Caleb Schaber aka Shooter

howjon2001 · Post by **howjon2001** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:11 am

<Been a long time getting here - hi all y'all>

Hawaii is very healing. When it rains you can smell the Earth. I would go with all deliberate speed, Deb.

Peace & Love,

Howeird

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:21 am

Howeird;

So nice to see you. This is much nicer place than Tribe although Tribe seems to be changing for the better too. Took me awhile to find it too. Now that I'm here I don't think I'll leave.

It seems that everyone is suggesting Hawaii. Maybe I will consider it. It's so far outside my normal way of thinking that I would rush off to a strange land. Possibly it's just what I need.

Artemis · Post by **Artemis** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 12:05 pm

Deb,

You don't know me, but I've found your strength amidst these difficulties to be truly inspiring. That doesn't help you get through where you are now, but I wanted to make sure I mentioned it.

I've never gone through anything like what you've experienced, but I'm thinking back to two of my experiences with grief: my father's death of a heart attack when I was in my early 20s and my sister's boyfriend's heroin overdose/suicide a few years earlier. I'm not sure if any of this will help either, but I thought I'd reach out.

When my father died, I recall one incident where I was sitting at home crying - sobbing, weeping, hyperventilating, really letting it out. It occurred to me in that moment that in some ways we are alone in this world. We come into this world alone, we then bond with family and friends, but in the end, in that last moment, we leave this world alone again. And we never know when anyone will be taken from us or us from them. This was not a sad realization, just an observation. In that moment, my grouchy cat, came bounding over to where I was sitting and crawled up to me and licked my cheek. Sure, he was probably licking the salt of the tears. But it felt as if he was communicating to me, "yes, we're alone, but let yourself enjoy the love of those around you. Enjoy it." Maybe that's what the mule was thinking.....

My sister's boyfriend was very close to our family. I thought of him as a brother. I was so angry at his suicide. Why would he do that those who loved him, to the survivors. And what about the person who had to find him? Why couldn't he think about that. In time, I came around to the viewpoint you expressed:

Now when the anger comes, I tend to dismiss it by saying he was in greater pain than I will ever be and it's selfish for me to be angry at him because he choose peace for himself. I don't know if that's a good way to deal with it but that's how I'm thinking on it right now.

But sometimes I would go to the cemetery with dead flowers and dance on his grave, singing "Take me Down Little Susie". There was something really liberating about the seemingly unrespectful act of dancing on his grave. It let me show tribute to him at the same time I got to vent a little bit of that anger/frustration.

The key points for me have been to let myself FEEL the emotion, let myself follow my intuition. If I feel like sulking for a couple of weeks, then so be it. You can NOT change feelings. They just are and they are not meant to be rational or make sense. But you can control your reactions to them and how you choose to act. I let them have their moment, give my feelings the opportunity to come out, but once that's done, then I have to kick myself in the butt and let someone lick my face. You know, let yourself be loved. How do we do that? By reaching out as you have here. This is good practice for reaching out to others in the "real" world.

Hope to see you on the playa!

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 12:34 pm

Artemis;

Thanks for reaching out and responding to this thread. It's great to meet burners online who I will look for on the playa.

As I've said before, I'll be at the Black Rock Beacon camp writing for the paper. Drop by and get your daily newspaper and be sure to ask for me. We've been in the 9:00 plaza the last couple years and I expect that's where we'll be again. I do get out and about but often I am fiercely focussed on the newspaper.

I wish that Caleb's father had made a place for his ashes. I don't have a physical place to go to. I'm thinking of making a small place in my garden for Caleb's memory and where I can visit to "dance on his grave".

SilverOrange · Post by **SilverOrange** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:21 pm

Hey Deb. If you need some distraction or to hang out with some playa people there's a regional just over four hours away by car. Lakes of Fire June 25-28. lakesoffire.org Might be a nice weekend away, probably not nicer than Hawaii though.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:26 pm

Silver Orange;

You must be a mind reader. I was just on the Lakes of Fire website to see if I could still get a ticket.

The ticket link isn't working right now so I'm not sure what that's all about. The error message says that the site can't be found.

Anyway, it sounds like a good place for me to go and get some playa love. I'll try and find a theme camp that I can fit into. Not sure if some of the London gang is going but I'll check around.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:28 pm

Silver Orange;

Got my ticket.

Now I just need to find a group to fit in with.

SilverOrange · Post by **SilverOrange** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:46 pm

All of the local burners I've met are really cool. I'll be working with the parking crew so there's a good chance we'll cross paths pretty quickly. I'm planning on camping on the knoll otherwise. You'll know what I'm talking about when you get there. I'll introduce you to some of the local people. See you there! SO

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:20 pm

Great, Silver Orange,

Look forward to meeting you and your mates.

I know a few people from Detroit and of course any from London or Toronto that come. I went to the Temple thing last year in Detroit and stayed with Doxie so I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

Is there a good spot for camper trucks? I'll bring a tent too but I've heard a rumour about fire ants. My camper is a wee little Toyota truck not a big one. Perfect size for me though.

I'll watch for you on the knoll.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:20 pm

Great, Silver Orange,

Look forward to meeting you and your mates.

I know a few people from Detroit and of course any from London or Toronto that come. I went to the Temple thing last year in Detroit and stayed with Doxie so I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

Is there a good spot for camper trucks? I'll bring a tent too but I've heard a rumour about fire ants. My camper is a wee little Toyota truck not a big one. Perfect size for me though.

I'll watch for you on the knoll.

SilverOrange · Post by **SilverOrange** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:28 pm

There should be plenty of accesible spots for a camper. Vehicle have to be in parking instead of campsites (excluding campers) so I wouldn't think finding a spot along one of the streets shouldn't be a problem. I've been on site camping and working and haven't seen or even heard about fire ants until two days ago. If you go in the woods there is poison ivy though.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:23 pm

Deb Prothero wrote:Thanks for responding Crypto;

Part of my problem lies in not really having a local network. And it's my own fault.

When I separated from my husband last year I had endured 16 years of physical and emotional abuse. He was a control freak who didn't like having people over to our house. He tolerated family events but that was it.

Goddamit, with him simplifying your life like that, you should have had enough room to win the Nobel Prize at least once. Fucking slacker.

Look, all I know is what I've read and heard, and maybe what my world view tells me when I ssk the question. You survived. Plenty don't. Survival under such conditions is a very powerful thing. YOu may have regrets, you may have missed chances, but there is absolutely nothing in evidence to suggest that you could have done any better with an impossible situation.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:32 pm

Goddamit, with him simplifying your life like that, you should have had enough room to win the Nobel Prize at least once. Fucking slacker.

I'm working on that now, fishy!

Look, all I know is what I've read and heard, and maybe what my world view tells me when I ssk the question. You survived. Plenty don't. Survival under such conditions is a very powerful thing. YOu may have regrets, you may have missed chances, but there is absolutely nothing in evidence to suggest that you could have done any better with an impossible situation.

True and that applies to both situations - a bad marriage and Caleb's death.

I recognize I'm lucky I got out alive. I have some regrets but I've had some snarky thoughts lately so I must be on the mend.[/quote]

goathead · Post by **goathead** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:39 pm

Deb Prothero wrote: I've had some snarky thoughts lately so I must be on the mend.

Snarky is good.

Personally I like high explosives.
They make me giggle.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:55 pm

Iso. Thanks for sharing.

jezzabelle · Post by **jezzabelle** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:03 am

MOD NOTE -

I removed this text in its entirety, the text was nothing but inflammatory, libelous, and just rude. All of you kow that I love a good argument as well as the next, and I can antagonize as well as anyone (better than most in fact) This account was obviously opened just to drop this one message in hopes of picking some sort of war.

The facts are:

Caleb is dead and no one will know for certain why he did it.

This post was a very tasteless attack.

MDMF007

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:42 pm

Thanks, moderator MDMF !!!

lonestoner916 · Post by **lonestoner916** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:52 pm

MDMF is a Mod? I only knew about Dork, and of course AntiM. How many more of you are moderators??

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:07 pm

lonestoner916 wrote:MDMF is a Mod? I only knew about Dork, and of course AntiM. How many more of you are moderators??

Scotto and Bay Bridge Sue. If there are others, they've not logged in for such a long time I don't recall who they are.

Post by **mdmf007** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:25 pm

lonestoner916 wrote:MDMF is a Mod? I only knew about Dork, and of course AntiM. How many more of you are moderators??

I count 12: with 3 active, 3 sometime around, and 6 I havent seen in years.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:35 am

And the 3 active do a fine ass job, rarely going overboard with heavy handiness, but when the need arises, they whomp down harshly with the vengeance of a super hero

Whatever that troll posted mdmf, thanks for kicking it in the nads. This is def not a thread for trolls to be inciting shit.

Risky · Post by **Risky** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:05 am

WHOMP!

Post by **mdmf007** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:14 am

Sail Man wrote:... This is def not a thread for trolls to be inciting shit.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Your right, I wish I could have left up the text as an example of a complete asshole, just digging at a wound. And to open an account, dig through the archives and find a thread that has been mute since June of last year - just to dig at an old wound makes Jezzebelle the mother of all Trolls, Socks, and coward. Had they said it with a real name and contact info, I would have let ti stand.

wow - it still gets me worked up.

later

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:19 am

I'm with ya 007......good job.

Yeah, to bad they gotta use a sock to have a voice.......Jackal.......

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:27 am

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:13 pm

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:14 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:

Perfect Simon... Thanks....

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Fri Feb 12, 2010 11:03 am

Yeah... some of us just lurk... waiting for some azzole to strike, so we can strike back harder. heh heh heh...

I sit here on my bed, still in shock. See, I distanced myself from the BRC community (Ding... Drink!!) a couple years ago, and kinda broke ties. Personal shit, but I needed time to heal.

Shooter was a friend of mine. You always expect people like him to be around. Hell, his was a shoulder I used to cry on (in this virtual world) when MY life was becoming a pile of shit. When I cut myself off, not sure if I came back or not, he was one of the few who told me that I had to do what I had to do, and true friends would always understand. In a very real way, it was him that allowed me to come back to the playa and re-join life.

And now he's gone. Damn it all to hell. Fuck. I'm sitting on my bed, and the tears are flowing. Shitshitshit...

Deb - I admire you. Putting up with the shit of said azzoles, and holding true to yourself... and to Shooter... and his memory... damn, I dont know you, but I see why the 2 of you were drawn together.

Fuck these azzoles. Serious. NEVER let some pitiful sniveling weenie sockpuppet think they can give you grief. Roll over them like a steamroller... and never look back!

Stop by the Kantina on playa some evening - rounds on me, in Caleb's memory. Especially the one I owed him... in his memory now.

bb

Caleb Schaber aka Shooter

greetings to new friends

Lakes of Fire

Lakes of Fire

Lakes of Fire

Re: local network

Re: local network

Re: local network

CALEB SCHABER