Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro Returns! Again!

[Dr. Pyro]

We would welcome Barbiedoll Homebrews with open arms! Believe it or not, beer actually is my beverage of choice on the playa. At least as long as there's no absinthe around.

And JR, you know me well enough to have me not dignify your question with an actual response!

[erri2000]

Thank You to Scqueaky for her contribution of 11 assorted Barbies.

Hello Doc, quick question. Out of curiosity, how many Barbi's are going to be baking in the sun in 2008?

[theCryptofishist]

Silly Mouse. All of them.

[erri2000]

Silly Mouse. All of them.

I have to say that is far more than I expected.

[Dr. Pyro]

Though Fishy's answer is essentially correct, last year we began the week with 1,107. We were gifted an (as of yet) unknown quantity (we just threw them into the ovens and packed everything up in the trailer and we won't bother to open them up until about June, but if last year is any indication, we likely have about 100 more). Now we hung a bunch of them and some kids came around and destroyed them, which was fine with me. Like I need another 50 Barbies. But we do welcome new additions but what we're really looking for are new ideas on how to "kill" them. We welcome your input.

[StevenGoodman]

Dr. Pyro,

Any chance you will be starting a Mohammed Teddy Bear Death Camp spin-off next year? Just to keep up with current events (in Sudan)?

[DaftBrian]

That'll be 40 lashings.

You'll have to take your turn in line..
Lashings for all! Whips aplenty.

[mereth]

I'm assuming you've already done something as relates to all of these wonderful options?

100+ ways Barney should die
- - --------------------------

1. Nitroglycerin suppository
2. My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
3. Paper cuts from hate mail
4. Wine press
5. Random act of terrorism
6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
8. Exploding gas barbeque
9. Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
10. Rusty meat hook
11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
12. Sexually transmitted disease
13. Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
15. Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
16. Exploding school bus
17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread
love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
18. Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
22. Asphixiation on a twinkie
23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
26. Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road
27. Tail caught in elevator doors
28. Legalization of purple slavery
29. Home lobotomy kit
30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g.
nitric, chromic, hydroflouric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.
32. Thrown in a vat of bleach.
33. Close encounter with a white supremist.
34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor
36. Swarmed by killer bees
37. Purple parasites
38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
41. Assilimation by the Borg.
42. Accupunture with a nail gun
43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
43. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
44. Hit and run at a school crossing
45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
50. Harpooned by a whaling ship
51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummelled with a
baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature).
52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner
53. Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?)
54. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
55. Mistaken for a Pinyata
56. Run over by a zamboni
57. "I love you" song triggers avalanche.
58. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY.
60. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature.
61. Crushed between plates in a fault line.
62. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties
(would you like McFries with that?)
63. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Barney?
64. Used as a crashtest dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what
can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt.
65. Barney becomes one with Oscar Myer.
66. Barney used as shark bait.
67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting
this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons
70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
71. Nato air strike.
72. Live organ donor.
73. Egyptian mummificaton ritual.
74. Plummet into an active volcano.
75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
79. Purple Jonestown reagent.
80. Visit to the taxidermist.
81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
82. Take him off Prozac.
83. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
84. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
86. Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
87. Spontaneous combustion.
88. Bludgeoned to purple paste.
89. Compressed to a singularity.
90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
91. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
92. The plague
93. Extruded through microcapilliaries.
94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
95. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
97. Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full of worms.
98. Massage with a stun gun.
99. Heat pastuerization.
100. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
102. Barney meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty
pieces.)
103. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
104. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
107. Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
108. Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
109. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglus Adams).
110. Put a horse collar on him and abandom him on alt.sex.beastiality.
111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
112. Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.
113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set
of Ginsu(tm) knives.
114. Barney scrapple.
115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
116. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masterbate.
117. Recreate the Challenger accident woth Barney playing substitute teacher.
118. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.

[erri2000]

When I was a kid I would take my sisters Barbie’s to the backyard and then set up battles with my G.I. Joe’s.

The Barbie’s always ended up sinking to the bottom of a pit of quicksand that is to this day my mother’s flowerbed.

[theCryptofishist]

Does she occasionally find old bones?

[erri2000]

Funny you should ask that little fishy,
Years later, I am at my mothers house and she asked me to plant some tree/cactus thing in her yard.
So she pointed out where she wanted it planted.
I picked up a shovel and with my first thrust,
I hit a Barbie.

It was quite a moving moment for me.

[theCryptofishist]

Think how moving it would have been if you'd struck oil!

[erri2000]

I don’t know about striking oil. That would kind of suck, because then G.W. and Dick would have already invaded my moms house and I would be stuck spending Christmas with those two as well. As if family functions aren’t stressful enough.

I did almost hit a sprinkler when I was digging if it is any consolation.

[mojo]

This is such a sickness - I have acquired a suitcase full of half naked barbies at a local yard sale. Now I have to come up with a new way to kill them................

How about a water wheel dunk tank? If I put a little solar motor on a wheel and strap the little buggers to the wheel ........

Maybe pull off the limbs and put all the parts into a cauldron?

GI Joe firing squad?

Doc - my co-workers are ready to call the men with the white coats.

Oh! I just had a scathingly brilliant idea! I'll just surprise you.

[mereth]

Suffocation by condom?

Bent paperclip though the eye?

Drowning in the contents of a Magic 8 ball?

Crushed by a complete Encyclopedia Britannica or Oxford English Dictionary?

Stabbed to death by a staple remover?

You could have a special section devoted to the ways the women die in American Psycho...

Yes, yes I know I'm a sick puppy...

Are you looking for ways to kill barbie as if she were a person or deconstruct/destruct barbie the inanimate object/toy? How are you viewing the destruction of this form (having never been to BM to see it, yet).

[thisisthatwhichis]

We just came up with a great idea!!... If ya have some pieces and parts of barbies, and you would like us to put into this "ART!!!!!", send me a pm.....

Hehehe.....

Barbie Homebrews for all!!!!.... *satanic laughter...*.........

[Oldguy]

While struggling past the Bistro last summer, I requested to take seat in the shade away from the oppresive heat. My request was granted on the condition I tell a story. I am not sure if I talked with the Doctor, perhaps it was his evil twin... no matter...I recanted the tale of my tire blowout on the freeway near Grassvalley. No tireshop was open on the weekend in Grassvalley,Nevada City ,Yuba City, or Marysville. I had to travel all the way back home to LiveOak, where on the off chance I stopped at Mr. Rodriquez's tire shop just down the road from my house. Wouldn't you know, He had a set of four 12 inchs to fit my Geo. We put on one, packed one. I took two home and was on my way again. I was still carrying the small balloon spare but put it on top this time. (I had to completely unload my little car to get the spare in Grassvalley) Ihad three goodyears blow out within three months this year, seems China skimped on the sidewall strapping on the radials. Good thing I brought a spare tire because I had another Blowout between Gerlach and Wadsworth a week later on the way home. I learned my lesson and packed the ballon sparetire on top of my gear. I drove 70 odd miles back to Reno going 35 on the side of the freeway to a gasstation on Prater way. They only charged me 10 bucks to spin and mount the tire on the fullsize(12 inch) rim. Some football players and cheerleaders were having a carwash which was handy. Nothing like a few highschool cheerleaders washing to brighten my way home .Another 10 bucks and I was as right as rain. Anyway that's the whole story on my flat tire summer. While resting in the shade I remarked about making a four wheel bicycle for next year as I was having trouble pedalling my two wheel this year. It was suggested that I did not try reinventing the wheel .This was very good advice since last week at a local Tractor Supply store I found an adult size pedalcar on special for $133.00.GREAT!!! Now I just haveto find away to carry it on or in my Geo. Petrhaps I'll just dismantile it and pack it in pieces, I think its too heavy for my bikerack. And I'll remember to pack my balloon spare on top!

[Dr. Pyro]

Twasn't I you told that story to, but my advice is get a new car. I have lots of family in Yuba City so I've been through Live Oak hundreds of times. Each time I think of it being flooded along with Olivehurst. Last time I think it caused something like $10,000,000 worth of improvements.

[Oldguy]

Xactly! In 1955 We packed 3 feet of mud out of my Uncles House. In 1997 mandatory evacuations after levee break, and now Plumas Lake subdivisions galore. They call the place Plumas Lake for goodness sake. Oh, I'll keep my 3 cylider Geo...it still gets over 50 mpg. and I'll pack the pedalcar on it instead of packing the Geo on the pedalcar.

[akmojo]

hey Doc....
wishing you and all the Barbiebarians a Merry Christmas and Happiest of New Year !!!
heck, best wishes to EVERYONE and a bountiful 2008 !!!

[joel the ornery]

chipper shredder barbie

[erri2000]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

[robbidobbs]

Happy Birthday and Happy New Year.

I just need to put out here that I grew up playing with Barbies a LOT, and it's because of this weird nostalgic thing I have with them, that it was cosmically intense when I got to destroy one with a propane torch.

[akmojo]

only one..??

have a Happy New year everyone !!

[Dr. Pyro]

Just received a Barbie in the mail at my PO box (Dr. Pyro/PO Box 173/Penryn, CA 95663) with no return address or info on who sent it. Whoever it was, thanks!

[unjonharley]

Just received a Barbie in the mail at my PO box (Dr. Pyro/PO Box 173/Penryn, CA 95663) with no return address or info on who sent it. Whoever it was, thanks!

\/
It's said: Do not check the teeth of a gift horse/Barbie..

[unjonharley]

Just received a Barbie in the mail at my PO box (Dr. Pyro/PO Box 173/Penryn, CA 95663) with no return address or info on who sent it. Whoever it was, thanks!

\/
It's said: Do not check the teeth of a gift horse/Barbie..

[Rat Bastard]

Doc Pyro,
It was good meeting you last year. We were the ones in the brick house art car known as the Cum Back Inn. We brought our own homemade wine... Hair of the Dog Winery.

Anyway, we were bummed that we didn't find time to get over there during the evening to toast with you. I just wanted to mention in here, to all the home brewers, that if yer gonna bring some home brew to share with the Doc, bring it in the evening. The Doc made a lot of sense when he said "If I started drinking with everyone before 6pm, I'd never make it till 6pm." Of course after we threatened to break his arm by twisting, he tried a little taste of our Cab Sav. This was around 2pm. He's a tough cookie!

Hail to the death camp. I'll see if I come across some torture/killing machines for ya before the burn.

Cheers

[Dr. Pyro]

I do recall that, R.B. Beer tends to be my alcoholic playa-drink of choice, at least up until about dinnertime. It seems odd that while running a wine bistro, on an average day at Burning Man I will likely drink no wine. I love the stuff, which is part of the problem. One glass leads to three which leads to "...good night everyone..." However, always being to cordial host, I will not slight anyone (with the exception of perhaps blyslv and his honest-to-God awful tasting white merlot) if they offer a sample. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right?

[pinemom]

Ya just keep callin them Samples Doc! Samples i tell ya!