Afraid...

gaminwench · Post by **gaminwench** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 2:08 pm

...seems like an important thread, to me...

Most folks just introduced to BM deal with fear on some level - 'impossible to describe' invokes fear of the unknown.
The 'most talked about' aspects of the festival are nudity, drugs & DJ's - which is a crying shame, since it ain't about none o' dat (for me). But, these are the things which media, fratboy tourists & youtube videos focus on. Get past the pop culture, and you find the real community, which *might* be naked, tripping DJs - but is also a plethora of other things...

Black Rock City is the best place on earth to trust that it is okay to be YOU, as your kidself, to explore the new & exciting, and to get past your fears.
Isis, your girlfriend is making the choice to do this; either enjoy the ride, or get out of her way.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 3:02 pm

Keep in mind that thousands of men would be thrilled to have a lady who wants to go to Burning Man. She may meet some of them while she's there, and she's going to wonder why you're not sharing the adventure with her.

Isis, you're about to be become yesterday's news.

Sorry.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 4:04 pm

Fire_Moose wrote:Nah, I meant that as "Being faggy" not "Being gay"

I don't like it either. It's a really destructive way to tromp about in delicate places.
"Immature", "baby" might have worked. Idiot. Ingrate. Tool.

Sic Pup · Post by **Sic Pup** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 4:27 pm

Fire_Moose wrote:What a pussy...and isn't Isis the Egyptian goddess of fertility?

Did someone say Egyptian?

[youtube][/youtube]

moonrise · Post by **moonrise** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:21 pm

Oh boy Isis did you get schooled...my plans to go crumbled many many times...I came here to eplaya to give up and sell my ticket...in short order I did a complete turn around and finally went, sweet! I'm better for it and I am guessing most feel the same way if they listen and learn here and go.
You came to the right place for advice.

If you go or don't go, maybe you should look up the relationship advice threads...those could be useful.

Also, a few responses were harsh but burners are "do-ers", they get things DONE, that's what may have spurred those harsh words from a few.

Isn't there a saying "I'm goin' to the burn" and anyone who knows anything about it, get's out of that person's way!...she's going, you need to figure out if you are or not. I did it with a broken back! So can you...

I think you could manage just fine and also can do it for a reasonable sum of money.
If you want to take another trip, I can tell you (and everyone else) how to get free plane tickets to Hawaii, walk/thumb to a camp ground from the Mauii aiport with food & gear/tent and camp out, a virtually free vacation. (PM me if you or anyone else wants the credit card free flight offer info. It's Southwest Air)

PS There's also a saying "you can't make someone go to the burn" probably wise and true...but there are now over 51,000 reasons to go, the people...each with countless talents and knowledge. You're so close! Relax and go, you have 320 days to prepare.

OK, I'm done and now. I'm off to "The Pier" an awesome art installation thread for 2011...fbcota's art is a class act!...has that intricate "Tribal" look n feel..."The Pier" is going to be impressive for 2011...

brushfire on the playa · Post by **brushfire on the playa** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:30 am

I have dealt with many of these same fears. My boyfriend has gone to the burn for 3-4 years before I was finally able to make it myself. I was never really scared that he would cheat on me, as I have always been pretty secure in our relationship. I was mostly scared that he would go off and have all these awesome crazy adventures without me, and I really wanted to be a part of that. Even if I wasn't with him, I would know I had to make it to the playa. It's always called to me. I was always involved in his planning process, took care of his dogs while he was gone for the week, helped him clean off the dust upon his return, and sat through about an hour of picture slide shows. This helped the relationship I think because he knew I was supportive and that I could be a in that part of his life and didn't want it to be a just "that week my boyfriend goes to the desert to party" that was so separate from our life together.

And when I finally did get to go, I think it made me and my boyfriend closer than ever, because now he knows his girl can burn like a pro (a characteristic in a significant other that I think most burners look for and think to be quite important - something else you should consider, she may come back thinking having a boyfriend who can burn to be very important).

on the flip side of this, both years I've gone to burning man, I have arrived several days before my boyfriend (he has work and such keeping him from being able to make it in the beginning of the week), so I'm sure he's been in your position - feeling a little strange knowing his girlfriend might be running around the playa without he top on. But, since he is a seasoned burner, he understands the community and knows that it means much less to see a naked girl on the playa than anywhere else.

Sure, Black Rock City is a sexually charged place, but mostly (at least in my experience), it's all in good humor and nothing is forced upon you. There is quite a bit of spanking, but no one will spank you if you don't want it. And the spanking itself never feels inappropriate or too sexual, it's more for fun (at least that's how I feel, correct me if you feel it's different).

Anyways, the moral of this long post is that let her go, but be supportive and enthusiastic about it. If she thinks that you want her experience on the playa to be separate from your lives as a couple, when (and if) she comes back with a newfound obsession, as many burners do, she will feel as though she can't share this with you and that you don't want to hear about it, let alone want her to go back and have just as fun of a time. So if you can't go yourself, being a supportive boyfriend who is enthusiastic and excited about her time on the playa, that may be enough for her. (But I can guarantee you will regret your decision to not join her in Black Rock City when she comes back with her "stories of a lifetime" and you weren't there with her in her memory of the best week of her life.... just sayin)[/b][/i]

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:11 am

Plus females are less likely to have casual sex or cheat on the playa because of the Dirty Monkey Campers Ass factor. just sayin'. ew

ok ok.. everyone is going to have at me now because I generalized "females". go on do it.. just get it over with quickly.
<<squint>>

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:32 am

The gender ratio is still skewed male, I think, so women may have more opportunity.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:25 am

That there is plum quare. Thank you kindly for sharin' pardner.

Sic Pup wrote:
Fire_Moose wrote:What a pussy...and isn't Isis the Egyptian goddess of fertility?
Did someone say Egyptian?

[youtube][/youtube]

Is Isis' significant other reading this? Probably, huh?

Post by **Savannah** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:42 am

Plus females are less likely to have casual sex or cheat on the playa because of the Dirty Monkey Campers Ass factor. just sayin'. ew

ok ok.. everyone is going to have at me now because I generalized "females". go on do it.. just get it over with quickly.
<<squint>>

While there might be some percentage of women out there who prefer the great unwashed, I don't (personally) find it offensive to imply that 1) a majority like clean guys 2) there are fewer out there than in the default world. It's just true. It doesn't stop the truly determined, but it is a consideration.

The playa is also the perfect environment for a woman to get a urinary tract infection, sex or no sex (not even an STD--although obviously those are out there too). Emergency Services stats reflect that a sizable number of women seek help for UTIs out there. It's no wonder: the two easiest things that prevent them (timely urination; showering) are harder to accomplish than in defaultia.

isis_1990 · Post by **isis_1990** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:21 pm

God some people really did reply as if they had PMS or something.
I was just asking something..if people only give harsh comments..why comment at all!

Anyway, thanks to some others..i have read some great tips/advice. It made me rethink the whole situation. Maybe i was to harsh on my girl for telling her not to go...and i should just let it be. The conversation i had with her also helped...so we will just see how it goes in time, maybe i will join, maybe i will not. I will save some money for a holiday, burning man or...ibiza..whatever heheh.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:32 pm

Just sayin' you'd score serious points if you went along with her.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:33 pm

No one can understand why you wouldn't want to go.

The only bad thing about burning man is that it makes everything else seem so boring.

isis_1990 · Post by **isis_1990** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:56 pm

gyre wrote:No one can understand why you wouldn't want to go.

The only bad thing about burning man is that it makes everything else seem so boring.

Well a big reason is money right..i would only be able to go if i save everything i have and do NOTHING, stop smoking, stop going out...so basicly sitting home untill burning man heheh.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:01 pm

Two people traveling together can amortize a lot of the cost.

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:20 pm

isis_1990 wrote:
gyre wrote:No one can understand why you wouldn't want to go.

The only bad thing about burning man is that it makes everything else seem so boring.
Well a big reason is money right..i would only be able to go if i save everything i have and do NOTHING, stop smoking, stop going out...so basicly sitting home untill burning man heheh.

You should stop smoking anyway.. and "going out"? Are you sure your relationship can handle it??

isis_1990 · Post by **isis_1990** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:26 pm

Boijoy wrote:
isis_1990 wrote:
gyre wrote:No one can understand why you wouldn't want to go.

The only bad thing about burning man is that it makes everything else seem so boring.
Well a big reason is money right..i would only be able to go if i save everything i have and do NOTHING, stop smoking, stop going out...so basicly sitting home untill burning man heheh.
You should stop smoking anyway.. and "going out"? Are you sure your relationship can handle it??

Can handle what?

Cheyenne · Post by **Cheyenne** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:31 pm

I have been lurking around this thread for a bit...

I'm thinking that there are some serious trust issues going on with the relationship this guy has with his partner, correct me if i'm wrong, but some of the rhetoric and vocabulary also seem a little commoditative and possessive... I demand absolute freedom of movement in my relationship with my boyfriend and he does the same.. outcome... happy people!

I feel that I'm actually very lucky to have a boyfriend who is totally at ease with everything I do and vice versa.. I'm actually winning him over to coming to BM in 2011 - he was absolutely fine with me going on my own... He's been in a famous world touring punk band for 30 years, I don't think theres much he hasn't seen

But the crux of this is, respect from freedom in a relationship is the key to longevity!

Claire

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:42 pm

isis_1990 wrote:
Boijoy wrote:
isis_1990 wrote: Well a big reason is money right..i would only be able to go if i save everything i have and do NOTHING, stop smoking, stop going out...so basicly sitting home untill burning man heheh.
You should stop smoking anyway.. and "going out"? Are you sure your relationship can handle it??

Can handle what?

um.. " going out" isn't there alot of
"I don't know, i just feel a vibe there will be loads of sex involved, cheating whatever.."

(( sheesh, Baby Dykes. you have to esplaine everyting to em ))

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:49 pm

Isis is probably talking about "going out" with his lady.

isis_1990 · Post by **isis_1990** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:56 pm

Boijoy wrote:
isis_1990 wrote:
Boijoy wrote: You should stop smoking anyway.. and "going out"? Are you sure your relationship can handle it??

Can handle what?
um.. " going out" isn't there alot of
"I don't know, i just feel a vibe there will be loads of sex involved, cheating whatever.."

(( sheesh, Baby Dykes. you have to esplaine everyting to em ))

Lol. I see Burning Man and going out as 2 different things ( but okay i cant judge..because i havnt been to Burning Man...but from hearing/seeing)

And my english sucks because it's not my main language.

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 2:56 pm

yeah... some people tend to embellish their burning man stories.
isis, maybe you just need to do a little more homework on the event.
It really isn't a big drug induce orgy fuck fest. ( unless you are into that sort of thing ) you can probably find it, but you can probably find that without leaving the town you live in.
Heres a photo on one of MY wild times out there.. me and a couple peeps enjoying the morning with some water coffee & the BM where what when guide. HOT HOT SEXY TIMES I tell ya. !!

Trishntek · Post by **Trishntek** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:21 pm

isis_1990 wrote:God some people really did reply as if they had PMS or something.
I was just asking something..if people only give harsh comments..why comment at all!

Anyway, thanks to some others..i have read some great tips/advice. It made me rethink the whole situation. Maybe i was to harsh on my girl for telling her not to go...and i should just let it be. The conversation i had with her also helped...so we will just see how it goes in time, maybe i will join, maybe i will not. I will save some money for a holiday, burning man or...ibiza..whatever heheh.

It's not PMS, it is called blatant honesty from individuals who do not tolerate adults acting like children very well. And that is something you will never find at BM. We only do adult things there ya know.

Like incest.

And ancient Chinese laundry torture.

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:51 am

ow, ow ouch...

Mosin · Post by **Mosin** » Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:13 pm

Trishntek wrote:And ancient Chinese laundry torture.

To paraphrase the 20th century scholar Jeffrey Spicoli, I know that dude! I won't out his name but he was neighbors with Pornchinko this year and quite the jester.

OK, more on topic, all the folks here talking about the inexplicable concept of not having sex at the Burn because of their smelly, playafied taint (or fears of smelly taint, UTI, etc) might understand the motivation for bringing an RV.

One vintage RV with ground-up restoration: ~$45,000
R/T gas from SoCal: ~$900
Daily showers and epic sex under air conditioning at BM: PRICELESS

bluesbob · Post by **bluesbob** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 12:30 am

Isotopia wrote:Now shoo.

OK...Now shoo bee doo bee doo

Miki · Post by **Miki** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:52 am

Speaking of fear, I myself am personally afraid of what is to come at BM 2011, because I've never been. Has there been those who have been to BM without accompanyment? I completely understand that going with a group is a lot more fun and enthralling, but I wonder if there have been people who go by themselves and still have a good time?

I'm contemplating going by myself because I don't think I can ever prepare for something I've never been to, but at the same time I feel that going by myself could be one of the most radical self-reliance things to do. It'll be an eye-opener to me, and I know I'll learn a whole lot about the experience.

As some have already mentioned, it can be very dangerous out there, so I'm afraid lol.

mudpuppy000 · Post by **mudpuppy000** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:15 am

Miki wrote:Speaking of fear, I myself am personally afraid of what is to come at BM 2011, because I've never been. Has there been those who have been to BM without accompanyment? I completely understand that going with a group is a lot more fun and enthralling, but I wonder if there have been people who go by themselves and still have a good time?

I'm contemplating going by myself because I don't think I can ever prepare for something I've never been to, but at the same time I feel that going by myself could be one of the most radical self-reliance things to do. It'll be an eye-opener to me, and I know I'll learn a whole lot about the experience.

As some have already mentioned, it can be very dangerous out there, so I'm afraid lol.

I've done it twice, it was amazing. For me it was complete freedom. I would imagine there's a lot more drama associated with bringing real life friends/significant others there.

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:33 am

This was my first year and I went by myself.

Im not an outgoing person, but within 2min. of turning off the truck and getting out, I was meeting people and making friends.

I dont think BM is dangerous at all. Theres help and advice surrounding you.

I was well prepped from reading the Q&A fanaticly.

The white shade in the background was the Self Service Abortion Clinic and Back Ally Cinnema.

Great having them next door for this first time burner.

An architect was parked on the other side and did the cityscape on the back of my shirt and sent me these pics.( thanks Nick)

Miki · Post by **Miki** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:56 am

mudpuppy000 wrote:I've done it twice, it was amazing. For me it was complete freedom. I would imagine there's a lot more drama associated with bringing real life friends/significant others there.

That's what I would assume, too, but it gives me confidence to read that some go by themselves. I do feel it's more liberating to go by yourself anyway, I just wanted to make sure it would still be safe. I guess just be prepared and you'll be fine?

And thanks for the tip, FIGJAM, I'll definitely read the Q&A