Idle Chat Thread
amnesia, paps
Please do keep us informed on the squirrel situation.
The deck looks seperate from my house now. A collection of bleached white tree-bones, sterile, without scent. Nothing visits except for underneath on the lawn, which was heavily rinsed.
Yesterday a sleek & effite (though nippless) gray squirrel was STRAIGHTENING out the grass, lifting small handfuls up and then patting & floofing the grass just as you mighht make your bedtime pillow stand a little taller before laying down?
So I thought "How peaceful! How nice the squirrel now looks, without my supposition upon it!" (it is all about me).
But then I remembered the maple leaf litter on the freshly mowed front lawn, and having looked up to see what was chewing on tree tops (obstensibly for those whilry-gig seeds), it was squirrels! And was that not a VINE tied to branches bent low to the ground?! With a loop to catch my feet & throw me upside down, their captive to be KILLED at a sacred squirrel ceremony, ridding all of Squirreldom of the pesky human whom had problem solved beyond the others?
So obviously then, what with FIVE such maple tree traps in the front yard, it became only more clear that the squirrel under the deck was making the final adjustments to camoflage the PIT lined with sharp sticks, for me to fall into!
So that is that for now, except I hope they know (from intercepting these emails via the phone lines they also contact with small feet each day) that my thought was to LIVE trap them, so the pit please be not lined with feces smeared punje sticks, and the snares set not to strangle?!
I am like the English prisoner in the movie "The Great Escape" whom is terrified to open a pack of cigarettes, fearing booby-trap.
Yesterday a sleek & effite (though nippless) gray squirrel was STRAIGHTENING out the grass, lifting small handfuls up and then patting & floofing the grass just as you mighht make your bedtime pillow stand a little taller before laying down?
So I thought "How peaceful! How nice the squirrel now looks, without my supposition upon it!" (it is all about me).
But then I remembered the maple leaf litter on the freshly mowed front lawn, and having looked up to see what was chewing on tree tops (obstensibly for those whilry-gig seeds), it was squirrels! And was that not a VINE tied to branches bent low to the ground?! With a loop to catch my feet & throw me upside down, their captive to be KILLED at a sacred squirrel ceremony, ridding all of Squirreldom of the pesky human whom had problem solved beyond the others?
So obviously then, what with FIVE such maple tree traps in the front yard, it became only more clear that the squirrel under the deck was making the final adjustments to camoflage the PIT lined with sharp sticks, for me to fall into!
So that is that for now, except I hope they know (from intercepting these emails via the phone lines they also contact with small feet each day) that my thought was to LIVE trap them, so the pit please be not lined with feces smeared punje sticks, and the snares set not to strangle?!
I am like the English prisoner in the movie "The Great Escape" whom is terrified to open a pack of cigarettes, fearing booby-trap.
Take heart. The squirrel under the feeder may have been just "hot-footing" it, sort of as you might at the beach, from the acidic remnants of bleach (though you rinsed).
Plus, I have done some research and find that gray squirrels run in weight from 12-28 ounces. An average weight usig just those two is 20 ounces, or one and one quarter pounds per squirrel.
In order to suspend your own weight.. just suspend it... the tree branch would have had to been set with the same mass as your own.. ie, if two hundred pounds, there would have to be two hundred pounds worth of squirrels. Two hundred divided by 1.25 = 160 squirrels.
If set to fling you into the air however, one might suppose a mass of around three times your body weight, in squirrels, or roughly 480 squirrels on a tree branch in order to set the flinging snare you envision.
Plus, I have done some research and find that gray squirrels run in weight from 12-28 ounces. An average weight usig just those two is 20 ounces, or one and one quarter pounds per squirrel.
In order to suspend your own weight.. just suspend it... the tree branch would have had to been set with the same mass as your own.. ie, if two hundred pounds, there would have to be two hundred pounds worth of squirrels. Two hundred divided by 1.25 = 160 squirrels.
If set to fling you into the air however, one might suppose a mass of around three times your body weight, in squirrels, or roughly 480 squirrels on a tree branch in order to set the flinging snare you envision.
It's not helping to calm me to know that the squirrels might be using ACID on my FEET next, or that there are at least 480 deployed.
Some of them are mutants. Chocolate brown, and black. I think it denotes rank or maybe specialty? Like the Cee-Bees some are in engineering. Pretty sure the gray ones are grunts. Except that the one under the feeder was possibly also a specialist.
Some of them are mutants. Chocolate brown, and black. I think it denotes rank or maybe specialty? Like the Cee-Bees some are in engineering. Pretty sure the gray ones are grunts. Except that the one under the feeder was possibly also a specialist.
"Is it rational, for instance, to visualize 480 squirrels setting a trap for you?!"
Hey, those are YOUR numbers, not mine.
I'd say these all (except for the effite grass fluffer) hit the 28 ounce mark, which is 1.75 pounds, or only 114 squirrels to equal my weight, 342 to fling me skywards.
Salvaging small comfort from your "advise", such as it is.
Hey, those are YOUR numbers, not mine.
I'd say these all (except for the effite grass fluffer) hit the 28 ounce mark, which is 1.75 pounds, or only 114 squirrels to equal my weight, 342 to fling me skywards.
Salvaging small comfort from your "advise", such as it is.
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samtzu
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On May 21st my son was stabbed twice; in the stomach and in the side. He's fine now, but he came back with some pretty grisly details:
Like the rectal check for internal bleeding "Hey! We haven't been introduced yet!! And what happened to the lube??"
Catheter tips: "Morphine over a large quantity of alcohol makes for poor decision making. If you have a catheter in you, leave it in you. Trying to extricate it by yanking (without deflating the foley) will not be pleasant... no matter how stoned you are."
On laying naked on the xray table, with the door wide open and the nurse holding your dick prior to injecting FIRE! into it: "What else could I say? '... so... do you come here often?' or 'While you're holding it, would you mind just... well, you know..."?
Bright side... he's happy to be alive and has avoided both large quantities of beer and sharp objects since then. Dark side... the nurse still hasn't called him.
Sam
Like the rectal check for internal bleeding "Hey! We haven't been introduced yet!! And what happened to the lube??"
Catheter tips: "Morphine over a large quantity of alcohol makes for poor decision making. If you have a catheter in you, leave it in you. Trying to extricate it by yanking (without deflating the foley) will not be pleasant... no matter how stoned you are."
On laying naked on the xray table, with the door wide open and the nurse holding your dick prior to injecting FIRE! into it: "What else could I say? '... so... do you come here often?' or 'While you're holding it, would you mind just... well, you know..."?
Bright side... he's happy to be alive and has avoided both large quantities of beer and sharp objects since then. Dark side... the nurse still hasn't called him.
Sam
The revolutionary does not grow up because he cannot grow, while the creative individual cannot grow up because he keeps growing ~~ Eric Hoffer
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samtzu
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sorry about the from-left-field-post. I didn't actually look at the date of the posts I was responding too...
now... about these acid spreading squirrels...?
now... about these acid spreading squirrels...?
The revolutionary does not grow up because he cannot grow, while the creative individual cannot grow up because he keeps growing ~~ Eric Hoffer
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AntiM
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paranoia, furry style
Hey, there was a squirrel in my maple tree the other day. This is the first squirrel I have ever, ever seen in our neighborhood in seven years.
Coincidence? I think not. There could be a nationwide plot afoot.
Coincidence? I think not. There could be a nationwide plot afoot.
I've seen two white or albino squirrels paying around in my neighborhood, normally we just have grays.
There is something up with the squirrels. What is America doing about the enemy within, the threat in the trees right over our heads? Oh sure cute, till you wake up with one sucking your brain out.
There is something up with the squirrels. What is America doing about the enemy within, the threat in the trees right over our heads? Oh sure cute, till you wake up with one sucking your brain out.
acorns tattoeing my path to the Milky Way
Yikes. I may have over-reacted yesterday with the effite (Effie, or FE) gray squirrel part.
I'm still not sure if it is a boy or girl, but know now that it was merely LIFTING bleached sunflower seed upwards through MATTED down grass... that is whay it looked as though FE were "fluffing" up the grass. Imagine your own hands tryign to lift a Nerf™ football through a pile of wet car-wash fabric strands.. you know the ones that wisp back & forth?
FE was simply (possibly) the SKINNIEST squirrel, so was taking advantage of what food source was available to it, the other burly-shouldered ones taking ownership of better grazing elsewhere.
A "happy" ending, however!
FE ingested enough of the bleached seeds to turn his/her fur completely white, & eyes quite pink, and now a heirarchy is clearly shown, the gray, brown & black squirrels bringing him/her acorns, this formerly starving wreck of a rodent, by happenstance(?) or fate is now exhalted as Squirrel leader.
So I followed FE, furtively, to see what may become of these THOUSANDS of acorns, shuffled along by hundreds of squirrels behind her/him.
To a clearing they went, where underneath a log my size these seeds were spent. WIth the rope from the cast-off feeder, the squirrels towed the log, with acorns never ending brought from behind this log to its fro, so always the log was rolling, rolling upon the seeds, a dry run I am sure, to tow me some night while sleeping to a new location better suited for us all.
I'm still not sure if it is a boy or girl, but know now that it was merely LIFTING bleached sunflower seed upwards through MATTED down grass... that is whay it looked as though FE were "fluffing" up the grass. Imagine your own hands tryign to lift a Nerf™ football through a pile of wet car-wash fabric strands.. you know the ones that wisp back & forth?
FE was simply (possibly) the SKINNIEST squirrel, so was taking advantage of what food source was available to it, the other burly-shouldered ones taking ownership of better grazing elsewhere.
A "happy" ending, however!
FE ingested enough of the bleached seeds to turn his/her fur completely white, & eyes quite pink, and now a heirarchy is clearly shown, the gray, brown & black squirrels bringing him/her acorns, this formerly starving wreck of a rodent, by happenstance(?) or fate is now exhalted as Squirrel leader.
So I followed FE, furtively, to see what may become of these THOUSANDS of acorns, shuffled along by hundreds of squirrels behind her/him.
To a clearing they went, where underneath a log my size these seeds were spent. WIth the rope from the cast-off feeder, the squirrels towed the log, with acorns never ending brought from behind this log to its fro, so always the log was rolling, rolling upon the seeds, a dry run I am sure, to tow me some night while sleeping to a new location better suited for us all.
Wondering how that would feel,
to be a squirrel nearly blinded after seeing
your fur turn WHITE (not that part actually!)
to have food tossed at you
at first fearing assault
that acorns were bullets!
when starving/fighting in the mix
each nut jealously guarded to UNDERSTAND
at once there was no contest
how confusing that would be for a squirrel
to ride a tide of acorns
shoved underneath your butt
gaining height until those forward
are relieved allowing gravity
falling into love
upon these objects formerly fought for
at first thought bullets
now a billet
this tide of rolling shelter nut
carry us away
to be a squirrel nearly blinded after seeing
your fur turn WHITE (not that part actually!)
to have food tossed at you
at first fearing assault
that acorns were bullets!
when starving/fighting in the mix
each nut jealously guarded to UNDERSTAND
at once there was no contest
how confusing that would be for a squirrel
to ride a tide of acorns
shoved underneath your butt
gaining height until those forward
are relieved allowing gravity
falling into love
upon these objects formerly fought for
at first thought bullets
now a billet
this tide of rolling shelter nut
carry us away
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Last Real Burner
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bleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa..........
Last week scientists discovered that the brain could feel a hand it does not have. Volunteers hid their right hands beneath a table while a rubber hand was placed in front of them in a way that suggested it could be part of their body. Both rubber and hidden hands were stroked while researchers observed a brain scan. On average, within 11 seconds, the volunteers started to feel the rubber hand belonged to them.
Does this explain the Dildo fascination?
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Last Real Burner
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- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 9:34 am
- Location: Heaven
- Contact:
Re: bleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh..........
Last week scientists discovered that the brain could feel a hand it does not have. Volunteers hid their right hands beneath a table while a rubber hand was placed in front of them in a way that suggested it could be part of their body. Both rubber and hidden hands were stroked while researchers observed a brain scan. On average, within 11 seconds, the volunteers started to feel the rubber hand belonged to them.
Does this explain the Proctology? What is he really looking for? Does he really need to look?
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Last Real Burner
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- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 9:34 am
- Location: Heaven
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....Bend Over and Spread 'em..........
"Say Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....." the proctologist.
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samtzu
- Posts: 3403
- Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2004 5:56 pm
- Location: Portland,OR;Columbia,CA;Emigrant Wilderness
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So, if my unit is out of sight in my pants, and someone begins to stroke a rubber dildoe in front of me, after eleven seconds, Mr. Happy should start to feel.... happy!?
Sounds Great!!
Sounds Great!!
The revolutionary does not grow up because he cannot grow, while the creative individual cannot grow up because he keeps growing ~~ Eric Hoffer
Hello.
I bumped into this story in print version this week. Found it too, online (for you) tonight that might wonder, as I did, why the squirrles might be pruning my maples:
Q. We have a large maple tree in our back yard. Last summer I observed a gray squirrel biting through small branches and letting them fall to the ground. My neighbors have the same type of maple but the squirrels never bother it. Why is it clipping our branches?
Jeffrey S. Meyer
St. Paul
A. DNR wildlife biologist Bob Welsh suspects it was after the sugary sap that oozes out of fresh tree wounds. Why your tree and not the neighbors? Something was making your sap better. It could be a difference in fertilizing or watering. Or perhaps your tree was in the process of setting seeds and so had intensified sap flows.
http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/volunteer/ju ... ities.html
I bumped into this story in print version this week. Found it too, online (for you) tonight that might wonder, as I did, why the squirrles might be pruning my maples:
Q. We have a large maple tree in our back yard. Last summer I observed a gray squirrel biting through small branches and letting them fall to the ground. My neighbors have the same type of maple but the squirrels never bother it. Why is it clipping our branches?
Jeffrey S. Meyer
St. Paul
A. DNR wildlife biologist Bob Welsh suspects it was after the sugary sap that oozes out of fresh tree wounds. Why your tree and not the neighbors? Something was making your sap better. It could be a difference in fertilizing or watering. Or perhaps your tree was in the process of setting seeds and so had intensified sap flows.
http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/volunteer/ju ... ities.html