Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is Hiring

decoverite · Post by **decoverite** » Mon Apr 26, 2010 8:53 pm

About us:
For over 12 years, the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet has provided
soulmate acquisition services to the greater Black Rock City
population, offering quality name brand and private-label soulmates at
substantially lower prices than can be found through conventional
wholesale sources.
Over this period, we have amassed the technical expertise and
extensive market knowledge to provide customers with the best in
soulmate experiences. "We have one mission," CEO, Rico said, "to help
our members find top quality soulmates at the lowest possible prices.
We do this by eliminating many of the costly overhead expenses faced
by traditional stores. You know, like fancy display cases, sales
people, advertising, research, morals, scruples and so on."

Position summary:
Customer Service Representatives play a crucial and active role in
CSTO. As a CSR, qualified candidates will assist customers in their
soulmate quest through extensive one-on-one interviews at our BRC
location. More specifically, they will run around drunk and dirty
helping other drunk and dirty people form interpersonal, touchy-feely,
soulmate-type connections with one another. In addition, candidates
will be responsible for dressing like a Catholic School Girl,
memorizing Sheena Easton's entire catalogue, cooking bacon, drinking
Earl Grey and British Breakfast teas, and occasionally talking like a
pirate. Advanced skills in the realm of stopping, dropping, and
rolling may come in handy. This is a full time position with excellent
vacation benefits.

Qualifications:
Customer communication is necessary, so ideal candidates will enjoy
talking, joking, singing, yelling, burping, screaming, making out,
laughing and other activities involving moving one's mouth. Yes, your
mind is in the gutter. No, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Costco
Soulmate Trading Outlet is an equal opportunity employer and does not
discriminate on the basis of race, color, gender, age, or being
Canadian.

To apply:
Contact [email protected] with â€œI want to camp with you!â€

GutteralRetch · Post by **GutteralRetch** » Tue Apr 27, 2010 5:00 pm

Awww, this sounds awesome! Over 12 years eh?

Any success stories?

decoverite · Post by **decoverite** » Tue Apr 27, 2010 7:16 pm

Every year a couple people stop by and say they met their boyfriend/girlfriend through us. I think our most famous success story is in the book Around the World in 80 Dates where the author tries 80 different ways of meeting Mr. Right and finds him through Costco.

GutteralRetch · Post by **GutteralRetch** » Tue Apr 27, 2010 8:03 pm

Note to self: Definitely stop by and visit Costco! :D

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Tue Apr 27, 2010 8:06 pm

Every year I'm going to stop by, and every year something stops me from making it. If I make it this year, and that's a mighty big if, I will be there.

C.f.M. · Post by **C.f.M.** » Wed Apr 28, 2010 7:05 am

sputnik wrote:Every year I'm going to stop by, and every year something stops me from making it. If I make it this year, and that's a mighty big if, I will be there.

Me too!

GutteralRetch · Post by **GutteralRetch** » Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:42 am

I know I'm a Birgin, but I've written down a list of a few 'notable landmarks' that I will be visiting 100% for sure.

And Costco is definitely on that list.

Fire_Moose · Post by **Fire_Moose** » Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:53 am

I tried stopping by in '08 but got distracted on the way...

C.f.M. · Post by **C.f.M.** » Thu Apr 29, 2010 9:59 am

GutteralRetch wrote:I know I'm a Birgin, but I've written down a list of a few 'notable landmarks' that I will be visiting 100% for sure.

A-hahahahaha...good luck with that!

I've still got oh...half my list from last year to see.

BurningBribe · Post by **BurningBribe** » Mon May 31, 2010 12:01 pm

My corporate masters are forcing me to add to this post in hopes that we will be able to steal some unknowing soul away from another and use our technological prowess to find you a new soulmate.

On that note this is one of my favorite stories from one of our loyal customers: About mid day Wednesday this guy approaches me and says he has to tell me a story. Luckily I was on one of my OSHA mandated 15 minute breaks and had some time to kill. He had two friends at the playa in 2008. One friend was from college and lived In Maryland and the other was a work friend from the Bay area. They had never met, knew nothing of each others existence, and on separate days just so happened to utilize our soulmate matching services on different days. Out of the millions of customers were serve each year our highly advanced computer algorithms matched these two together. They had a wonderful playa romance and parted ways, but something in their gut told them that they couldn't let each other slip through the cracks. After a year of dating long distance, the gentleman moved to Maryland, and they lived happily ever after. At least that is the official version I was provided of the ending to this story.

So to say the least everyone should come visit, and if you feel like meeting lots of new people then send an application our way I promise the job interview/torture session is painless and you won't remember it anyways.

-Bribe

GutteralRetch · Post by **GutteralRetch** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:21 pm

BurningBribe wrote:My corporate masters are forcing me to add to this post in hopes that we will be able to steal some unknowing soul away from another and use our technological prowess to find you a new soulmate.

On that note this is one of my favorite stories from one of our loyal customers: About mid day Wednesday this guy approaches me and says he has to tell me a story. Luckily I was on one of my OSHA mandated 15 minute breaks and had some time to kill. He had two friends at the playa in 2008. One friend was from college and lived In Maryland and the other was a work friend from the Bay area. They had never met, knew nothing of each others existence, and on separate days just so happened to utilize our soulmate matching services on different days. Out of the millions of customers were serve each year our highly advanced computer algorithms matched these two together. They had a wonderful playa romance and parted ways, but something in their gut told them that they couldn't let each other slip through the cracks. After a year of dating long distance, the gentleman moved to Maryland, and they lived happily ever after. At least that is the official version I was provided of the ending to this story.

So to say the least everyone should come visit, and if you feel like meeting lots of new people then send an application our way I promise the job interview/torture session is painless and you won't remember it anyways.

-Bribe

You'll definitely see me there