whats in a name?

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 5:18 am

for years now, every weds. i read our paper's local section, and select the most ridiculous and unpronounceable names and rank them according to stupidness...

i have actually seen someone name their kid "D'johnaise" i'm assuming they had a jar a Hellman's in the delivery room and liked the sound of it.

but picture yourself as a third grade teacher 8-10 years from now.

the list this week, with honourable mention to last weeks winner, D'Elegance Roy Princezz Lockwood.

and anything with two or more apostrophes or other such grammatical notations are automatically included. Also note these are the EXACT spellings as listed by the birth records.

JaCor Tra'Laine Beasley
Je'Cahn Raviv Burnett Jr.
ConSandra Monika Zwinger
Zaporia Az'aiah Smith
Ta'Mora-Aireal Maree-Denise Smith
Na'Shula Ne'Shawn Lee Rhodes
Tra'Miere Kai'shaun Welch

and the winner this week is

MellowDee Mon'et D'uniqueness Brown

i shit you not.

whatever happened to "bob" or "connie"?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:40 am

IMHO:
celebrities............and those that worship them........(forgive spellings)
"Shaquile", "Muhammed", "Shaniqua", "Cooldadday J", "fittycent",

I know a family, I'd suspect are Dallas Cowboy fans.....their kids are named "Dallas" and "Irvine"...........

All in all, an attempt at being "unique", and/or, to identify with a certain group...........

Can you imagine the kids you listed filling out any sort of forms.....?

Not to be to snarky, but, I've noticed, (and, it may be just my experience), that a lot of the people that make up those super long, or unusual names, seem not the brightest bulb on the tree...........not all, but, a lot......

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 7:02 am

I have a letter around here someplace. From when I worked at tech support for Packard Bell in Utah. From an older lady who had purchased a computer and the salesman had made promises...etc. Her name was something like Arbutos Fouched (I'm not spelling it correctly but it looked like ("our butt is fucked")

I knew a girl in Redondo Beach, her parents last name beach, Named her "Sandy Redondo Beach", we just called her Sandy Beach. (kinda like the American Dream Playa, a sandy beach)

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 7:09 am

i knew a kid in high school whose name was Harry Schwank.

his parents were obviously sadists.

Post by **Elderberry** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:02 am

I've noticed those rediculous names too. So tell me, are they just 'made up' or is there any historic derivation for any of them? Sort of reminds me of an old Mom's Mabley joke about how the Chinese name their kids--they just throw up a bunch of silver-ware into the air and whatever the sound makes when it comes down--that's the kids name.

JK

Dr. Pyro · Post by **Dr. Pyro** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:09 am

Awhile back I knew a Harley Davidson. No, her parents weren't bikers. Her first name was Harley and she married a Davidson. So sometimes names can change and simply become something humorous. Then there are the Mike Hunts of this world.

Post by **Eric** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:19 am

I went to school with 2 sisters: Mary and Noelle Christmas. Sad but true. Some parents should be shot- I still remember them saying they had to use fake names to get a pizza delivered.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:17 am

If you have enough money, you get two last names.
No normal first names.

This stuff is already driving teachers nuts.
The worst are the names that are not pronounced anything like the spelling.

Heard the one about someone telling their choice for kid's names?
The response is "Oh, two strippers and an old lady."

Then again, if I had a daughter, I'd name her Beryl.

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:20 am

Had a friend years ago. Al Smith. His mailbox said "A Smith lives here".

Timezone LaFontaine · Post by **Timezone LaFontaine** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:45 am

This might come as a surprise to you crinkly ol' mudsticks, but there are cultures and communities that enjoy being creative... not just with things to burn but also with the names they bestow (not to mention idioms that eventually get picked up and used to death 5 - 15 years later by the perpetually late-to-the-party suburbanites). The names are unique but there are clearly patterns across them, so there's a definite cultural development process going on. So, what's up? I can easily see my dowdy old aunt clucking disdainfully about all the 'weird' names THOSE people are giving their kids in much the same manner as the original post, then going on to embarrassingly complain about just how many kids they're having, etc. See what I'm saying?

Haven't there been enough 'Michaels' yet? I think parents who name their kids overused names are shortchanging them out of a fearful desire for normalcy and conformity. You might prefer another style of unique names but please... enough Sarahs and Emilys and Roberts and Johns.

EvilDustBooger · Post by **EvilDustBooger** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 12:01 pm

Playanna Dustina Green

It could happen.

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:32 pm

I know a couple who named their son Lando.. Star Wars geeks.. go figure. The daughter is named Indigo.. the hippie side of their nature shows.

Strangest names for classmates I had were

Shabuddah
Shawakateema
Booqueesa
Shakeenya
Tareeka

Not sure if the spelling is correct, these girls were to ghetto for me to date.

One kid from my preteen years was named Anawim.. who knows where the fuck they got that name but the parents always had great weed in the basement for us to pilfer. This was also my first introduction to healty food that tastes like shit. Who woulda thought someone could figure out how to make peanut butter and jelly taste bad.

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 5:00 pm

a teacher friend of mine had a pair of brothers in her class named orangelo and lemangelo ... no accents, kinda rolled off the tongue ... then she saw that they were spelled Orangejello and Lemonjello ... i shit you not ...

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 5:28 pm

Here's one with a happy ending; My friend's sister Kathy Wilson married a guy named Dale Wilson - she didn't have to change anything!

There was a guy named Chuck Spears at my high school.

Try writing your name on your papers in fourth grade without getting in trouble when your parents named you Captain Goddammit! (But when I was a kid I just went by Cappy.)

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:37 pm

The 3 twisted sister's I knew were named Colleen, Marleen and Darlene.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 7:01 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote: Je'Cahn Raviv Burnett Jr.

Since this implies that there's a "Sr." who named his own kid this despite having to grow up with it, I have to say this is the stupidest. The triumph of hope over experience.

There is certainly a tradition of African Americans making up names without obvious (to me and many other Persons of Pale) precedents. I wonder if it is at all connected to the old "X" last name; the idea that if they are taking names from what sounds good to them, are they ridding the child of another sort of slave name? I guess it does make sense to me that if you feel alienated from a culture, then you don't want to name your child from within that culture. I suppose the same thing applies to Hippies, although they mind a different vein.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 7:03 pm

Toolmaker wrote:these girls were to ghetto

Took a bit of staring for me to realize that ghetto hadn't been verbed. I'm turning into a curmudgeon.

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:01 pm

Simon, ha ha. great thread.

Makes you wonder who really made up the big names like, John and Michael and Susan and such and were they looked at the same as Jacquizz and Shat'elle and Da'Quintenn are now.

I've heard of a Female' pronounced feh-mah-lay...i think the parents thought the hospital named her when they saw her name in the window as "Female Jackson"...."oh honey, I kind of like that, Female'"

I'm just Cris. At least there's no "h". I'munna change it though, to Da'Cris.

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:32 pm

SIMON
Gender: Masculine

Usage: English, French, Scandinavian, German, Hungarian, Slovene, Biblical

Pronounced: SIE-mÉ™n (English), see-MAWN (French), ZEE-mawn (German) [key]

From the Greek form of the Hebrew name ×©×

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:23 pm

Here's the worst I ever heard of, so fucking stupid a Judge ordered it changed! WINNER! WINNER! This from ABC News...

"Judge Bans Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii"
Judge, Dismayed by Strange Children Names in New Zealand, Gets 'Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii' Renamed

WELLINGTON, New Zealand July 24, 2008 (AP)

A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and he did something about it.

Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.

Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said.

The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy.

"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgement which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name", he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never told her closest friends what it was. She told people to call her "K" instead, the girl's lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

In his ruling, Murfitt cited a list of the unfortunate names.

Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy, and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said.

New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, among other conditions, said Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages.

Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.

Jace · Post by **Jace** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:33 pm

From Mean Girls

Mr. Duvall: I have a nephew named Anferny, and I know how much he hates it when I call him Anthony. Almost as much as I hate the fact that my sister named him Anferny.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:48 am

i'm more interested in where this is going....will Parents be able to name their kids "the baby, formerly known as the embryo" (thanks prince!) or even better, numbers, or symbols?

i wanna be asterix....

oh wait, some little gaul has that one...

and playa names, i have come across some really good ones that actually fit the person better than their given

for a few days i was naming newbies in our camp by random.

one became "new and improved Tide" one was "Squishy toy" and one i named "Mr. Blasty" after homer simpson's famous gun.

i know that this thread might have some racial undertones, and i do not mean to denigrate, only to point out that in the future, role call in class is going to be difficult.

with that said, whole generations of americans that came in to this country thru ellis island were renamed by whoever checked them in...

maybe a misunderstanding...."what is your name?"

and the man, not knowing english too well responds with his occupation..

"i am a tailor"

and so he was, Mr. Taylor.

obviously, D'Johnaise is on the lower half of the bell curve of creativity, and i am hoping we dont get a whole wave of Barack Variations as we did for a 3 month period following Tupac's death.

but then again, I kinda like the sound of Barack Berkowitz or Obama O' Shaughnessy.

possibly Hussein Gonzalez.

i Love America.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 8:17 am

I too am guilty of the Hippie naming of my first born...

Misty Hayes...
I figured she was concieved In Lake Tahoe on a record cold year full of fog on the mountain...she was then born in the late fall in a snow storm on the way to the hospital...(her father was a Musician and I an artist).
Figured she could be a STAR....or at least a stripper?!

Yes, a bunch of peeps were at our house...saying this would be a funny name... i was outraged! then....it grew on me!

But as much shit as she took for her name in grade school, she wore it with pride in highschool, and just recently married, and kept her maiden name!

**burn** · Post by **burn** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 9:51 am

I don't know how Dick Butkus makes it thru the locker room.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 10:08 am

**burn** wrote:I don't know how Dick Butkus makes it thru the locker room.

LMAO We have a winner folks

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 10:14 am

thirt33n wrote:I'm just Cris. At least there's no "h".

I'm Chris, with the "h". Imagine my surprise a few yrs ago when I finally succumbed to reading glasses (I'm 47) and looking at my birth cert. realllll close like, realized that, like thirt33n, my first name was lacking the "h" as well!! WTF?! Now what do I do? I've been an imposter my whole life

Ahh well, why stop now

Jace · Post by **Jace** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 12:49 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote: i know that this thread might have some racial undertones, and i do not mean to denigrate, only to point out that in the future, role call in class is going to be difficult.

i don't see it as racial whatsoever, I see it as reality

how much do you hate your child by naming them Atchooey Shaneequa Johnson? You KNOW they are never going to be president of the usa, or president of walmart for that matter, so why torture them like that?

I lived in Atlanta for a long time up until recently, and one of the things we always joke about is how ghetto moms name their new daughters, it is almost like they wait until their first sneeze and name the child whatever comes out

AHHHH.....AAHHHHH.......SHANEEZY!

AAAHHHH....AAAAHHHHHH.....FAHQUINA!

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:22 pm

I don't see race as an issue.. I have met an equal number of white folk with names not in common use. Hippies and Ghetto folk aren't the only people who come up with em, jus look at the hollywood babies.

I am thankful that my default name is fairly mainstream.

Proof that strange names will not keep you from being famous.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armand_Hammer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Austin_Healey
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creedence_Clearwater_Couto
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harley_Quinn_Smith
(thank you Kevin Smith)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_McGee
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_Shammgod
(actually played in the NBA!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahoo_Serious
(where is he now?)

This phenom is not specific to people.. here are a few places worth mentioning

Accident, MD
Assawoman, VA
Beaver Lick, KY
Bloody Dick Swamp, SC
Bumpass, VA
Eek, AK
Eerie, IN
Intercourse, PA
Pee Pee, OH
Spread Eagle, WI

Some great band names are around as well..

Abbra-Cadaver
AC / DShe
Alchoholocaust
Alien Sex Fiend
Amputatoe
Ancient Chinese Penis
Angry Samoans
Anus the Menace
Barenaked Ladies
Bitch Magnet
Bjorn Again
Blow Monkeys
Bongwater
Buster Hyman & The Penetrators
Butthole Surfers
Carnage Asada
Carter the Unstoppable Sexmachine
Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Circle Jerks
Dairy Queen Empire
Dead Kennedys
Dead Milkmen
Death Cab For Cutie
Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles
Dino-Myte Hookers
Ed Gein's Car
Ed's Redeeming Qualities
Ethyl Merman
Flaming Lips
Furious George
Gay Dad
Gaye Bikers on Acid
Genitorturers
Gluecifer
Go Nad Go
Gonoreagan
Gringo Star
Guitarantula
Half Man, Half Biscuit
Heavy Vegetable
Helen Keller Plaid
Inspect Her Gadget
Iowa Beef Experience
JFKFC
John Cougar Concentration Camp
Juicifer
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Leonard Skinhead
Lubricated Goat
Marginal Prophets
Mary Tyler Morphine
Meat Beat Manifesto
Meat Puppets
Mr. T Experience
Mussolini Headkick
Nurse with Wound
Oedipussy
Penis Flytrap
Pepto Dismal
Phenobarbidols
phungusamongus
Porn on the cob
Poultry in Motion
Public Enema
Pussy Galore
Rats of Unusual Size
REO Speed Dealer
Rumpleforeskin
Sandy Duncan's Eye
Shirley Temple Pilots
Sly and The Family Jewels
Smorgasborgnine
Squirrel Nut Zippers
String Cheese Incident
The Armadildoes
The Dick Nixons
The Dismemberment Plan
The Gaza Strippers
The Jackofficers
The Saggin' Nutz
The Yeasty Girls
Thinking Fellers Union Local 282
Throbbing Gristle
Toiling Midgets
Trotsky Icepick
well hungarians
When People Were Shorter and Lived by the Water
Willie Nelson Mandela
Wynona Riders

Barbie · Post by **Barbie** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 3:25 pm

A couple of my Stripper friends named their children weird - One named kid Dallas favorite football team - another Divina...

My uncle was in the army, his name is Jefferson Merritt Patterson,
when he tranfered one time the guys in his group were disappointed... 'cause they thought FOR SURE that they were gettin' a another black guy by his name...

Mine is Cherie Lianna Patterson pronoced Cheri' also a Very "black" sounding name-
a stripper girl I use to work with found my name reallly funny 'cause her Stripper name was Dr Love and when ever anyone would ask her real name she would tell them Cheri'.

Barbie · Post by **Barbie** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 3:37 pm

I went with a friend to pick up a brides maid dress- the girl behind counter was like " okay whats your name" the girl I was with says "Jenny Macdonald" girl behind counter says "No nothing here under that name,
could it be under brides name? " Jennys says 'Yea maybe check Lori Angel " counter girl "No any other names" Jennys says " maybe under her new married name check Lori Grub" Both Me and the counter Girl Burst out laughing couldn't believe anyone would change last name from Angel to Grub

whats in a name?

whats in a name?

Re: whats in a name?