The Fragility of Life

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:17 pm

Yesterday I brought my mom, my mom who I love more than anyone or anything, to a new care facility. We traveled 300 miles to get her there because it's by my sisters and her family. My mom has dementia and for the most part she did ok, but the trip took a toll on her and she was full of anxiety and still is having been taken away from the place she's called home for 6 months.

But the reason for this thread is this, tonight I was lying next to my mom in her new bed, my head her feet, and a pillow bent in half under my head. We held each others hand. And I held her small, fraile, warm hand in mine I thought, these are the hands that were born before the depression, the hands that nuns hit because she didn't speak english. Her hand toiled in her uncles coat factory at 13, with her close-in-age sister Adrianna, 14, to bring in money for the household.

Her hands are soft and smooth, yet show the hard work she's had to do over her 84 years. At 16 she held her father in her arms as he lay dying from heart disease. She prayed with hands clenched with a rosary when at the age of 31, her older sister died of an allergic reaction to tetenus.

My mom raised my brother and I by herself, worked full time because she didn't want to go on welfare. I remember she'd come home and always put lotion on her tried hands. She'd use the original Jergens with the cherry almond scent.

Mom remarried and my sister was born. She ended up raising her alone and worked for 10 years in a hosptial as a nurses aide. Her hands would be sore, chapped, and tired, shift after shift. Sometimes even double shifts.

And now, as I hold my mother's hand in mine, I feel her strength in myself as I grow older. My moms tired withered hand make me extremely aware how fragile life really is, how everyday we take things for granted. My mom is the strongest woman I've ever known. Yet today, she sits in her bed, scare and lost because I thought it was best to move her by my sister. I lost my apartment this past week and I just want her to be safe, loved and cared for as my hap hazard life, as it is now, can be repaired without mom getting caught in the fallout.

Her hands, so frail, soft and warm. The years of life etched on every finger. I look at mom and thank God I have my mom's beautiful brown eyes, her hard working hands, but most of all her kind and loving spirit.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:36 pm

very nice MA........very nice.........

goathead · Post by **goathead** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 3:51 am

I know what I want to write, but I can't.

She is so lucky to have you MA, and you her.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 4:20 am

your strength and love shines through that post MA.

delle · Post by **delle** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:21 am

That was so beautiful.

I know exactly what you mean about the hands. So soft and fragile.

We had to move my mother THREE times last year, due to deterioration of condition, a longish hospital stay and then temporary stay before her room in her final destination became available. She ended up going from having an apartment of her own in an elders complex, to a simple room in a facility. We thought it would be terribly hard for her.

....Fact is tho.... once she got settled and over all the excitement (which really can cause alot of disorientation at first), she really started to love it and settled right in.

And knowing that she is cared for around the clock... someone overseeing her meds, and there for her if she falls or needs help.... PRICELESS.

(I'm afraid this is likely to be hardest on you. HUGE hugs to you as you acclimate to this)

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 6:52 am

Beautiful MA.

My Grandmother Lived in my moms house for over 30 years. She did not speak English and my mom refused to put her in a care facility because she did not think they would take good care of her. Finally it got to the point where there was no choice. My grandmother spent the last two years of her life in that care facility. She had a grand time while she was there and even had a boyfriend. She was, I think, 98 when she died.

(We were never really sure of her exact age. She was a few years older than my grandfather, but they doctored her birth certificate before they got married because my grandfathers family did not approve of her. It seems she had the misfortune to be an orphan, poor, part Amazon Indian and older than him. They disowned him after he married her.)

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 7:00 am

ygmir wrote:very nice MA........very nice.........

+100

Post by **Elderberry** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 1:59 pm

Heart warming.

Dr. Pyro · Post by **Dr. Pyro** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 4:21 pm

MA, God bless your mother.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:07 pm

Im on the phone with MA right now, she may be going to the hospital. Keep in touch with her, her car was towed, and she was more scared of that, than her life.

Trishntek · Post by **Trishntek** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:34 pm

My Mom is 86 and still lives in the place she and my stepfather retired to over 30 years ago. I see her failing, yet admire her determination to carry on her own. She has great neighbors and friends who watch after her. At our insistence, we set her up with the medalert. The day is coming when more intervention will be necessary.

We are 400 miles away and the closest of my siblings. My oldest daughter lives about 4 hours away and they are fond of each other. Life indeed is fragile and we always seek to make every day like it is our last. Gratefulness for every moment of life becomes more vivid as Trish and I realize just how precious life really is.