Turning pain into Enlightenment

Lost in Transition · Post by **Lost in Transition** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 3:53 pm

I have been told that this is the most accepting and amazing community in the world so I have decided to write in this forum before I make my first trip to Burning Man next year. It has taken me over two months to get to the point where I can write this so here it goes... (sorry if this is long)

My wife desperately wanted to go and experience this event know as "Burning Man," so despite some financial troubles we found a way for her to go. Upon her arrival home we had an amazing night of silence where neither of us spoke, I just helped her cleanse herself from the dust, cuts, and blisters she had acquired in her journey. The next morning we went for a walk and she told me that she was moving out and that she no longer felt that she could live with the rules and limits that a relationship puts on a person. (We had been together for 7 years and married for 3). Her new philosophy on a relationship is that if you have to work hard at, it is not worth it, time on earth is too short. Now I feel like I am lost and need to find my way. I am an actor that became a waiter and have lost my creativity and art. I have decided that I will be going alone to Burning Man next year to see if I can take this journey and find myself again. Who know perhaps in my finding myself, I will find my wife again as well. I would love some advice to help me on this new transition. Thank you :)

Ps- my wife is an amazing person and if this is the path that she has to take to be happy then that is what has to happen.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:18 pm

Wow........

Post by **AntiM** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:14 pm

Burning Man is just a dusty camping trip ... which at times magnifies what already exists. I can't imagine life on or off the playa without myLarry, and our time in the dust strengthens that.

Buy the ticket and take the ride. Something wonderful may happen, or you just might find dust in your tent. If change will happen, you have to make it so ... and you've just placed some heavy expectations on a DIY event. I am not trying to be negative, I'm just pragmatic and an Automatic Devil's Advocate.

Good Luck and Welcome Home. and Hugs, as it sounds like you could use a few.

hsdavis · Post by **hsdavis** » Sat Oct 18, 2008 7:46 pm

Is it possible that your wife could be your guide to your first visit to Burning Man next year? She may be feeling that she found something that she feels you won't understand. Allow her to be your guide and let her help you prepare for it.
Burning Man is an amazing place, but it can put strains on relationships and this sounds like the ultimate strain.
My wife would never attend, so i try to keep some of the craziness to myself.
If you attended next year, I am sure that you would find it to be an incredible eye opening experience.
Best wishes with the relationship between you and your wife. I hope things work out well for you.

Lost in Transition · Post by **Lost in Transition** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 12:34 am

Thank you for the posts. AntiM I appreciate you playing Devil's Advocate. I don't look at attending burning man as the answer to my problems but rather just another step in my personal and relationship growth, so anything that I glean from it positive or negative will be helpful in one way or another. hsdavis, I love looking at this situation as you say. That is a very comforting and positive way to look at this. Seeing her as a guide to set me on this journey is I think a healthy approach to this. I don't think she will help me to prepare, she is seeing someone else...What can you do. Who knows what the future will hold, I still have faith. I started looking into moving to Scotland or England. I have always wanted to live there and never had the guts to do it. Nows the time! Thank you again for your kind words and advice :D

I will be getting my ticket as soon as I can!!

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 6:42 am

and now, from the Misogynist Camp:

Fuck that Bitch. There is but one woman, and she has many faces.

Now why dont we find you a nice DPW hottie to ride you silly.

next thing you know, you'll be married, again.

(wondering why the hell he let his wife go alone in the first place....)

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:17 am

Lost,
If you come to Burning Man with Expectations of Enlightenment, I assure you you'll leave Disappointed. If you come with a Open Mind and no Expectations you just might find out something about yourself.

Another words, just come and may all your wildest dreams come true.

Post by **Elderberry** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 8:07 am

Welcome to eplaya.

JK

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 10:40 am

You can't blame BM for your wife finding some hippy to shack up with. She was likely fucked in the head before she got to the playa. It could have been craigslist or match.com if not BM. Your best bet is to move on fast and find a better lookin broad to ride the back of your bike. In the mean time.. get the tshirt that says "If you can read this the bitch fell off" and ride your bike every chance you get. If you dont have a bike than GET ONE. Get yourself a sportster and cruise till the tires are bald. Just make sure the next one isn't a flake thats gonna bug out and move the first time she goes to a rave and rolls her tits off for a week straight. Find yourself a straightedge chickie or a pothead. The potheads are usually to lazy to go for divorce and straightedgers are well they're straightedge and not prone to drug induced mood swings and quick moves in with folks they don't know.

This post possibly channeled through me from Simon.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 10:59 am

SPORTSTER??!!!

dude, that's a chick bike.

CLARKcon · Post by **CLARKcon** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:57 pm

Lost N' T: Thank you for the story, it brought about an image of a caring relationship. I offer now my personal experience from my first time out to the dust, and the bearing it had on my creativity-

(2002)- Went there with a friend who had been for the first time the year before. Had no idea what to expect, but had some help with ideas beforehand. In my town, I was known as being an artist, and was fairly happy with the works/pieces I was making. By dawn my first day out, I was already beginning to understand the limited scope I had on my expressive level, as the sights of massive sculptures, the daydreams on sleeves, and the humanitarian electricity was stretching, expanding my minds perceptivness. The whole week was a feast of humankinds ability to "think outside of the box" (thoughts/emotions/visions that could never of been seen in a museum or on TV---you just have to be there to "get it"

) When I came back, any strife or blocks I had had with my art reasoning's was d i s i n e g r a t ed. I started a local arts newspaper, had solo shows, became an Arts Commissioner in my town, did bellycasting, and on and on a happy & freed heart (all within two months of coming back!!) Alas, these are mere reflections, and may differ (positive or negative) from person to person. Again, go to find what lies behind your own point of view...chances are, regardless, you will be surprised at what you find, and indeed, it will surely surpass the cost

design. build. believe.

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 9:52 am

Simon of the Playa wrote:SPORTSTER??!!!

dude, that's a chick bike.

1) All bikes are suitable for chicks

2)The economy is bad.. a sporty is alot cheaper than a superglide.

I don't wanna see the guy homeless, he is paying more for utilities now.

You should try out an 883R sometime.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 11:32 am

yes toolmaker, i stand corrected....i had forgotten the golden rule.

"Two wheels Goooooooood, Four Wheels Baaaaaaaaad"

but if he wants to be frugal, even thrifty, he'd do well to score an old (mid-late 70's) honda CB 750.

i've had three so far over the course of many years, and they are cheap, easy to fix, and a good all-around bike.

and they wont leave you for some smelly raver to find itself.

here's my best friend, satan III.

Lost in Transition · Post by **Lost in Transition** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 8:57 pm

[quote="Toolmaker"]You can't blame BM for your wife finding some hippy to shack up with. [/quote]

I don't in any way blame burning man, she had my blessing to do what ever she need to do so long as it was for fun and not for love (I mean come on forever is a long time), if I did blame burning man I would not be on this website, I would be finding a way to destroy it. I know it was a straw or catalyst that awoke something within her and sent her on her own journey. That doesn't mean that I am ok with it or that I hasn't destroyed me., I just have no choice but to deal with it. As far as having expectations for BM I don't have any specific expectations I just want to go and see what comes of it. I am also going to move and experience life alone and in a new place for a while as well letting myself explore and have fun without any limits. Life has a funny way of messing with us, I am just trying to work my way through it, while staying open to a reunion in the future.

gaminwench · Post by **gaminwench** » Mon Oct 20, 2008 11:46 pm

my girlfriend and her husband of three years came to the playa in '06. He's a pro modern dancer and massage therapist, she's a musical theater performer/teacher/director. They have an amazing, enlightening week...upon return to defaultia, he announces that his life plan (now) is to learn computer programming and go in for the 3bed/2/bath/commuter from Orange County life - she sez no way!! BRC gives you what you need, takes from you what it needs, and 'cover the rest with playdust and see what survives'...they're happier now....
good luck to you...

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:39 am

Lost, it sounds like your wife may have already had some issues she was dealing with, and Burning Man either gave her the excuse, or the courage to verbalize them to you. Come to the burn, it will be unlike anything you could imagine, or expect. Maybe it will help you understand how she came to her decision.

BTW I voted for Dublin.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:41 am

dear Lost, there are MANY

so get your pole, and some worms, and a bobber......