Best Line Today

Thecatman · Post by **Thecatman** » Sat Apr 30, 2011 3:36 pm

When talking about the "lesser of two evils" my dad always said
"Its better then a slap in the face with a wet fish."

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:49 pm

"Oh! Did I forget to say Clear!" ?

MisaBlue · Post by **MisaBlue** » Mon May 02, 2011 1:40 pm

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sat May 07, 2011 9:26 am

"Comfort is for kids.
I would want to make my passengers weep in fear."

- Agent one

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sun May 08, 2011 4:11 am

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

-Abraham Lincoln

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Mon May 09, 2011 9:32 pm

It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

or my favorite: Bleeding like a stuck pig.

delle · Post by **delle** » Tue May 10, 2011 5:51 am

maryanimal wrote:It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

or my favorite: Bleeding like a stuck pig.

Coincidentally, I used the sharp stick line just yesterday when my daughter announced something fabulous (wondering as I said it WHY I'd chosen that particular expression....)

She immediately reproached me for not having used the word "pointed" rather than sharp....

as in Monty Python's "PoinTED stick" schtick.

Any occasion to use the word PoinTED is a winner in my home. I'd fucking blown it tho..... it could take weeks for this to blow over.

MisaBlue · Post by **MisaBlue** » Sun May 15, 2011 5:25 pm

BEFORE SEX you help each other get naked. AFTER SEX you only dress yourself. Moral of the story, in life, no one helps you once your fucked.

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Sun May 15, 2011 5:56 pm

Oh pointy bird,
Pointy pointy,
Anoint my head,
Anointy-nointy

-Steve Martin

delle · Post by **delle** » Mon May 16, 2011 1:20 pm

Elorrum wrote:Oh pointy bird,
Pointy pointy,
Anoint my head,
Anointy-nointy

-Steve Martin

I SHAN'T be learning this one by heart, nor putting it to music (oh gawd... it's too late isn't it.)

Dunno if this is a universal thing or not, but the crows around here look like someone's injected them with steroids over the winter. One in particular looks like it could totally smother me with a single poop were it so inclined.

And my response to this??? To stay on its good side.
And my M.O. for this? To feed it.

(nope. doesn't make any sense to me either.... still I do it)

He's a strange bird.... with a completely different voice than the rest.... and he'll actually shut up when I shush him, unlike the others. I HAVE seen his poop tho, and you just hope you're wearing boots if you happen upon one.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Mon May 16, 2011 1:25 pm

It's a raven.

delle · Post by **delle** » Mon May 16, 2011 1:29 pm

What's he doing hanging out with a bunch of common crows then? They follow him around like he was the coolest cat ever to grace this neck of the woods.

And he needs a name.

Sic Pup · Post by **Sic Pup** » Mon May 16, 2011 2:51 pm

delle wrote:And he needs a name.

Lenore?

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Mon May 16, 2011 3:07 pm

Our General Manager today announced that our (now former) HR Manager is "free to pursue other opportunities"

Did you guys hear the large roar and applause?

*edited, cause you know, I can't spell for crap.

delle · Post by **delle** » Mon May 16, 2011 3:35 pm

Sic Pup wrote:
delle wrote:And he needs a name.
Lenore?

Lenore it is.

Lenny for short.

and YEA!!!! Tamarakay!!! YEA, YEA, YEA!!!!
Gotta luv it when they do the right thing.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue May 17, 2011 12:12 pm

"It's true.
Probably from all that time I spent crouching in a bamboo cage, getting poked by a viet cong bayonet."

You were a pow?

"Eighteen months, waist deep in a snake infested swamp.

Still better than high school, though."

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Tue May 17, 2011 12:23 pm

Stephen Hawking said:
I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first. I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

The Guardian then asks:
So if everyone is destined to power-down like computers at the end of their lives, what should humans do to lend meaning to their experience?

"We should seek the greatest value of our action," Hawking told the paper.

Nuff said.

RobbiDobbs
Taoism is Easy

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue May 17, 2011 1:27 pm

Did you see that person offering use of a dome for one year for two tickets and early entry. Chutzpah.

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Tue May 17, 2011 1:33 pm

Shah
Der
Feh
Whatever.

Good luck with that.

delle · Post by **delle** » Mon May 23, 2011 4:44 pm

Two best lines of the day.... both from my guy:

1. Describing a woman he'd seen at the hardware store, so tightly packed in her way-too-small dress that she was bursting at the seams, but every piece of her apparently still jiggling quite spectacularly:

"It was like watching 3 baby raccoons in a burlap bag"

(the dance that came with this description was almost as spectacular as the words)

2. Sitting on the porch, watching the birds at the feeder. One of them kept turning around to look at us, and seemed quite reluctant to feed while we were watching.

Remarking on it, I likened it to a guy too shy to pee at the urinal unless completely alone.... which promted:

"Maybe he's worried his pecker's too small?"

Which all prompts me to announce that I've finally found a NAME for my guy: WitMan! Fits him to a TEE!!!

FaeTora · Post by **FaeTora** » Mon May 23, 2011 7:42 pm

"And these sparkling horses are there?"

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Mon May 23, 2011 9:06 pm

delle wrote:Two best lines of the day.... both from my guy:

1. Describing a woman he'd seen at the hardware store, so tightly packed in her way-too-small dress that she was bursting at the seams, but every piece of her apparently still jiggling quite spectacularly:

"It was like watching 3 baby raccoons in a burlap bag"

(the dance that came with this description was almost as spectacular as the words)

2. Sitting on the porch, watching the birds at the feeder. One of them kept turning around to look at us, and seemed quite reluctant to feed while we were watching.

Remarking on it, I likened it to a guy too shy to pee at the urinal unless completely alone.... which promted:

"Maybe he's worried his pecker's too small?"

Which all prompts me to announce that I've finally found a NAME for my guy: WitMan! Fits him to a TEE!!!

I must be his half-brother.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Mon May 23, 2011 10:47 pm

delle wrote:
Sic Pup wrote:
delle wrote:And he needs a name.
Lenore?
Lenore it is.

Lenny for short.

and YEA!!!! Tamarakay!!! YEA, YEA, YEA!!!!
Gotta luv it when they do the right thing.

Ravens are crows in hoodies! i have a raven friend i call rufus

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue May 24, 2011 10:38 am

graidawg wrote:
delle wrote:
Sic Pup wrote: Lenore?
Lenore it is.

Lenny for short.

and YEA!!!! Tamarakay!!! YEA, YEA, YEA!!!!
Gotta luv it when they do the right thing.
Ravens are crows in hoodies! i have a raven friend i call rufus

A red raven?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Tue May 24, 2011 11:50 am

never more?

lucky.bastard · Post by **lucky.bastard** » Tue May 24, 2011 5:43 pm

a young guy i work with got drunk and didn't go home, show up at work or call in and say he couldn't make it in. when i ask him what happened:

" i had a couple of drinks and my 'give a fuck' just flew out the window "

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Tue May 24, 2011 5:51 pm

ygmir wrote:never more?

Definitely more.

FaeTora · Post by **FaeTora** » Tue May 24, 2011 7:03 pm

"what desert do you camp in?"

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Tue May 24, 2011 7:17 pm

FaeTora wrote:"what desert do you camp in?"

Isn't that a good question?

I say Black Rock and one doctor says,
"Oh, I thought it might have been burning man."

Almost no one here has heard of burning man.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed May 25, 2011 10:00 pm

"For legal reasons, I might not have said that."

- Craig Ferguson