Relationships on the playa

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:42 am

Give her a chance...my ex talked me into going to Burning Man..I hated the desert back then. As it turned out, she left me because I was more into the event than her.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:03 pm

Bob wrote:I'd suggest gently helping her settle in when she lands on the playa, make believe you haven't had time to see anything, let her take the lead on a grand tour of the art crap & the Esplanade crap, and take it from there.

Bobs right on this... It what I do when My wife had to come mid-week... The transition goes smoothly for us..

Dustdevil · Post by **Dustdevil** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:12 pm

Jez,
I really think you might be surprised. After four years of going solo my wife wanted to see what this "thing" was all about. She does not drink, smoke (anything) or party. She manages a large super market and is the corporate type. Well, did I learn a lesson. During her first time at Burning Man she got a standing ovation at the "Island of Misfit Strippers", we took a runner up at the Great Canadian Beaver Eating Contest and she spent some "quality time" with another woman for the first time in her life. She becomes a different person on the Playa. I found a part of her that I never knew existed after many years of marriage. She is the one counting the days now. When she gets home the extreme red hair dye comes out and back to work she goes. No one any the wiser. It has brought us closer together.

StevenGoodman · Post by **StevenGoodman** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:59 pm

A few tiny little comments.

As has been said before, you will be there long before her. Take that time to wander around and see stuff, and hang out. Then, later you won't feel like you have missed out, and you can then be a tour guide.

Make sure you have some kind of comfortable place to crash (for the two of you); somewhere the two of you can be in some kind of private comfortable space. So you can escape from the insanity for a little while. I love my good tent and futon for this; once in a while you just need to escape.

No expectations!

Get up early one day, find something neat, and then when she wakes up take her out to see it? I love mornings at BM, it is great to have a few hours to go look at art when it isn't so hot.

And, again, as people have said, dehydration will make everything crash and burn into raving lunatics and a horrible "scene".

Martini Steve

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:51 am

the good news is you have anticipated and prepared for this realistically. If things turn sour you wont be surprised. since your expectations are fairly low, or at least open to the dangers, you may be surprised and have a wonderful time together.

I suspect the level of dust-storm activity will be a big factor as coach-bag chicks dont exactly relish sleeping under several inches of playa dust.

Trieste · Post by **Trieste** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:34 pm

First let me admit that I did not read the entire thread, so I apologize if I am repeating someone else's suggestion.

Most of what I read was you saying what your expectations were for your experience, but also what you expect her to do about it.

Have you sat down together and asked her to explain to you what her expectations are? Sounds like she will be diving headfirst into an experience she may not be prepared for --emotionally, psychologically, physically. Maybe if you give her a chance to tell you what she thinks she will need, what she knows she'll want, etc. You will be able to work out any necessary compromises.

Be willing to renegotiate the terms once you're out there.

I got the feeling that you don't want her to harsh your mellow, but you will be equally responsible for not harshing hers. The real danger is that you'll hurt eachother if you aren't both willing to give a little.

Make sure she reads the relationship survival guide. I learned from experience that if you abide, you will be fine . . . while you're out there at least.

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:47 pm

there should be legalized prostitution on the Playa if there isnt already

JezebelinHell · Post by **JezebelinHell** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:59 pm

Hearing about those of you with the Coach bag type of significant others who actually had a good time out there makes me feel much better. I have my fingers crossed.

DoriumLux · Post by **DoriumLux** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:46 pm

I have been burning since 2000. I have a very, very wonderful boyfriend whom I love very much. I asked him to go with me last year. I have usually gone alone but well, I wanted to show him something wonderful and amazing. He was *REALLY* reluctant about going. He doesn't drink or do any drugs. He never has and well, his take on the event was that it was a huge hippy drug fest. He wasn't too thrilled about going. As the event approached I became even more nervous about how it was going to turn out. I didn't want to ruin my week with potential bickering and etc.

It turns out that he fell in love with Burning Man. He is head over heels about the event and absolutely LOVES it. We didn't fight at all. However, he isn't prissy or pampered in anyway. He loves getting dirty and yes, we were attached at the hip at the event. I wouldn't feel comfortable "abandoning" him and I'm pretty sure that would have been taken the wrong way if I were to tell him that I was going off to do my thing. It was definitely a different event for me than it had been in the past, but I was okay with that. Seeing him have sooo much fun was satisfying.

I feel like you are either headed for a train wreck or the outcome will be completely unexpected. I would suggest perhaps camping somewhere with her before the event if it is something that she has never done. I would also arrange back up rides for each other. I wouldn't expect that she is going to be okay with you up and leaving whenever (especially if she feels out of her comfort zone). Relationships seem to always grow stronger or they just crash and burn. Burning Man is pretty much a threesome.

Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:53 am

http://www.datejesus.com/date/

Post by **mdmf007** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:06 pm

JezebelinHell wrote:Yeah, the problem is she wants to have 'my' experience exactly right along side me, and part of 'my' experience is that I have it on my own. I think the jealousy is what I'm most worried about... I'm not gonna cheat on her; I've never cheated on anybody. She gets jealous when she finds out I'm hanging out with one of my friends if said friend is female though, regardless of sexual orientation. It probably doesn't help that I've fooled around with most of my friends (I was kind of a whore for a while there) but that's gonna be a bigger problem on the playa. Do you have any idea how many of my Burner buddies I've gotten freaky with? Good lord, it could very well be a bloodbath.

Does your significant other read the eplaya? if so she sure has some insight to your thinking!!!

Teo del Fuego wrote:there should be legalized prostitution on the Playa if there isnt already

Prostitution is legal in Humboldt, Lander and Pershing county. You must be licensed, and work at a licensed brothel. Not sure if you can get a temporary license for playa?

later

sattelite5812 · Post by **sattelite5812** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 11:10 pm

mdmf007 wrote:
Teo del Fuego wrote:there should be legalized prostitution on the Playa if there isnt already
Prostitution is legal in Humboldt, Lander and Pershing county. You must be licensed, and work at a licensed brothel. Not sure if you can get a temporary license for playa?

later

But commerce isn't allowed on the Playa... you wanna have a free brothel? Sweet!

And since you won't be taking money, no permits necessary!

Post by **mdmf007** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 1:37 am

sattelite5812 wrote:
mdmf007 wrote:
Teo del Fuego wrote:there should be legalized prostitution on the Playa if there isnt already
Prostitution is legal in Humboldt, Lander and Pershing county. You must be licensed, and work at a licensed brothel. Not sure if you can get a temporary license for playa?

later

But commerce isn't allowed on the Playa... you wanna have a free brothel? Sweet! And since you won't be taking money, no permits necessary!

True - isnt that a whore house though? I believe you can Pre-Pay for services on playa its done all the time for water, food delivery, fuel delivery, campsite rentals, etc... Heres my token for a BJ or......

RedheadBarbie · Post by **RedheadBarbie** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:47 am

sattelite5812 wrote:But commerce isn't allowed on the Playa... you wanna have a free brothel? Sweet! :twisted: And since you won't be taking money, no permits necessary!

Isn't that basically what goes on already?

bdeywoo · Post by **bdeywoo** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:01 am

Save some money for someone and take them to a regional event. If she hates it no reason for her to go to BM.

I was fortunate enough to meet my gal out on the playa and this will be our 4th year on it together. Its a lesson in communication and compromise, but it brings a much different feeling sharing it with someone. Not better or worse but different. Get your fun in before thursday cause you'll be on full time watch thursday to sunday.

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:02 am

Oddly, everything is free at Nevada brothels except the girls and the booze. Free, coffee, soft drinks and tea, food, showers. Damn nice people, the folks at Donna's Ranch.

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 12:26 pm

shit. I think I'll head on out to one for lunch today. Thanks for the tip Anti !

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 1:17 pm

I didn't say it was good food.

Fabulous showers, though.

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:25 pm

gee Anti.. there seems to be a little "more" to the story than your sharing with the room.

care to elaborate?? wait !! let me get some snaks..

;;;;;;;; ok, proceed.

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:30 pm

Nope, just that they let people use the showers, especially couples. Two shower heads, all the fancy shampoo and soap and lotion you can think of, and nice thick, fluffy towels. We stopped at Battle Mountain Flying J and it was so nasty, Larry drove the truck over to the Ranch. They have truck parking. We used the shower, ate some chicken alfredo and went to sleep in the truck. They even do wake up calls, you tell them when you need to roll, and the bartender comes out and knocks on the side of the truck at that time. Nicer than a truckstop. Although foodwise, the usual dish is chili or spaghetti.

We declined purchasing a Power Shower. Not certain what that entails, but I am sure it is quite fun.

sattelite5812 · Post by **sattelite5812** » Thu Jan 15, 2009 9:42 pm

Hey, I wanna know how the story that started this thread ended! I noticed the OP date was pre-Burn, I wanna hear how the fashionista Coach-bag toter took to the Playa

Did she transform into a fashion desert-goddess, or did the dust and wind send her running back to the spa?

Dustdevil · Post by **Dustdevil** » Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:32 pm

AntiM,

I had a different experience in Battle Mountain. We rolled in late on Thanksgiving two years ago. Everything was closed, even MacDonalds. We always stop and visit Roller Coaster Fireworks. We have been friends for many years. The Casorlas took us to the Ranch for dinner. Maybe it was the atmosphere, maybe the company, but it was a great meal. The only problem I had was explaining the menu I brought home with me from the Ranch. It wasn't a dinner menu! A little trivia, Steve Casorla, 50% owner of the fireworks business in Battle Mountain has done the Man fireworks in the distant past. Great place to visit.

Post by **AntiM** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:25 pm

LOL, I have one of those menus! And MyLarry used to stop at the one in Wells for coffee ... he brought me a Ranch mousepad as an anniversary gift. How ... thoughtful.

falk · Post by **falk** » Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:23 am

So, JIH, how did it turn out? We're all dying here.

princesspisces · Post by **princesspisces** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 9:21 pm

I find myself oddly anticipating the story of JIH's burn.

fakereality · Post by **fakereality** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:36 pm

eat the same candy together ..... =D.. that should work for a little bit

fakereality · Post by **fakereality** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:37 pm

OOOps im way too late on a reply.. but yes how did it go?

Generic Anonymity · Post by **Generic Anonymity** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 9:01 pm

My bf got to attend bm last year. I was really excited for him, but also a little jealous - partly that I had to stay home and partly that all those other people would get to spend a week with him.
I think I will find that I am glad he has been there before me, though. I can bounce ideas off of him, ask him whether I've over- or under-packed, and if I'm lucky, I'll get to spend some time with him on the playa.
But I wouldn't be surprised if we got separated. It's a huge place, and we may have diverging interests. Either way, we'll meet back up by the end of it.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:51 am

i like a nice Deaf / Mute girl on the playa.

she wont listen to you, but she wont talk back, either.

Igneouss · Post by **Igneouss** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 8:23 am

Jezebell,
I'll toss my totally uninformed opinions into the mix...

Couple drama is jealousy motivated. You know how you want to behave on the playa. And you know if it's likely to cause jealousy drama with the partner. So you gots 2 options: educate partner in advance about what might happen and how it's ok and has no bearing on your relationship with partner. Then let partner decide if she wants to go along.

Second option: Find joy in showing partner all the wonders that you have found at BM. Take her with you everywhere and get her involved. This options assumes that partner can handle the things you like (which I doubt or you wouldn't have started the thread).

Maybe a third option is to turn her loose and tell her not to come back until she has had an appropriately naughty experience to tell you about. Kind of a sink or swim option. Might just be the kind of experience she needs.

All the logistical problems exist regardless of how things work out. So if partner is comming then she needs heavy education about the reality of camping and partying in the dust. If she can't handle that just make sure she has no one to blame but herself for the decision. Educate educate educate.

She might surprise you. But you owe it to her to give her enough info to make informed decisions.

Relationships on the playa

I had this situation last year...

Hey! Back on track!