Jaded Burner Trying to get that Newbie Feeling Back.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:16 pm

yeah, i've been around the playa a few times, and i've reached that point where it's just the same old participate and be self reliant bull-shit EVERY YEAR.

this year i'm going to REGAIN THAT VIRGIN FEELING, OH OH THAT VIRGIN FEELING, BRINK BACK MY VIRGIN FEELING AND ITS OH OH OH OH YEAH...

I'm sorry....i was singing to myself again.

anyway, this year, as a freshly newbified psuedo-newb, i will

1. Take pictures without asking

2. Gawk at all the titties and asses a shakin' and a bouncin'

3. get drunk, fall down and expect someone to care of me.

4. "FUCK everybody elses burn, it's ALL ABOUT ME AND MY DICK"

5. bring just a few essentials, like beer, and beef jerky.

6. buy an extra pair of cargo shorts and tevas.

7. bring my viagara 6 pill sample pack, cuz i know i'm gonna need it with all of the free sex and group gropes that i can hop in on.

8. wear feathers, LOTS OF FEATHERS.

9. dump my trash on the way out, hell it's NEVADA, it's not like anyone will notice.

10. bring my own 14 ply luxury scented charmin because my ass just cant handle the sheets of cardbord they use in the portapotties.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 11:35 pm

11. spend well over $1000 dollars at the reno walmart on stupid chinese made crap to gift out, like glitter, and sequins.

12. make fun of all the hippies who think that this is ALMOST as good as a dead show. (oh wait, that's my old time burner-fucko persona, never-mind).

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:08 am

13. find a home for all these mardi gras beads.
14. never EVER carry around my own cup.

JezebelinHell · Post by **JezebelinHell** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:14 am

15. Throw a whole turkey in the Porta-Potties
16. Piss on the playa. EVERYWHERE on the playa.
17. Ask everyone where the hell my free gift is
18. Show up at events at the time they're supposed to start and then wonder why nothing is going on.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:59 am

16. Go Barefoot the WHOLE TIME! as well as REALLY REALLY get myself a good tan by not wearing sunscreen....i'm gonna be so BROWN! i bet even my cock will get Tan! That's SO cool!

**burn** · Post by **burn** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:42 am

I'll buy my ticket at the gate and call my friends on my cell phone to find out where camp is. I'll just drive around for a few hours to find them if they don't answer their phone.

I'll just bum cigarettes all week if I run out of cash to buy them at the camp store.

This is so great! I can just piss anywhere, right?

Fried_Eagle_Mind · Post by **Fried_Eagle_Mind** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:46 am

*takes notes*
So I feel like even though I am a virgin, I'll be alrgiht.
NOTHING on this list describes me.
What worries me is the veteran superiority complexs I constantly see.
Plus the whole no tickets at the gate deal should weed out some of these people correct?

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:37 am

*out of newbie character for a minute*

the reason why the old tymee burners appear to be assholes sometimes is the simple reason that we have MADE alot of these mistakes and have suffered humilation, brutal pain, or worse as a result. We yell at you because we love you, and honestly, we dont want to see anyone get hurt. Period.

it's not really superiority, it's humbleness in disguise, we are trying to pass along some tips to make your burn the grooviest thing you've done, EVER...

at least we have stopped using cattle prods, for the most part.

*slipping back into character*

I cant WAIT to to take my motorized scooter out and whip around the playa like they do on those commercials for toyota etc etc...

Intubater69 · Post by **Intubater69** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:16 am

Fried_Eagle_Mind wrote:*takes notes*
So I feel like even though I am a virgin, I'll be alright.
NOTHING on this list describes me.
What worries me is the veteran superiority complex's I constantly see.
Plus the whole no tickets at the gate deal should weed out some of these people correct?

Personally i dont see it as a vet superiority complex. More of a "Been there, done that, so I can speak with some authority" complex, which btw, i am totally cool with. Jez, you hit the nail on the head in saying that you've made the mistakes, learned from them and enjoy imparting ur little pearls of wisdom on all those who wish to listen.

Well, i've tried to listen, learn, live vicariously through ur experiences. And in 4 wks, i will see just how well Ive put 2 N 2 together. I am totally stoked, working feverishly to complete my todo lists etc etc.

Woo Hoo!

Ron · Post by **Ron** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:34 am

Fried_Eagle_Mind wrote:..
What worries me is the veteran superiority complexs I constantly see.
Plus the whole no tickets at the gate deal should weed out some of these people correct?

Yeah, it gets old but if it makes the old farts feel better, what'cha gonna do?

As for the no tickets at the gate thing my guess is that, like last year's 'corporate pavilion,' and this year's theme and street names, it won't make much of a difference. But I am curious enough to go and see if I'm wrong or no....;)

Ron

mojo · Post by **mojo** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:53 am

Ron wrote:
Fried_Eagle_Mind wrote:..
What worries me is the veteran superiority complexs I constantly see.
Plus the whole no tickets at the gate deal should weed out some of these people correct?
Yeah, it gets old but if it makes the old farts feel better, what'cha gonna do?

As for the no tickets at the gate thing my guess is that, like last year's 'corporate pavilion,' and this year's theme and street names, it won't make much of a difference. But I am curious enough to go and see if I'm wrong or no....

Ron

I'm bringing 5 virgins this year - makes it all seem new again to see it through their eyes. There's nothing like torturing the fresh meat to remind us of that incredible sense of astonishment we had our first time.

I think the no gate tickets policy will cut down on the people that decide to drive out at the last minute. it will be interesting to see what the numbers coming through the gate are friday evening.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:36 pm

i brought 4 virgins with me last year.....i was like herding puppies with ADD in a roomful of Hubcaps.

i commend your bravery. At one point, you just have to let go, let them test out their new found L-wire wings, and hope they remember to look for the giant red balloon to find their way home....

and hope that the red balloon doesnt peel away from it's riggings and end up somewhere near christmas valley, ca.

oh hell, actually this year all newbs are DOOMED....

bdeywoo · Post by **bdeywoo** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:14 pm

I will walk over to the nearest built carport and ask for detailed instructions and help setting the one I just bought on the way out, up.

I will take/steal at least 1 bike because I cant always find where i parked mine.

I'm broke so I wont be bringing any lights to put on me at night.

I'll look to see if I packed my ticket in Empire, ya there are no ticket sales at the gate but I already bought one so I'm sure they will have record of it and I'll get in.

Lastly I have already decided the event wont be for me, I'm only going because my friends said i just had to and it would change my life. My friends are not that bright and I fail to see how a bunch of drugged out hippies tripping balls could affect my life in a positive way.

The last one I actually remember saying to myself 5 years ago, man was I totally out in left field.

Marscrumbs · Post by **Marscrumbs** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:45 pm

This year's Burn already has changed my life when I cleaned out of storage (boxes on the middle of my kitchen floor) all the stuff I didn't use last year for this year's burn. Like if I stopped going what would I do with all this dusty El wire, generators, !2V toys, flying monkeys, etc. etc.

ZaphodBurner · Post by **ZaphodBurner** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:22 pm

I brought NINE COUNT 'EM NINE virgins in 2005 and they gave away, like, 50 million gallons of root beer, and all but one returned (twice) or are returning with us this year.

But we don't have any virgins this year. Virgins are so 2005. Now we'll probably just sit around camp bitching and fighting.

Where we at? 19?

19: Drive my jeep onto the playa and HAUL ASS AS FAST AS I WANT IN ANY DIRECTION. WOOHOO!!!

20: Smoke pot with Larry Harvey and some horny Hollywood hippie and get to light the man like that dude on Married With..whathtefuckwasthat...Malcolm.

21a: Declare loudly to male virgins that I was There When the Shit Went Down in '96 (I saw pictures on the internet, but, whatever) and it Was Way Easier to Get Laid. AND

21b: Tell female nonvirgins "I'm new here. This is so cool and I read the survival guide and brought all the gear I need and stuff, but I still don't think I get it yet. I suppose I'm just really shy," and see how much it gets me laid.

22: Wear a Girls Gone Wild t-shirt to Critical Tits and yell "Fuck! This is cooler than Spring Break at South Beach. SHOW ME SUMMANEM TITTAAAHS!" and ride my bike around all the women until I pass out from dehydration and get free water from some hottie in the medical tent.

23: Politely drive all the way out to fuckandgone to get in line for Exodus instead of barreling up the radial straight to the exit and cutting line as close as I can get, and then overheat the vehicle and run out of gas waiting to get out. That's the other burner virgin thing to do.

-z
"Wait? What? They burn stuff on Sunday?! I thought it ended Saturday night."

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:55 pm

24...i'm gonna adopt some cool playa name like "moon-orphan snagglepussy" and insist my friends, family and employer ONLY use that when referring to me when i get back.

25. i've already started planning for next year and we're gonna need 14 elephants, 7 trampolines, a sidewinder missle, turkish pornography, and a WHOLE lot of Mayonaise....and Rip Taylor, Naked....yeah, it'll be the fucking BEST EVER!

and maybe some art cars made from cheese and we'll dress up like crackers and and and ...

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 8:14 pm

17 and 18. show up way late but still see EVERYTHING.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:38 am

27. Parade around in bright green fake fur assless chaps with matching mini backpack and never ever leave the deep end for the duration.

28. finally get to wear my utilikilt. i starched the pleats, too.

JezebelinHell · Post by **JezebelinHell** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:58 am

29. Show up at a sex themed camp actually expecting to get laid.

Dr Dilemma · Post by **Dr Dilemma** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:43 am

30. Spend the other 51 weeks of the year after the burn posting over 1000 troll posts on the board to prove how I'm the only one that 'gets' it and everyone else is a bunch of clueless newbs that don't deserve to ever breathe playa dust.

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:27 am

31. be ^ that guy.

ZaphodBurner · Post by **ZaphodBurner** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:01 pm

32. Collect playa dust and remnants of the Man in ziplock baggies to give out as souvenirs. When nobody wants them, I'll release a giant playa dust cloud in my workplace and then get all sentimental and teary as the depression sets in.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:47 pm

I'll release a giant playa dust cloud in my workplace and then get all sentimental and teary as the depression sets in.

shit, i STILL do that.

ps. KestrelSF, if you want to check my credentials by all means, have at it...

i have been there and i have done that, i have no need to hide either, and my name is my name and you have my current address....10th and splade...

verify at your leisure.

asswipe.

JezebelinHell · Post by **JezebelinHell** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:04 pm

Was he talking to you? I was starting to wonder...

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:25 pm

oh i'm just a little sensitive today...feeling kinda bloated too, retaining some water.

and i've been working non-stop for two weeks and another to go before i finish the 22 day beds for the 60' dome...each one consisting of a giant bed, wrap around covers, insert pillows and various other hard and soft things to lounge on or in, whole different set-up than last year, since we burned most of it.

anyway, as i'm sitting here busting my ass so that he and and bunch of other twinks can have their jollies rolling (no pun intended) around sniffing lockeroom and gifting reach-arounds all over my hard (no pun intended, again) work, and then be insulted because i was offering up some tasty morsels of what will get you general disdain, if not seriously injured while out on the playa, i felt just a weeeeee bit ticked, as you can tell from my enormously long run on sentance.

well, as it looks by some of his other posts, he'll be camped nearby...

i hope you enjoy the 100,000 watts of thumpy thumpy we pumpy pumpy.

it'll rattle your fucking teeth loose if you're too close.

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:41 pm

hey simon, make it 23 day beds. i'll come pick mine up on monday.
i'd like a maroon and burnt orangeish gold with forest green accents color scheme.

thanks
no need to reply
i know you just got busier.

love
crux

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 5:01 pm

dude, seriously, 1986 called and they want their color scheme back.

Intubater69 · Post by **Intubater69** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:38 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:oh hell, actually this year all newbs are DOOMED....

Aww Hell! Well, if ya gotta go, might as well be while ur in a happy place

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:50 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:dude, seriously, 1986 called and they want their color scheme back.

1986 was a long time ago. it's comin' back around just like duran duran and hall and oats and little red scooters with sidecars.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:35 pm

thirt33n wrote:
Simon of the Playa wrote:dude, seriously, 1986 called and they want their color scheme back.
1986 was a long time ago. it's comin' back around just like duran duran and hall and oats and little red scooters with sidecars.

and absynth

Jaded Burner Trying to get that Newbie Feeling Back.

Jaded Burner Trying to get that Newbie Feeling Back.

Returning, reruns?