1st Time Burner this year - Lost now... Need advice.

[InTransistion]

Words can't describe what I'm feeling now... I had an amazing time preparing for the burn this year, and a profound time while in attendance. The parties were better than I thought, the people were more giving than I thought they would be, and even a 1st timer like myself could sense a change in the type of people in attendance throughtout the week...

But what I wasn't ready for was how the event would change me. Yes, I had an unforgettable time while there, and look forward to the next one. But I'm not 'missing' it or 'jonesin' to live it everyday.

I am however lost right now. My view of the world I've returned to is different. Cold. Lifeless. Selfishness and disconnection surrounded me.. At the store. At the gas station. On the road. Looking in the faces of people driving by. Walking by. It's that 'LIVE' instant connection I had with people on the playa that I miss the most in my regular life...

So now I find I don't want to go to work. Or better put, to my current job. I don't want to make a lot of hasty, life-changing decisions, but I also know that there are catalysts that come along in life that help us make the changes we've been wanting to make but just don't know how...

1) Is anyone else feeling this way? Or have you felt this way in the past and what did you do about it?
2) Is there a place where I can find info to help me through this?
3) I live in an area where we aren't close to a regional event for post-event support. Any sugggestions here as well?

I'm usually a strong, sound person that people lean on and learn from. This is new ground for me... I've enjoyed preparing and fully participating in the event this year, and the eplaya has been a godsend with good advice and info. Please continue giving in relation to these 2 subjects, with an occasional snark to lighten us up...

I.T.

[--Ever--]

Work hard to play hard, that's all I can say. It can't always be all fun and games. It's up to each person to decide what "playing hard" is as well, whether it be partying, vacationing, reading, spending time with family and friends, etc.

Just rest up, eat well, read a good book, get outside, and know it will pass with time. Feel free to PM if you want to chat :P

[Ugly Dougly]

In returning from a Eden in the desert, you are starting to see how fucked up our modern lives are. Welcome to the monkey house.

[chinacatsunflower]

I am a returning first burner myself. I know the feeling you are having; from what I understand this is a common thing to happen to new burners, and I was definately starting to feel it waiting in line for four hours in the dust. I don't even want to leave! Why do I have to go through this misery when I am so tired already?!

I prepared extensively for this event. Logistics, construction, excecution, ect. The most important part of my preperation, however, was mental. I imagined what it would be like to be in such an extreme environment, dehydrated, sleep deprived, malnurished and on god knows what recreational chemicals. I imagined the strain that would be put on all of my relationships and how people would react differently to our environment. I would be traveling with someone I would meet for the first time on this trip and had no idea what this person was like, only that he's the little brother of one of my best friends...so I had that monkey wrench thrown in as well. I anticipated challenge, adversity, failure.

I arrived Tuesday and for the first two days did nothing but eat, sleep, and meet my neighbors who were trickling in. I'd have to say I took very good care of myself and my campmates and neighbors, and I was the only person who didn't get sick in my camp even though we were all doing pretty much the same things, if you catch my drift.

I could never have imagined how giving everyone would be. The whole atmosphere, especially for the first few days, was overwhealming. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Mild days with a gentle breeze blowing, warm nights with crystal clear skys, meteors streaking across the milky way. I knew I had found my new home.

As far as this "After-Burn Malaise" or whatever you want to call it, I was pleasantly surprised when the complete opposite happened to me.

Unfortunately, my party had to leave before the Temple Burn which was a great dissapointment to me, but the rest of my trip was so fantastic I tried my best not to let it get me down. We were in line at the gate for four hours, and the entire trip back to Reno was absolutely surreal. I was surrounded everywhere by my peers. Everywhere we stopped, you only had to look down at a person's feet to tell if the were returning from the Playa.

The reason we left early was so my friend could see a mechanic in Reno. We had prepared ourselves for the possibility that we might not see one until after labor day. As things turned out, we found one first thing the next morning (Monday) and it just happened to be next to a parking lot full of 20-30 assorted busses and RVs covered with playa dust and spontaneous art -- a confirmed horde of burners.

Our camp enjoyed a full night's sleep with Mexican for dinner and a full casino buffet for breakfast. Needless to say this turned everyone's mood around. I will definately be stopping in Reno next year...

Anyway, after breakfast our SoCal friends departed and my friend, Jeff and I had a few hours to kill. I thought about playing some poker to help pay for the car, but didn't want to risk what little cash I had left. So we wondered around.. I checked out the parking lot but it was devoid of people; these burners were still enjoying their beauty sleep. I did find some boxes that had blown away. This made me feel better about not having extra time to volunteer for cleanup.

We figured we would look for a park, somewhere with vegetation where we could sit and pass the time. I was also on the lookout for water--I didn't realize I had given the last of ours away. Inevitably we came upon a caravan loading up for the long haul home. I asked for water and they gave me way more than I needed, and we struck up conversation. They are from New Zealand living in Berkley, or at least that is the simple story. They're from all over the place, much like our camp. I met Kim, a young, energetic, inspiring and beautiful woman with whom Jeff and I spent the day together--shopping for tacky crap in gift shops, we swam at the pool in her casino, took another shower. These simple pleasures had so much more meaning and significance than they ever had in my life. My first experience shopping, and the reluctance to consume needlessly, was eye-opening. My burn had not yet ended.

The point of this story is that I felt our culture metriculating into mainstream culture in a way I never could have forseen. All the way back to Santa Cruz we passed burners on the exodus home. I already felt better than I had the day I left.

It has always been my plan to bring as much back as I can to the East Coast. Even in major cities, New York being the exception, 90% of people have never eaven heard of Burning Man. I have the privilege of living and working on the same street in a small town of about 10,000 people. Our town has a budding community of artists. I have an opportunity to make a much bigger impression than I would in a larger city, and I intend to take advantage of that.

If you don't like the world around you, change it. If you don't like where you are living, move. There is too much beauty on this earth to waste your time moping about what could have been. Just in our country there are many wonderful places to live with people that are just as good as the ones you would find at the burn. I have found them all over the country. How do you think I ever even heard of Burning Man? You will have to look harder outside of Black Rock, but what in life is ever easy or simple?

The theme this year is Evolution. I think the burn is at the perfect age for this type of reflection. How does this extend to your community?

I hope you find yourself. I still havn't, but I am way closer than I was ten days ago.

Always Burn the Man

chinacat

[kiana408]

I feel what you are going through I.T. I cried on the way home understanding the true meaning of "Welcome Home" and knowing the outside world will never seem the same. As shitty as it is returning back to your life it is comforting to know that Burning Man even exists and there really are wonderful people in this world. Though few, it is great knowing that you aren't alone and there are like minded people that you can find and connect with.

I can empathize with you about work but sometimes it is important to maintain a balance. My job doesn't completely suck but I'm not really passionate about it either. The type of work that I am passionate about would never pay the bills. To keep a balance, I volunteer my time doing what it is that I love and see my 9-5 job as something positive because it will support my lifestyle.

Good luck! Just maintain the good vibe and keep thinking about the positive.

[maethlin]

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I could have very easily written your exact same post. In fact, I came here this morning (browsing from work) specifically to see if anyone had made a post like yours.

I have a family to support and my job is really a pretty good one, so Im not looking to do anything radical. But I do plan on holding on to my new outlook and perspective and seeing how it guides my life.

More on this later - need to get back to the grind a bit, but I think you'll do just fine. Hang in there, and use your newfound perspective to make life better for yourself, even in conditions that are not neccessarily ideal.

[dapete]

It takes a while but you'll find your place. Some things that help:

Sitting out front and engaging the people that walk by.

Taking a walk without a purpose to your stride. Bring a bag for moop collection too.

planning for next year.


Good luck!

[InTransistion]

I love all of you...

In my job, being self-contracted, I have the ability to work when I want, and of course, the more I work, the more money I make...

So I've been ready for work for almost 2 hours. Just looked outside to still see 3/4 of my BM swag laying across the backyard, 1/2 washed, 1/2 still in trashbags. People have been leaving me messages. THumbed thru the emails from work/family/friends. Stuff by the door for the 17 errands I need to run on my way to my 1st appt today (which moved from 1 to 3)...

I'm putting off the inevitable. My entrance back into my normal 'world'. It's so wierd to me to feel this way. Not because I can't do it. I just feel something so profoundly different now, that I don't want to get back into my daily habits (good and bad) and lose it...

Heading out the door (no really, I am)...
I.T.

p.s. If anyone wants to message me and bouce a few suggestions or ideas around, holler. I know someone said I could message them, and I will after work tonight.

[hopscotch]

I know exactly what you mean! I was already feeling disconnected here in the States and my mind is completely thrown for a loop. I'm inclined to agree with some of the above postings- it'll get better, we just need to ride the wave :)

[gyre]

I think it's pretty normal to feel so energized when you get back that everything seems to move like molasses when you get back.
I don't think I'm planning any changes I didn't want before I heard of burning man, but I do feel a little more reckless about trying them.
A good thing, I think.
It does feel like slow motion after the playa.

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

my dearest I.T.,

there is no cure. the only thing you can do to shake the feeling is to start preparing for next year....





your bestest pal,

the rebbi

[InTransistion]

Put in a few hours at work. Talked to a few friends about the experience. Drove to Walgreens to pick up the pictures from the 3 disposable cameras... feeling great now!! lol

Already planning on hitting the LA and SF Decoms, and making plans for more deep-connection events (like BBQs and Volleyball, camping, out-of-town events, and I love the idea of pitching a shade structure in the front yard and just being nice to pedestrains - lol, etc) and cutting out the meaningless events (like bar-hopping, hanging out with superficial friends, etc...)...

Man, what a crash though... *ugh* Kinda takes you by surprise... Time to spin that energy... I'll keep ya posted! :)

[Nickel]

Arriving at home last night after my third burn I felt a wave of confusion hit me. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know why I'd had to leave, I didn't know what to do not seeing my camp mates that I'd seen every day. I met special people. I wanted them there every moment. I wanted to hold their hands, I wanted to cook them food, I wanted to sit next to them, to talk with them, to explore. I wanted last week to go on forever.

This last burn affected me like perhaps nothing ever has. I enjoyed myself in 2006 and 2007, but I lived in 2008. To all those that helped this happen for me (you know who you are!) thank you. Thank you. I'll never be the same and I'm better for it.

I learned so much from the kindness and no drama attitude of my camp. I learned so much from everyone I was involved with all week. The cosmos set me up to help so many people, and be helped by so many others that I couldn't believe it. I needed a bandana at the temple burn, and one came blowing over to me. I needed a ride home on an art car in the artic winds and one came riding by half full. A girl needed a phone charger in Reno, I had the right one. Everything was amazing. Everything worked out with perfect timing and perfect grace.

I love my job, but coming back to San Francisco after that perfect of a week, nothing makes sense. The buildings are so large and unforgiving, when before they were tall and magnificent. Everything confuses me and I am convinced it will take me a long while to decompress this year. I have felt in my past 2 burns that it was great and eye opening and amazing, but now I feel that I am actually a member of Black Rock City, a true citizen. I can't explain how amazing that feels and I can't wait to be home again.

To everyone that helped bring this change in me, thank you. To everyone I've yet to meet, I look forward to it with each passing breath.

The playa has provided me with more than I could have ever imagined. It has given me the world.

As far as advice goes, all I can say is. I don't really know either. Just think of all that you can bring next year. Think of how you can change the world with your expanded views. Become more the person you are when you are on the playa, bleed that magic into the world that can't bring itself to understand it. Let the passion you felt this past week move mountains in the default world. I've truly been shown that anything is possible, and I plan on making sure as many people know that as I can.

[can't sit still]

In Transition,,,, where are you in transition to? Tough question. Where do you put your focus and energy?
In an interview with Leo Buscaglia, a group of terminal patients said that if they could live it over, they would have more real problems and fewer imaginary problems. They would see more sunrises also.
The sad truth is that we are so insecure that we look for continuity. Continuity soon becomes boredom. Boredom is the enemy number one!
I've met hundreds of kids who follow a circuit. They work at festivals, do tree planting, fruit picking, fish packing, etc. They do seasonal gypsy work. Very few people can truly cast their fate to the wind.
Talk to the kids who are camped on the spit at Homer, Ak. They spend the summer working in the fish packing plants. They live in a tent and have a minimum of responsibility and security.
When we fight to avoid boredom, we still have to balance insecurity with freedom.
The more that you feel secure with your own abilities, the fewer acoutrements you will need to have around you for security. The more self-esteem that you have, the fewer luxuries you will need to prove your worth to others. Skip the BMW and go hike the Amalfi Coast; http://www.fodors.com/world/europe/ital ... and-capri/
As you develop yourself and your abilities, you can cast off insecurities. Surrounding yourself with walls to placate your insecurities always leads to boredom.
You don't have to dance with the devil and run with the bulls to avoid boredom. But, you do have to cast off the phobias and insecurities.
I met a little red-headed girl in San Jose del Cabo who had paddled her kayak the whole length of the Sea of Cortez,,, alone. You can bet that she didn't have a lot of insecurities.
There are hundreds of cliches about boredom; "an unlived life is an early death",,, etc.
Burning Man is an "escape in excess" and a very difficult state to maintain. Our quest for comfort and security always seems to bring boredom on it's heels. Boredom's tent-mate is apathy. Apathy narrows one's vision, expectations and horizons.
Search out the cognoscenti of the lesser-known worlds. They can teach us a lot about what living really is.
Dan

[gyre]

We do need a six week burning man so we can go back and visit people and really start to enjoy the city.

[mars]

This is what Decompression is for...try to get to one. SF is usually the first weekend in October.

[MikeVDS]

That's the attitude the prevents the default world being more the way you are wishing it was.

You need to be the active one to make the connections. You need the stop assuming you can't make instant connections with people in the default world. A little effort on your part goes a long way. Do it and know you can do it. Go into the default world with the same attitude you walk around BRC with. Smile at people like you know them, walk through the town not just like you live their, but that it's your city. Smiling at one person can make their day, give them a reason to go home and smile at their family, which gives them a reason to go out the next day and smile at the people they meet.

Burningman is just a dusty desert where people gather, but it's the people and attitude that make it a great place to live. You can choose to take and share that attitude outside of the city if you want.

[gyre]

If you do that in some places, your family will have you checked for a stroke.

Easy to pull off in San Francisco.

When I see someone in a pirate outfit wandering through the warehouse district at 2 am around here, my first thought is...deranged serial killer?
...or potential burner?

[MikeVDS]

If you do it enough, they get used to it. I sometimes get in a rush and forget to act what I call "human" which is how most people act at Burningman. We forget the learned societal rules and just act ourselves out there. When you act like that in real life people react to you. When you treat everyone like they are your friend, they tend to return the favor. Interact with people. When you pay for something at the store, don't just go through the "How are you doing?" "Fine." routine. Tell them you like their hair, eyes, name, etc. Interact and you'll be surprised what you find hidden in plain sight out there. We sometimes forget how to be human, but we can get right back on the horse. Treat people like people, not like employees, or strangers, just like people. You'll make someones day.

[InTransistion]

In Transition,,,, where are you in transition to? Tough question. Where do you put your focus and energy?
In an interview with Leo Buscaglia, a group of terminal patients said that if they could live it over, they would have more real problems and fewer imaginary problems. They would see more sunrises also.
The sad truth is that we are so insecure that we look for continuity. Continuity soon becomes boredom. Boredom is the enemy number one!
I've met hundreds of kids who follow a circuit. They work at festivals, do tree planting, fruit picking, fish packing, etc. They do seasonal gypsy work. Very few people can truly cast their fate to the wind.
Talk to the kids who are camped on the spit at Homer, Ak. They spend the summer working in the fish packing plants. They live in a tent and have a minimum of responsibility and security.
When we fight to avoid boredom, we still have to balance insecurity with freedom.
The more that you feel secure with your own abilities, the fewer acoutrements you will need to have around you for security. The more self-esteem that you have, the fewer luxuries you will need to prove your worth to others. Skip the BMW and go hike the Amalfi Coast; http://www.fodors.com/world/europe/ital ... and-capri/
As you develop yourself and your abilities, you can cast off insecurities. Surrounding yourself with walls to placate your insecurities always leads to boredom.
You don't have to dance with the devil and run with the bulls to avoid boredom. But, you do have to cast off the phobias and insecurities.
I met a little red-headed girl in San Jose del Cabo who had paddled her kayak the whole length of the Sea of Cortez,,, alone. You can bet that she didn't have a lot of insecurities.
There are hundreds of cliches about boredom; "an unlived life is an early death",,, etc.
Burning Man is an "escape in excess" and a very difficult state to maintain. Our quest for comfort and security always seems to bring boredom on it's heels. Boredom's tent-mate is apathy. Apathy narrows one's vision, expectations and horizons.
Search out the cognoscenti of the lesser-known worlds. They can teach us a lot about what living really is.
Dan

woah.

And to everyone else, thanks for all the helpful hints. I'm TOTALLY fine now... just didn't see the whole decompression thing coming. We're already planning on hitting the SF and LA Decoms... And my loss for direction/clarity today stemmed from having to leave the living conditions/attire/community that were becoming natural for me.

That's not to say that I won't continue all those things. I will. Just not at the level I was... You should see the pictures we had heading into the burn, and then what they were the last night we were there... 2 completely different people...

The song 'Don't worry, be happy' comes to mind... sweet dreams you crazy little kids...

[BitterDan]

You'll get over it. The default world will creep back into your life like herpes. You can either drop out completely or just accept the pains of modern living. Just as with herpes, you can medicate to help ease the pain.

[Gage]

We passed the Tavern every night and it was always packed... even in the mornings!! lol

Should have stopped by...

[BitterDan]

Yep, we opened on Saturday at about noon and we didn't close for 8 days (except when the sheriffs closed us for a couple hours).

[Bad-Budhist]

Joy, love, happiness, feeling of home...is really, truly, undeniably within you.
Nepal or BM is just a cherry on top. Nothing prevents anyone to be joyful and kind. World was always modern, insane and full of rude people....but you can be what you want to be.

[sillyjordan]

2nd year Burner. I recall having some strange feelings upon forced re-entry to the default world last year, but nothing like the spiraling longing I've been feeling for the past 2 days. The family elembent felt even more awakened and alive, my neighbors were perfect, the atmosphere was electric.
One track mind is wishing for rewind. I hope it stays with me.
356 days, and counting.



Hopefully I can make it to decompress in SF as well, I made so many beautiful contacts in the area. *sigh

back to "reality"

[gyre]

Look up the Culture of Compliment thread.
It's related.

[EvilDustBooger]

Look up the Culture of Compliment thread.
It's related.

That was a brilliant, and very compassionate thing to suggest.
Thank you gyre, for your splendid input.

[BetaBox]

[quote="chinacatsunflower"]I am a returning first burner myself. I know the feeling you are having; from what I understand this is a common thing to happen to new burners, and I was definately starting to feel it waiting in line for four hours in the dust. I don't even want to leave! Why do I have to go through this misery when I am so tired already?!

I prepared extensively for this event. Logistics, construction, excecution, ect. The most important part of my preperation, however, was mental. I imagined what it would be like to be in such an extreme environment, dehydrated, sleep deprived, malnurished and on god knows what recreational chemicals. I imagined the strain that would be put on all of my relationships and how people would react differently to our environment. I would be traveling with someone I would meet for the first time on this trip and had no idea what this person was like, only that he's the little brother of one of my best friends...so I had that monkey wrench thrown in as well. I anticipated challenge, adversity, failure.

I arrived Tuesday and for the first two days did nothing but eat, sleep, and meet my neighbors who were trickling in. I'd have to say I took very good care of myself and my campmates and neighbors, and I was the only person who didn't get sick in my camp even though we were all doing pretty much the same things, if you catch my drift.

I could never have imagined how giving everyone would be. The whole atmosphere, especially for the first few days, was overwhealming. The weather was absolutely beautiful. Mild days with a gentle breeze blowing, warm nights with crystal clear skys, meteors streaking across the milky way. I knew I had found my new home.

As far as this "After-Burn Malaise" or whatever you want to call it, I was pleasantly surprised when the complete opposite happened to me.

Unfortunately, my party had to leave before the Temple Burn which was a great dissapointment to me, but the rest of my trip was so fantastic I tried my best not to let it get me down. We were in line at the gate for four hours, and the entire trip back to Reno was absolutely surreal. I was surrounded everywhere by my peers. Everywhere we stopped, you only had to look down at a person's feet to tell if the were returning from the Playa.

The reason we left early was so my friend could see a mechanic in Reno. We had prepared ourselves for the possibility that we might not see one until after labor day. As things turned out, we found one first thing the next morning (Monday) and it just happened to be next to a parking lot full of 20-30 assorted busses and RVs covered with playa dust and spontaneous art -- a confirmed horde of burners.

Our camp enjoyed a full night's sleep with Mexican for dinner and a full casino buffet for breakfast. Needless to say this turned everyone's mood around. I will definately be stopping in Reno next year...

Anyway, after breakfast our SoCal friends departed and my friend, Jeff and I had a few hours to kill. I thought about playing some poker to help pay for the car, but didn't want to risk what little cash I had left. So we wondered around.. I checked out the parking lot but it was devoid of people; these burners were still enjoying their beauty sleep. I did find some boxes that had blown away. This made me feel better about not having extra time to volunteer for cleanup.

We figured we would look for a park, somewhere with vegetation where we could sit and pass the time. I was also on the lookout for water--I didn't realize I had given the last of ours away. Inevitably we came upon a caravan loading up for the long haul home. I asked for water and they gave me way more than I needed, and we struck up conversation. They are from New Zealand living in Berkley, or at least that is the simple story. They're from all over the place, much like our camp. I met Kim, a young, energetic, inspiring and beautiful woman with whom Jeff and I spent the day together--shopping for tacky crap in gift shops, we swam at the pool in her casino, took another shower. These simple pleasures had so much more meaning and significance than they ever had in my life. My first experience shopping, and the reluctance to consume needlessly, was eye-opening. My burn had not yet ended.

The point of this story is that I felt our culture metriculating into mainstream culture in a way I never could have forseen. All the way back to Santa Cruz we passed burners on the exodus home. I already felt better than I had the day I left.

It has always been my plan to bring as much back as I can to the East Coast. Even in major cities, New York being the exception, 90% of people have never eaven heard of Burning Man. I have the privilege of living and working on the same street in a small town of about 10,000 people. Our town has a budding community of artists. I have an opportunity to make a much bigger impression than I would in a larger city, and I intend to take advantage of that.

If you don't like the world around you, change it. If you don't like where you are living, move. There is too much beauty on this earth to waste your time moping about what could have been. Just in our country there are many wonderful places to live with people that are just as good as the ones you would find at the burn. I have found them all over the country. How do you think I ever even heard of Burning Man? You will have to look harder outside of Black Rock, but what in life is ever easy or simple?

The theme this year is Evolution. I think the burn is at the perfect age for this type of reflection. How does this extend to your community?

I hope you find yourself. I still havn't, but I am way closer than I was ten days ago.

Always Burn the Man

chinacat[/quote]

Hey I work with Jeff! I think i met you in the info center around center camp what's up!

I too was a first timer deeply inspired by most of the people and surroundings. I felt really drained at work, but the playa is still motivating me even more to be in control of my own destiny.

Yay Playa Magic.

[gyre]

Enable your bbcode on yur profile and the quotey things work.
Everything should work in preview.
I recommend enabling email too.

[theCryptofishist]

This is what Decompression is for...try to get to one. SF is usually the first weekend in October.

The day before Indigenous Peoples/Colombus Day. So you can stay up late and not go to work the next day. Depending on your work of course.