out those who help me bear my own loads. Back and forth, back and forth... just like the ocean. It always seeks a level, but the closest it can come is a balance. Keep yourself well, my friend... you can’t help others if you can’t even carry your own weight. Don’t be afraid to shut down sometimes and just take a rest. This doesn’t mean that you doing anything wrong, just healing yourself. This, like many other aspects in life, is a balancing act that I presume will last until my last breath... and frankly I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I guess my confession is that of self-hatred.

I must say that when I learned how to love myself first, the Love I felt for other people (both specifically and towards other lives in general) was magnified ten fold. Its Ok to be selfish... just don’t do it selfishly. Hope to see you (and many others) on the playa...

Matt

Confessions.

pretty much what I expected

No one is inclusive ALL the time.

thank you for agreeing with me

hmmmmm

I confess...

Start Planing

The rarely seen thruths of enlightenment...except maybe here