roll call: After the Rapture, who's here?

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sat May 21, 2011 3:55 pm

In my neighborhood, the ice cream truck plays Helter Skelter.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Sat May 21, 2011 4:27 pm

no rapture

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat May 21, 2011 4:29 pm

[youtube][/youtube]

knowmad · Post by **knowmad** » Sat May 21, 2011 4:34 pm

This Just In!!!!!

The Department of Celestial Accounting (contracted consultants to Harold Camping) Announced while they stand behind the Predictions of Harold Camping they also are aware of gross misjudgment of other factors on Harold Camping's part. Namely Samoa.

Samoa has a long rich history, complete with it's own cosmology and religious beliefs. or rather it did...

Factor X: When Christianity was introduced in Samoa, most Samoan people converted. Currently 98% of the population identify themselves as Christian. The other 2 percent either identify themselves as irreligious, or do not belong to any congregation.

Factor Y: Mission work in Samoa had begun in late 1830 by John Williams, of the London Missionary Society arriving in Sapapali'i from The Cook Islands and Tahiti. By that time, the Samoans had gained a reputation of being savage and warlike.

Factor Z: Once subdued by the loving grace of God. These Heathens were more eager to adopt a more sedentary life style and a foreign Diet that comprised mostly of Fatty high cholesterol foods and Copious amounts of French fries (venerated to the status of holy by a savvy Fast food chain) the result of this was a massive increase in the average body weight of the Islands population.

Having explained these factors, here is a breakdown of current predicament: It is one of simple physics and is related to the widely known hypothetical situation where "...all of the Chinese jumped off their chairs at the same time". When raptured These Samoans and their collective body fat will put a "Wobble" on the earths rotation and send it careening into the sun, well before 6pm European time witch is before 6pm in North America. So it appears that Even if you have been a good Christian and abstained by the pleasures of the flesh, you are doomed like the rest of us unless we can convince the entire Eskimo nation; whos average body weight and population is Identical to the Samoans to jump off their chairs in unison to counter the "wobble". this is the crux of the problem. The Eskimos resiliency to Cristian conversion juxtaposed against their anger at not being offered Fries by the Visiting London Missionary Society, (who thought them to be obese due to they'r heathen ways.) are unlikely to help Anny of us.

The Irony that the Greedy, overzealousness and shortsightedness of the London Missionary Society 200 years ago has Screwed us in the Ass yet again, is astounding.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat May 21, 2011 5:46 pm

15 minutes left here...think god flaked again.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat May 21, 2011 6:15 pm

Shambala wrote:I guess the first thing I will have to do once I get to heaven will be to take a dump.

What a rip-off! I thought Heaven would have magic colostomies that would beam the waste into the flaming pit as you make it!

That's it, I'm putting my faith in plumbers; god's lazy and doesn't have much imagination.

FaeTora · Post by **FaeTora** » Sat May 21, 2011 6:18 pm

The rapture is true, I ascended into the clouds and met Jesus and his sister. That's when he sent me back down.

Post by **Savannah** » Sat May 21, 2011 6:33 pm

Still not raptured.

Still not King.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat May 21, 2011 6:40 pm

Well, it's good to see you, Fae.

FaeTora · Post by **FaeTora** » Sat May 21, 2011 6:47 pm

you to love, I have a few pictures for you from last year. Very you.

Clar-i-ty · Post by **Clar-i-ty** » Sat May 21, 2011 7:55 pm

Are they all gone? Am I left behind?

At least I'm left with some of my favorite Playa Peeps!

[youtube][/youtube]

a figment · Post by **a figment** » Sat May 21, 2011 8:30 pm

well it looks like Jella and I didn't make it but at least we did it together

FaeTora · Post by **FaeTora** » Sat May 21, 2011 8:33 pm

It's ok. All the cool kids didn't do it.

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Sat May 21, 2011 8:58 pm

Dang it, I had my looting kit all ready to go and everything.

Ugly Dougly · Post by **Ugly Dougly** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:10 pm

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-pl ... 21366.html

South Pacific villagers worship a mysterious American they call John Frum - believing he'll one day shower their remote island with riches

â€œJohn promised heâ€™ll bring planeloads and shiploads of cargo to us from America if we pray to him,â€

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:35 pm

I'm still here................

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:41 pm

[quote="Ugly Dougly"]http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-pl ... 21366.html

South Pacific villagers worship a mysterious American they call John Frum - believing he'll one day shower their remote island with riches

â€œJohn promised heâ€™ll bring planeloads and shiploads of cargo to us from America if we pray to him,â€

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:44 pm

ive lost all faith in god!

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat May 21, 2011 9:54 pm

TomServo wrote:ive lost all faith in god!

you can't burn ashes, Tom...........

Bob Bitchen · Post by **Bob Bitchen** » Sat May 21, 2011 10:04 pm

Still here

Post by **Elderberry** » Sat May 21, 2011 10:34 pm

ygmir wrote:
TomServo wrote:ive lost all faith in god!
you can't burn ashes, Tom...........

LOL

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat May 21, 2011 10:37 pm

ygmir wrote:
TomServo wrote:ive lost all faith in god!
you can't burn ashes, Tom...........

with napalm you can

Post by **mdmf007** » Sat May 21, 2011 10:57 pm

The moderator formerly known as MDMF may now be called TMFKAMDMF.

he has transcended this realm and should be worshiped by his minions by building an effigy in his honor and burning it yearly. Please decide on a cheesy theme yearly and center a camp around him.

More to come.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat May 21, 2011 11:13 pm

I slept through the rapture. Am I in heaven?? could this be heaven? Ohhhhh it's beeyooteefull here!

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat May 21, 2011 11:36 pm

mdmf007 wrote:The moderator formerly known as MDMF may now be called TMFKAMDMF.

he has transcended this realm and should be worshiped by his minions by building an effigy in his honor and burning it yearly. Please decide on a cheesy theme yearly and center a camp around him.

More to come.

good try

langdon · Post by **langdon** » Sun May 22, 2011 12:15 am

i'm around, still fixated on my first trip to nevada, well not nevada, but BRC; just got my travel plan roughly sketched out tonight!

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Sun May 22, 2011 12:31 am

Step One

Go to nevada

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Sun May 22, 2011 1:50 am

gyre wrote:Step One

Go to nevada

*gets map* jeez thats a long long walk.

definately slightly displeased at the lack of looting going on. dammit god was fucking with us again i'm going to be having cross words with him about this.

Post by **Sham** » Sun May 22, 2011 2:17 am

So last night I found myself in full rapture mode. My entire body got all tingly and it felt like it turned inside out and I got very hot as I appeared to elevate off the ground on my way to eternal nirvana. Wow, was this for real?

Well, it was actually the raw chicken that I had in my chicken marsala, and my body was trying to expel it any way possible.

I will have to try again on December 21, 2012. (note to self: avoid the chicken marsala)

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sun May 22, 2011 3:33 am

Well shit! Get our hopes up! NOW I HAVE TO PAY RENT!!