Club Exclusivo

hornblower · Post by **hornblower** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 5:34 pm

September 9, 2008

This is an open letter to the proprietors of the club, Exclusivo.

It was on a rather pleasant evening that my party and I approached your establishment to enjoy some time with a chilled bottle of champagne at our own private table. Upon our arrival, we were immediately mocked and otherwise ill treated. I couldn't hear his name over all of my cursing, but your doorman was extremely rude. After some debate over the lack of the doorman's genitalia two of your strong arms saw fit to place their rectumy hands on my virile body and carry me away.

The next night I returned to resolve our altercation with a friendly chat and a folded stack of crisp Benjamins. Alas, you had fled under the pretense of being too "exclusive," but really, I think, because you were rightly afraid of my fiery wrath.

It should be known that I am a very well respected, established member of the New York community and should never be spoken to the way that I was on that hideous night. Furthermore, despite what you snooty bastards say, my name is on every "the list," whether prior arrangements have been made or not. It's just the way it is.

I will not be denied.

I could say I am embarrassed for you for the egregious error in judgment you crotch-stuffing doodle bags made in not allowing my party inside your bedraggled and, frankly, dusty club, but really I am elated. Yes, I couldn't be more happy. To know the great heaping piles of muck and fecal matter through which I will now drag you with my many powerful connections swells my mighty heart. I'm not sure if you know what a tax audit feels like whilst your testicle sac is being pierced with the dreaded stingers of 600 Africanized honeybees, but after I am through with you, you will wish for an end as peaceful as that.

This letter is my olive branch. Please show yourselves and accept my peace offering or suffer the fury of one thousand banshees.

Sincerely yours,
N. Hornblower

Post Script - I would also like to know if I can somehow franchise Exlusivo in New York. I can't be bothered with the riffraff of ordinary clubs any longer and yours has a certain standard of which I am meant to be a part. I was thinking of naming it "Club-a-Go-GoFuckYourself."

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:34 pm

The snark was better next year.

zabsinth · Post by **zabsinth** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:21 pm

I have to admit the staff was quite rude - although some friends of mine were inside, the scamps at the door did not admit me. And I was dressed to the nines in a pinstripe suit and neatly-knotted necktie! Hopefully this organization or whatever it is will not be allowed back to the playa this year - I thought that inclusion was required.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:26 pm

zabsinth wrote: I thought that inclusion was required.

Wait, you mean on the playa or on eplaya?

Mosin · Post by **Mosin** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:26 pm

Club Exclusivo royally sucks!! We were with none other than Ka Tone AKA Tony K ... paparazzi flashes poppin', wiminz and mens screaming his name...begging for Sharpie ass-autographs...basically total frekken starstruk mayhem on the playa. So we get to this hick club and the the nazi Door God guy said Ka Tony wasn't on the list. I'm stating the obvious, like "If Ka Tone ain't on the list than y'all motherfuckers have the wrong list" and that was when they called security. They got a contract with Blackwater or some shit. It was total bullshit. They had small time apprentices like Tom Spanks and Britney's Speared on the list, but not the man. The two women protestors who showed up behind us with bullhorns to boldly proclaim the truth about this bullshit operation where quickly whisked away by the CE goons. It was simultaneously one of the most degrading and enjoyable memories of my burn. Fuck Club Exclusivo!!!

somekind · Post by **somekind** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:29 pm

Yeah, fuck Club Exclusif, but thumbs up to the dive bar next door. They let me sip on some white bag wine right b4 going to see the DJ Dan/ Carl Cox set.

Too funny.

EB · Post by EB » Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:08 pm

I must be getting old.

I've read it twice and still have no idea what this thread is about.

EtherNinja · Post by **EtherNinja** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:22 pm

Damn! You guys must really suck ass! I went to Exclusivo and got the royal treatment. Plus, I got laid... twice!

I guess some got it, and some don't.

Better luck next year!

Mosin · Post by **Mosin** » Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:48 pm

EB wrote:I must be getting old.

I've read it twice and still have no idea what this thread is about.

Eb, you don't want to know. <shudder> It is so thoroughly degrading it is delicious....makes you want to seek therapy. Add that to your BM annual tab.

It's this ultra-exclusive club with Ninja-style security that virtually NO ONE gets into. American Dream indeed. I even told them that I had a friend who once knew the cousin of Lindsay Lohann and they STILL didn't let me in! We were with Ka Tone and... still the stanchion... and the up-down "you are so not getting in here Mr. Pathetic Bunny Ears Man" from gestapo/security.

Fuck Club Exclusivo!!

Viva Club Exclusivo!!! (see Funniest Thing on the Playa thread)

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 6:35 am

FOOLS!

it's not Who you Know, it's WHO YOU DO!

you should have stopped by club casting couch first.

EtherNinja · Post by **EtherNinja** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:24 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:FOOLS!

it's not Who you Know, it's WHO YOU DO!

you should have stopped by club casting couch first.

Word is born.

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:52 pm

I was told that

1) I was too much like the scum over at DPW to be allowed in.
2) An exception could be made if I paid a 200 dollar cover.

When I advised that I had no money since it was a commerce free event I was advised that extasy or cocaine would be acceptable as a subsitute.

I should note that this is NOT the first time someone has attempted to charge or sell me something at Burningman. Every year I have ever been there has been art for sale, camps with "door" folk charging to get in, and private and exclusive camps/parties. This year there was a private party in the tower the man was on top of. It really sucked walking all the way over there with RSD and getting denied entrance.

Mosin · Post by **Mosin** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:00 am

Alas, that is the twisted beauty of CE. Had you actually paid the $200 and some E you definitely wouldn't have gotten in. btw/ does anyone have any photos to document the pain/rejection/brilliance that is the Club Exclusivo Experience?

Mosin · Post by **Mosin** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:03 am

EtherNinja wrote:
Simon of the Playa wrote:FOOLS!

it's not Who you Know, it's WHO YOU DO!

you should have stopped by club casting couch first.
Word is born.

Seen.

Rob_ · Post by **Rob_** » Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:19 pm

Hey, Club Exclusivo, thank you for a great evening. Brilliant concept and most superb execution.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:16 am

Damn! did i miss an Execution? AGAIN? shit!!!

i am supposed to be alerted to all "snuff" and "snuff-like" events on the playa.

was there torture first? or just the thought of not being able to get in....

i have got to get a better walkie talkie next year.