possible awckwardness with BF...

satireDUN · Post by **satireDUN** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 2:50 pm

well, i have a boyfreind right now, but were breaking up for the summer (im going back east for 2 months, and possible school back east afterwards) the problem is, we both are going to burning man. this wouldnt be a problem in itself were it not for.. well, i have 3 of my best friends coming with me, 2 are virgins (like me) and one is a seasoned veteren- who ALWAYS stays at a certain camp, a camp i really wanted to be in, until.... my bf found out that his coworker and good freind goes to burning man each year and, guess where he stays every year? you guessed it, the same camp as my freinds. now, im completely cool with ex's, but my bf..isnt. i know this would creat some tension, but i really want to camp with my freinds, and im not sure how to handle this... any ideas?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:20 pm

I'm confused. Let me restate as I understood.
1--You and current BF are breaking up for the summer. Starting in May and continuing until September?
2--Both going to BM.
3--One (or more) ex of yours is going to be at BM and all three are at the same camp. (What size camp and how collective is it?)
4--You and current BF will still be broken up, or will you have reunited by then? Will it matter?
5--BF is otherwise worthy of continuing emotional involvement?
6--Does summer break up mean sexual lisence?

7--Poly wanna cracker.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:21 pm

under no circumstances should you camp anywhere near your (soon to be) ex BF. It will ruin your time.

You can find a way to meet up and have yer fun with your friends.

People in perfectly happy and stable relationships can have issues with their SOs on the playa.

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:27 pm

Argh, Stuart drew me into this one. His practical advise rubs my principles the wrong way. If you were the first to have the plan to camp with these folks, and if your soon-to-be-ex-bf is the one who has problems with ex-es, then it should be on him to find someplace else.

But if you two are planning to break up, it must be amicable -- why would he have a problem with being in the same camp as you? (unless of course you'd be hooking up with some other dude at BM, in which case I can understand)

And yeah, how big is the camp anyway? A camp of 200 people should be plenty large for the two of you, whereas a smaller camp might not be.

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:27 pm

Camping with people that have tension between them is one of the best ways to ignite a disaster (and all the drama associated).

If you and your b/f are breaking up anyway, why are you factoring him in to your decisions? If your b/f doesn't trust you with ex's, then there are a lot of issues going on between you and him and being at Burning Man can (and probably will) bring them out stronger and quicker than you may care to experience.

You maybe fine, but I've seen people self-destruct over less than the scenario you're giving.

I think you're setting yourself up for a rough, painful time. I hope I'm wrong. Camping with ex’s is usually not a good thing to do (especially if you’re still seeing each other and haven’t completely broken it off yet).

Just my $.02

III · Post by **III** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:38 pm

options, as i see it:

(oh, and caveat - i don't get breaking up for the summer. i get staying together, with certain freedoms, i get staying together with the same terms, i get breaking up period. but breaking up with plans to reunite later just seems like a recipe for relationship disaster to me. so my take on this may be completely ass backwards)

1) you discuss things with him, including worst possible scenarios, and agree that y'all'll be cool regardless of what happens: camp together with your friends.

2) you discuss things with him, and decide that either you or he may have problems with how you behave around others, and that may affect the relationship. you can then either camp together while respecting each others boundaries, or camp together somewhere else and just visit your friends, separately.

3) you can get your friends to camp with you separatley, regardless of where you end up.

4) you can all go camp there, have whatever fun you want while insisting on your right to do whatever you want.

i suspect you're not the type to do 4, but if you do, you should take along a camera crew, because that's a burning man documentary i'd bother watching...

satireDUN · Post by **satireDUN** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:18 pm

ok, to clarify:
there are no additional x's, just me and him.
i would be fine during the summer if it was an open relationship. however, he is an "all or nothing" type of fellow.
i dont know how big the camp is- its called fandango, if any of you know.

satireDUN · Post by **satireDUN** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:21 pm

oh, and there are no set plans for getting back together.

_tears_ · Post by **_tears_** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:25 pm

stuart wrote:under no circumstances should you camp anywhere near your (soon to be) ex BF. It will ruin your time.

You can find a way to meet up and have yer fun with your friends.

People in perfectly happy and stable relationships can have issues with their SOs on the playa.

I agree 10000000%

Come somewhere else. Stay with another group? Branch out a little. Dont stay to " just your own friends " meet new people, live a little.

III · Post by **III** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:26 pm

>>fandango

oh good - they never have any drama.

i'm going camping with some of them this weekend, so i could pose the question to them, if you like.

ifn y'all are really gonna be broken up, it should be pretty straightforward. but things that should, rarely are...

precipitate · Post by **precipitate** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 6:13 pm

Please remember that emotions can be multiplied a thousandfold on the
playa, due to sensory overload, dehydration, dust, etc. You really don't
want to set yourself up for drama. That'll create itself.

trocar · Post by **trocar** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 6:14 pm

stuart wrote:under no circumstances should you camp anywhere near your (soon to be) ex BF. It will ruin your time.

Indeed, not to mention everyone elses time in the camp.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 6:51 pm

1st year - Camped with ex wife (She and I started theme camp)
2nd year- Camped with ex wife and my new girlfriend
3rd year- Camped with ex wife, my girlfriend and her new boyfriend (started new large theme camp)
4th year- Camped with my girlfriend (ex wife camped nearby, with new-new boyfriend, visited often)
5th year- Camped with girlfriend (ex wife camped nearby, no boyfriend)
6yh year- Camped with best friend, and potential new girlfriend, who without telling me brought her new boyfriend and proceeded to have sex in front me at least once a day for the entire week).

Everything went pretty smoothly all things considered, the only "drama" occurred when:

Year 1- After stating a desire to reunite and laying out a game plan as to how we were going to to do that, ex wife begins making out with random guys on bar car.

Year 2 - I said "Hey baby, could you get me a beer, both ex wife and current girlfriend responded with "Sure thing" at the exact same moment. Current girlfriend then angrily responded "I'm the BABY, got it?" Later they reach some kind of accord and I walk into a conversation in which they are discussing my sexual needs and abilities as a lover, I quickly walk away.

Year 3- Numerous drama-traumas between everyone involved, ex wife sides with me on an issue based on the merit of the issue rather than just agreeing with new boyfriend. New boyfriend gets pissed off, later they break up.

Year 4- Ex wife steals my bull horn, I later encounter her using it on the playa, verbal altercation ensues, my girlfriend implores me to let her "Kick her ass".

Year 5 - Ex wife stops by, dust storm (literal) ensues. The ex wife, girlfriend and I take shelter in our tent. 20 minutes later during a slight lull in the storm, my girlfriend kicks ex wife out telling her she should be fine riding to her camp now.

Year 6- Yeah, the whole having sex in front of me, pretty much non-stop thing.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

III · Post by **III** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:19 pm

>>ex wife begins making out with random guys on bar car

was it a green one? (if so, i apologize...)

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:24 pm

so chai, forgive me for being obtuse, but I don't see your brief history there as a ringing endorsement for ex-proximity camping.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:36 pm

It's not an endorsement, just a brief history of my personal experiences on the playa. I have to say that it certainly made for an interesting time.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:38 pm

>>ex wife begins making out with random guys on bar car

was it a green one? (if so, i apologize...)

green guy or green bar car?

III · Post by **III** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:56 pm

green bar car.

there were a couple of days where i was driving it around where i ended up kissing most of the wommen who got on board. i was probably wearing this:

(in retrospect, it sounds like i might have done you a favor...)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 7:59 am

After reading all this,,, I think I will stick with Sheep.. Nevada, where men are men and the sheep are nervous.. Nevada bumper sticker; Sheep don't do Drama

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:17 am

...plus sheep can be turned into a variety of tasty meat products suitable for consumption at a later time.

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:22 am

Ric: if you're going to take up tuppery, you might want the tip I was given (unsolicited) by an octogenarian Wyoming native (Wyomingan? Wyomingite?). If you lead the sheep to a cliff and point it toward the edge, it'll push back instead of just running away. He swears it works, though you should employ it at your own risk.

Satire: The whole point may be moot anyway, as you're probably not going to spend all that much time in your camp for your first year anyway. There are no shortages of excuses and ways to avoid someone while on the playa if there's tension you'd rather not deal with.

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:30 am

Ranger Genius wrote:There are no shortages of excuses and ways to avoid someone while on the playa if there's tension you'd rather not deal with.

Just remember to keep separate tents.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 12:30 pm

green bar car

It's been a while but yeah, that dress looks vaguely familiar.

Was the bar car VW powered? I seem to remember loaning you guys a spare fuel pump. (The ex-wife was a bonus).

III · Post by **III** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 12:58 pm

>>loaning you guys a spare fuel pump

heh. yeah - that was us. thanks a ton - we still owe you beers for that, cause it kept us going for the rest of the week...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 1:27 pm

Chai - You sound like a glutton for punishment. Who will you camp with this year?

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 1:44 pm

Chai - You sound like a glutton for punishment. Who will you camp with this year?

Indeed, I'm currently screening applicants, feel free to PM me with your resume.

III · Post by **III** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 2:16 pm

btw - the original question is right up the alley of relationship advice columnist cary tennis ([email protected]) who is burning man connected enough to have done a couple of live advice shows at the odeon.

satireDUN · Post by **satireDUN** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 3:34 pm

PLEASE DO NOT MENTION THIS TO THE FANDANGORIANS!!!!!

it would only make matters worse.

but thank you all for your advice.

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:26 am

satireDUN wrote:PLEASE DO NOT MENTION THIS TO THE FANDANGORIANS!!!!!

it would only make matters worse.

but thank you all for your advice.

Uh, posting in a public forum is odd way of keep info away from people. It maybe a bit too late for that request.

satireDUN · Post by **satireDUN** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 2:53 pm

well, ya, i know. but you have to admit theres alot better chance of it getting warped and spread through mouth instead of text.

possible awckwardness with BF...

possible awckwardness with BF...

s

Shaggin' Sheep

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