The evolution of the United States of America

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:36 am

i may have screwed up the rosh hashannah and yom kippur, but you see, i am not a Jew, and dont know these things.

Post by **Elderberry** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 12:32 pm

Simon, are you sure you're not Jewish?

JK

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 1:40 pm

I think Simon is actually Buffalo, which is an upstate New York Religon. He might be 1.5 percent Jewish (what kind of math works here?) I should not comment on others, but He's not a Harvard Man, and He's not near New York City. So thats what I got so far! (oh an a really sick sense of humor which for some reason excites me) I wait with baited breath for Simon's next use of words as things that give me visions. (what) I think Simon might have some kind of relationship with some south America Dictator. AND I think he is hoarding gold in his floorboards.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:58 pm

be careful JKisha, you dont want to step in my pet peeve.

Judaism is a fucking RELIGION, not a race.

My mother was born in cuba, and came over in 1956, she never took the spritz so even by your standards, i'm not kosher.

i'm reminded of a joke, about an old jewish couple who are in japan after disembarking from a cruise liner...it's friday night, and they are a litlle vehklempt because of the international date line, and find themselves looking for a place to do the sabbath thingy.

they come across a temple, in town, and lo and behold, a rabbi, and a congregation, a schul.

they take part, and afterwards approach the rabbi and thank him.

"rebbe, we were so worried we werent going to be able to properly observe the sabbath in this place, so far from home...it was a beautiful service, thank you..."

and the rabbi smiled, a large inscrutable grin and kindly replied

"thats funny, you no rook jewish"...

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 3:07 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:be careful JKisha, you dont want to step in my pet peeve.

Judaism is a fucking RELIGION, not a race.

My mother was born in cuba, and came over in 1956, she never took the spritz so even by your standards, i'm not kosher.

i'm reminded of a joke, about an old jewish couple who are in japan after disembarking from a cruise liner...it's friday night, and they are a litlle vehklempt because of the international date line, and find themselves looking for a place to do the sabbath thingy.

they come across a temple, in town, and lo and behold, a rabbi, and a congregation, a schul.

they take part, and afterwards approach the rabbi and thank him.

"rebbe, we were so worried we werent going to be able to properly observe the sabbath in this place, so far from home...it was a beautiful service, thank you..."

and the rabbi smiled, a large inscrutable grin and kindly replied

"thats funny, you no rook jewish"...

I understand if you are circumcised you are half way there. I mean think about .. Sammy Davis Jr. made it and so did Marilyn Monroe (was she circumcised?) (that remindes me of one of those sick racist jokes about a hooker and a black man.....that became jewish)

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 3:11 pm

close.

actually according to western super-duper reformed Judaic tradition, if the PIG is circumcised than the BACON is Kosher.

or, if you wrap it with a sheepskin, it's ok to do a shiksa.

a blow job is all right and is affectionately known in yiddish as a "Shiksa-bob"

Post by **Elderberry** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 3:51 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:
My mother was born in cuba, and came over in 1956

I love Cuba--the music, the people, the rum, the cigars.

I think Obama will lift the embargo and travel restrictions. I won't have to go as a missionary any more!

JK

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:58 pm

jkisha wrote:
Simon of the Playa wrote:
My mother was born in cuba, and came over in 1956
I love Cuba--the music, the people, the rum, the cigars.

I think Obama will lift the embargo and travel restrictions. I won't have to go as a missionary any more!

JK

JK:
will you then go doggy style?..........

Post by **Elderberry** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 6:55 pm

ygmir wrote:
jkisha wrote:
Simon of the Playa wrote:
My mother was born in cuba, and came over in 1956
I love Cuba--the music, the people, the rum, the cigars.

I think Obama will lift the embargo and travel restrictions. I won't have to go as a missionary any more!

JK
JK:
will you then go doggy style?..........

I can't believe I actually had to stop and think about that a minute.

JK

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:27 pm

jkisha wrote:
ygmir wrote:
jkisha wrote: I love Cuba--the music, the people, the rum, the cigars.

I think Obama will lift the embargo and travel restrictions. I won't have to go as a missionary any more!

JK
JK:
will you then go doggy style?..........
I can't believe I actually had to stop and think about that a minute.

JK

yer slippin'.........*door to some sort of joke opens.......*

lurker · Post by **lurker** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:45 am

Nice cites--though the freeper article doesn't seem to mention it--is it in the comments?

But, I do hafta say, those are all pretty freaky groups--I bet the reptilians had some comments on the drop, too--and probably a whole lot of freakthinkers

I always wonder just how seriouysly mainstream America takes any of this stuff...

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:02 am

actually, i think the situation is actually worse...

My girlfriend comes from an Evangelical-Fundamentalist Family and NONE of them will even TALK to me or be in the same room, because i am infested with demons.

i swear to fucking god.....it's like i'm Legion, and i am many...

they are so goddamned STUPID...they deny science, they deny logic, all they know is fear and quiet obedience.

they make me sick, actually.

and the shit that has been spewing from their mouths and church since obama won has been Vile and insanely insipid.

talk about fucking reactionary MORONS.

maybe this is why i am so Caustic in my Critique of the Religious right, (or the religious Wrong, as i like to call them) is simply because i have to deal with their intolerant rantings on a personal basis, and quite frankly, i dont pull my punches, and have alienated her entire clan.

they're a bunch of inbred stupid fucks anyways, my girlfriend must have been found in a field somewhere and adopted.

They have shunned her as well for the most part because, remember, i am in league with SATAN SATAN SATAN...

and man o man i thought her mother was going to have a stroke last year when she found out her precious little angel actually attended BURNING MAN, the center of all evil in the western hemisphere.

lurker · Post by **lurker** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:39 am

I think you're a bit too close to them--I know the feeling. My wifes' family has a bucketload of them--some who even go to minister to the heathen Catholics in South and Central America.

But their kids are a different story

Some are Republican--but NONE are religious nutjobs

How's your girlfriend? A religious whacko? Probably not. They're having a hard time convincing parts of their own families--never mind huge swathes of the population.

And as for being Legion, my wifes' mom abadoned church the second she had the wherewithall to move away from them--my wife and her immediate family went into churches ONLY when they visited. But when I entered the picture I became the reason my wife stopped going to church--even though she'd been telling them for years prior to meeting me that she didn't attend.

A holiday doesn't go by that we don't get at least one seriously religious gift exhorting us to be 'saved'.

So I know what you're talking about.

Proximity breeds hypersensitivity.

But right smack dab in the middle of that fundy wasteland is a huge Asatru community--as well as countless native religion types.

So I don't think they have as much influence as they'd like to believe. But they're good at believing. They believe someone who told them to eat human flesh and drink human blood and then rose from the grave isn't a zombie.

Post by **Elderberry** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:46 am

lurker wrote:
So I don't think they have as much influence as they'd like to believe.

Unfortunately, I think you are wrong.

JK

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:24 am

it really is a matter of locale....in western, ny, we have a tradition of Religious Psychosis (the Mormans, Hello!) and if you look at the map of the united states, it is clear that we have two distinct separate nations...

the east coast- west coast*, and JesusLand.

and n'er the twain shall meet.

*we have outposts in Lawrence Kansas, Madison Wisc., and Boulder, Co.

Post by **Elderberry** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:34 am

well at least we lay claim to all the best real estate--until the big one hits. (hypercain or earthquake depending on the coast)

JK

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:48 am

jkisha wrote:well at least we lay claim to all the best real estate--until the big one hits. (hypercain or earthquake depending on the coast)

JK

don't forget the tsunami due on the east coast when the broken half of that island lets go in the Atlantic......
and, when Mt. Rainier erupts...........

"it truly is the end times, cats and dogs, living together, mass hysteria"..........I paraphrase..........

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:14 pm

tsunami due on the east coast when the broken half of that island lets go in the Atlantic....

im going to get the longest surfboard i can find, wait on the top of the empire state bldg, and ride that Monster all the way to philly.

Kowabunga!

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:00 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:
tsunami due on the east coast when the broken half of that island lets go in the Atlantic....

im going to get the longest surfboard i can find, wait on the top of the empire state bldg, and ride that Monster all the way to philly.

Kowabunga!

Bitchen, lets talk about waves mannnn.

My first board was a Velzy-Jacobs 9'2". (american dream story to come)

http://surfboardcollectors.com/velzy.htm

Founder of Velzy Surfboards, Dale Velzy is believed to have been the first to open a conventional surf shop.

Dale first opened Velzy Surfboards in 1949 at Manhattan Beach, California, where he built the beautiful laminated wood surfboards of the day. About a year later opened one in Hawaii and then Malibu, California in 1953.

In 1954 Velzy got together with fellow board builders Hap Jacobs to open their new joint venture as Velzy-Jacobs Surfboards, building mostly solid balsa wood surfboards with fiberglass skin.

Velzy was the master promoter and so from the mid 1950s through the mid 1960s, his boards and shops enjoyed 'top of the heap' status. Velzy Surfboards or Velzy-Jacobs was the board every flegling surf kid wanted.

By the end of the 1960s Velzy-Jacobs Surfboards had about half dozen shops throughout Southern California and Hawaii.

Some of the top surfers riding Velzy Surfboards were guys like Dewey Weber, Mickey Dora, Donald Takayama, Mike Doyle and Mickey Munoz.

Velzy Surfboards was the first to sponsor surfers. Velzy was also the first to mass produce boards which made them more accessible to the masses, which in turn had a great influence on the huge boom in surfing popularity in the late 50s.

Thank you Dale Velzy and Velzy Surfboards for sharing your craft and passing along your extensive knowledge!

Some of the Velzy Surfboards from the 1960s:

1960 7/11
1961 Stock
1964 The Wedge
1964 Bump
1965 Pig

http://www.theshaperstree.com/memorial/velzy.asp