PRE Playa Depression?

Victorian · Post by **Victorian** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:01 pm

Things have been very rough on the home front.

There has been many stressors in our relationship. Burning Man has become one of them.

I've been wanting to go for 2 years. This year is my maiden voyage. I'll be going solo. Boyfriend doesn't camp. Doesn't drink. Isn't social. Won't be going. Tried a few different ways to get him excited, tried showing the technical/electronic aspect of the event. Still no interest. He won't even help me get my bike wired.... Yet expects me to like things he does...

I don't know.. Our differences always made us stronger. But since I've decided to finally go.. He's been very detatched...

This whole trip may very well re-shape my default world.
I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this. No one seems to understand around me, it's becomming very frustrating.

Anyone have insight and/or similar stories? I'd love to hear.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:24 pm

Been going since 1999. My first year, was against my will. But fell in love with it. I went with an open mind. I wonder if he's attached to all the stereotypes of burning man. Which is sad...because almost everything they say about burning man is false, once you've experienced it. Remind him its OKAY for you to meet new friends! And that's not sexually speaking!

Victorian · Post by **Victorian** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:26 pm

He's ok with me going. I'm ok with him not going. It just seems he doesn't give a care at all.. That's what's making me sad. I'm worried I may need to change quite a lot in my default life after my first burn. Alot won't work for me anymore after this...

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:32 pm

It may, or may not change your life. I'm guessing it will, as it did mine, but keep in mind, the real world while you're out their. Don't pressure him, and don't talk about it every second, like I used to do. Maybe he'll go someday.

lambert13 · Post by **lambert13** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:52 pm

Victorian wrote: No one seems to understand around me, it's becomming very frustrating.

You're spending a shit load of money to go camp in a hot, dusty DESERT with no food, water or anything else other than what you bring with 50,000 other weirdos willing to do the same thing.

If you take a step back I can completely see why people would not understand. Hell, my wife thinks it is one of the more ridiculous ideas she has heard of. Who knows, she might be right. It still sounds like the time of my life to me. And that is all that matters.

I am very used to being excited about things that other people don't 'get'. It's just fine with me that way. I do what I do and like what I like for me. Not for what others think of it.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:03 pm

probably why I'm still single................

But, remember to leave your expectations at home......even the expectation you have, that, attending will change your default life........you really don't know, and, won't know, till you "been there and done that".......

just be open.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:05 pm

ygmir wrote:probably why I'm still single................

But, remember to leave your expectations at home......even the expectation you have, that, attending will change your default life........you really don't know, and, won't know, till you "been there and done that".......

just be open.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

So who was that woman I met you with?!

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:10 pm

TomServo wrote:
ygmir wrote:probably why I'm still single................

But, remember to leave your expectations at home......even the expectation you have, that, attending will change your default life........you really don't know, and, won't know, till you "been there and done that".......

just be open.

Of course, this is just my opinion.
So who was that woman I met you with?!

I don't remember, help me..........

Victorian · Post by **Victorian** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:12 pm

Very good point ygmir.

I guess I've just caught the fever. But then again, this entire event, was something I haven't even heard of until last year...

I really do not have any set expectations no. I may truly hate it after I'm there. You are correct....

But then again, something tells me, I wont.

I guess I'm just having a frustrating time being around people who could care less about something I've been very passionate about lately. Especially the man I've been sharing my life with for the last 6 months.

I know he shouldn't and won't go. That's ok. But do you think it would kill him to help me work on my bike ?? LOL

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:12 pm

You came to the bar with some woman...maybe she was just following you. 2007?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:15 pm

she was a friend, and campmate..........
no longer either........

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:17 pm

Ahh ok..my bad

Sorry! Back to the OP!

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:22 pm

Victorian wrote:Very good point ygmir.

I guess I've just caught the fever. But then again, this entire event, was something I haven't even heard of until last year...

I really do not have any set expectations no. I may truly hate it after I'm there. You are correct....

But then again, something tells me, I wont.

I guess I'm just having a frustrating time being around people who could care less about something I've been very passionate about lately. Especially the man I've been sharing my life with for the last 6 months.

I know he shouldn't and won't go. That's ok. But do you think it would kill him to help me work on my bike ?? LOL

not, by any means, that I'm an expert..........these are merely the thoughts of, a random, sporadic, thinker.

but,
be careful not to put your hopes, dreams, and expectations on your partner.........
and, it takes some people longer to warm to an idea than others.
If he's really against it, or, not at all interested, he may be doing his best, just to not be negative........it may be hard to be positive, or, maybe he's being positive (to the best of his ability), but, in his own way, and, not in the way you expect........

No one knows your passions, like you do,
no one cares about them, like you do.

enjoy what you have, and do, just for the joy of it.

embrace that joy, if someone wants to share, fine, but, if not, it's yours.......roll in it.
You may find, that, your excitement is infectious, if, you don't try to force others......your pure joy may well be enticement, enough.

Victorian · Post by **Victorian** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:44 pm

Thank you, that makes me feel better

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:46 pm

You are quite young, I assume he is the same. The chance that you two will be together in 3 years, I'd put at low, partly because of age, partly because of this whatever the two of you are going through.

Could be he's depressed. It's hard to get one of those animals to move. If he is, educate yourself on keeping yourself healthy while you're with him. Even without a vector, depression can be quite contagious.

Or maybe he's just an introvert with a rich inner world that doesn't need that much stimulation.

Remember, I have absolutely no qualifications for any of this, and any ethical mental health practitioner wouldn't make any sort of judgement based on the evidence available.

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 7:48 pm

I still have a fantasy of burning man that is one wonderful laughing welcoming hug. "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" The reality so far has been 3 fantastic solo camping trips with very nice folks all over the place ready to chat with and trade written electronic observations with. Sometimes I stand at the edge of a group and watch, sometimes I dive in. If I don't show up, there's no chance of being a part of it. I have a playa address for next year and will meet with some very cool people that will be camping there too. The reality is very nice actually. My life didn't transform into something marvelous and magically different. I got a different perspective and a good r and r similar to what any good vacation can give. But there is a difference now and I notice I mention the place I go to at the end of summer, like I am describing a place that is a part of me. I like that. If friends and family don't get it, so what. I agree with Lambert, I have a lot of experience getting deep into subjects and activities that people in my life don't necessarily "get" yet, they like that about me, and I like that about me too.

ConnieH · Post by **ConnieH** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:57 pm

Especially the man I've been sharing my life with for the last 6 months.

This statement really struck me - I remember being young and thinking 6 months was a LONG time...but in reality you are just getting to know each other and learning about yourselves within the relationship. Something I learned from 10 years of marriage that ended in divorce - you can't change a person, and you can't expect them to care about the things you care about. Accept him for exactly who he is, and if you can't live with that, well..........

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:15 pm

Nothing personal Victorian, but maybe he's just tired of you rambling on about it all the time.
It's hard to get excited about an event your not attending. Last year my gf didn't go & she did not offer much input when I was talking about it.. THIS year she is going & we chat all the time about burning man.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:16 pm

Eat something.
Watch your blood sugar.
The Man will burn.

Dad · Post by **Dad** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:29 pm

So last year was 1st for me but felt like I had attended for years. Always a little sceptic with anything new. Who wouldn't be. Disabled wife of 17 years went with me as our son and his girl dragged us. LOL Gifted us the tickets. Many friends who have gone before and swore to never go back have changed their minds after my excitement. Many who never went asked things like bringing kids, and are excited to go. Just got word my 60 something year old aunt wants to go after watching a video I did. Perhaps the best thing is to go and bring back that spirit and love I did. Maybe, just maybe your man will see the difference and want to change as well. But again, maybe not and as far as I am concerned, that is o.k. as well. If you haven't read this yet it is my bit of the experience.

http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... highlight=

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:34 pm

I stayed away for years - mostly because my wife approved of it.
After she made her transition, there was nothing keeping me from returning, and using BM as an ironic way to honor her and to get my feet back on the ground.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:46 pm

Ugly Dougly wrote: After she made her transition, there was nothing keeping me from returning,

Hm...

Well...

...I better not...

LeChatNoir · Post by **LeChatNoir** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:10 pm

ConnieH wrote:
Especially the man I've been sharing my life with for the last 6 months.
This statement really struck me - I remember being young and thinking 6 months was a LONG time...but in reality you are just getting to know each other and learning about yourselves within the relationship. Something I learned from 10 years of marriage that ended in divorce - you can't change a person, and you can't expect them to care about the things you care about. Accept him for exactly who he is, and if you can't live with that, well..........

I heartily second every word of this post.

gerlachedNloaded · Post by **gerlachedNloaded** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:06 am

can i get an A-Fuckin-Men?!

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:19 am

Hell yeah!

I'd like A Fucking Man.

Fire_Moose · Post by **Fire_Moose** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:42 am

Vic, just wait til you have spent the week in the desert. Yer whole ride home will be spent thinking about how amazing that was and everything you will do better next year.

You think yer obsessed now? HA! Just wait!

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 9:24 am

theCryptofishist wrote:
Ugly Dougly wrote: After she made her transition, there was nothing keeping me from returning,
Hm...

Well...

...I better not...

Seems strange doesn't it?

Yes, it's key to accept your SO exactly as they are, and don't expect them to accomodate for you. Don't be afraid to accomodate for them, however. We'll miss you on the playa.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 9:42 am

Dougly, it's so sweet of you to misunderstand me. Or am I outflanked?

C.f.M. · Post by **C.f.M.** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 9:48 am

Have you just asked him, flat out? What's bothering him? Feeling left out? Worried you'll dump him when you get back? Tired of you talking about it?

misfit · Post by **misfit** » Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:58 am

Vic, your story was my GF's story back in 93'. We had been dating for a short time and she wanted to head out to the playa and asked if I would join her. "NO WAY", I spend my summers surfing up and down the cali. coast, not sweating with a bunch of hippies in the dessert. same story for 94'. It wasn't until i started working with a long time burner that I actually got excited and made it out in 95'. The fact is I wouldn't listen to all the great things my GF had to say,(nudity, free expression, drive by shooting range), it took a relative stranger to get me out there. I don't know what the key words were, but something got me excited,(maybe the ability to not be judged and to just be me),,, we haven't missed a year since. have him give me a call.........

PRE Playa Depression?

PRE Playa Depression?

Re: PRE Playa Depression?