Just completed my virgin burn, now I'm... sad?

Buckaroo_Benzai · Post by **Buckaroo_Benzai** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:41 pm

Got home late last night (Sunday). Had an amazing 8 days on the Playa that I can't even put into words. Now that I'm back in the real world I seem to be overwhelmed with emotion and sadness? I'm not normally this way (I only cry when people die). I didn't want Burning Man to end, and waiting a whole year for the next one seems like too long. I'm sure I'll be fine in a couple days, but shit -- this experience really had an effect on me, and I'm not quite sure how to quantify it... and it's all taken me by surprise.

What about you?

junglesmacks · Post by **junglesmacks** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 4:03 pm

The same. Exact. Thing.

Sunday was one of the most melancholy days I've had in a long time.. drifting back in from a utopia that i never could have imagined existed in a million years. Watching the beloved city be dismantled.. people leaving.. conversations changing to worldly topics.. exodus plans being made.. taking the last spin in the camp art car with your friends you know you won't see until next year (hopefully).. just.. everything. I cried more than a few times yesterday, and am having a problem keeping it together while telling my story and decompressing to the few that I've chosen today.

..and yeah. Kind of a post-partum depression in a way I feel like. Getting re-accustomed to the world we live in for 358 days of the year. Knowing that I'll never look at anything the same again, and by default will be changing things in my own life and relationships. Just.. re-entry.

But you know what little joy I find growing right now even on this Monday?

The fact that I just ordered my LED sequencing kit for my pants for next year

Here we go! The man burns in 363 days from now!

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 4:15 pm

post partum depression...exactly how i'm feeling a little myself.

oh and when i first got back on my computer have had the darndest time typing straight....

fingers and brain not in sync

SFbrothermichael · Post by **SFbrothermichael** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 4:37 pm

This was my eleventh consecutive burn and I STILL experience that "post-playa funk".

I encourage you to KEEP THE SPIRIT ALIVE!

Take steps to incorporate the things you cherish about Black Rock City in your default world life.

Participate.
Leave No Trace.
Include All.
Practice Random acts of Radical Self Expression.
Gift others. (expect nothing in return.)

Black Rock CIty is a state of mind.
It lives on
long after the city vanishes.

RedHeaven · Post by **RedHeaven** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 7:38 pm

This was my first year I had to miss since I have been going (2005)

The week was dull and miserable!! I ached for BRC, but I knew I couldnt do it this year, so I held my composure but it was tough.

Until Sunday. Yesterday I finally felt a bit at ease. Why? Because I dont have to miss Burning Man and get the Sentimental Sundays and be all weirded out for the next 2 weeks/month!! hahahaa

Of course I would take the BMan experience over its absence ANY year, and the Bittersweetness of leaving Burning Man is so intense that it carries with me all year long.

Next year when I return I am going to make sure I am in good health and get a bit more sleep out there. Just a bit more! I am going to attempt to cruise back into the Default World with more ease, and less sobbing, but that will be a challenge!

Embrace it, and let the strange feeling inspire you. Find some new music and listen to it often. Find some cool lyrics that go with your feelings and revel in your thoughts. Find some good music events or Burner events to attend. Enjoy and appreciate your Default Real World more, too, and give yoruself ample time to reflect on your journey!

Theres a saying that goes "Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it Happened!"
And heres a revision: "Can we cry because it's over AND smile because it happened, too?"
Yes we can
You have been through a very magical intense ringer. Good Hell and Bad Heaven topsy turvy.

The crickets outside will be extra loud tonite for you. Sink back into the Cricket Chorus

Presto · Post by **Presto** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:16 pm

Re-entry is hard. Ten year vet here and this still happens... Not always, but it's strong this year. You're probably doing exactly what I did after my first year -- digging through eplaya looking to keep the experience alive. You might be worried that there's no way the "real world" can be that much fun. Just keep in mind that it's creativity and inspiration in the other 51 weeks that makes the whole thing possible. You don't have to wait that long to get the feeling again! You don't even have to be with "burners" to get it. Just go make something cool / do something fun. (or any of SFbrothermichael's suggestions)

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:36 pm

Yeah, what SFbro and Presto said.

It's a different world in BRC and it tends to make defaultopia even stranger upon re-entry. What helps with us is we stay in Fernley the night of our exodus as we are doing tonight. Clean up aka nice hot fucking shower

and get a bite. We see other burners around town here, nod, smile, chat. And then on the ride home to Michigan we see other burners on the highway and wave. It kinda helps keep the connection alive.

If you have a decomp in your part of the world that is a good way to bridge the 2 worlds as well as connecting with local burners and commiserating.
Talk with burner friends, start planning for next year and keep the dream alive.

deathray · Post by **deathray** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:51 pm

It's true that there are a percentage of Burners that have no life outside of BM. Luckily for them there are enough similar things and projects going on year round world wide to keep them occupied. You can start preparing for the next one in February so you only have 6 months to stay depressed. Getting sober might help too.

rdubbs · Post by **rdubbs** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:58 pm

I am sorry you are having a hard time with the afterburn feeling. I know exactly how you feel though. Sometimes leaving such an amazing place can be a little rough when you realize the differences between home and your new home.

When I was leaving my first burn (2008), they played this song on BMIR, the dj mentioned that he liked it because it helped sum up his burning man experience, and helped him to leave and enjoy his last times. The song is called "health to the company", I would strongly suggest listening to it on YouTube. Although, it may make you a little sad, sometimes it is nice to get the feelings out.

Glad to here you have started already making plans for next year. I'll see you there ;)

Keep in mind that the feelings you are feeling are an expression of how amazing Burning Man is, not necessarily how much the rest of life is lacking. Whoever mentioned it above was head on. Try to spread some of the mentalities that make Burning Man so great to other aspects of your life.

Be Open
Give
Love All

And anything else you can do to help make the world a bit better

take care

RedHeaven · Post by **RedHeaven** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:59 pm

Gotta turn the Sads into Inspiration. Let it guide you to creativity maybe.

Physically, try some amino acids and vitamins. Also 5HTP, the suppliment, even if you dont use MDMA this is a great natural seritonin booster and sleep regulator. Keep drinking fluids and eat some high protein meals. (Im sure you will :) Take a nice hot bath too. Get some exercise after you rest up. This will speed up your recovery and get your brain pumping to properly digest your awesome lovely experience!

thirt33n · Post by **thirt33n** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:43 pm

must. take. it. with. you.
all. year.
breathe. deep.
think. before. act.
spread. love.

i've had to miss 2 years in a row.
since 2002 i had the same feeling.
2011 here i come...

cahlm · Post by **cahlm** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:08 pm

This was my 8th consecutive burn and I still get what I call "Post Burning Man Depression Syndrome" every year. Start working on something to bring out next year. The theme is up, start brainstorming and make it happen!

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:55 pm

This was my tenth burn....and I had to cry, before leaving my neighbors. Don't try to explain your experience, but live it until next year. I've found, planning for next year, based on experience and inspiration, helps! Start now!

2010 was an amazing burn!

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:18 pm

I feel pretty good. I feel inspired. I'm trying to write down the ideas and get active while it seems a pretty fertile time. I'm not sad yet, I feel like I have a fresh crush on the whole scene, and I half expect to turn the corner and see something that will make me burst out laughing, though that is a low percentage expectation, could happen. I liked waking up and having people say "good morning, and what did you see last night?" It's sort of lonely here now. People at work were surprised I wasn't pissed about all the important things that got thrown away while I was gone. "huh? they threw it away, really, oh well." That sort of thing would've sent me rocketing into a rage a month or so ago. I'm not walking around with a broody look on my face, I'm really saying hello to people still. I will try to keep it going as long as possible.

shroom · Post by **shroom** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:24 pm

I am home from my first burn too. I am emotionally great but physically drained. My campmate & I drove home to Georgia in 2 days. I do not recommend it. We went to college this morning and I feel like a zombie.

I have lots of ideas for next year! I can't wait to go home!

TwoHott · Post by **TwoHott** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:19 pm

What helps us is telling each other stories and laughing about ourselves and our experiences. We're also making plans for next year, kicking around ideas. Just think of your feelings as a Rite of Passage...

LovePaint · Post by **LovePaint** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 3:15 pm

The Real World feels gray and cold. I want to be back in the dust.

bluesbob · Post by **bluesbob** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 3:44 pm

It's about a 12 hour drive to the playa for me. Driving home took about 20. I kept prolonging the drive because I didn't want to go back to the house. I wanted to go Home. What a mind-blowing trip. I actually spent the majority of my time just talking to people. I think it's what I was supposed to do.

Optic · Post by **Optic** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 3:59 pm

lucky420 wrote:oh and when i first got back on my computer have had the darndest time typing straight.... fingers and brain not in sync

Wholeheartedly agree with this. The first time I got on my computer after I got back, it just felt wrong. Sitting in a comfortable chair... Staring at a light source that didn't involve the sun, fire, or lots and lots of rapidly changing colors... Talking to people without seeing their faces... No longer aware of the playa dust hanging out in my various crevices...

I felt like I do after waking up from a particularly good dream, returning from a spirit journey, etc. Everything just felt wrong. >.<

Yobi Bear · Post by **Yobi Bear** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 6:41 pm

AWESOME replaies. All of you hit the nail on different heads. Please check out Default Wrold and give us a hand there if you can. I'm wearing my damn Playa hat in front of thje computer because......it smells like Playa! How sad is that?

peterakabob · Post by **peterakabob** » Wed Sep 08, 2010 11:39 pm

I was rubbing chunks of the playa that is still in my car between my hands... Is that normal?...

Sinja · Post by **Sinja** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:40 am

What you are feeling is completely normal: post-burner depression. The real world is so different from the playa. You are experiencing culture shock.

Stay connected with burners locally, go to a decopression event, go through photos and swag, and try to continue to go with your feelings (smiling, laughing and hugging).

Good luck! xo

Miles · Post by **Miles** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 1:27 pm

I just cleaned out my truck and kept a ziploc full of playa dust- I'm keeping it on my fridge door so I can have a little smell of playa when I need it

sunkenstate5683 · Post by **sunkenstate5683** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 9:58 am

As I unloaded my car, a massive amount of playa collected on the sidewalk in front of my door, which I crushed into dust and spread around evenly.

When I came back, I noticed people had drawn smiley faces in the dust, to which I added a predictable 20)'(10 logo.

I've definitely been rubbing playa into my hands when I find it about - its like magical climbing chalk. Or something. ^_^

RedHeaven · Post by **RedHeaven** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:18 pm

Acclmate in, acclimate out....Plus we are only there a week (well most of us) A week is the perfect kind of time to tap into something but not fully grasp it. Leaves you wanting more, yet is just enough before you get too absorbed. We always kinda wish it was longer, but I think the time frame of a week is very crucial to the experience, and the perfect culprit to the post burn sads and inspiration. Im sure some could use more and some less, but generally, a week makes the year spin just enough.

mudpuppy000 · Post by **mudpuppy000** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:31 pm

I just had my second burn and I feel homesick too, but it's not as intense as my first year. I think the key thing that makes it easier for me this time is that I realize that burning man doesn't have to stop when I go back home. Go check out some art in a gallery or do something creative. Get involved in some crazy project you would have never dreamed of doing before.

kitkatseattle · Post by **kitkatseattle** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:54 pm

I was also a virgin this year, and it was hard for me to understand at first why I was crying and feeling so incredibly empty upon leaving. That has inspired me to try to find more to make me happier in my "regular" life. I have also been advised not to make huge life changes soon after returning, but have started to investigate culinary school. I have always wanted to go, but have been doing a desk job for 10 years. The thought of doing more that I love on a regular basis is inspiring! I definitely plan on going to my local Decompression, and of course, am madly looking forward to next year!

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 5:30 pm

peterakabob wrote:I was rubbing chunks of the playa that is still in my car between my hands... Is that normal?...

I just stopped cleaning the dashboard of my truck. Dust in there dates back a few years. Think I got about a half pound of dust still in the bed.

Token · Post by **Token** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 6:01 pm

Do not worry one bit. This happens to everyone that joins a cult.

Your all fucking DOOMED!

Now go walk the neighborhood and pick up some cigarette buts.

Teo del Fuego · Post by **Teo del Fuego** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:36 pm

get thee to your nearest Decompression , that's what they are there for

Just completed my virgin burn, now I'm... sad?

Just completed my virgin burn, now I'm... sad?

long after the city vanishes

You've got plenty of company.

Default World...