Oh the questions!

doppelGanger · Post by **doppelGanger** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:43 pm

Well, I want to just dive right in, so I am going to.

I have never been to Burning Man, and it's already taken me...

First and foremost, the idea of Burning Man, if one can call it that (an idea) --is repulsive to my fiancee. She is Christian, never goes to Church, but would if I accompanied her. However she is also the first one to preach to me when she thinks something does not abide by her view of "God."

====Let me put the record straight now and say that I have a God, and that's it --no religion, no Bible, none of that. I believe I shouldn't kill (unless I need to :) ), shouldn't cheat yadda yadda, if there is a God who consciously judges me, I like to think he would be giving me a thumbs up while I charge into the desert, into something/where I belong... Where I can feel for once like I do belong... I take that back, my God would give me the thumbs up no questions asked.====

Back to the point...
"It's me or that festival." ---I can't change her mind, all of her "research" involves taking slander and making it her own. All of my research to dissuade her does nothing. There is no compromise, but I feel the ultimatum should be restated in my words: "It's life or me" ---I want to live my life, and be happy, EXCITED about it for once. I can't deal with someone telling me no... Anyway, I am rambling and kind of forgot my point here. Oh yes, "Is Burning Man worth my relationship?"

Back up, forget I asked.

My other problem is this, I have this overwhelming feeling that new attendees at Burning Man can do nothing but destroy what Burning Man really is. I feel like perhaps if this was the third year Burning Man existed, I would go in a heartbeat. I know everyone says newcomers are welcome. Are they.... really..... really really? Do more people "pollute" the heart and soul of Burning Man?

Forget I asked that too.

My name is Chris Jaeger, pleased to meet you.

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:56 pm

See ya on the playa

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:59 pm

I'm not sure that this relationship can be saved.

There are sincere christians on the playa, although many of us don't really like certain aspects of christian culture, there is nothing about the event that's anti christian, per se.

As for the old time burners who don't want to see newbies, fuck em. They are blaming the newcomers for the fact that the only constant is change.

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:05 pm

I love newbs. Yer so tasty!

No, really, we bring or facilitate the journey for one or more newbies each year, the more the merrier. I've met plenty of newbies who couldn't be told from experienced burners, and folks who have attended multiple years and still don't get it.

Burning Man isn't going to make or break your relationship, I can tell that at first glance. You two have bigger fish to fry.

Welcome Home.

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:06 pm

how would the vets know who the virgins are anyhow? are we required to wear white clothing or something?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:14 pm

being a noob is much harder on Eplaya than at Burning Man........let me tell ya............

Certainly,I'm not an old timer, but have been a couple of times now.....

I say, jump on in.........the waters dusty.............

read, learn, and, understand, you understand nothing, no expectations, no conditions...............

Lots of great folks here, willing to help, and, if you can by the snarky, sarcastic, not so subtle opinionated stuff........most here are great. Just don't expect to be treated with "kid gloves".........

And,
on playa, most everyone is wonderful!!!!

I say the problem with Christianity is not the religion, it's some of the people practicing it.....they give the others a bad name..........

Tell your girlfriend Jimmy Swaggart will be there and it's really a huge "revival meeting" just disguised to keep the Mormons out..............hahahahaha

good luck

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:18 pm

Hate to be brutally honest with ya but ya asked for it........

DUMP THE FIANCEE'.

I mean lets get real here.

You are a virgin burner, you are having these kind of problems with your fiancee?
Dump her now before you get back from your first burn dude.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:41 pm

I gotta say, it sounds like you're setting yourself up for a shitty life. That woman is gonna make your life a living hell, Burning Man or not.

doppelGanger · Post by **doppelGanger** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:44 pm

[quote="littleflower"]how would the vets know who the virgins are anyhow? are we required to wear white clothing or something?[/quote]

I am talking more about the principle of Burning Man, I realize that people would not know, but because I feel like I understand the concept , I in turn respect that perhaps more people would in effect, take away from the point --and that point is why I want to go!

Now I am *really* turned around. :?:

However I suppose that the essence of Burning Man is expression, among other things, and that because of that it has inevitably "evolved" in to what it is now, and what it is now, is a place that ... likes ... virgins ... ?

Maybe I just turned myself back around.

***UPDATE***

As I am sure you are all anxiously waiting to hear, the fiancee has officially stormed off. I must be out by the 1st.

Oh Burning Man, you had better be worth it, or I just sacrificed a wonderful woman...

***END***

So in light of the current circumstances(^), I have come to this conclusion:

Burning Man is, as I had tried explaining to her, what ever you want it to be. If you want it to be some pagan hippie get-together, it will be. For me, however, it has limitless possibilities of wondrous things. I want it to be that weird feeling inside I have always had, and I think you all know what I am talking about ( maybe it's equivalent, somehow, to there being something else here, something more. Something that transcends this day-to-day monotony, existence ) So maybe, when she asked, "Me or the festival." she was really saying "Me, or that pagan festival." and what I heard was, "Me, or that feeling that makes me feel alive." ( I doubt she has ever felt it...

I think I made the right choice.

If you have not noticed yet, this post turned into some kind of crazy introspective roller-coaster.

You can step out now.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:57 pm

I think you made the right choice, too. Even if the event is a total bust for you, she would have continued to make that sort of ultemitum and you'd be looking around going "Why am I leading such a boring cramped life?"

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:58 pm

But that doesn't mean that it won't be painful. I'm sure she filled some needs, and you'll be without that.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:02 pm

doppelGanger wrote: As I am sure you are all anxiously waiting to hear, the fiancee has officially stormed off. I must be out by the 1st.

Oh Burning Man, you had better be worth it, or I just sacrificed a wonderful woman...

Dude... I've SO been there. It sucks right now, but I GUARANTEE that eventually you'll be glad. Burning Man wasn't the real problem.

But, you're probably gonna love it!

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:48 pm

doppelGanger wrote:
I am talking more about the principle of Burning Man, I realize that people would not know, but because I feel like I understand the concept , I in turn respect that perhaps more people would in effect, take away from the point --and that point is why I want to go!
...
"Me, or that feeling that makes me feel alive." ( I doubt she has ever felt it...

I think I made the right choice.

i think so, too. life is exploration ... she may have been very wonderful, but you need to find someone with your sense of adventure, life is a long time to not do the things that make you feel alive.

i love what you say about knowing and not knowing ... we virgins can know only what's on this site, the experience of thousands is missing...

good luck, i hope you're OK! ouch

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:32 pm

so, what's wrong with Pagan festivals?
He asks coyly......

doppelGanger · Post by **doppelGanger** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:42 pm

ygmir wrote:so, what's wrong with Pagan festivals?
He asks coyly......

You'd have to ask her.

Thanks all for your feedback, I was not expecting so much, or any at all to be frank, after all that was my first post here.

It's nice to hear other people have dealt with this, and that I am not nuts for thinking it.

Your responses, I can only assume, are a very accurate portrayal of the community Burning Man is. And if you agree with me, then I agree with me, and I have been the hardest person for me to convince all along. You guys are great.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:02 pm

"so, what wrong with Pagan festivals", he asks, again, coyly.....

come on over here, hunny, I'll show yuh a Pagan festival............

now, what's wrong with that?
(he asks after the best 30 seconds of her life)..........

And, don't worry doppelGanger,
you'll get plenty of snarky and sarcastic responses if you continue to post............it's fun though

betrdanevr · Post by **betrdanevr** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:15 pm

ygmir wrote:"so, what wrong with Pagan festivals", he asks, again, coyly.....

come on over here, hunny, I'll show yuh a Pagan festival............

now, what's wrong with that?
(he asks after the best 30 seconds of her life)..........

And, don't worry doppelGanger,
you'll get plenty of snarky and sarcastic responses if you continue to post............it's fun though

What? Only 30 seconds?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:19 pm

hahahahahaa.........

I went twice......hahahahaha

"dont' worry hunny, you won't feel a thing"............hahahahaa

her:
"who you gonna please with that?"

him:
"Me: if you have a good time, it's purely by accident"

Just funnin'..........

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:57 am

Wanting to do something that your significant other doesn't want you to do is like a stone in your sandal. Either you get rid of the stone, or get rid of the sandal, or face continual cripping irritation.

Post by **AntiM** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:13 pm

doppelGanger wrote:
ygmir wrote:so, what's wrong with Pagan festivals?
He asks coyly......
You'd have to ask her.

Thanks all for your feedback, I was not expecting so much, or any at all to be frank, after all that was my first post here.

It's nice to hear other people have dealt with this, and that I am not nuts for thinking it.

Your responses, I can only assume, are a very accurate portrayal of the community Burning Man is. And if you agree with me, then I agree with me, and I have been the hardest person for me to convince all along. You guys are great.

LOL, let's start a pool for 2010 .... DG will meet a wonderful woman at BMan '09 and they'll be married on the playa 2010. But which day? Could happen! Don't discount it.

If you need us, we're here. Maybe not without a snarky answer, but we're here to listen. Well, I'm here, so as not to speak for the rest of the eplayans.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:30 pm

Gotta soft spot for this guy's story. Several times I've been almost exactly where he is.
The outcome? The "problems" are gone, I still go to Burning Man, I have a pretty new First Mate (who's been to two burns with me now) and I'm glad it all went down the way it did.

Just from the little bit of the story we've heard, it's clear that there was too much shit going wrong to wreck your life marrying that person. It sucks right now, but it'll get better. If you tie that knot, it'll still suck and it'll get worse.

EB · Post by EB » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:43 pm

As to the OP, I'd make sure to take care of the "camping trip" part of the event, first.

The philosophical, existential stuff will take care of itself.

-- Tent
-- Shade
-- Reliable ride
-- Water
-- Ticket
-- LED night light

Start there.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:05 pm

If you really think she's wonderful, go back, say
"yes, dear."

Repeat
"Yes, dear."

And repeat, until one of you is dead.
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."
"Yes, dear."

Or, you could find someone who doesn't expect to bully you.

Don't give her up for burning man.
Do it for yourself.
Some people think they can be a christian and control other people.

You could always stay with her and send your balls to burning man.
It doesn't sound like you'd be needing them if you stayed with her.

Congratulations on the loss.

Welcome.
New people that are trying are always a good thing.

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:56 pm

i'm curious to know what she is so freaked about, actually. does she have a compelling argument that you understand, or does she just throw a very general christian guilt trip control thing at you?

and you ... would you be willing to trade something to placate her, say a year of church on sunday ... for burningman?

you said fiance ... i am so glad you are doing this now ... it's not really about burningman, is it.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:03 pm

doppelGanger wrote:"It's me or that festival." ---I can't change her mind

How does she know what Burning Man is about?

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:05 am

That's just how religious freaks are. It's not like they have any legitimate reason to believe whatever they believe in. Stay away!

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:59 am

E-mail message

Marriage advice
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

  WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
  -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single! But not for boys. Boys need some one to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
  There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

  And the #1 Favorite is.......
  HOW WOULDYOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
  Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

fciron · Post by **fciron** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:54 am

My wife made everything in our marriage about her and I wound up giving up more and more of the stuff that was important to me. I spent the first five years annoyed and the last five miserable. It took a year in counseling after the divorce before I really felt like I was living my own life again.

While I am sorry to hear that your engagement is broken up, I have to agree that it seems that your relationship had some bigger issues than Burning Man. It took me ten years and a divorce to get my ass to BRC. Do not give up your life to make someone else happy. Just as we are each ultimately responsible for our experience of the burn we are each responsible for our experience of life. You cannot make other people happy, they have to do that themselves.

The biggest negative that I can see is that it is almost a year until the gate opens.

mojo · Post by **mojo** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:37 pm

We love newbies - it gives us the chance to see the event through fresh eyes.

There are lots and lots of we Christians that attend, I'm even an ordained one - a dear friend of ours is a priest who also attends regularly. The world seems to be full of people who consider it their life's mission to "convert" you to whatever they believe - or don't believe. That is just as true for their politics as their religion. It is also full of open minded people of all faiths and flavors, and I find a huge concentration of them at Burning Man.

IMHO, a true partner in life does not give you ultimatums like the one you got. We're glad you're here though.

Intubater69 · Post by **Intubater69** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:46 pm

littleflower wrote:how would the vets know who the virgins are anyhow? are we required to wear white clothing or something?

All pink, with cute little whiskers.

Just dont jump in front of a mutant vehicle. They only swerve for the cows.

Oh the questions!

Oh the questions!

Re: Oh the questions!