Any California Family Lawyers out there?

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:14 am

Hey friends, Monkeypoo here, but my daughter is writing this, looking for help....

i recently got a better job opportunity in minnesota and ideally i would like to take my son along with me who is currently 7 months old. his father and are not in a relationship but he is in his life and we are currently splitting up time 50/50 which was not court appointed. im finding all sorts of conflicting statements...some are saying i can since its a better job opportunity that would benefit the child and some are saying i cant leave if he doesnt want me too no matter the circumstance. i find that rather ridiculous though. currently im making $22,000 a year, living with my parents, my mother is my babysitter when im at work, i have no health benefits therefore my child is on medi-cal and i have nothing. if i were to take this job in minnesota i would be making anywhere from $40,000 to $60,000 a year. i would be able to live on my own and afford childcare if anything were to happen to my parents. not to mention i wouldnt be on state funded benefits. i wouldnt deny my son his father and with me making more money i would easily be able to pay for my son to come out and visit every so often. so do you think i would be able to leave the state with my child?

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:50 am

Unless the respondee is a lawyer DO NOT take or listen to any advice proffered here by anyone.

Your issues are too big to bring to this group - most of whom will offer only opinions.

You need to discuss this with a lawyer and most lawyers worth their salt won't discuss your options here.

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:06 pm

Badger wrote:Unless the respondee is a lawyer DO NOT take or listen to any advice proffered here by anyone.

Your issues are too big to bring to this group - most of whom will offer only opinions.

You need to discuss this with a lawyer and most lawyers worth their salt won't discuss your options here.

It's a shame if a childs life is "decided" by a lawyer. It would be nice if people could work things out themselves, by agreement, with the childs welfare foremost.

Options, which could be discussed here, naturally do not carry the weight of law, but might help with the love angle.

Work it out, make it fair. Have you considered that you first go there, get the job, get settled, show that it will work. What if you don't like it and and end up coming back?"

Ok, not trying to tell you what to do, just perhaps offering options, keep your love for your child and a real view of life and the childs future as most important and I am sure when you look back on things you will be happy.

Getting legal advice is always good. But you guys can reach your own agreements, write it down, and do as you say.

and for your kid, try and get along.

good luck

mojo · Post by **mojo** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:50 pm

I have to go with Badger here.

Run, do not walk, to get a lawyer and get a formal custody/visitation/support agreement worked out. If it is not done through the court, you will always be looking over your shoulder for when "dad" changes his mind (and he most likely will at some point).

It will be the best money you ever spent.

pizzamancer · Post by **pizzamancer** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:01 pm

Did you talk it over with his dad? Obviously you converse on some level, so that might be the first place to start. Having an agreement in hand that a lawyer verifies is a heck of a lot cheaper than the both of you hiring lawyers and the opportunity cost of fighting things out.

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:01 pm

mojo wrote:I have to go with Badger here.

Run, do not walk, to get a lawyer and get a formal custody/visitation/support agreement worked out. If it is not done through the court, you will always be looking over your shoulder for when "dad" changes his mind (and he most likely will at some point).

It will be the best money you ever spent.

And it will cost you much! But if an agreement has already been decided in a court expect to pay for the airline tickets to comply if he puts up a fight.

AIIZ

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:34 pm

mojo wrote:I have to go with Badger here.

Run, do not walk, to get a lawyer and get a formal custody/visitation/support agreement worked out. If it is not done through the court, you will always be looking over your shoulder for when "dad" changes his mind (and he most likely will at some point).

It will be the best money you ever spent.

Mojoâ€™s and Badgerâ€™s advice is sage wisdom. What ever you do get it in writing. It protects both parties. Iâ€™d suggest discussion with the father and get it in writing through an attorney. It will be the best money youâ€™ve spent, noâ€¦ INVESTED.

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:37 pm

Apollonaris Zeus wrote:And it will cost you much!

But nowhere near as much as the cost of working it out later.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Mon Jun 29, 2009 8:50 pm

...And you can use to help the decession to his father, that all that state money your "borrowing" will go on his Back child support. Regardless if he agree's or not.
Trust me on this one.
My X had a daughter in a relationship before we met.

He paid child support for most of her life, but got in some trouble and then had not paid for awhile.

So now she's over 18 w/ a baby of her own.
He put in for a pay off to the state of California.
Think he owed somewhere in the 9K range. They sent him a settlement offer of a 1/3 amount, but only if he signs this other letter...stating he will technique owe $45,000.00 to the state of calif. for her lifetime of welfare benefits the mom had gotten for all her life .

2 things here....
~Do whatever you can to get on your own feet and off the system.
If a move will better you families financial situation.....!
They(afdc etc...) arnt doing you any long term favors!...really! No REALLY!

~Warn the father involved of the liability of his not helping you finacially
( the reason you had to seek welfare) That it will come back to bite HIM in the arse!
Not as a personal threat, but more as a "They wernt doing THAT 20 yrs ago!"
Arnold wants his $$$ back!!! and he wants it any way he can get it!

Another thing.
There is a bunch of laywers in the sacramento area that work on a sliding scale.(there is even some that you can use I think through Calworks)?
a major plus if you and the daddy can go in together and be sensible.

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 7:56 am

MP here. Sammi has been reading your responses. You guys are great. We appreciate ya.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 8:17 am

questions:
what is the custody arrangement, and, is it court ordered (and documented) or just "that's what works"?

my understanding, from my own experience, here in CA, is that, it's unconstitutional to restrict where a person can live, within the U.S., but, if it's a financial hardship, the court can order the relocating parent to pay for or subsidize visitation trips........assuming they have majority custody.....

all the advise to get a lawyer is good........don't assume anything.

But,
speaking from personal experience, work it out with the father.......make it ok for the child, don't let your personal ego and pains affect the childs life.
Dads are important, too........

Just keep the childs interests in mind, not the parents and their issues......

A good childhood is not necessarily related to lots of money........

sorry for the rant.......it's sort of close to home, for me.......

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:13 am

Minnesota.

Where the hell is that anyway? What am I getting myself into?
Isn't that the Land of 1000 Lakes? It's COLD there. Isn't the only mode of transportation there a snowmobile? Are there burners in Minnesota? How long do the winters last? They talk funny there too, don't they? I pick up dialects too easy. What the fuck is a California/NorthCarolina/Minnesotan/Canadian accent gonna sound like after a year? I guess I'll let you know.

Scary.

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:42 pm

Doing research on MinneeeeeesOta!!!! Fuckin-A!!! BRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I can deal with this.... (I can even bait my own fishing hook!)

Hmmm....they found this in Minnesota....he's called the Minnesota Iceman.... Scary, but interesting.... (look at that schlong!!!!)

OMFG!!!! These are Minnesota MEN???? I'm fucking DOOMED.

Just throw me in the snow NAKED. Alone. With my vibrator. I'll be fine.

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:56 pm

the state flower of minnesota is an orchid!

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:59 pm

Sweeeeeeet!!!!!

*rubbing my boobies all over the orchids*

edited because orchids are purple....

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:00 pm

My daughter is gonna be soooooooo embarrassed when she reads this thread.