tell me a story

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Tue May 04, 2010 8:58 pm

... those evil fruits who, along with the evil curdled cream to which they cling, infect everything around them, creating dry rot and yeast infections and post nasal drip and many other ailments. suddenly pear and fellatio both started shriveling up into teeny versions of themselves, and, in a vain attempt to escape the nasty sour mess, wishing desperately that they had continued on a less fruity storyline, slithered to the edge of the bowl, where they met.....

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Tue May 04, 2010 9:17 pm

...Martha Stewart who efficiently crafted them into delightfully tacky table decorations.

Exhausted by her frantic efforts yet inspired by the equine conclusion of her project,
she wiped the sweat from her brow and was moved to enthusiastically mount...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun May 23, 2010 9:17 pm

her Dudley Dooright patented pending blow up doll....with real lifelike skin and " turkey baster/super squirt action"

After all, in her mind, to mount, and Mounty, was poetic justice, for the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune, foisted upon her by none other than.........

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:31 pm

...Donald WTFIsThatOnHisHead Trump who showed up on the playa sadly wearing only a tiny sarong that blew up periodically with the wind. Standing carefully in the dust trying not to dirty his overpriced Ilalian loafers, clutching at the wayward sarong, he looked around for the phone to call room service. Suddenly surrounded by a sweaty band of unclothed hippies offering special brownies, he...

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Tue Jun 22, 2010 7:15 pm

sniffed into the air, once, twice, wrinkling his nose, wondering at the plethora of new scents ... the chocolate in the brownies he knew, and the faint hint of goodies, though in an unfamiliar form, intrigued him .... but most of all he was intoxicated by the hippie scent, which was very new to him. he had always run to the shower or hailed a taxi at the slightest hint of eau-de-hippie before, but, somehow, in this dusty environment, wearing only a flapping sarong, it seemed to fit. he took the brownie that was offered to him, and then the drum, but ....

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Tue Jun 22, 2010 8:00 pm

...the helpful hippie in his dust and smoke filled haze
reached for a drumstick but instead grabbed what the wind uncovered
under the sarong.

Rainbows appeared, birds sang, and in the dusty desert, flowers bloomed.
There was love in the air.

Everyone and everything was aflutter (except of course the immovable object on the top of big D's head). A celebration was planned to honor the new love to take place at sundown. Crowds gathered and just as the sun dropped below the mountains...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue Jun 22, 2010 8:10 pm

who should appear, but:

the amazing Kreskin

and, as he is so want to do, and, with his ability, and wanting to entertain the masses, in attendance,
he channeled his favorite entertainer, to serenade the happy couple

none other than.............

wait.............

ok.............

and, the circle was complete.............

there came a hush over the audience, they trembled as he sat down to play a concerto (on a piano perhaps provided by Elliot).

[youtube][/youtube]

but, just at the melody came to an end, it was noted, that, a stranger was hiding under the piano,
he burst forth, from a pall of smoke, and, it was none other than......

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Tue Jun 22, 2010 8:36 pm

...Madeleine Albright and Kim Jong Il (for they were short enough to fit easily under the piano) holding hands with one hand and sporting frosty Pomegranate Martinis in the other.

"Have a good burn!" they shouted in unison as they skipped away together.

And yet that was not all who had been hiding under the piano. It was like a veritable clown car as more people emerged. Why look...there goes...

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:29 pm

...ygmir, running full speed as he was being chased by the rebbi wielding a pitchfork and shouting, "...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:52 pm

mhvmphohodldlsndnppp..........which, translates to:
"I'm gonna kick your butt"

rebi sounded like that, because, he had a shoe taped to his tongue.......

and so they ran, and ran........rebi, falling further and further behind, partly due to difficulty breathing with said shoe taped to his tongue (for said ass (l)kicking) but, mostly due to Ygmir's super human speed, and grace, (not unlike that of the Puma).............

As rebi began to realize, the futility of chasing the ever elusive, and super clever Ygmir........a thought, no, a realization, came over him.............

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:56 pm

I sthould havth jutht told him to sthtop pothting tho mucth.

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:19 pm

so, epiphanes on the playa come in mainly two varieties, those shared and those we wish were shared. The rebi, unable to get the attention of the fleeing ygmir was experiencing a solitary epiphane... but ygmir circled back to post again, and the game of not posting so much was turned into a giant hokey duck duck goose pokey of sorts with...

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:42 pm

...a very special (and somewhat kinky) twist. Dressed up in a costume that few had ever seen before, he...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:46 pm

he who?

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:09 pm

ygmir. You know, that guy, you can't miss him, the one with the...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 9:45 pm

twisted, obtuse sense of humor, and propriety..........
as well as devilish good looks:

he took what was a simple game of "duck, duck, goose" and turned it into.......

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:39 am

naked twister, but with a twist (heh heh heh, he chuckled to himself) It was to be done in 2 places at once. For they would start playing it inside of a sauna set at 200 degrees, when the winter storm outside and the windchill was -100 degrees. The participants would all strip naked, lather themselves up in wesson oil and play a rousing round inside the sauna and then head outside for round 2. Which, if not played vigorously, would cause them to become statues of Darwinian proportions, resulting in......

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:59 pm

a giant chess board fashioned of charcoal and sticks in the snow. Frozen twister players who hadn't made it back into the Sauna for round 1 redux, were repurposed as chessmen. Small ski skates were attached to their feet for ease of movement. The players most addicted to chess, were just sneakily pretending to enjoy twister, and never emerged for the second round, merely waiting for the chess opportunity to solidify. Usually they were...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:04 pm

waiting for:

for, playing ches..............oooops, poor reading skills......

never mind..........

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:20 pm

ygmir wrote:waiting for:

for, playing ches..............oooops, poor reading skills......

never mind..........

spin the spinner and call the spot. Twister ties you up in a knot. Right hand BOOB! It was a modified spinner, but people were happy with the alterations. So many wonderful evenings in the sauna. So many...

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Mon Oct 04, 2010 9:38 am

...wayward body parts, so little time.

Suddenly a low wail pierced the night air.
All eyes turned toward the sound and...

burner von braun · Post by **burner von braun** » Tue Oct 05, 2010 2:50 pm

and a voice which said

"Thit, I cauths my thwayward bodyparth in the thpinner!"

Knowing it was best to leave the offending spinner and bodypart as is and seek immediate medical attention, for the third time this week the entire twister game, spinner and victim with shoe tied to tongue were sent medivac by helicopter out to Reno.

A relieved Ygmir started to speak, but before he could..

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:52 am

he was whisked away, in a magical spell cast by none other than:

[youtube][/youtube]

and, when he woke up, in a field of poppy's, he was surrounded by.......

OnceTheDustClears · Post by **OnceTheDustClears** » Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:11 pm

...OTDC and her entourage of uniquely coiffed friends. They were all giddy as school girls to find themselves frolicing amongst the poppies that had inexplicably sprung from the playa dust. They picked armloads of the colorful flowers, stashed them in their bike baskets, and sped off to share the goodies. As they pedaled into the sunset they heard a voice in the distance calling, "over here...over here!" OMG and a heavy dose of WTF, it was...

burner von braun · Post by **burner von braun** » Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:49 pm

...to the amazement of all (except maybe the most ardent of hippies) that Bliss Dance began to move! Slowly at first, but soon with a fluidity and grace of a statue half her size. She swirled in the light of the sunset, with a sense of joy that belied her metal frame construction, until a frat boy tossed a half full (maybe three quarters full, I'm not sure) beer can at her. Enraged by such insensitivity, and being somewhat of a diva, Bliss began to stomp all of the mutant vehicles in her vicinity, until she caught eye of...

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:05 pm

bidet camp..........after all she'd been standing in the hot dusty playa for quite some time, and, would love to again feel "fresh, as a summers eve"............and, so, she proceeded over to said camp, and, just as she got there, and was "assuming the position".........

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:50 pm

...she pressed the bar on the bidet and water danced up to tickle her loins, then high to the place where all points meet. Feeling the cool water betwixed her thighs, she swayed to a tune playing in her head. But something caught her eye. She looked to the right and saw...

thisisthatwhichis · Post by **thisisthatwhichis** » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:03 pm

Da Mule?............ Missin you.......

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:08 pm

and the assembled masses (there to see metal statue porn), were hushed,,,,,,,in thought of DA Mule, his humor, wisdom, and cheese doodles...............

and, as if on cue, they broke into song, much like below, but with the words:.........

[youtube][/youtube]

burner von braun · Post by **burner von braun** » Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:52 am

"I'd like to teach DaMule to post
more often than he does
so we might hear
and share a beer
with the best mule there ever was"

suddenly a gust of wind blew through camp and the...