Post
by AntiM » Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:23 pm
She's in Canada. Military surplus? Puh-leeeez.
Army Careers by The Frantics:
1: Hey, you! Is this where you join the Canadian armed forces?
2: This is the recruitment center. Would you like to enlist?
1: Do you have guns?
2: Yes, we do.
1: I'm in!
2: Well done, welcome aboard. First the paperwork. Name?
1: Ed. Ed Gruberman. I can't wait to boot some head!
2: All right. Well, would you like Army, Navy, or Air Force?
1: Who has the most guns?
2: Uh, Army.
1: I want Army.
2: Okay! Now which course would you like?
1: Courses?
2: Yes, to learn a career.
1: I don't want a career, I want a gun. I want a biiiig gun!
2: Everyone wants a free education. It's our incentive to enlist. Now, pick three from this pamphlet.
1: "Introduction to International Politics"? "Computers 101"? "Antique Restoration"?
2: Yes, that qualifies you to work on our helicopters.
1: Look! Don't you have any courses with guns?
2: Well, yes. Last page.
1: "Intro to Ammo"? "Advanced Wounding"? "Creative Bazookas"?! Ooh, ooh! I'll take all these!
2: Fine. Uh, any mental diseases or physical deformities?
1: Okay, I'll take paranoia, three nipples, and uh--
2: No no no no. I mean--
1: What? Oh.
2: Nev-never mind. Would you like in on the pension plan?
1: No.
2: Christmas club?
1: No!
2: King or Queen size?
1: Look, I want a gun! I want to kill people!
2: What, who?
1: Uh, Afghanis.
2: We're not at war with them.
1: We will be after I start killin' em!
2: No, we don't kill people.
1: Not even Al Qaeda?
2: Oh, no no no. They're dangerous. We don't want to get them angry.
1: What a wimp!
2: I'm not a wimp! I'm EXTREMELY tough. I do advanced pilates.
1: You're a wimp! Have you shot anyone lately?
2: Well, the Canadian Army isn't about shooting people. It's about career training and being all you can be on a limited budget.
1: I want to bathe in a geyser of enemy blood!
2: That hardly sounds sanitary.
1: SCREW sanitary! I want to blow things up like in "Shaving Ryan's Privates"!
2: No no, no. The-the movie was "Saving Private Ryan".
1: What movie?
2: Look-- I--
1: What?
2: What? I--
1: Look, let me explode a few buildings!
2: No!
1: One stab wound!
2: No, our insurance rate will go up.
1: What are you, a bunch of girls?!
2: NO! Well, ek-except for the girls.
1: There's girls in the army?!
2: And they're just as tough as the men.
1: So they don't shoot anyone either, huh?
2: Well, that's not what we do!
1: Wimp! What DO you do?
2: Peacekeeping.
1: Wimp.
2: Border patrol.
1: Wimp.
2: Parades.
1: Wimp!
2: Typing.
1: Wimp!
2: Filing.
1: WIMP!
2: That does it! Get out of here before I do something!
1: Oh, I'm real scared! What are you gonna do, file me out?
2: Uh, wait-wait a minute. Just what are you doing here anyway?
1: I told you! I want a gun, I want a lot of guns, I want to start killing anyone I disagree with!
2: Oh-ho. Oh, you want the AMERICAN army.
1: Oh, okay, thank you. Bye-bye
