Getting cold feet

angrykittie25 · Post by **angrykittie25** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 2:51 pm

The closer it gets to burning man, the more nervous I get. I am now officially going alone (boyfriend problems) and have never been before. He was going to help me adjust to every thing and all the people. None of my friends seem to be able to go. I am planning on camping with a theme camp (Club Med) and they are really great, but its not the same as knowing someone other than in emails. I have thought of going to some of the burn events in san fransisco but that is a really long trip for me. I am still determined to go, but doing all of this seems very overwhelming. Atleast I'm not having to travel all the way from the east coast. Is or have anyone else felt this way anticipating their first Burning Man.

Desi Arnaz · Post by **Desi Arnaz** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:08 pm

Jest git yerself prepared and go. You'll have a great time.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:41 pm

Whhaaaa!

Kitty, you have nothing to worry about. you will have a blast. Now stop thinking about it and think about what gifts you might want to make and gift.

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:45 pm

Remember, "Fear is the Little Death"... well, screw that!!! Since we're alive, let's be alive!! Sometimes I'm wetting my pants as I go through life, but I'm still going! Yee Haw!!!

I guess "shaking in my boots..." sounds better...

"Peeing in my boots..." might work, in a pinch...

Whatever... no regrets.

Sam

_tears_ · Post by **_tears_** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 3:50 pm

You will do ok. I am heading to the playa alone this year. Just read up on it and prepair yourself.... look at it as a journey, its not as bad as you think. There is a strong bond between everywhere out there, its unlike anything you will be able to understand now and even then.

Good Luck

shitmouse · Post by **shitmouse** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 4:13 pm

i think it's a good way to *experience* the burn without the biases of your daily friends, and their added cargo of potential bitching. you'll be in good hands. and your sure to meet someone that you'll no doubt keep in touch with.
-b

samdu · Post by **samdu** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 5:06 pm

samtzu wrote:Remember, "Fear is the Little Death"...

i thought "the little death" was something that happened in bed..... now i find out that was "fear" all along? crap!

Dork · Post by **Dork** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 5:22 pm

Coming without any default world friends can be a good thing. No worries about having your co-workers know what you look like naked, no reminders of baggage you might have back home, and more freedom to choose who you want to be. Nobody will think you're acting strangely and pressure you into being normal again, you can act however you want and people will just think that's who you always are!

I was scared shitless my first time, and to some extent still am every year. The important thing is to just get yourself up there and see how it goes. To not go and regret it later would be worse than going and finding out it sucks.

Icepack · Post by **Icepack** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 7:46 pm

angrykittie25 wrote:The closer it gets to burning man, the more nervous I get. I am now officially going alone (boyfriend problems) and have never been before. He was going to help me adjust to every thing and all the people. None of my friends seem to be able to go. I am planning on camping with a theme camp (Club Med) and they are really great, but its not the same as knowing someone other than in emails. I have thought of going to some of the burn events in san fransisco but that is a really long trip for me. I am still determined to go, but doing all of this seems very overwhelming. Atleast I'm not having to travel all the way from the east coast. Is or have anyone else felt this way anticipating their first Burning Man.

Actually, if read the part about relationships on the playa (on the website), you may actually be glad you aren't going with a boyfriend. Burning Man can be a relationship ender. It can also be a great meeting place to begin a new relationship. So, you may have more fun going as a single person.

Also, as others have already pointed out, by going without any of your default world friends and acquaintainces, you can put on a new face and be as strange and wierd as you dare or want to be. Take off your shirt or wear costumes, dance like a fool, eat and sleep whenever you please, and just generally have fun on your schedule anyway you want to. No one will know what you did for a week except you. No one back home to say "OH MY GOD! How embarrassed are you now?" Hugging strangers, and taking it all in will be your unique experience. your trip. Your spiritual journey. Your fantastic vacation.

You will meet new people quickly and find people easy to meet. We showed up last year at our theme camp and no one was home. We pulled a couple of chairs out of the car and waited. People came over, introduced themselves, and hung out with us. When we finally had things sorted out and were able to setup camp 3 hours later we already knew many people. I'm sure you will be fine. The fact that you've hooked up with a theme camp will help too.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Sat May 01, 2004 11:15 am

I've gone both with and without a girlfriend, gotta say it was better without.

Larissa · Post by **Larissa** » Sat May 01, 2004 8:57 pm

I'm going without my bf and for the first time as well. I'll also be camping with a group of people I met recently by chance. Luckily they're in the same city as me, so I have time to get to know them and travel down with them. I totally get what you mean about feeling a little nervous the closer we get. But whenever the thought of doing something makes me really nervous (to the point of almost backing out), I know I just have to do it because it will be amazing.

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Sat May 01, 2004 11:15 pm

I hear where you're coming from.

I don't think it's my place to encourage you one way or another. Only you can decide.

But whenever I'm in a similar situation, I think about two things:

1. What's the worst that can happen?

and

2. I always regret the things I dont do, rather than the things i did.

YMMV.

DancingTofu · Post by **DancingTofu** » Sun May 02, 2004 3:11 am

I've felt that way too. I went all alone last year, and it was great. Met old friends and new friends once I was there, many and more. I loved not having to babysit anyone as they puked on my pillow and refused to go to Medical Tent. Just remember to take it easy the first couple days, your body's not used to it, and it can be harsh. It's worth it, though.

jlpc4004 · Post by **jlpc4004** » Sun May 02, 2004 3:52 pm

"i think it's a good way to *experience* the burn without the biases of your daily friends, and their added cargo of potential bitching. you'll be in good hands. and your sure to meet someone that you'll no doubt keep in touch with."
GREAT ANSWER!!! Yes, once you get there and find out just how "yourself " you can be without being judged and meet some people that YES, you'll bond with, you'll cry when you get home and reality hits ya in the ass...:)

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Sun May 02, 2004 5:59 pm

Ohhh Kitty....

Don’t fret.

Most of the time big journeys are very rewarding done alone (or at least single). You don’t have to constantly be aware of the needs of a significant other. Not to say that is bad by any means, just that its easier to reach deeper within yourself when you walk a solitary path. I’m driving out and camping with a few friends I’ve made locally. But I firmly intend to wander about, not only with them, but alone and with whomever else I met that may want to wander with me. And I will definitely go way out into the dark under the stars by myself.

I enjoy interacting with others, but at the end of the day I'm more solitary than not and am pretty comfortable with it being that way. And before anyone asks why I would come to an event and be trapped with 30,000 others in the middle of nowhere.... I said solitary, not antisocial.

But enough with the worrying, AngryKittie... How are your gifts coming along? I’ll bring a couple of cool, old glass beads for you, incase I cross your path on the playa. Then you can make some stuff while you there too.

angrykittie25 · Post by **angrykittie25** » Mon May 03, 2004 12:08 am

I guess I am just worrisome because I have no idea what to expect, which is good because then I will not be dissapointed, however how can I prepare my mind for the unknown. I think my main reason for wanting someone to go with me is a comfort thing. Without going into details, I got drunk on spiked beer when I was 16 and bad things happened, so I have a tendency to feel more unsafe in situations that all others would feel fine.
I wouldn't mind a friend or two going with me because, well...I was/am the crazy, weird, freaky one, out of all of my friends (trying to tone down due to motherhood). So I have done everything I could imagine that I would do at burning man. Friends are friends because they accept you no matter what, atleast in my book, so if they were imbarrassed of me or started bitching, they can take a hike. The puking on the pillow thing was a good point however.
I had read the info on relationships on the playa and had that worked out. Although we are no longer together, we had agreed that we were free to do whatever we wanted with whomever we wanted while at burning man (as long as protection was used if such activities occured) and letting the other one know about it. Although he agreed to this and was very excited about the free reign, I suspect that it would have been okay for him to do what he wanted, but not so okay for me.
I tend to be a solitary person as well LeChatNoir. However, it would be nice to have someone to fall back on if I wanted someone there. I understand that people will be there to help me if needed, and many volunteers to help me party and what not. But if I should need emotional support, although I know that people I had only just met would most likely be there for me, it might lend itself to my uncomfortableness by someone having to take care of the emotional girl or something to that effect. Note that I am not usually emotional, but have never camped with 30,000 people before and being slightly phobic of large crowds, I am unsure of my reaction. I suspect that the vibe of the community will alleviate this phobia, I cannot possibly predict anything about my experience.
As for my gifting project, It seems as if my ideas are multiplying faster than I can move. I am still going the necklaces(LeChatNoir, I will definatly be looking you up on the playa) however progress has slowed due to my 15 month old getting two of her "I" teeth in two weeks. I have also been trying to come up with other ideas, something more spur of the moment for on the playa. So that it can be more personalized. I know food is a big hit, but I don't cook at all, baking is a maybe.
Sorry for this very long post. I normally like to keep it short and sweet, but some how it turned into this. Thank you everyone for your advise and comments. I am going to burning man, nothing will stop me short of a major disaster, or a panic attack on the way there (you never know with me). This will truly be an adventure of a lifetime.

angrykittie25 · Post by **angrykittie25** » Mon May 03, 2004 12:11 am

Just for the record...re-read my post and the looking up LeChatNoir part almost sounded stalker like. Not stalking, just wanted to meet someone who has been very helpful to me on this board.

zapatista · Post by **zapatista** » Mon May 03, 2004 1:25 am

angrykittie25 wrote:The closer it gets to burning man, the more nervous I get.

Honestly, I'm getting a little nervous too.. more excited then nervous tho, this will be my first time. I'm going with some roomies tho.. so, I'll know a couple of people. I'm really looking forward to meeting new people and fully immersing my self in the experience. I hope I meet a bunch of you guys there! I have been coming to this site for a while.. and just now desided to register. haha

paz!

samdu · Post by **samdu** » Mon May 03, 2004 8:50 am

kitty,

this will be my 1st burn also. i'm going with my dearest friend, but he'll be the only person there i know. i understand your anxiety, and your fear. feel free to look me up on the playa anytime you feel the need for a hug or reassurance. i'm usually the person who "takes care" of my friends when they're in need, and i'm pretty good at either listening when you need to talk, or handing you a cup of hot tea, a pillow and walking away when you need to feel safe but don't want to talk. there's nothing wrong with needing to be "taken care of" every once in a while, and nothing wrong with "being emotional", either. we just all need to find a minute/space/person who can support us during those times. i'll be bringing my special "huggy gargoyle", and he has plenty of love to give, so if you just need a "safe place" to be alone for a minute, come by my camp!

sam

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Mon May 03, 2004 9:10 am

FYI for anyone hoping to find each other on the playa -- the way to do this is to register yourselves (and your camp location) at the playa information booth found near center camp. You won't have much luck just walking around saying "where's samdu's camp?" :-)

samdu · Post by **samdu** » Mon May 03, 2004 9:37 am

thanks, alpha, that's exactly what i was planning on doing. do many people actually do that? i'd like to meet in person the people that i've met on e-playa, and was hoping that i'd be able to find them through the registry-thingie.

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Mon May 03, 2004 9:43 am

I wouldn't plan on being able to find someone through Information unless you've made prior arrangements for them to register. Unless it's a theme camp, of course, in which case you should be able to find those.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Mon May 03, 2004 10:19 am

You mean there is no eplaya camp this year?

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Mon May 03, 2004 10:24 am

There is traditionally an "Eplaya Meet & Greet" but I haven't seen talk of one for this year (yet).

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Mon May 03, 2004 10:47 am

Yes... thank you, Alpha...

I had planned on doing just that. The only problem is, of course, that I don’t plan on spending all my time at camp. But again, I like to let things happen as they do. If you find me, or not, it was as it was supposed to be. But I certainly hope to see those I’ve interacted with here on the playa at some point or another. Even Trey and precipitate... but then again maybe I'm into subjecting myself to abuse and don't realize it yet.

In all seriousness, everyone here has affected me in a good way.

Heh Heh Heh... perhaps you weren't trying hard enough, huh?

samdu wrote:i'm usually the person who "takes care" of my friends when they're in need

Ah yes... a care giver. Welcome to the club, my friend. I wouldn't have it any other way.

And Kitty... you don't like to boil rabbits in pots do you? AAAAAAAHHH!!!

To address your comments, the hardest person to live with is yourself. If you can live with yourself, you can live with anybody. I know going at life alone can be damn terrifying at first. Nobody to lean on in time of crisis, alone in the middle of nothing. But realize that it is not a helpless free fall with no safety rope that your feeling, its more like floating weightless in space. When you realize this, you can learn to depend on yourself, trust yourself, and know that you really can make alone in any situation. Then all of the sudden the relationships you’ve formed (and will form) take on a new vibrance. Your own life can really blossom and grow, positively affecting you and everyone you come in contact with. Its like the transition from holding on to your parent(s) when you're first learning to walk, to taking a step on your own and away you go. You know you can always return to the safety of Mom or Dad, but knowing you don’t have to in order to run free makes it all different... makes it better when you do return. Its very similar to this and doesn’t happen over night, but it does happen. At least it did for me. Don’t be afraid of going at anything alone... you’ll find that there’s countless others who will float around with you out there. You don’t need anyone else to make you safe or whole... just what is in your own self.

Oh... and I watched “Dust Devils” (BM documentary) over the weekend (Thank you Chad for the loan). You understand what I say... or you don’t... but I see why it is said, "Welcome Home”. Yes... I’ll fit in just fine. I’ve been “fitting in” just fine with you freaks all my life.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Mon May 03, 2004 11:14 am

Kittie
You can count me as a resource too. I'm not sure where we'll be camping, but you have my name (I've pm'd to you in the past) and I'll send you my Sweetie's and he'll be in Emergency Services Department this year. For whatever reason you've enganged my stubborn streak, so you can count on my help (at least until we decide we don't like each other.) I'm happy to tour the Playa with you, S is so focussed on the medical that he and I never do anything else much together.
Chukka

poeticphoto · Post by **poeticphoto** » Mon May 03, 2004 11:37 am

Oh I hope there's an e-playa camp. That'd be perfect... I'd be interested in meeting people from here as well... super interested.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Mon May 03, 2004 12:42 pm

You could always start an eplaya camp.

angrykittie25 · Post by **angrykittie25** » Mon May 03, 2004 11:00 pm

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I think the hardest part of this journey for me, will be packing the car and leaving. After that it will be cake. All of this waiting and wondering what it will be like, and all the different senarios running through my head. I know I should have no expectations, and I don't, but I can't help but wonder.
I would also love an eplaya meet and greet. I don't know about an actual theme camp, can you imagine the drama that could take place, although all in good fun. But I would definatly be interested in meeting everyone face to face.
I also just realized that I still have alot of preparing to do. Four months to have everything I need. Its a little overwhelming, I just have to put my mind to it and get started.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Mon May 03, 2004 11:56 pm

Holy crap, there's only four months to go?!! Press panic button!

Getting cold feet

Getting cold feet

Re: Getting cold feet

slippers

Re: Getting cold feet

stop by!