your stupid joke here

Rolan Headon · Post by **Rolan Headon** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:44 pm

A joke in need of a new punch line:

What's the last sound heard before a pubic hair hits the playa?

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 5:43 pm

Rolan Headon wrote:A joke in need of a new punch line:

What's the last sound heard before a pubic hair hits the playa?

did you floss your teeth??

Rolan Headon · Post by **Rolan Headon** » Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:15 am

(flossing sounds)

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:43 pm

It was entertainment time at the Day Centre for the elderly and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.
People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance,
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch.
It's been in my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch ....'
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
'Shit,' said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Day Centre.

plowman · Post by **plowman** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 7:59 pm

Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide??

plowman · Post by **plowman** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:17 pm

Wait! Give me a minute! I know the punchline.
Aw shit....three days.

No that wasn't it!

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:50 am

because it's too cold Outtide?

plowman · Post by **plowman** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 5:59 pm

Good job Simon

If a male sheep is a Ram,
And a donkey is an Ass,
Why is a Ram in the Ass a GOOSE????

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:47 pm

A salesman rings the doorbell. Ten year old kid opens the door with a scotch on the rocks in one hand and a cigar in the other.

The salesman watches as the kid takes a drink and puffs the cigar. "Are your parents home?" asks the surprised salesman.

"Does it fucking look like my parents are home?"

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:59 am

"Squaw got eight inches last night."
Wrong joke, I think.

MozyBonz · Post by **MozyBonz** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:05 am

"Does it fucking look like my parents are home?"

oh how true

Mr. Opportunity · Post by **Mr. Opportunity** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:09 am

MozyBonz wrote:"Does it fucking look like my parents are home?"

oh how true

I AM HOME MOMMA'S BOY! I AM YOUR FATHER AND I AM YOUR MOTHER.

I AM SUCH A MOTHER FUCKER THAT I CAN SLOW SCREW MYSELF!

Post by **mdmf007** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 11:47 am

Nothing like a new guy dropping in and screaming every post in big text and all caps.

i figure another week until he trolls again.

accordionMan · Post by **accordionMan** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 11:58 am

How do chromosomes make love?
They drop their genes.

Two peanuts were walking through the park...
One was assaulted.

One Fly said to the other: Pssst... your man is open.

The masochist said to the sadist... hit me! hit me!
The sadist replied....
no.

MozyBonz · Post by **MozyBonz** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:03 pm

accordionMan wrote:How do chromosomes make love?
They drop their genes.

Two peanuts were walking through the park...
One was assaulted.

One Fly said to the other: Pssst... your man is open.

The masochist said to the sadist... hit me! hit me!
The sadist replied....
no.

Hahahaha I love the avatar

accordionMan · Post by **accordionMan** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:17 pm

"Hahahaha I love the avatar"

Thanks...

it has music too.. but it's at a frequency only dogs can hear... here on the eplaya.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:29 pm

accordionMan wrote:"Hahahaha I love the avatar"

Thanks...

it has music too.. but it's at a frequency only dogs can hear... here on the eplaya.

Now I understand why my dog is howling....

accordionMan · Post by **accordionMan** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:06 pm

"Now I understand why my dog is howling.... "

Holy crap! I was playing Elvis.. You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog!

I guess he was going for a solo: "howling all the time..."

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 3:01 pm

http://www.sat-gps-locate.com

MozyBonz · Post by **MozyBonz** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 5:00 pm

ibdave wrote:http://www.sat-gps-locate.com

remembers ibdave has his cell number

Dave...what are you doing?

pulls phone out of pocket~~

Mr. Opportunity · Post by **Mr. Opportunity** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 6:07 pm

ibdave wrote:http://www.sat-gps-locate.com

Hey Dave, you are truely SCAMTASTIC!

WTF would you post something like that?

MozyBonz · Post by **MozyBonz** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 6:26 pm

[youtube][/youtube]

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 8:12 pm

Mr. Opportunity wrote:
ibdave wrote:http://www.sat-gps-locate.com
Hey Dave, you are truely SCAMTASTIC!

WTF would you post something like that?

BFG

plowman · Post by **plowman** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 8:34 pm

A biker is riding by the zoo whan he sees a little girl leaning into the lions cage. Suddenly the lion grabs the girl by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her in to slaughter her, under the eyes of her horrified screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Wimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her back to her parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has seen the whole scene and addressing the biker says; Sir, this was the most gallent and brave thing I have ever seen in my whole life. It was nothing said the biker, really,the lion was behind bars. The kid was in danger and I just acted as I felt right.
I noticed the patch on your jacket said the journalist.
Yeah,I ride with a club says the biker.
Well I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist you know and tomorrows paper will have this on the front page
The biker gets the paper the next morning to see if it's true, and there on the front page;

BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT
AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!!

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:43 am

a woman walks into a nunnery and asks to join the convent.
She is brought in to the Mother Superior's office and is asked to sit down. The Mother Superior (hereafter known as M.S.) asks the woman, "why are you here?"

she replies.."i want to be a nun, and serve our lord"

M.S. looks her up and down, and noting her skimpiness of dress, asks "what were you before you came to us, my child'

the woman responds meekly, " a prostitute"

the M.S. faints dead away...after a few minutes, she is revived, and now sitting, she asks again...."my child, i am sorry, please repeat to me what is was you were before you came to the nunnery'

the woman replies a little louder " A Prostitute"

the M.S. faints again....

After another couple of minutes, the M.S. regains consciousness, and she asks again...."forgive me my child, i am a little hard of hearing, please, one more time, what were you?"

"A PROSTITUTE!!!" standing up and yelling at the top of her lungs...

the M.S. smiles a smile of relief, and says.....

"Oh, Thank God, i thought you said Protestant"

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:34 pm

nothing to see here....

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:57 pm

A Top Secret

After numerous rounds of 'We do n't even know if Osama is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6. Eventually they asked the Mossad for help.

Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply: 'Tell the President he's holding the message upside down.'

accordionMan · Post by **accordionMan** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:03 pm

370H-SSV-0773H

That's excellent!

The following joke was voted "Best Joke in Ireland 2006"

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:10 pm

"Governor, Governor!!!!.......one last question"

Elliot: "what?"

"was she a swallower, or a spitzer?

twinwitin · Post by **twinwitin** » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:27 pm

Superman walks into a Super hero convention and he is all beat up and bloody.

Batman and Robin run over to him and ask,"Superman what happened to you?"

Superman replied"Well, I was on my way to the convention when I flew over Wonder Woman house and saw her sunbathing in the nude, so I thought I would fly down and 'get me a little'.

Robin asked"Was she surprised?"
Superman says"Not half as surprised as the invisible man!!"