What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 9:31 am

It's because he carried her up to have sex with her, then went and got the wheelchair to have sex with it.

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 10:29 am

not the worst by any means, but something I can print....[CENSORED]

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 10:41 am

This year I walked into a med tent and there was this med hottie who I explained my concern that I was perhaps overdosing on Viagra. She mentioned that there is a concern if someone has an erection for 4 hours or more and I said thats is only part of the problem, it was getting bigger and bigger and I thought it would explode. She thought it would be a good idea to examine me and......... (it's so easy to fall in love on the playa, but like Einstein said, "you can't blame gravity for people falling in love")

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:08 pm

I accidentally gave my wife a Zombie Mask last night while I was trying to do the Nixon. It was kinda funny watching her try to make her way to the bathroom to clean up.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:25 pm

damn you guys and your cryptic names.....Zombie mask?........

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:45 pm

hey yg ... this will help!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

i didn't know nixon, either ...

Post by **AntiM** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:51 pm

... giggety giggety.

Post by **mdmf007** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:56 pm

From my more immature days circa 2000:

This is quite a random story really, youâ€™ll love it. So Kyle, Jebb, Kevin, Devon and I are in downtown Boise trying to get trashed doing a pub crawl. We started at the southwest corner of the main street strip at the Hangar and proceed in a Westerly direction with no apparent destination.
The rules are simple - Two pitchers at each bar, and a shot of whoeverâ€™s turn it is to buys choice, No bitches either â€“ Bros night out. So after 6 beers and 3 shots of Jaeger I am getting trashed.

Things are going well and we make it into Hannahâ€™s for round four and are playing pool. I am watching the other 4 play pool when some short (5â€™2â€

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 8:31 am

The worst sexual thing that I have ever done and it occured several times

was not acting sexually because of a fuck up judeo-christian-muslim up bringing!

Have sex where ever you are, when ever, with whom ever when ever its consentual and legal!

lonestoner916 · Post by **lonestoner916** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 5:30 pm

Holy shit mdmf, that's the stuff of legend! Epic!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 6:14 pm

I am torn between going into a diatribe about much I hate the very premise of this thread, and saying: faked an orgasm.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:31 am

fciron wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:
HughMungus wrote: OK. When I was younger I met a girl online who was in a wheelchair and in order to have sex with her I carried her and then her wheelchair up a flight of stairs...and then back down again afterwards...I'm not sure how I feel about this situation.
Did she have a good time? Did you?
Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?

No one thinks it's odd or weird or wrong to meet a girl online and carry her and her wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs just to have sex with her?

What is wrong with you people???

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:03 am

HughMungus wrote:
fciron wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Did she have a good time? Did you?
Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?
No one thinks it's odd or weird or wrong to meet a girl online and carry her and her wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs just to have sex with her?

What is wrong with you people???

I don't see anything wrong with meeting someone online.

xenarchi · Post by **xenarchi** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:03 am

HughMungus wrote:
fciron wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Did she have a good time? Did you?
Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?
No one thinks it's odd or weird or wrong to meet a girl online and carry her and her wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs just to have sex with her?

What is wrong with you people???

It is wrong!!

Wrong that he bothered to carry her up the stairs. I would have just done it right on the landing.

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:49 am

I've always wanted to try an Angry Dragon, Flying Camel, Dog in a Bathtub, Fire Island, Roddy Piper, and Donkey Punch but alas I cannot find a willing participant. The wife is willing to puit up with only so much ya see.

I will do the Flying Camel tonight since I can get away with that one.

fciron · Post by **fciron** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:49 am

HughMungus wrote:
fciron wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Did she have a good time? Did you?
Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?
No one thinks it's odd or weird or wrong to meet a girl online and carry her and her wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs just to have sex with her?

What is wrong with you people???

We appreciate that you were open-minded and considerate. You were able to overlook the need for a wheel-chair, something that would freak out plenty of people. I am assuming that she was a consenting and possibly eager partner, so taking care of the wheelchair was quite considerate.

Is it wrong for her to meet a guy online and make him carry her and her wheelchair up the stairs so she could fuck him?

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:05 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:I am torn between going into a diatribe about much I hate the very premise of this thread, and saying: faked an orgasm.

Don't worry I was having one of the worst sexual encounters ever that I faked one too!

And I'm a guy

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:03 pm

how'd you do that, AZ?

moan real loud and spit on her back................

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:22 pm

I assumed he moaned and groaned while throwing warm yogurt on her back...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:03 pm

seems warm yogurt would be hard to sneak into that situation........but, it'd work, I guess........hahaha

is this from experience, CGD?..

hhahaaha

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:32 pm

What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Well, once in Austin, TX at his event called Flipside, there was this goat.

this small, and fragile young goat....

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:56 am

xenarchi wrote:
HughMungus wrote:
fciron wrote: Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?
No one thinks it's odd or weird or wrong to meet a girl online and carry her and her wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs just to have sex with her?

What is wrong with you people???
It is wrong!!

Wrong that he bothered to carry her up the stairs. I would have just done it right on the landing.

Thats what makes it so right!

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:58 am

Badger wrote:
What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?
Well, once in Austin, TX at his event called Flipside, there was this goat.

this small, and fragile young goat....

Ahh yes, the Inflatable Love Ewe.

Not that I'd know anything about them

ALICEtheGOON · Post by **ALICEtheGOON** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:13 pm

ok heres mine.

i was 17 years old but not a virgin. ...met a really pretty girl and she wanted me to go anal on her. ....(was my first time trying)

well i put willy in there and pumped just a few times ...

..pulled my weiner out and it looked like a "butterfinger" ..

..yep it was covered.

..i hauled ass to the shower....was nasty .... lmao

THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALICE

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 7:51 am

ALICEtheGOON wrote:ok heres mine.

i was 17 years old but not a virgin. ...met a really pretty girl and she wanted me to go anal on her. ....(was my first time trying)

well i put willy in there and pumped just a few times ...

..pulled my weiner out and it looked like a "butterfinger"..

..yep it was covered.

..i hauled ass to the shower....was nasty .... lmao

THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALICE

I swear to Dog! If you've ruined my love for Butterfingers for the rest of my life I'm gonna be pissed!

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 7:55 am

Sail Man wrote:
ALICEtheGOON wrote:ok heres mine.

i was 17 years old but not a virgin. ...met a really pretty girl and she wanted me to go anal on her. ....(was my first time trying)

well i put willy in there and pumped just a few times ...

..pulled my weiner out and it looked like a "butterfinger"..

..yep it was covered.

..i hauled ass to the shower....was nasty .... lmao

THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALICE
I swear to Dog! If you've ruined my love for Butterfingers for the rest of my life I'm gonna be pissed!

Just make sure they're cold and not warm and runny when you eat 'em.........

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:49 am

fciron wrote:
HughMungus wrote:
fciron wrote: Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?
No one thinks it's odd or weird or wrong to meet a girl online and carry her and her wheelchair up and down a flight of stairs just to have sex with her?

What is wrong with you people???
We appreciate that you were open-minded and considerate. You were able to overlook the need for a wheel-chair, something that would freak out plenty of people. I am assuming that she was a consenting and possibly eager partner, so taking care of the wheelchair was quite considerate.

Is it wrong for her to meet a guy online and make him carry her and her wheelchair up the stairs so she could fuck him?

I guess not. It just felt wrong. Then again, it was pretty open-minded. Now I feel better about myself...I think. So confusing. :)

fciron · Post by **fciron** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 11:19 am

HughMungus wrote:
fciron wrote:
HughMungus wrote: I guess not. It just felt wrong. Then again, it was pretty open-minded. Now I feel better about myself...I think. So confusing.

Aha! So you had sex and felt icky about it afterwards? That is completely separate from steps and wheelchairs. That is about the worst sexual thing I have ever done too.

Hugh, We are too innocent for eplaya.

Post by **mdmf007** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:17 pm

So I am trashed with Tina at a local bar in Winnemucca and we leave so she can blow me in the alley. This was a little ritual we had for some time now, and I am diggin it. Itâ€™s still kind of light out, so we go to her backseat and get comfortable. She is going good, and were both trashed mind you.

She looks up at me, and our eyes lock - suddenly hers get as big as an owls, as Jaeger, Whiskey, cheeseburger remnants, fries and shake from earlier come shooting around my groin like a fire hose in uncontrollable spasms. She sits up still vomiting with it gushing out still, and shoots another load on my chest with enough force to splash up into my face. That shirt will never be the same again, not to mention her interior.

I am pretty much appalled and the smell is disgusting, so I heave as well. At this juncture of my life I have only heard of sympathetic barfing from someone else's misery and now I am experiencing it. Her car is a complete mess and smells of death. I simply get out and rip off my clothes - literally. When I am irate I have inhuman strength and have a habit of ripping t-shirts off of my back. Somehow in my adrenalin fueled fit of rage I ripped my shirt clean off my back and a pair of Dockers as well in one clean sweep flinging vomit even more places than it was before.

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:15 pm

Butterfingers

Goat

Jab

The code words just don't stop