Connecting

[missy]

I have been reading about people who are somewhat dissappointed at number and quality of the connections they made this burn. "the sky is falling over Blackrock City!" Its citizens have lost their spirituality and are in danger of either turning stuck-up beyond belief or just not being there because they are so disgusted.

I have a couple of connecting hints

#1 the last burn was always better and always will be
__did you see the Rainbow? would be a good opening for someone returning from last year

#2 use time to your advantage-- allow yourself at least a few extra minutes to size people up. Maybe that nerdy little shirt cocker actually has something interesting to say. If not maybe he is traveling with a bunch of people that do. You never know.

#3 If someone catches your interest compliment them on what you find attractive. Use some finese here "you rock that costume" is propably better than "nice tits". Although not always.

#4 Watch for opportunities to give
The more practical the better--does someone need something at that moment you can supply? Offer to watch their bike while they take a leak, let them in on something great in town like french fries, share some water or a story Be creative!

#5 Look for people in more relaxed settings
The middle of a rave is a hard place to connect (except with the body language of dance{which is complete topic in its self} I camp on H which I call the suburbs. I love to ask people in off the street for food, shelter, dance, foot massages etc. I lot of people take me up on my offer. Some are in a hurry on a mission and some don't think my setup cool enough. Also I think some people need a certain amount of retail like structure to trust enough to accept a drink. Visiting me looks more like coming to home and less like going to a bar in town. I am not alone search for these places. People that run them understand connection.

#6 Cultivate your approachability
SMILE and use your eyes. Nothing is sexier than someone having a good time. Being a deep thinker and moody maybe interesting but it is off putting for first contact. Consider wearing something interactive with your costume snuggly fur or just something that provokes questions even if it's only what the f is that.

#7 Take some risks talk to people you would normally consider outside your contact profile. Being older I really enjoy talking to some of the younger burners. Do you know a fair amount of twenty somethings really appreciate the old school punk of my youth.

#8 Relax and see what the playa brings next, if this encounter is unsatisfactory it doesn't mean that the next one will be also. It also isn't personal you must not forget that people have a variety agendas on the playa connecting may not be one of them. Also certain substances known for their ability to heighten the appreciation of art may inhibit the indulger's ability to relate.

I hope this post is helpful, I enjoyed writing it and would appreciate comments and your ideas about connecting.

Duct tape Melissa

[maethlin]

yes

[Timezone LaFontaine]

Those are great hints and very thoughtfully put together.

I had a great time talking with people this year. I think that a lot of it just has to do with not trying to stick to a fixed schedule. The best conversations I had just started with "How's it going?" but we had the time to allow that to develop into these fun, couple-hours long conversations about anything and everything.

I do try to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit and talk to anyone who happens to be nearby regardless of whether they seem to be of a similar age/background, whatever (fortunately my comfort zone in Black Rock City seems to expand exponentially). Oftentimes you find some cool coincidental thing that you have in common, like you once lived in the same town, or they live somewhere you've always been interested in visiting. Other times you have seemingly the most different life experiences. Either way you can find some interesting things to talk about and ask questions about.

And if it ain't happening for you for a while, don't worry about it... these types of things have their own ebb and flow. It might be time for you to just be contemplative or just appreciate the wind and the sky for a while. Then later on it'll be time to discuss and laugh and share experiences again.

[Samsa Bee]

Great read. Absolutely. I had not only my best burn, but easily my best interactions with people. I felt a confidence I have never felt before, and Im pretty seasoned socially. I felt a love at BMan I have never felt quite that strong before. I felt more connection than usual. I know thats just me, though. It kidna rang thru our village in a nice domino effect, but that might of been the layout of the village helping with the communication. The fact that you couldnt ride bikes well might of helped with that, too, because I was less likely to just sprint away on the 2 wheels and just ride. I cant wait to see what 09 will bring for me and what I can bring for 09!

[Curry]

wonderful post Missy! People are always my favorite form of art! And the art of connecting is so varied d/t situations, personalities, etc. But what beauty when we can share our human-ness with each other -- sometimes then only do we get to feel divine in our laughter and tears...

hugs and love,

Curry

[Rev_Sysyphus]

#3 If someone catches your interest compliment them on what you find attractive. Use some finesse here "you rock that costume" is propably better than "nice tits". Although not always.

This is very true! I have several photos where people posed for me and a few of them were not dressed in a manner that would be legal outside of BRC. I told them that thier costume was sweet and if I could take a picture. One gal was near the temple misting people off with a handheld sprayer, the sort one uses to shoot bug spray or liquid fertilizer on the lawn. She was wearing nothing but a pair of hot pants, a hat and a smile. Her hat was a classic shape that was rather daisy-like. I asked her if I could take her picture as "Misty". She posed with the mister and it made a great photo!

Now sun worshipers were not the main focal of my photos, but the point is when I did have the opportunity for a nice photo I was able to with some finesse and class. And I met some really cool people to boot!

One day I climbed to the top of that tall metal tower with the chair on it, but when I got to the top I was tired and unable to deadlift myself into the seat. The guy in the seat took my hand and said that together we will be the kings of the Playa! At least until he gets out of the seat. That was cool.

I made some great connections and some of the best times were simply meeting new people and talking. Jerry G. on the Esplanade was washing hair. My campmate was getting her hair washed. He told me he really was Jerry Garcia in the WRP and not dead. He said his life is one of a gypsy always moving on one step ahead of "them". At this I told him "Ramble on rose". He smiled and said thank you. Now to a Deadhead this comment will make sense.

I'm thinking of making some sort of booth that will create a focal point for meeting new people. I am still thinking what kind. Not free hugs or kisses as although I like those there are a bunch of those. Something different. I have a year to think about it!

[ZaphodBurner]

Nice tits!



No, seriously: Excellent post! This year my wife and I didn't do a theme camp because one of the things we -thought- we missed was interaction with the city. This year, we volunteered at the airport doing UNICOM and greeting, but, toward the end of the burn we still didn't feel like we'd connected with a lot of people the way those random memorable connections sometimes happen.

On the last day we were giving away our remaining root beer, absinthe etc in front of our camp and people came up and connected. What we realized is that if we go out randomly talking to people, we end up sort of talking to people who might be interesting based on our preconceived notion of what interesting is, but when we had a camp that served burners, we had less control over who approached us which offered much more diversity of opportunity. I would have never talked to an Israeli burner and a professional dance troupe from Egypt in the space of an hour had I not participated in the root beer saloon.

Lastly, this year I thought the potential for human-based art would be better because of the lack of spectacular art installations. In 2005 I spent a good part of a night just watching the Do-Lab flower. Missed it this year but, the flower isn't much of a conversationalist...

-c

[playaGirl]

Well I’m a new burner and I’m not sure if by default it’s an incredible experience because it was my first time.

I have to say I had a little anxiety going to BM for the full week and being around so many people. But I had some great friends calm me down and get me in check before I went to BM.

When I arrived at BM I was open to any experience and tried to have as little expectation of what BM would be like. Because I shifted my mind set, it was an amazing experience. It was just mind blowing!!!!

I did not find at all that I didn’t connect to new people. I made some life time friends that’s for sure. I wasn’t perfect you do from time to time fall back into your default world ways. There’s ups and downs on the playa but I think that’s what pushes us and informs us what we can adapt, remove, work on, take in, accept, and just be.

I’m still having to adjust to life back in the real world. At times I’m a little depressed and I’m not sure why. Some of my veteran friends say its normal and try to bring what you can into the default world as they say. I’m trying…

Missy, thank you for posting these tips. I tried most of them and some I have to work on more. Now after being at BM, these tips are really GREAT!!!!

And why not try some of these in the default world too…they just might work!

Hugs
Cass

[Rev_Sysyphus]

I’m still having to adjust to life back in the real world. At times I’m a little depressed and I’m not sure why. Some of my veteran friends say its normal and try to bring what you can into the default world as they say. I’m trying…

Hugs
Cass

Well if it helps any Cass here is a big virtual hug from a total stranger but fellow Burner!

I have said it before that the part that I miss the most will be the random hugs from strangers. The best one was when I was going back to camp from the porta potties and I saw this young couple hugging, kissing and saying goodbye as they were about to go their separate ways for the day. When they separated I said "if you are giving out free hugs then I'll take one!" and with zero hesitation she gave me this huge bearhug.

Well only 350 some-odd days until we can go home again

[playaGirl]

Thank you Rev_Sysyphus for the hug!!!!

Too long to next BM...

[jackmack]

Thanks Missy for the great post!


You seem to hint at one thing... as burning man gets bigger people are more afraid and apprehensive of meeting/trusting others.

It's getting harder every year to connect.

..Thanks for your post.

[honeyfire]

Well, too, the more people there are, the less one is going to be able to interact with due to sheer time restrictions. *laugh*

I've always been a 'walk up and talk to a random stranger' type myself, so i've never had trouble meeting/connecting anywhere, playaside or otherwise.
Nonetheless, it's great to see an actual list of suggestions as to how people can be more interactive, adn do so more effectively.

Damn good job, Missy.
Here's a roll of duct tape to you. *Smile*