A friend turned into a nightmare!

Steven bradford · Post by **Steven bradford** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:14 am

geekster wrote:"The point is that Burning Man isn't for everybody; hell, it probably isn't even for most. "

All one can do is expose someone to the idea of BM and answer their questions as they ask them as best as you can. If they need to be there, they will get themselves there one way or another. If one finds that they seem to be "selling" BM to someone, maybe that is the first indication that a square peg is being hammered into a round hole.

Post of the Year!

Yeah, I stopped talking it up to people a long time ago. If they ask me about it, I'll tell them and help them if they're interested in going.

I met one couple on thursday, first timers, who were loving it. But their ride, another couple, three year veterans, had left on monday during the storm! We offered them a ride back if they needed it, but they didn't come by so I guess they found one.

RedHeaven · Post by **RedHeaven** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 8:40 am

So true! Even people who are seasoned festival goers and would love the event itself might not be keen on the desert camping thing, and thats OK. I keep trying to tell myself that I dont have to talk the event up to everyone whos remotely interested in community and playfulness. Its hard at first, but I get more relaxed on trying to get people to go as the years pass. I just realize that ^^^ like that post says, if people really feel the need to get there, they will go.

mars · Post by **mars** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:07 am

I have some nieces (kids) who are "dying to go" to burning man. Their father (my brother) said I could take them.

I have told them that before they can go, they have to recite the Ten Principles, the Five things they must Carry with them at all times AND the Ten things that Suck about Burning Man (and their solutions).

I'm thinking of doing a family camp in two years, but every kid will have to work their ass off to get there.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:29 am

hmm. yes I may have shot my own foot as well on the shooting the shit about "our " woderful time, sitting out back n front of oldest daughter.
Youngest is born burner! been 07-08 now the oldest (way non burner and kinda into that dreaded "ME" shit.)
Had her watch my house while we were away and all she did was bitch about how much work it was..and I &%*$# paid her 200.00 too.she had to feed a dog,cat,5 chickens,3 fish tanks and water the garden. whatever!?
So if she decideds indeed she wants to go...she cant camp with me! no where near me!
She'll pack up and leave within the first 2 days and then ask me later what the hell I see in the place.
But I think I might have to heavy larden the converstaion about how hard it can be again...maybe regress and talk alot about 07 dust storms....maybe I should bitch about my playa hands n feet...hahaaaaa

mojo · Post by **mojo** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 12:47 pm

This year during the Saturday dust storm, I looked over at one of my dear friends and realized that she's one of my heroes. There she was, age 60+, sitting out in the dust in a lawn chair with a beer and grinning from ear to ear. Her comment was that we are a rare breed of women - she doesn't know many who would work this hard for this specific kind of reward.

I feel blessed every time I meet one like her, and there are a bunch of them on the playa. No wonder I keep coming back......

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:10 pm

Don't forget the horrors of having a knee go out where there are no doctors!

(yeah, I know you found one, but poetic liscence.)

TD-2441 · Post by **TD-2441** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:29 pm

urvile wrote:I think the harshness of the conditions reduces people to the base elements of their personality, the core of the psyche. It strips out all the bullshit we use to get by everyday, and I (we?) try to use it to build those bits up and strengthen them. Like taking apart an engine, and polishing, porting, cleaning, lubing every surface, and putting it back together - maybe adding a supercharger along the way

Couldn't have put it better myself! By the end of Monday night and that dust storm I was very VERY tired and VERY crabby, but this was mostly due to the fact I'd flown in from the UK on the Friday, had got jetlag BIG TIME and had only about 6 hours sleep between the Friday and the Monday. On Tuesday I was still a bit out of it but was much happier cos the dust storm had gone. By Tues PM and for the rest of the week up until the Sunday night dust storm (again, lack of sleep all week plus the storm caused crabbiness) I was in utter heaven. How the friend in the first post can NOT go out and see the marvellous Playa art I'll never know - it's his loss.

My expectations of Burning Man came from YouTube videos, photos, and the word of my two campmates (8 year Burners). I suffered blisters all week as my shoes and sandals that were comfy in England, were NOT comfy in this dry dusty heat....my lifelines were a sewing kit I brought with me (popped the blisters with the needles), medical tape that I bound up my toes with, and a big bottle of moisturiser I'd brought with me cos I guessed it'd be VERY dry conditions out there. It single handedly saved me from severely cracked and dried feet and hands!!

I suffered badly at nights cos of the noise and got very little sleep, but during the early mornings when I went cycling out and about in the cool sunlight, seeing the art and sitting at the Temple for hours, all that crap was forgotten. The discomfort was worth every minute, however when I return in 2010 I may be hiring an RV....sorry!!

skygod wrote:I never try to talk people into going. I just tell them what it was like for me, and that I would help them if they decided on their own to go.

Some friends of mine plus my bro are expressing an interest in coming back with me in 2010 and I'm making darn sure they know EXACTLY what they are in for. They are all the type that I reckon will love BM but I'll be pointing to certain sections of the Survival Guide for them to read re: the conditions, and I'll be stressing that these very conditions will bring out the best and worst of us and that we MUST be able to exist together as a group for 8 days. We can all go off and do our own thing during the days AND nights but when we're all together there has to be no niggling, whining or bitching and that's my first priority. If even ONE of them says "I'm not sure" then I'd rather they stay behind.

seelivemusic · Post by **seelivemusic** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:34 pm

I too have stopped talking it up and don't believe someone is going till I see them on the playa.

One of the most gratifying experiences this year was meeting some friends of a friend at a concert in July who wanted to ask me some questions about Burning Man. I bumped into them on Saturday during that afternoon delight and once we figured out who was who, they were very thankful for what I had told them because I gave it a personal touch from my own experiences.

So this time it worked out and it had to be karma because what are the chances of running into these 2 folks who were very far from their camp and very close to mine. I was able to give them advice before and shelter during and I believe I've made 2 good friends. They even liked my beef jerky and pickle snack combo, which is a rarity all by its lonesome.

TD-2441 · Post by **TD-2441** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 2:40 pm

Most people in the UK I told about BM all looked utterly puzzled, said "is it like the Wicker Man?", assumed I was going off with some weird cult of hippies, and thought I was being ripped off paying $210 "to camp in the desert".

Idiots..........

They soon shut up when I showed them my photos of the Playa art and the Bunrs

sun4all · Post by **sun4all** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:08 pm

My now wife and I went with a friend of mine and her boyfriend for our first burn. BIG mistake. Friend turned out to be completely psycho and controlling. The art was amazing that year and we did have fun although having to deal with a psycho the whole time was not fun. I stopped speaking to the friend after that BM and haven't spoken to her since. She kind of went off the deep end. My wife and I tend to camp where we want and then meet up with people we know. Being part of a camp is not something we really want to do. We need our space :)

falk · Post by **falk** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:16 pm

mars wrote:It's always a bummer when you try to share something you love with a friend and they don't love it.

Very well said.

We had a rule back in college: Never help someone do drugs. (E.g. if they're too stoned to hold the bong, don't hold it for them; they've had enough.) It was like our prime directive of drugs.

I think a similar rule would be applicable here: Never talk someone into going to Burning Man. If they're not excited at the prospect, it's not for them.

brcprincess · Post by **brcprincess** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 9:26 pm

[quote="Steven bradford"][quote="geekster"]"The point is that Burning Man isn't for everybody; hell, it probably isn't even for most. "

All one can do is expose someone to the idea of BM and answer their questions as they ask them as best as you can. If they need to be there, they will get themselves there one way or another. If one finds that they seem to be "selling" BM to someone, maybe that is the first indication that a square peg is being hammered into a round hole.[/quote]

Post of the Year!

Yeah, I stopped talking it up to people a long time ago. If they ask me about it, I'll tell them and help them if they're interested in going.

[/quote]

There are some really insightful replies to this topic. It's an amazing gift that I am still learning from the BRC community, even after the Playa.

I am looking at this in a different way now.

In the past, I have been guilty of "selling" BM to friends and family, but I now see that is it more organic to let people come to it, rather than pushing it on to them.

I guess it's all part of the learning curve.

Brain · Post by **Brain** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:17 am

I for one was given a ticket in 2006 by Reverend Jimmy and that was the encouragement I needed to take the plunge into Burning Man. I ended up loving it (and returning in 2007 and 2008) and encourage people not to give up on people who you think would love it but might need a little nudge.

A lot of the responses in this thread make me sad, because I may have never experienced the wonders and participated in such an amazing community without a friend who believed.

So I say don't lose hope in your friends who don't know yet or are hesitant. If they are like me, they will come back a better person and love you for it.

makoona · Post by **makoona** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:47 am

I love this, this is such a beautiful freuding slip. thank you. (no jest)

**burn** wrote: We says he won't will attend 2009, and I am trying to leave room for him to change his mind, but he says to slap him if he says he wants to go.

So 2009 will be my own burn. All mine.

somekind · Post by **somekind** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:06 am

Try to find someone who is OK with no showers for a week and is willing to strip naked and run after a water truck. That person should be good to go.

Intubater69 · Post by **Intubater69** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:49 am

somekind wrote:Try to find someone who is OK with no showers for a week and is willing to strip naked and run after a water truck. That person should be good to go.

Also, do they mind a side of dust to go with their beverage/meal?

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 5:18 pm

**burn** wrote:.

So 2009 will be my own burn. All mine.

<BFG>

The Bass · Post by **The Bass** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 6:09 pm

one more vote for (at least initial) discouragement.

if you can dissuade someone by simply saying, "don't go, it's dusty and full of hippies", do it: they probably wouldn't have had a great time, and you probably wouldn't have, either.

it's my standard response whenever anyone asks about it. of course they know i've been 6 or 7 times and think it's amazing for those who love it.

also +1 to the idea of miserable folks leaving. it is hard on everyone and no reason to go through it if you aren't open to the rewards.

sorry 'bout what happened to ya, poster.. sounds like a tough burn...

skygod · Post by **skygod** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 6:51 pm

somekind wrote:Try to find someone who is OK with no showers for a week and is willing to strip naked and run after a water truck. That person should be good to go.

God has many faces and that for sure is one of them.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:10 pm

ibdave wrote:
**burn** wrote:.

So 2009 will be my own burn. All mine.

<BFG>

The video card?
Bundesanstalt fÃ¼r Gewaesserkunde?
Berkeley Frisbee Group?
Big friendly giant?

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:58 pm

gyre wrote:
ibdave wrote:
**burn** wrote:.

So 2009 will be my own burn. All mine.

<BFG>
The video card?
Bundesanstalt fÃ¼r Gewaesserkunde?
Berkeley Frisbee Group?
Big friendly giant?

<BFG> = Big Fucking Grin....
Have you met Burn?? She's Fucking HOT HOT HOT....

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:15 am

Never would have thought of that one!

I haven't met Burn, but anyone that thinks a 50 BMG is cute has to be okay.

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:08 am

I wonder if the original poster's friend was suffering the effects of dehydration? We tend to forget how sleep deprivation and dehydration can play havoc with moods out on the playa.

I suffer every year from these two factors despite my best efforts to sip water all day long. I did much better this year and te fact I camped with incredibly cool folks really helped out.

What is everyone's take on allowing first timers to be "spectators?" I was accountable for four newbies this year, all of whom ignored my requests to wear lights, light their bikes and contribute in some way to the pagentry. After a four day drive, they arrived on Tuesday, left Saturday morning and stopped by my camp only twice.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:10 am

"virgins" routinely get told on the boards not to worry about gifting, or about volenteering in a big way. They don't get told that they have a "get out of glowsticks, free" pass.

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:20 am

I referred to one of these virgins as Johnny Darkwad as trying to keep our posse together as he zipped around on an unlit bike was darn near impossible and dagerous for all concerned at times. I just dont get it. This guy plonked down enuf cash for a huge trailer with a shower, aircon, etc. but couldn't aford the $9 for some battery operated LEDS.

jackmack · Post by **jackmack** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 10:21 am

for 1 thing.. Stop forcing & begging your friends to go to burning man. There are already too many people there.

... if people want to come they will do it for themselves. Stop forcing your worldview on others! "i know you'll just love it".

...burning man is not a big party... it is very difficult & intense experience of self discovery to say the least... not everyone wants that forced down their throat via your vision of reality.

it's all your fault... and that is what you need to learn this year given your own path of self discovery.

marcgorcey · Post by **marcgorcey** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:29 am

...burning man is not a big party... it is very difficult & intense experience of self discovery to say the least...

It's a big party. I know because I have been.

The self discovery happened my first 3 days of my first burn, now it's just fun work and hard play in a natural desert party setting.

Fire_Moose · Post by **Fire_Moose** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:46 am

Teo del Fuego wrote:What is everyone's take on allowing first timers to be "spectators?" I was accountable for four newbies this year, all of whom ignored my requests to wear lights, light their bikes and contribute in some way to the pagentry. After a four day drive, they arrived on Tuesday, left Saturday morning and stopped by my camp only twice.

I was a virgin this year and my take is that at some point virgins have multiple chances to participate. I myself was out many nights walking around with my staff and can of gas and light up and put on a show whenever i felt it right. from what it seemed like (thru my dark goggles at night) people were watching and enjoying

Ginger · Post by **Ginger** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 10:32 pm

This was my first year. I went with some really good friends who have been going for years.

I don't really remember what it was that they said that made me think "I might have to go to this thing." I had known about it for years and had rejected it as NOT for me. Before this last year, it truely wasn't for me. I would have been seriously unhappy.

They got the ball rolling by telling me that I would have a great time. They were right. I hadn't expected to come home. I had no idea that I would find my "place" surrounded by so many people. I don't do well in crowds, they tend to stress me out. I feel kind of unsafe. Not that I am at risk really, but that the potential for harm is super high.

Any hoo- long story kind of short- I never would have found this place if these friends hadn't given me the little push I needed and been seriously generous.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 6:04 am

I think the harshness of the conditions reduces people to the base elements of their personality, the core of the psyche.

i know....it's like when i put on my dark dark green leather full length SS Trench-Coat, i just feel positively Deliciously Sadistic.

and as soon as i taste the Dust, i turn into a Nevadan.

you can infer or disregard any connection.