Bad Advise, Missinformation, Poor Directions

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri May 29, 2009 11:15 am

as SOON as you arrive in your vehicle at the Gate, EVERYBODY in the vehicle, including the driver should break out the Cold Beers or Cocktails because it's going to be awhile before you actually get to camp, so you should start getting drunk on the way.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri May 29, 2009 11:18 am

oh yeah, i almost forgot.....speed like hell through Nixon, those signs dont mean shit.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Fri May 29, 2009 11:19 am

If you get pulled over give your cop a nice nipple twist. They're hot for that.

Oldguy · Post by **Oldguy** » Fri May 29, 2009 12:28 pm

All those steaks and frozen dinners and fresh vegetables you bought in Reno don't need to go in an icebox. You'll only be there a week, right?

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Fri May 29, 2009 4:16 pm

Sunscreen is for pussies

Hover when you use the blue palaces, that way you wont get germs on your pristine butt

Tie a strangers bike to the water trucks as they drive by

Better yet, tie their tent to it

When their inside

Having sex. They'll get the laugh of their life off of it. Trust me.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat May 30, 2009 2:01 pm

Sunscreen is for pussies

it works on penii, too.

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Sun May 31, 2009 12:01 pm

Burning Man is a gift economy, so DEMAND your share of all the free stuff! TAKE it if you have to!

chiefdanfox · Post by **chiefdanfox** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 11:38 am

The BMOrg sells all of the unsold tickets at the gate at a deep discount starting on the Friday evening of the festival. Group discounts are available for added savings.

Bob · Post by **Bob** » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:48 pm

Free showers, awesome bath products, foot massages -- just follow this guy.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:18 am

Only Eat Candy the whole week. Its your only chance to do so as an adult and get away with not gaining a single ounce!

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:25 am

put your forhead right here, hold the handles, this'll only take a minute.........

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:48 am

Gift Doobies at Center Camp.

Follow behind the Lamplighters with a can of compressed air and blow out the Lamps.

Dig large holes in the streets. Blame it on Shai Halud.

Why yes you can jack off from atop the Man. Just aim for the hat. Larry's.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:52 am

Be sure to not miss Tuesday's burn....it's almost as good as Saturday's !!!

**burn** · Post by **burn** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:15 pm

Put your trashcan out on the curb of your street;
The dump truck comes by to pick up twice a day.

You can leave your melon rind and orange peel on the ground;
the birds and squirrels will eat them.

Leave your coolers inside your car so the bears stay out of them.

accordionMan · Post by **accordionMan** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:32 pm

Discounted tickets go on sale the Thur before the burn!!!
Just show up at the gate... they are practically giving them away!

If you visit someone's camp site naked, sit anywhere you like. Burners love the earthy smell of the great unwashed.

Being a spectator is important... otherwise who would participants have to show off to?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:57 pm

if you turn the condom inside out, you can use it again

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:22 pm

Everything and Everybody are EXACTLY as they appear to be.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:40 pm

[youtube][/youtube]

Bob · Post by **Bob** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:04 pm

"DPW" stands for "dinky pink weenies".

If you see a parade of monster trucks driven by suburban punks, say it loud and proud.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:22 pm

"DPW" stands for "Department of Penis Whistles", just go to Critical Dicks and get one of your very own to blow.

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:13 pm

Thursday afternoon is the virgin meet and greet party at the trash fence. Free beer, bbq and strippers.

Finnegan · Post by **Finnegan** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:36 pm

If you run out of drugs, there are always drug 'ombudsmen' waiting to help in their black or green SUVs. They will hook you right up. just tell them you are looking for some "Larry".

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:00 pm

ygmir wrote:if you turn the condom inside out, you can use it again

I actully have a marraige manual from the 40s that teaches you how to wash, roll and re-use rubbers.
So that's why they told me in high school not to. Maybe in another generation or two that will be so long ago that people will not believe it.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:18 pm

They will hook you right up. just tell them you are looking for some "Larry".

just dont eat the brown "Larry"

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:30 pm

Rome was built in a day.

Hot water freezes faster than cold water.

Flying is safer than driving.

I was the last welder on the Airbus 330.
Let me build your art car.

stormfeather · Post by **stormfeather** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 12:24 am

Playa chicken is delicious BBQed.

There are drinking fountains in center camp.

The Mad Max-A-Million red carpet movie premier will be held at 10:00 and Leech. Mel Gibson will be in attendance.

Monday is the New Saturday.

Thursday the state of Nevada has declared it Divorce your Spouse Day.
Friday you can can pick up a new one at Costco Soul Traders and then you can get married again Saturday at the Temple, no blood test required!

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 9:24 am

Don't bother bringing any beer, check Paul Addis' camp, he always has plenty of brewskies to give away.

Break beer bottles on the playa, it's fun to watch hippies' feet bleed.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 9:27 am

pour battery acid on the playa, it makes great bubbles............
and, a handy prop if you get invited to act in the "Phantom of the Opera" production..............

Finnegan · Post by **Finnegan** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 9:33 am

Bring enough lemon juice to 'neutralize' the dust in your camp. About 15 gallons per person per day.

stormfeather · Post by **stormfeather** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 12:14 pm

there is an underground tunnel 'neath the man that leads to Oz.

Bad Advise, Missinformation, Poor Directions

Should this topis have a poll?