Will my relationship survive Burning Man?

uncle sticky · Post by **uncle sticky** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:04 pm

I would also say that sometimes, it's what doesn't happen that makes the difference. I had a gf last year, and things were really on the fence. I figured that either we would have a great time at b-man, and we'd come back closer and maybe more passionate. Or, we'd have a terrible time, but at least I'd know that she wasn't for me. It would be make or break, and I though it would be really obvious as to which one it was.

Neither happened. She had fun, was pleasant and easy enough to get along with, and left me feeling as ambivalent (but confused about why) as I did when we were in default.

Ultimately, I did decide that ambivalence meant that we weren't made for each other, and we did break up, but it wasn't the "ah hah!" moment I expected.

ZaphodBurner · Post by **ZaphodBurner** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:06 pm

Smudge wrote:The playa is a crucible.
It will melt you down. It could refine you into a gem.

Wow. I like that! It does. It did.

My wife and I have a two-year-old now to prove it. We'll miss her greatly, but, Ellie (aka Little Wing) will be spending this year's burn with her grandparents.

See you on the playa.

-c

DoriumLux · Post by **DoriumLux** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:11 pm

If you are insecure then it's probably not a good thing to go together. How are you going to react if someone hits on him? I'm sure he might also look the way of another woman. There are tons that are running around naked and he might not be used to that. I've been going for nine years and I took my boyfriend of three years for the first time last year. I could careless if he was looking at another woman naked or not. We were both hit on at some point, but luckily neither one of us is very insecure. I was very apprehensive about doing it because he was very convinced BM was not up his alley. I was also worried that he would "cramp my style" or just hate. Turns out he loves it more than I do.

Just as everyone has mentioned, the playa has away of inflating any issues that already exist.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:22 am

The timing may not be right, but try going to a pre-burn show and seeing how the vibe affects you.

Smudge · Post by **Smudge** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:35 am

DoriumLux wrote:If you are insecure then it's probably not a good thing to go together.

Just as everyone has mentioned, the playa has away of inflating any issues that already exist.

JUMP IN. Go if you have the gutz. No time to start living but the present.

laloca · Post by **laloca** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:29 am

...because i'm not grokking how BM can strain a relationship any more than, well, visiting the in-laws. :-p

okay, maybe a little more than that. but i'm a n00b, this will be my (and my husband's) first BM. in thinking that it's just a few-score thousand people doing what moves them (in one of the least hospitable warm-weather environments on the planet), am i missing something?

CLARKcon · Post by **CLARKcon** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:52 am

HUMAN NATURE 101
Relationships (whether friendship, family, professional or intimate) are supported upon communication, honesty, and respect. Keep all the lines open. Be honest with others (as well as yourself). Finally respect and listen to what the other party is communicating.

Who wants a cup of coffee

?

DoriumLux · Post by **DoriumLux** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:24 am

laloca wrote:...because i'm not grokking how BM can strain a relationship any more than, well, visiting the in-laws. :-p

okay, maybe a little more than that. but i'm a n00b, this will be my (and my husband's) first BM. in thinking that it's just a few-score thousand people doing what moves them (in one of the least hospitable warm-weather environments on the planet), am i missing something?

As said in the forum above, the weather and elements may not appeal to everyone. The event itself is also very overwhelming for some people. Some people become grouchy when they are constantly hot or dehydrated. Some people are insecure. Some people discovers things they never knew about themselves and perhaps their significant other is bothered by it. It's probably much easier to go with someone that is also going for the first time versus someone who has attended the event for years alone and has recently decided to bring someone along who has never went.

I usually notice the most strain on relationships is when one person brings someone who isn't so happy about going in the first place. A wife/bf or whatever that has been roped into going only to baby sit their significant other and make sure that they don't do anything that they wouldn't approve of.

How can I reduce stress? Be prepared. Drink lots of water and eat well. Communicate. Discuss expectations. Read the BM Heloise Guide on Relationships. Take care of each other and be safe.

EB · Post by EB » Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:45 am

Ever see THE AMAZING RACE on TV? Where they take 8 or 9 teams of two (newlyweds, bf/gf, brother/sisters, etc) and set them off on a race around the world?

By the third week, two teams are at each others' throats, two teams are cruising w/o a problem in the word and the rest are somewhere in the middle.

Burning Man's kinda like that. Apart from the elements and the sheer craziness, there's a LOT of problem-solving and mini-emergencies that have to be attended to. Lots of thinking on your feet and snap-decisions. (where do we camp, what do we do about our broken tent/cooler/car? What do we do about our creepy/friendly/strange/loud neighbors?

It's a cruicible to be certain and, like on the AMAZING RACE, it's often better to take a "let's enjoy the journey rather than worry about the destination" attitude. Also accept that some people just won't dig it. Nope. Not one bit. It'll be too loud/dusty/weird and that'll be that.

But that's part of the fun. (Check out Mister Jellyfish's art project this year. It's ALL ABOUT relationships on the playa.)

The playa has a way of turning up the heat on relationships which isn't necessarily a bad thing. After being battered by 80 mph windstorms maybe that person your sleeping with has a little more moxie in them than first believed. Or maybe they go to pieces when the El Wire costume they worked on all summer goes ka-put after ten minutes.

Have fun!

DoriumLux · Post by **DoriumLux** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:38 pm

Yes, Yes! It is definitely a bit like the amazing race. That is definitely a good way to put it!

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:57 pm

From the Burning Man site....

http://www.burningman.com/preparation/e ... ships.html

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:09 pm

I find myself unable to express my horror that anyone watches the amazing race or any other fantasy soap opera.

flipper · Post by **flipper** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:32 pm

EB wrote:Ever see THE AMAZING RACE on TV? Where they take 8 or 9 teams of two (newlyweds, bf/gf, brother/sisters, etc) and set them off on a race around the world?

By the third week, two teams are at each others' throats, two teams are cruising w/o a problem in the word and the rest are somewhere in the middle.

Burning Man's kinda like that. Apart from the elements and the sheer craziness, there's a LOT of problem-solving and mini-emergencies that have to be attended to. Lots of thinking on your feet and snap-decisions. (where do we camp, what do we do about our broken tent/cooler/car? What do we do about our creepy/friendly/strange/loud neighbors?

It's a cruicible to be certain and, like on the AMAZING RACE, it's often better to take a "let's enjoy the journey rather than worry about the destination" attitude.

So when the show cast a pair of buddies who were burners,
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_ra ... /bj_tyler/
That's exactly what happened.. communicated... didn't freak... enjoyed the journey... and won.

Will my relationship survive Burning Man?

relationships

i must be incredibly dim...

Re: i must be incredibly dim...