i thought i had cancer

muleyredux · Post by **muleyredux** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 2:11 pm

i was dropping the kids off at the pool and the first wipe turned up what i thought was blood. second wipe less blood, but still bloody, so i started thinking colon cancer. i thought maybe i was wiping more aggressively than usual and scraped my anus but it seemed like a lot of blood for some minor butt lesions. then when i flushed and saw all the red in the bowl i had a flashback and remembered the flaming cheeto puffs i ate the night before. i usually buy crunchy and have never had this problem.

Post by **mdmf007** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 2:25 pm

Could be Hemorrhoids.

BitterDan · Post by **BitterDan** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:16 pm

I am sitting here bleeding out of my ass...

Post by **AntiM** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:24 pm

I've had colon cancer. No symptoms whatsoever. same damn thing killed my brother, and he had no symptoms until it got into his lover and he became jaundiced.

See a fucking doctor if you're that concerned.

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:28 pm

muleyredux wrote: i thought maybe i was wiping more aggressively than usual and scraped my anus

Thanks for sharing

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:34 pm

I went to the doctor when I found that my penis had turned bright orange.

We finally narrowed it down to Cheetos.

and porn.

Post by **AntiM** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:34 pm

The usual, huh?

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 7:52 pm

AntiM wrote:I've had colon cancer. No symptoms whatsoever. same damn thing killed my brother, and he had no symptoms until it got into his lover and he became jaundiced.

See a fucking doctor if you're that concerned.

I'm glad that "Had" is past tense in your sentence, AntiM!

One day it was purple and found out it was Grape juice!

The other, dark brown and it was the oreoles!

Butt, blood in the stools are dark, almost black never red!

Just don't wipe your ass next time with Cheetos!

Or don't look at your shit so much which some people do all the time! It's like weighting yourself after you eat!

AIIZ

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 7:55 pm

I'm glad no one is horrible and gross enough to suggest a picture is worth a thousand words.
Cuz that would be disgusting.

muleyredux · Post by **muleyredux** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:26 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:I'm glad no one is horrible and gross enough to suggest a picture is worth a thousand words.
Cuz that would be disgusting.

it wasn't too bad - just a terrible red. all things considered, it was an unimpressive movement [i.e. not much mass (i think all i shat were cheeto puffs because it was a midnight snack and i didn't eat breakfast the following morning)]. there weren't any logs of note.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:36 pm

www.ratemypoo.com

muleyredux · Post by **muleyredux** » Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:49 pm

^ haha. it's hilarious that site not only survives, but thrives.

in college, the dude across the hall pissed me off. we hated each other, but one day he said we HAD to see this turd of his. it was stunning in length, girth, and swirl, and i took a picture. he went out on a first date and i made enough copies to cover his door.

oFZo · Post by **oFZo** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:54 am

My grandfather died of colon cancer age 43.
My father is in the process of doing the same at age 63.
I'm 28 and I have blood (yes, black) in my stools every now and then.
Sometimes I worry.

That's all, carry on.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:30 am

FUCK CANCER!

Nick Collide · Post by **Nick Collide** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 11:02 am

AntiM wrote:I've had colon cancer. No symptoms whatsoever. same damn thing killed my brother, and he had no symptoms until it got into his lover and he became jaundiced.

See a fucking doctor if you're that concerned.

Maybe people should see a doctor even when they're not all that fucking concerned. Especially if you're a guy and immune to all the disease horrors of the world.

As AntiM said, "No symptoms whatsoever." Until its too late. A colonoscopy every ten years instead of a mammogram every year? You're getting off light, dude.

Related item: How come Breast Cancer Awareness Month is October (Halloween) and not May (Mother's Day)?

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 11:32 am

Somehow I don't think taking the wife to get a mamogram on mothers day is going to go over very well.

Nick Collide · Post by **Nick Collide** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:05 pm

It's all about the symbolism, bay-bee...

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:28 pm

Ill have to concure with you Nick!

good time to bug your mom to go get screened!

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:24 pm

Well I agree that that is the month for it. I suppose I shouldn't make jokes about it. but bugging your wife, mom and sisters to get screened the rest of the month would be ok.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:08 pm

I get a colonoscopy done every six months because I LIKE IT !!!

If you ask the doctor nicely, he will take extra snapshots too..........

Post by **AntiM** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:37 pm

Suitable for framing!

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:42 pm

Do you smell something burning ?

Nick Collide · Post by **Nick Collide** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:28 pm

That's Saturday Night

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:40 pm

I keep looking for the little submarine from Fantastic Voyage

Post by **mdmf007** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:42 pm

Anyone recognize that colon?

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:54 pm

Is it Doctor Foley's ?

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Feb 19, 2008 7:52 am

Let's see, last name blanked out, first name Margaret. Hey, what does that M in Anti M stand for? Golly, my doctor's name is Foley. And geez, I just had a pooper-peeker done last month.

What a coincidence, huh?

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:53 am

It's not a good thing to sneeze when the camera is up there.

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:47 am

Oh, that's what the drugs are for; I was out like a light.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Wed Feb 20, 2008 8:37 am

They give you drugs ?
All the doc has been giving me is a generous dallup of KY jelly and a piece of wood to bite down on.

i thought i had cancer

i thought i had cancer

Re: i thought i had cancer