Dads

[Oldguy]

Because I said so ... and other dad-isms
by Dawn Elizabeth Pandoliano
Paraglide
Dad’s have the most unique brand of wisdom that is often referred to as dad-isms. If it weren’t for dads, some of life’s more important lessons would just pass us by. Here is a compilation of classic dad philosophies, rules and –isms that we just can’t forget and always make us smile to remember.
Dads on life:
The entire dad philoso­phy centers around how life is unfair.
â–  Who said life was fair?
â–  Get used to it
■ When I was your age, we didn't (bla bla), we had to (bla bla) and we were happy.' Wasn’t dad always happy about whatever miserable (and highly irrelevant) situation he was describing?
Persuasive dad logic:
You can argue with your mom and possibly get something out of it.
Not sowith your dad.
Dads have an entire arse­nal of irrefutable argu­ments to persuade you to do anything, for which there is no comeback.
â–  Because I said so
â–  And that's that
■ Itwillbuild char­acter
â–  You'll understand when you're older
â–  I will turn this car around
â–  A little hard work never hurt anybody
â–  The lawn isn't going to mow itself
â–  Or you can spend the afternoon picking your teeth off the floor
Dad's rhetorical questions:
Fathers are the kings of rhetorical questions. A quick word to the wise, never attempt to answer one of your father's rhetorical questions.— unless, of course, you want 'five across the eyes.'
â–  Are you going to do something productive with your day?
■ Can I get five min­utes of peace and quiet?
â–  What happened to your allowance from last Friday?'
â–  Do you think I'm made of money?
â–  If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
â–  Did someone see that duck? (after passing wind)
â–  Were you raised in a barn?
â–  Do you think your mother and I were put on this Earth to clean up after you?
â–  Do you think I'm talking just to hear my own voice?
â–  Who is making all that racket?
â–  What were you thinking? (Answer: You weren't thinking.)
Dad medicine:
I'm amazed that there are so many fathers who are doctors, because their ability to treat injuries seems to be very limited.
Here is their entire arse­nal of home remedies:
â–  Walk it off
â–  Rub it
â–  Blow on it
Dad Directives:
Finally, here is a list of quotes that every father must memorize and use on a regular basis.
â–  Don't get smart with me
â–  Smarten up
â–  Ask your mother
â–  Don't talk back to your mother
â–  Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about
â–  Go pick up your room
■ If you sleep with your head under the pil­low the tooth fairy will kick your teeth out
â–  You're going to eat it, and you're going to like it
â–  I don't want to hear a peep out of you
â–  Get your elbows off the table or I'll knock them off
â–  This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you
â–  I'm not going to tell you again
â–  Do it right or don't do it at all
â–  You. Bed. Now.
â–  I have had just about enough of that This actually means he has already had enough of something. He hasn't had 'just about enough,' he has most definitely had enough.
( E­ditor’s n­ote: i­nforma­tion f­or t­his ar­ticle w­as f­ound o­n h­ttp:// v­oll­man. b­logspot. c­om.)

Today is Father's Day. I found this article I'd like to share. Do you have a favorite Father story?

[TomServo]

when i was 8...my dad said here try this weird tasting water...it was everclear. Happy Dad's Day Dad!![/i]

[lonestoner916]

My favorite dad-ism:

"You know you have a good woman when your belly is full and your balls are empty!"

Happy Father's Day!

[chiefdanfox]

My favorite from my Marine Captain, two war fightin' (WWII, Korea) dad:
If you are talking to God, then you are praying. If God is talking to you, then you are insane.

I don't think he made it up, but it was his reply to all the "vertical" crap coming out of his political party. (Starts with "R")

[cowboyangel]

Great! Than that means W is insane because he claims the later all the time.

[MikeVDS]

Did we need some quote to tell us W is insane?

[mdmf007]

I am not sure what party or denomination the voices in my head are - now i wonder?

I believe the mans voice (i call him walter) is some sort of constitutionalist and mormon

the old lady is obviously democrat and easily swayed by the media - believes everything she hears on FoxTV

the young hot chick - well we wont talk about her for now. Shes a nasty chick

but ill ask

[Simon of the Playa]

having worked for my father for 15 years in a Retail situation, the one speech he gave me that always stuck out was....

"The Customer is King...They pay your salary, they feed you and your children, they provide you shelter, and a lifestyle that is damn good compared to the rest of the world...Now get out there and lick their asses and make them crap money all over you"


he had a thing for fart jokes too.


as i get older, i find myself using his obscene yogi berraisms more and more and even mutating into a few originals like...

"you know why the dog licks his balls? not because he can, but because he WANTS to"

"Make hay while sun shines dont forget the UV Blocker"

"a stitch in time saves nine inches from plopping out when you dont want it to"

"Go ask your FatherFucking Mother!"

[Ugly Dougly]

Help yourself. They're cold.

[Bluelatinsurfer]

Time to learn how to swim, then he trew me out in the ocean.

FUCK YOU!
DAD...........

[fciron]

Most of the stuff in the original post came out of my mother's mouth. My Dad's was "It's like talking to a brick wall!"

I wish someone had a picture of my face when that phrase came out of my mouth in reference to my son.

[ragabashpup]

I find it creepy now that I am a parent how much i hear those phrases coming out of my mouth my ex's mouth and my current bf's mouth. It's quite disturbing.

[fciron]

I find it creepy now that I am a parent how much i hear those phrases coming out of my mouth my ex's mouth and my current bf's mouth. It's quite disturbing.

Are you saying that you have never resorted to "Because I said so." I usually try to add "We can discuss it later" because I am trying not to repeat my parent's mistakes.

[thirt33n]

Time to learn how to swim, then he trew me out in the ocean.

FUCK YOU!
DAD...........

but you're a surfer....?? don't you mean "thank you"?

[Ugly Dougly]

"Buy it once".
"I'll give you something to cry about".

[ragabashpup]

I have used because I said so and I hate myself for it.