How to be a Yahoo/ What NOT to do

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 7:22 pm

I am doing research for a fun educational project for virgin burners camp at Transformus. I have read the yahoo education material provided in the How to Laid at BM phamplets, and the Jaded Old timers thread, but was wondering if I can get some more- what not to dos, and things yahoos do that are really annoying. Esp. helpful are comments not to make. I am especially inviting crotchety jaded old timers to air your major turn offs & piss off buttons, and share your wisdom. Thanks & have fun.

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 7:35 pm

I'm not answering this because i'm a crotchity jaded old timer!

I'm a crotchity jaded, young at heart, old timer!

When drunken frats butt into my intelligent conversations with a women that has taking a liking to my deep thoughts! That pisses me off bad!

Or say shit like, Gee is that your daughter!

I hope I look as good as you when I'm a geezzer!

Dumping trash and cigs on the ground!

Having sex in front of me and not inviting me to join!

A II Z

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:29 pm

Don't have some fuctard newbie bicycle near the DPW area and yell 'spectator' because the folks aren't dressed in their finest feather and pistachio nut costumes.

On second thought....

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:30 pm

Do not demand that a ranger help you look for your lost/stolen bicycle.

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:55 pm

Don't try and see how many of your friends you can hide in the closet of your RV and then tell the Gate Staff you lost the key.

TheJudge · Post by **TheJudge** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 9:20 pm

Demand your rights since you paid your ticket. I love that one.

Bring a 5 gallon sparklets bottle, 3 kegs of cheap beer and no sunscreen.

Buy a cheap drug store shade structure and expect it to last.

Buy your "gifts" at Oriental Trading Co.

Drive like an idiot passing slower vehicles at every possible opportunity.

Walk around with a camera snapping pictures at every exposed breast you see.

Expect others to take care of you. Be humble and grateful when they do.

Expect everyone to be happy, horny and willing to share their drugs/ alcohol/ bodily fluids with you.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 9:25 pm

Run toward any moving mutant vehicle and just jump on without asking, you and your 12 drunk or high friends.

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 10:14 pm

It is late and I need to go to bed but I have been thinking about a "How to not be a creepy old guy" list.

Do not follow a girl around hoping she will talk to you -- it creeps them out.

T-shirt and no pants -- don't. If you think it will cover your belly and show off your dick to the best advantage you are wrong. If you think that it will hide your hairy back you are wrong.

Asking Burner girls "Wanta fuck" will get you laid sometime after the heat death of the universe. Maybe.

Do not touch a women until she touches you first.

If a woman (or man for that matter) is walking through a crowd hugging and kissing what seems to be ramdom people do not get in line. She/he knows them and does not know you.

If you are hitting on some girl and she calls some guy over, puts her arms around him and starts whispering in his ear give it up. What she is saying is 'make this asshole go away'.

Do not tell me that my daughter is cute or hot or anything. I have one son.

playasnake · Post by **playasnake** » Mon Jul 12, 2004 10:56 pm

pull out a video camera... pretty much at any point during the event.. but especially during critical tits.

yahoo

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 6:33 am

Any characters for our hall of bad behaviors are greatly appreciated be they drunken frat asshole or creepy free porn tourist . Thanks Ya'll!

SilkenTofu · Post by **SilkenTofu** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:00 am

For all the new and old burners please try to be patient with "tourist" types or "newbies" and don't lump them into the yahoo catagory right away - unless they start acting like a yahoo. A lot of first timers and older folks don't dress playa perfect the first time out or understand playa etiquette, but watch out because those people usually get it and sparkle and shine by the end of the week, or the next year.

I am bringing my 47 year old sister for her first time this year - she is gonna have a mouth full of playa dust 'cause her jaw is gonna be dropped down in amazement the whole time.

I have a question, are there girl yahoos? (Yahooettes)

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:21 am

creepy free porn tourist .

The creepy gy in Center Camp that had a hidden video camera in his suitcase. He schlepped it with him and started positioning himself so that he could film naked. James Bond He all that good at hiding his intentions seeing as several women immediately caught on and notified the Rangers.

Rangers went with the women where he was pointed out from a distance. A description was made and he was observed for a while. Eventually he was approached by Black Rock Rangers and immediately took off out of Center camp. I mean he was running like a scalded ass dog. He left his suitcase that contained his filming camera.

A very professional, very expensive video camera.

We heard that a person fitting his decsription was seen at Playa Info later in the week looking for some 'lost' video equipment.

He never found his equipment.

shitmouse · Post by **shitmouse** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:33 am

ahhh, yahoos on the playa.....

a couple of years ago, the playa was taken care of and clean all week long even after some of the more rowdy nights. --- every morning the playa would be spotless, that was until thursday, friday, saturday night, the mornings were left with tons of beers cans and bottles everywhere... it was a sad, trashy sight.

-- stop yahooing your beers on the playa fucktards.

-- don't wear so many blinky things. you don't want to be "turned on" guy do you? you do? no, you don't.

-- keep your headlamp on your head and or bike turned down. nobody likes the "pull over" vibe.

-- stop stealing others water, and camping chairs.

-- stop ass-grabbing others whom you don't know.

-- stop stealing bikes because your too fucked up to make it home on your own pussy legs.

-- stop going to the event, start working the event. (cause you ain't bringin' no project)...

-- stop asking *my* camp where the local BAR is...if you find it, you'll miss the rest of burning man.

-- don't take over the stereo with your bad music and expect everyone to love it, and love it so loud it's distorting. respect the playa vibe.

-- stop going to the critical tits ride with your super xxx camera, and your foamy jowles.

-- stop asking for help telling someone your not feeling well because you smoked a joint, when you really ate too many Ridalin and are over-dosing...

-b

TheJudge · Post by **TheJudge** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:37 am

Beautiful. Hope the camera went to a good home.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 11:12 am

are there girl yahoos? (Yahooettes)

yeah, they are the spray-on-tanned ones who are stupifyingly charmed into giving head to the beefy, bud swilling young tools they met on burn night.

SilkenTofu · Post by **SilkenTofu** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:08 pm

I guess one way to deal with yahoo's would be when you see a large group of them to tell them that you just saw the "Girl's Gone Wild" bus drive by and point them towards the open playa, that should occupy them for a while

snipe hunt anyone???

another example is when you have to use one of the porta potties after them and then you get to see all the trash and crap they leave inside for you.

bleh

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Tue Jul 13, 2004 6:59 pm

TheJudge wrote:Beautiful. Hope the camera went to a good home.

It did. I was there, and the person was apprehended by a friend of mine, along with others. He's a Ranger, among other things, and one of my best friends. He ended up with the camera (the people involved didn't know what else to do with it... the perp dropped the bag containing the camera and fled, abandoning it) and he's a movie-making enthusiast, with ambitions to turn pro, has made some really cool BM movies (his favorite subject) and is likely the best guy to put that camera to good use.
I don't want to name him here, but he's a guy who puts a lot of work and public service into BM.

Natalia Von Magpie · Post by **Natalia Von Magpie** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 1:18 am

you mean my giant light up hat that reads "karaoke slut!" is unnecessary? will i find my brethren through faith alone??!

i totally dont want to be annoying out there! but all my veteran playa friends tell me im already made for it so im not really worried.

plus, im not a creepy old guy. it is an advantage of being a chick.

** an rambling aside**
do you ever scoff at things that for whatever reason, you can't have, just to make it a little easier to take? i totally did that with burning man for the last 3 or 4 years, saying to myself, "man, that sounds like it would be one hot, dirty cesspool of crazed hippies and it would be miserable!", when I was really the whole time thinking "i would probably have so much fun there but would my sanity come back itact?!" i know myself well enough now to trust the consistency of my (in)sanity, and i get paid better, so i will scoff no more!

and so i wonder, do the veterans ever scoff a tad at the newbies, longing for those first awestruck moments of bm? or does it really get better with time........

i totally understand the camera thing! one thing im thinking of doing is shedding some inhibition and frolicking naked in glitter, or something along those lines... i would defniitely feel spied upon if at that very moment i noticed someone taping it.

Bob · Post by **Bob** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 5:20 am

Appreciate the effort, but the Yahoo Manual is only a parody for the benefit of those who would like to think of the number of Yahoos at Burning Man as being less than the ticket count.

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 6:04 am

few more

Do not ask women you don't know for a hug; it is pathetic.

Do not assume that since she has given him permission to take a picture that you are included.

Do not try to start up a conversation and impress a girl by pointing out guys in dresses and saying 'check out the fags'. Won't work, and one of those 'fags' might be her boyfriend. (I actually saw this happen ... much humor ensued).

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 7:22 am

Our project is only for the southeast regional burn, Transformus , and this year is its first incarnation as an event, very small in comparison. They are expecting a rather large number of virgin burners, folks testing the waters or otherwise not able to attend BM yet. It is our hope to run a sort of training camp for virgins and hopefully discouraging bad behaviors & intentions, else make yahoos & unsavory perv folks uncomfortable with future attendance.
Who knows, the event could become a nice gateway for future Bm burners. It just seems to me that if you have too many yahoos, then you need to add more burners. But I am a dreamer & a clueless virgin so what would I know. I was too busy playing poor, broke-ass starving artist & flunking out of art school to attend BM in its glory days.

VerbenaMaya · Post by **VerbenaMaya** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 9:44 am

And I know I will never know what it was that BM used to be, I accept that.

JezebelinHell · Post by **JezebelinHell** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:24 am

I'm not gonna name names, but...
Don't send me creepy P.M.s asking if I want to hook up with you at the burn cause you think I'm hot. First of all, the picture in my avatar isn't even me. It's a celebrity...look hard. Yes I am fairly hot, but I'm also not into guys (which I thought I'd made fairly clear in my year on this board), and if I were, I certainly wouldn't go to a Meet-and-fuck with some jackass who can't even type properly. Have a little dignity for chrissake!

Sorry for that, but it's happened twice this week. I'm thinking of changing my avatar to an ugly chick so I can type in peace.

As for being a yahoo once you're ON the playa:

Don't ask me where you can buy drugs unless I know you really well. Yeah, I probably have heard something somewhere, but if you're a complete stranger you might be a cop, and I might be setting one of my buddies up to get busted. It's nothing personal, but I don't think they'd be too happy with me if they got led away in handcuffs.

Just cause I'm running around naked doesn't mean I wanna have sex with you. Really...I swear.

If you're a young verile male, and prone to random erections from hot naked girls walking past you, at least have the decency to throw on a sarong or something. Having your penis stare at me creeps me the fuck out.

DON'T THROW CIGARETTE BUTTS ON THE PLAYA! Seriously guys, I'm a chain-smoker, and I ALWAYS have an ashtray on me. If I happen to lose it, I put my smokes out on my shoe, and then throw the butt in my pocket or backpack. Picking up cigarette butts on Monday morning is a royal pain in the ass, and it's not that hard to grab an Altoids tin from the drugstore before you leave.

If you're gonna have sex in another person's camp, at least ask first. And if you get permission, kindly clean up any and all bodily fluids left behind.

DON'T BIKE IF YOU'RE TOO INTOXICATED TO SEE STRAIGHT! I've been run into by so many drugged out kids on go-peds that I'm ready to start randomly clotheslining them as they putt past.

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 10:52 am

1) Don't think you're the only girl in the city that is on her period, and expect everyone to be patient with your "needs." Keep a fucking ziplock bag on your person -- I don't care that it messes with your fashion statement. And you won't get cooties from a toilet seat either. Park yer butt!
2) Don't put your cigarette butt anywhere but back onto your person, not daintily positioned on a table, not in the folding chair drink holder, and not on the ground.
3) Don't assume that because I'm wearing street clothes that I'm not a participant. I pull down major hours, and you're just wearing a Walmart leotard.
4) If you're doing nothing but sitting on your ass at the Cafe, and someone in a BRC uniform/tags asks to sit down, MOVE THE FUCK OVER. Or if in line, let them get ahead of you, they're probably going back to work.
5) If you see trash/glass/butt on the ground, it is nobody's responsibility to pick it up but YOURS.
6) Grey water doesn't miraculously disappear if it goes into the porta-pottie...even in the wee hours of morning.
7) If you're getting over-tired, weapy, dingy, or disoriented, this is NOT a clue for you to drink MORE alcohol.

I'm a morning person, you may be a night person. Let's agree to respect eachothers rhythms. If you feel it's ok to bounce around at 9pm, then I'm well within my rights to bounce around at 5am.
9) Give some slack to someone who asks a stupid question, they may be dehydrated. Offer water instead of hassle.
10) Sleep.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:28 am

hmmmm....

as an aside

So, I often go into these porta potties and see piss ALL OVER the seat. Usually I think 'how fucking trashed do you have to be not to hit that big hole. You've got a built in aiming device for chrissake. But now, based on Robbi's post, I have to wonder, is that piss all over the seat due to some chick who tries to piss while squatting over the toilet? With the seat DOWN?

WTF?

dragonfly Jafe · Post by **dragonfly Jafe** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 11:45 am

robbidobbs wrote:2) Don't put your cigarette butt anywhere but back onto your person, not daintily positioned on a table, not in the folding chair drink holder, and not on the ground.

Amen! We have had 2 fires, one in camp, one in an art vehicle, caused by some clue-tard dropping their still lit cigarette into the beer holder spot in those $10 fold up chairs that we provide for THEIR comfort!

Angel Ben · Post by **Angel Ben** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 12:42 pm

stuart wrote:hmmmm....

as an aside

So, I often go into these porta potties and see piss ALL OVER the seat. Usually I think 'how fucking trashed do you have to be not to hit that big hole. You've got a built in aiming device for chrissake. But now, based on Robbi's post, I have to wonder, is that piss all over the seat due to some chick who tries to piss while squatting over the toilet? With the seat DOWN?

WTF?

Honestly, I think it's both. But yes, trying to piss squatting is just as major of an offense as guys missing the hole. I always have to sit to pee for reasons I doubt anybody wants to know, and it's really not so bad. Wipe the seat for wet spots, and rub sanitizer on your butt afterwards if it really seemed grimy.

shitmouse · Post by **shitmouse** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 4:16 pm

Angel Ben wrote:
stuart wrote:hmmmm....

as an aside

So, I often go into these porta potties and see piss ALL OVER the seat. Usually I think 'how fucking trashed do you have to be not to hit that big hole. You've got a built in aiming device for chrissake. But now, based on Robbi's post, I have to wonder, is that piss all over the seat due to some chick who tries to piss while squatting over the toilet? With the seat DOWN?

WTF?
Honestly, I think it's both. But yes, trying to piss squatting is just as major of an offense as guys missing the hole. I always have to sit to pee for reasons I doubt anybody wants to know, and it's really not so bad. Wipe the seat for wet spots, and rub sanitizer on your butt afterwards if it really seemed grimy.

... it doesn't end there with peepee.
last year i stepped into a porta only to be greeted by a total mis-fire dookie explosion.

there was shit EVERYWHERE, EXCEPT the big round hole it was supposed to shoot through. thinking about the weirdo struggle that had to happen in there just keeps me wondering.
shoot for the hoop!
-b

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 6:36 pm

... it doesn't end there with peepee.
last year i stepped into a porta only to be greeted by a total mis-fire dookie explosion.

(Note to self: Just in case the OCD acts up, bring own pottie! Note2: Research portable potties and what to do with the waste....)

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Thu Jul 15, 2004 7:23 pm

I have to wonder, is that piss all over the seat due to some chick who tries to piss while squatting over the toilet? With the seat DOWN?

Yep, opened a door on a pottie in '02 and there was a chick squatting over the toilet like a chicken roosting, feet braced on either side of the seat. Now I have always prided myself on the ability to take things in stride, once walked in my ex with her current in my bed and simply said "Ah, sorry" but in this case I said "What the hell are you doing? She made distressed noises and I closed the door and stood guard until she came out. She left a mess, though that might have been because she did not lock the door.

How to be a Yahoo/ What NOT to do

How to be a Yahoo/ What NOT to do

hmm

Re: How to be a Yahoo/ What NOT to do

What not to do at BM

Re: What not to do at BM