Scrotal Sac Reduction/ Powdered Alum?

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Sat Jun 26, 2004 10:40 pm

Hello.

Twice in five years, I have removed my underwear while in public at Burningman once for about two minutes, the other time for five.

Due a pre-existing condition of, um, extremely large scrotal sacs (no, they are bigger than waht you might be thinking), and given the current trend towards a more svelt twin walnut-look often wrought from chilling, is there a CHEMICAL application which might shrink my BALLS, such as powdered alum?

I am not interested in trying to chill them. There is not enough ice at Arctica itself to do that, & two refer-trucks get kinda spendy anyways.

Has ANYONE tried powdered alum? I had a painting crew use turpentine in the past (Burningman 2002) but was a bit "tingley".... a chaffing hazard.

Also, has anyone had luck with swallowing Junior Mints™ whole to keep ones intestinal tract fresh? I am expecting to birth a Young Republican anally at this years event, and want the little tyke to have fresh breath when I have to burp 'em.

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 12:45 am

Have someone suck them dry all the time!

That might work and if it didn't you wouldn't care much anyway.

A II Z

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 11:24 am

Dammit Nipples! You just made me spit Raisin Bran all over my keyboard.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 11:29 am

Nipples and Ring have some kinda personal testi fetish.

Hey that sounds kinda kinky huh?

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 11:46 am

First you need a razorblade or utility knife the sharper the better but rusty will work. Then you'll need something to cut against like a cutting board, or layers of cardboard. The last thing is a desk stapler.....

.... Just thinking about what to do with this stuff should make it shrink right up.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 11:54 am

Zulegoona wrote: .... Just thinking about what to do with this stuff should make it shrink right up.

<in a high pitched voice> Shit....it did mine.

RingO'Fire · Post by **RingO'Fire** » Sun Jun 27, 2004 11:54 am

DVD Burner wrote:Nipples and Ring have some kinda personal testi fetish.

Hey that sounds kinda kinky huh?

Heeeeyyyy! Wait a minute! I resemble that remark!

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 7:17 am

for a more permanent solution...

http://www.altermd.com/penis_surgery_link2.htm

glad to never have that worry

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 8:08 am

VerbenaMaya wrote:for a more permanent solution...

http://www.altermd.com/penis_surgery_link2.htm

glad to never have that worry

I dont know......sorta looked kinda normal to me.....say for example, this

is from the statue of David:

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 9:39 am

One day about two years ago, I was using a 7" angle grinder on a log. It was loaded with a 24 grit sandpaper disk.

The disk got snagged on a crack in the log which shattered off a hunk of the disk, which was not so bad except that then the swirling grinder hit my jeans and DOVE through the pants & climbed my leg into the crotch region.

I could feel I was cut, and dropped trousers as fast as ever, the grinder now at a complete stop.

Had stitches in my thigh, in a arc towards the groin, and stitches in my right sac. Before driving to the emergency room, I showered and stopped at the chain-saw store to buy a second pair of ass-less Kevlar ™ saftey pants (could not find the 1st), and, because safety was on my mind, a pair of Kevlar™ & steel boots, too. The boots are not comfortable.

The doctor was surprised that I had taken a grinder to my balls.

I did learn, however (when I said that I was surprised everything had not "spilled out") that the sac is made from six layers of alternately layered muscle.

If you watch them closely, they are in a state of constant involuntary motion, seemingly to the melody of Tina Turners "Private Dancer".

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 9:44 am

I had a similar situation a long time ago once.

A long time ago I used to be a butcher. I really liked that job too. till one day I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:02 am

Had stitches in my thigh, in a arc towards the groin, and stitches in my right sac.

.JPG?

RingO'Fire · Post by **RingO'Fire** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:45 am

Reminds me of this story I found on the Darwin Awards web site.
(http://www.darwinawards.com)

Scrotum Self-Repair
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:09 pm

BTW I dont know how serious you guys are but my last post was a joke.

Bummer no one got it.

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:14 pm

I guess I have not been paying enough attention to men's balls, is there a sac-size-o-meter or something for reference somewhere?

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 12:56 pm

Bummer no one got it.

I don't think anyone's been 'getting' your jokes since you first tried convicing us that your initial 1000+ spams (as De Facto) to this board were a 'joke.'

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:01 pm

VerbenaMaya wrote:I guess I have not been paying enough attention to men's balls, is there a sac-size-o-meter or something for reference somewhere? :lol:

all you have to remember is "Oh My God, Everything is SO BIG!"

and you will be worshipped by the man you said it to...

maybe

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:02 pm

Badger wrote:
Bummer no one got it.
I don't think anyone's been 'getting' your jokes since you first tried convicing us that your initial 1000+ spams (as De Facto) to this board were a 'joke.'

Need I remind you:

Badger
Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Posts: 1434
Location: Earth. Any Universe simple enough to be understood is too simple to produce a mind able to get it.

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:30 pm

Simply Joel wrote: all you have to remember is "Oh My God, Everything is SO BIG!"

and you will be worshipped by the man you said it to...

maybe

So I should avoid.. "Damn that is huge, is that some sort of weird v.d. or just cancerous? "

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:34 pm

VerbenaMaya wrote:
Simply Joel wrote: all you have to remember is "Oh My God, Everything is SO BIG!"

and you will be worshipped by the man you said it to...

maybe
So I should avoid.. "Damn that is huge, is that some sort of weird v.d. or just cancerous? "

in a word, yes.

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:12 pm

And,

"Oh, they're so CCUUUTTTEE!!"
is right out.