What Did You get From Santa?

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:09 am

Those Fucking ass-wipe elves SCREWED things up AGAIN.

I was supposed to get a BAILOUT and WALL ST. EXECUTIVES were supposed to get sticks and coal...

WTF?

goddamn drunken midgets in their green suits and pointy shoes, fucked me, every year, same shit.

what am i going to do with coal? Invest it?

If you see Santa, in the western times zones, as i am in the East, please tell that old Crack-Head that he owes me, big time, and if he wants to keep that night in Detroit a secret, he better cough up the goods.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 8:08 am

i have just recieved a corporate memo from the Kringle Himself, That i was one of the lucky few to recieve the Lumps of Coal, as that they will one day be Diamonds, and Richard Fuld and John Thain got soon to be worthless American cash and securities.

Thanks santa, i was'nt looking long term, my Bad.

Merry Christmas everyone.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 10:04 am

Merry Holidayz!

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 10:21 am

I am protesting the fact that Santa Claus used child labor to make his toys. Think I'm wrong about that? Look at his elves! I've seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and adult elves are much taller than the ones portrayed working for Santa! BOYCOTT Kris Kringle!!!

(I got NOTHING for Christmas, since I got snowed in on Christmas Eve, and have to work Christmas Day. We'll probably exchange gifts this Sunday...)

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 10:24 am

now i really have to apologize to Santa, i just got what i've wanted now for years.

Old Man Sock Garters in 4 colors.

i am so fucking Stylin', it hurts. I also feel like playing pinochle for some strange reason.

i swear to my own god, it's true.

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 10:36 am

The advantage to getting sticks and coal for Christmas is that at least you won't freeze this winter!

Mister Jellyfish Mister · Post by **Mister Jellyfish Mister** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 8:58 pm

I got a reciprocating saw... does that mean I have to give it back?

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:00 am

No, it means that you have to give the person who gave you the reciprocating saw a reciprocating saw... the balance of the universe depends upon it!

joel the ornery · Post by **joel the ornery** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 5:02 am

i got pirates!

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:42 am

I got a whole bunch of stuff from thinkgeek..

Squishy Bowls, Miracle Fruit Tablets (the pills that make sour taste sweet and vice versa), case of Brawndo, case of Bawls, and an R2-D2 trash can.

I also got another xbox 360 controller (now all 3 of us can play!), Mortal Kombat vs DC, and Fable 2.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 7:51 am

i just got a new Leatherman Wave!

i had to give up my gerber blade in Vegas to the TSA because we were in such a rush and still dustied up and i had my tool on my belt and....c'est la vie....i made the TSA guy real happy.

but now, I HAVE A WAVE, and it's so cool, and i think i'll try something stupid like build an entire house with just a leatherman and and and and

i've had way too much coffee.

i'm wearing my sock garters RIGHT NOW and nothing else....erxcept socks and wing-tips, of course.

yeah, i bet that's SEARED into your mind's eye forever.

it's not shirt cocking though, but if any one has a pithy name for what i'm sporting, i'm all ears.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 8:17 am

I see your dressed to the knees Simon!

woo hoo...

hmmm

a name for that?........

lets see thigh highs or stockings are used in garter strap mechenisms...

Socks are used for below the knee garters.....

Snake baited

totally lame I know... and I didnt stretch to far outside this forum....

Sock= someones snaking around on this board.
Sock garter= holding ones socks up.

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:05 am

You probably need some gaiters or spatz to go with that outfit.

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 12:57 pm

If I were within five feet of Simon.. I would SNAP THE SHIT out of his calves with those pansy assed sock garters !!

holding my breath of course in case he farts from the pain.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:29 pm

Boijoy wrote:If I were within five feet of Simon.. I would SNAP THE SHIT out of his calves with those pansy assed sock garters !! holding my breath of course in case he farts from the pain.

I don't know if I'd worry about that. I'd be more worried that he'd whip the hose off of his Kirby and suck off all your body parts

sattelite5812 · Post by **sattelite5812** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 7:06 pm

I swore off the Commerce Day gift exchange

But my sweetheart still got me one of those awesome pocket belts with connections that I can attach things like a water bottle to. Perfect for the Playa!

lonestoner916 · Post by **lonestoner916** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:40 pm

Herpes.
And he never called...

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:32 pm

*&^% Santa simply mooned me, then laughed when I jumped from Rudolph sicking his cold nose into my backside!

"Jolly Old Elf" my @$$!!!

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:06 am

f I were within five feet of Simon.. I would SNAP THE SHIT out of his calves with those pansy assed sock garters !! holding my breath of course in case he farts from the pain.

PANSY?

i'll have you know only REAL mean can wear sock garters and get away with it

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:16 am

i was good all year ... very good ... up until christmas eve, when i ate all those cookies i made for santa. darn it! i knew he had something really good for me ... but instead he left me a switch!

what am i going to do with this thing?

Post by **Elderberry** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:37 am

Simon of the Playa wrote:
f I were within five feet of Simon.. I would SNAP THE SHIT out of his calves with those pansy assed sock garters !! holding my breath of course in case he farts from the pain.
PANSY?

i'll have you know only REAL man can wear sock garters and get away with it

My partner wears garters too! He's the one on the right ! Now he's a REAL MAN!

JK

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:26 pm

Suicidal Bad Santa Kills 8, Burns Down House on Christmas Eve
Bruce Pardo was the Stereotypical "Nicest Guy" that Snapped
By saul relative, published Dec 26, 2008

"Bad Santa" is a horrible movie about a horrible person living a horrible life doing horrible things to other people. Bruce Pardo was "the nicest guy you could imagine" and nothing like the character played by Billy Bob Thornton. But Bruce Pardo became a bad santa. Sometime between last week's divorce settlement and Christmas Eve, Bruce Pardo decided to don a Santa suit, take guns to a Christmas Eve party, start shooting, and burn down a house with people in it.

Remember, the real santa never comes though the door!

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:37 pm

oh no, have i stepped into one of those little known fetishes?

is there a whole CULT?

how would anyone know, i mean, they're HIDDEN, like tattoos, under your pants...only YOU know you're wearing sock garters with clips, and that knowledge makes you powerful...

yes...it's like the yakuza, but different, the only time they can freely admit and expose themselves as garterists is in certain locations, like palm springs, and palm beach, i'm quite certain the "palm" is NOT a coincidence, but anyway, in these places, men can be seen, in shorts, wearing black socks, sometimes with white shoes, but most importantly, the ubiquitous sock garter is proudly worn as a badge of honor, on shuffleboard courts and pinochles games and just schlepping back and forth to the winn-dixie.

there is something to this i'm certain...i am researching this phenomena and am afraid i may have fallen down the rabbit hole, and i cant get up.

sattelite5812 · Post by **sattelite5812** » Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:28 pm

littleflower wrote:

what am i going to do with this thing?

I could think of some things...

klondike_bar · Post by **klondike_bar** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:44 am

i got an ikea chair to sit in my residence and play video games :p

ALSO A BURNING MAN TICKET!!! (or an I.O.U. for janruary 12)

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:58 am

sattelite5812 wrote:
littleflower wrote:

what am i going to do with this thing?

I could think of some things...

Sattelite!! Thinking of these things in the same thread as talk of the sacred Church. Blasphemy! Why you ought ta be spanked!

Oops

Now see what you made me do?

Thank you sir, may I have another?!

fatal_GRACE · Post by **fatal_GRACE** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:04 pm

I got me a goddamn robot.

I also got Left 4 Dead and Gears of War 2. Anybody with Xbox live want to play? I need zombie killin' buddies.

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:35 pm

Hey, scale up that robot and bring to BRC! That'd be way cool!

Sorry, not even an Xbox dead, here.

fatal_GRACE · Post by **fatal_GRACE** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:47 pm

I have considered it, but money's gonna be tight for me this year. There's always 2010, though.

klondike_bar · Post by **klondike_bar** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:49 pm

Sail Man wrote:
sattelite5812 wrote:
littleflower wrote:

what am i going to do with this thing?

I could think of some things...
Sattelite!! Thinking of these things in the same thread as talk of the sacred Church. Blasphemy! Why you ought ta be spanked!

Oops Now see what you made me do?

Thank you sir, may I have another?!

silly little sailman, christmas is more than just that. christmas isnt about gods and fat men, tis not about joy or love, its about presents and shopping and holiday specials.

id tell you to get in the spirit, but the mall rush is over

time to hold out for the 80% off sale on solar-powered led strings! (i saw a 50$ box of 200 solar multicoloured leds)