Suicidal Tendencies

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 3:46 pm

Reaching out can be really hard, but, please do it. Please call somebody before you take a fatal step.

And Grai? Please don't bail on me. Please, just don't.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 3:54 pm

Elliot wrote:Mary, I question whether I'm bipolar at all, but there is no question about depression. But... maybe I simply would not realize it. I'd love to solve this with Lamotrigine, and get rid of the other five.

Hey, come to think of it.... Good news! I'm sleeping well these days. Very important! Trazodone in the evening helps with that, for me.

I take trazadone at night too! I have "racing thoughts" and I can't shut my brain off at night and trazadone does the trick! I also take lamotrigine. It's amazing how our chemicals are imbalanced in so many different ways. My thoughts race all day long. There are moments I can't focus. But I stop and refocus and I'm fine.

You know Elliot, it's hard to explain chemical imbalance to people who don't suffer from them. Some people look at it and stigmatize people who have chemical imbalance issues. They are not well-informed.

Anyway,seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and it not being a train, allows hope!

((((Elliot graidawg delle MyDearFriend Foxfur Ygmir jkisha goathead TomServo Trishntek and everyone else))))))

Post by **Elderberry** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:51 pm

Many more people talk about committing suicide than actually decide to go through with it, and most people close to someone that has, almost always comments that they said the stock lines...

After my partner killed himself, I volunteered and was trained to do telephone crisis counseling. One of the first things we were taught to do when someone calls threatening to kill themselves was to find out if they had a plan. Then, if they did, find out how detailed it was.

Most people in a moment of despair might say they want to kill themselves or some variation thereof, but those that are really serious and at high risk for actually following through will have been thinking about it enough to have a plan for actually doing it. And the more detailed the plan the higher the risk is that they are actually serious and need to be watched or have an intervention of some sort.

So, for whatever it's worth, remembering to ask questions to determine if they have a plan could actually help save a life, and maybe alleviate the associated guilt of "not saying or doing enough".

Jax Dee · Post by **Jax Dee** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:27 pm

I am sending my love and support out to everyone in this thread. It's good to know I am not alone in my experiences with chemical imbalance. It has made for a roller coaster life, but I must say, I wouldn't change a thing. I am very lucky to be able to live without meds currently, but it's not for everyone. I am here for anyone who wants to talk, PM me any time.

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 7:49 pm

graidawg wrote:elliot thank you for listening, i think i should avoid this thread it seems to make me want reach for the razor.
MA and elliot it must be aweful to not be able to call a dr anytime and get treatment without thinking of the cost - something we in the uk dont consider

thank you for letting me vent- ;ife gets difficult without someone to talk to about it, and worse (for me) without someone venting back

But if anyone knows the pain it can cause, is you, for that reason you could never do that.

No matter what is said there is nothing to relieve the pain, actual physical pain felt from someone you love commiting this act.

As said in above posts, what is past is past and at some point it can be healthy to let it go, to FORGIVE and maybe, just maybe, forget the pain.

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Wed Jun 22, 2011 7:56 pm

I do not want to say I am disagreeing with the below, but I wish to add that there are many times where a person does not need a real plan, such as men and women in Law Enforcement. They are armed, they are aware of what that weapon can do, they don't need a real "plan" for them and people like them, it can just happen.

and Jkisha, I add this with the greatest respect as you have shared what happened in your life, with someone who you cared about. No matter what it is very sad. But your ability to put it behind you is great!

jkisha wrote:Many more people talk about committing suicide than actually decide to go through with it, and most people close to someone that has, almost always comments that they said the stock lines...

After my partner killed himself, I volunteered and was trained to do telephone crisis counseling. One of the first things we were taught to do when someone calls threatening to kill themselves was to find out if they had a plan. Then, if they did, find out how detailed it was.

Most people in a moment of despair might say they want to kill themselves or some variation thereof, but those that are really serious and at high risk for actually following through will have been thinking about it enough to have a plan for actually doing it. And the more detailed the plan the higher the risk is that they are actually serious and need to be watched or have an intervention of some sort.

So, for whatever it's worth, remembering to ask questions to determine if they have a plan could actually help save a life, and maybe alleviate the associated guilt of "not saying or doing enough".

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 2:21 pm

It seems I sure have the ability to kill threads. Not my intention, the discussion above is valuable in so many ways. But, not to go off topic, I do wonder why some threads seem to end cause of my inane post, anyone else have that kinda issue??

Foxfur · Post by **Foxfur** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 2:35 pm

wedeliver wrote:It seems I sure have the ability to kill threads. Not my intention, the discussion above is valuable in so many ways. But, not to go off topic, I do wonder why some threads seem to end cause of my inane post, anyone else have that kinda issue??

My name is Foxfur and I'm a thread killer.
I used to be really good at it but I'm losing my touch here at eplaya.
Unless it's a thread that I start. Mebbe I need to conduct some focus group research on titles.
I'm wondering if I should spawn a sock or something. What do you think of Fauxfur? Maybe Soxfur? Fox in Socks?
Maybe Bob123 would be less obvious...
Watch this thread. It will languish until mold sets in.

Ff

Sic Pup · Post by **Sic Pup** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 2:53 pm

Be careful (from another board):

BAS · Post by **BAS** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:01 pm

delle wrote:
goathead wrote:

Shed a tear for a friend gone.
But know they are at peace, something they didn't know HERE.

I wish them PEACE.

I agree in principle. I even agree for certain friends and family who have chosen this path.

I could never agree for my child.

The pain would be too intense. The constant insistance that I could have done something more to change the outcome. I can't imagine that ever getting better. Ever.

That is one of the few things which have kept me from suicide on occasions-- I don't think my mom could handle it.

goathead · Post by **goathead** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:02 pm

BAS wrote:
delle wrote:
goathead wrote:

Shed a tear for a friend gone.
But know they are at peace, something they didn't know HERE.

I wish them PEACE.

I agree in principle. I even agree for certain friends and family who have chosen this path.

I could never agree for my child.

The pain would be too intense. The constant insistance that I could have done something more to change the outcome. I can't imagine that ever getting better. Ever.

That is one of the few things which have kept me from suicide on occasions-- I don't think my mom could handle it.

A parent shouldn't have to bury their child.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:19 pm

Foxfur wrote:
wedeliver wrote:It seems I sure have the ability to kill threads. Not my intention, the discussion above is valuable in so many ways. But, not to go off topic, I do wonder why some threads seem to end cause of my inane post, anyone else have that kinda issue??

My name is Foxfur and I'm a thread killer.
I used to be really good at it but I'm losing my touch here at eplaya.
Unless it's a thread that I start. Mebbe I need to conduct some focus group research on titles.
I'm wondering if I should spawn a sock or something. What do you think of Fauxfur? Maybe Soxfur? Fox in Socks?
Maybe Bob123 would be less obvious...
Watch this thread. It will languish until mold sets in.

Ff

Most of them do, Rasputin. The difference between chatrooms/message boards and eplaya, is the event.

Foxfur · Post by **Foxfur** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 5:54 pm

BAS wrote:
delle wrote:
goathead wrote:

Shed a tear for a friend gone.
But know they are at peace, something they didn't know HERE.

I wish them PEACE.

I agree in principle. I even agree for certain friends and family who have chosen this path.

I could never agree for my child.

The pain would be too intense. The constant insistance that I could have done something more to change the outcome. I can't imagine that ever getting better. Ever.

That is one of the few things which have kept me from suicide on occasions-- I don't think my mom could handle it.

Yep. Mom has saved my life a few times and didn't even know it...
(Thanks Mom!)

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:50 pm

Foxfur wrote:
BAS wrote:
delle wrote:
I agree in principle. I even agree for certain friends and family who have chosen this path.

I could never agree for my child.

The pain would be too intense. The constant insistance that I could have done something more to change the outcome. I can't imagine that ever getting better. Ever.

That is one of the few things which have kept me from suicide on occasions-- I don't think my mom could handle it.

Yep. Mom has saved my life a few times and didn't even know it...
(Thanks Mom!)

Speaking as a Mom, who when push came to shove could not do that to her kids, it definitely works the other way too.

I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:25 pm

MyDearFriend wrote: I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.

Where does a person find that?? I need to know.

Post by **Sham** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 8:34 pm

maryanimal wrote:
MyDearFriend wrote: I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.
Where does a person find that?? I need to know.

It always seems to happen when you least expect it and are not looking for it. It almost seems that the tension and anxiety of looking for love, is the very thing that's keeping you from finding it.
Relax, let your guard down, and there it will be!

(ps, don't respond to a Nigerian email offering you $25,000,000 and the chance to date a Prince)

Foxfur · Post by **Foxfur** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 10:17 pm

Shambala wrote:
maryanimal wrote:
MyDearFriend wrote: I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.
Where does a person find that?? I need to know.
It always seems to happen when you least expect it and are not looking for it. It almost seems that the tension and anxiety of looking for love, is the very thing that's keeping you from finding it.
Relax, let your guard down, and there it will be!

+1

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:14 pm

maryanimal wrote:
MyDearFriend wrote: I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.
Where does a person find that?? I need to know.

love everybody, untill they show they don't deserve to be loved and even then dont hate them. for me its the only way, though i do get hurt a lot

dammit bill why do so many see that as weakness

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 4:48 am

maryanimal wrote:
MyDearFriend wrote: I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.
Where does a person find that?? I need to know.

Love is not something you can find. Love is something you can do.

Practice love.

Post by **Elderberry** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:26 am

MyDearFriend wrote:
maryanimal wrote:
MyDearFriend wrote: I think the secret is, to love somebody. That will hold you here and keep you safe.
Where does a person find that?? I need to know.
Love is not something you can find. Love is something you can do.

Practice love.

The secret to making all this love talk work is to make the first "somebody" you love YOU! If you don't love yourself, you cannot love or expect love from others.

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:06 am

jkisha wrote:
MyDearFriend wrote:
maryanimal wrote: Where does a person find that?? I need to know.
Love is not something you can find. Love is something you can do.

Practice love.
The secret to making all this love talk work is to make the first "somebody" you love YOU! If you don't love yourself, you cannot love or expect love from others.

Yep, always best to start where you are and move on from there.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:16 am

ok guys, i'm kind of embaressed by my previous posts here. thanks to the pretty much universal love i have felt from eplaya in general i would be to ashamed to top myself now. strange how at hing can change your mind when soemthing bigger doesn't isn't it.

However i do not love myself, i see many faults in myself that are very unloveable. I realise those of you that converse with me don't, but this the internet the ulitmate converatation editor.

I know i am a likeable person, but my friend count (in reality) 1 maybe 2
so my opinion is probably a bit inaccurate, however i do know a great many very loveable people who, though they dont like me are superb people

so to love yourself is not the start that is called narcissism to love others without expecting it back that is the start of love. of course i could be wrong i usually am and relish the retorts to this statement

Post by **Elderberry** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:03 pm

graidawg wrote:ok guys, i'm kind of embaressed by my previous posts here. thanks to the pretty much universal love i have felt from eplaya in general i would be to ashamed to top myself now. strange how at hing can change your mind when soemthing bigger doesn't isn't it.

However i do not love myself, i see many faults in myself that are very unloveable. I realise those of you that converse with me don't, but this the internet the ulitmate converatation editor.

I know i am a likeable person, but my friend count (in reality) 1 maybe 2
so my opinion is probably a bit inaccurate, however i do know a great many very loveable people who, though they dont like me are superb people

so to love yourself is not the start that is called narcissism to love others without expecting it back that is the start of love. of course i could be wrong i usually am and relish the retorts to this statement

Think about this: How can anybody else like you if you don't even like yourself? You should be your biggest fan.

I don't mean that in a narcissistic way at all. Liking yourself is not the same thing as being a braggart. But when you truly do start to like yourself, I guarantee you'll be surprised at how many other people will start liking you too!

If there are things about yourself you don't like, either accept them as being part of who you are and move on, or change them if you feel that's the way to go. Do this for YOURSELF. You can't be all things to all people. Once you know and accept who you are; I think you'll find your friend count increasing...and maybe not with any of those people you know now.

Foxfur · Post by **Foxfur** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:47 pm

graidawg wrote:ok guys, i'm kind of embaressed by my previous posts here. thanks to the pretty much universal love i have felt from eplaya in general i would be to ashamed to top myself now. strange how at hing can change your mind when soemthing bigger doesn't isn't it.

However i do not love myself, i see many faults in myself that are very unloveable. I realise those of you that converse with me don't, but this the internet the ulitmate converatation editor.

I know i am a likeable person, but my friend count (in reality) 1 maybe 2
so my opinion is probably a bit inaccurate, however i do know a great many very loveable people who, though they dont like me are superb people

so to love yourself is not the start that is called narcissism to love others without expecting it back that is the start of love. of course i could be wrong i usually am and relish the retorts to this statement

Nothing to be embarassed about, dawgie.
I sometimes question myself after an especially revealing post but am endlessly amazed at the responses that follow those posts. I have seen, time after time (in my short time here), the effect of these 'questionable' posts. Sometimes it's an answer. Sometimes it's a very thoughtful or thought provoking response. Sometimes, and this is the VERY best of all, someone will take it up not as a response to my post but as an opportunity to share something that my 'indiscrete' post might have made them feel more comfortable about doing so. Vicarious liberation. Percieved permission. Cathartic call and response.
Call it what you will. For every post I might regret there are always responses that completely obviate the need for any self recrimination or doubt.

I love your posts! I love what you've shared here. I love you! There, you know someone who loves you now

.
I know what you mean about a small circle of friends. I have the same thing going, largely by choice. Maintaining a large circle requires so much tending that nobody gets the attention that they truly deserve. There is nothing wrong with not having lots of friends. I do KNOW tons of people. Just not lots that I would like to spend a large amount of time with. I've always marched to the beat of a different accordionist and always thought outside the triangle. It can be very difficult to find birds of a feather in the mews of ordinary life.
BUT, when you do find them as I feel we have here, it's awfully damned hard to hold back. Is there a risk? Sure there is.
Here's a GREAT example.
If I shared something very risque like, say, "I fucked a cantaloupe!" on facebook or a quilting forum, I'd either hear crickets or an open palm whistling towards my head.
If I posted "I fucked a canteloupe!" here I know exactly what responses would be garnered:
"Me too!"
"I've always wanted to try that!"
"That's a great idea!"
"How can I tell if a cantaloupe is ready to be fucked?"
"I love fruit salad! Bring it to the MnG!"

That right there my friend is what keeps me coming back.

And yes, I actually did fuck a canteloupe once. I might have done it again but it was totally destroyed in the process... and the supermarket was closed...

No regrets!

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:00 pm

Um, Foxfur......did yours die?

Mine did.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:27 pm

Foxfur wrote:
graidawg wrote:ok guys, i'm kind of embaressed by my previous posts here. thanks to the pretty much universal love i have felt from eplaya in general i would be to ashamed to top myself now. strange how at hing can change your mind when soemthing bigger doesn't isn't it.

However i do not love myself, i see many faults in myself that are very unloveable. I realise those of you that converse with me don't, but this the internet the ulitmate converatation editor.

I know i am a likeable person, but my friend count (in reality) 1 maybe 2
so my opinion is probably a bit inaccurate, however i do know a great many very loveable people who, though they dont like me are superb people

so to love yourself is not the start that is called narcissism to love others without expecting it back that is the start of love. of course i could be wrong i usually am and relish the retorts to this statement
Nothing to be embarassed about, dawgie.
I sometimes question myself after an especially revealing post but am endlessly amazed at the responses that follow those posts. I have seen, time after time (in my short time here), the effect of these 'questionable' posts. Sometimes it's an answer. Sometimes it's a very thoughtful or thought provoking response. Sometimes, and this is the VERY best of all, someone will take it up not as a response to my post but as an opportunity to share something that my 'indiscrete' post might have made them feel more comfortable about doing so. Vicarious liberation. Percieved permission. Cathartic call and response.
Call it what you will. For every post I might regret there are always responses that completely obviate the need for any self recrimination or doubt.

I love your posts! I love what you've shared here. I love you! There, you know someone who loves you now .
I know what you mean about a small circle of friends. I have the same thing going, largely by choice. Maintaining a large circle requires so much tending that nobody gets the attention that they truly deserve. There is nothing wrong with not having lots of friends. I do KNOW tons of people. Just not lots that I would like to spend a large amount of time with. I've always marched to the beat of a different accordionist and always thought outside the triangle. It can be very difficult to find birds of a feather in the mews of ordinary life.
BUT, when you do find them as I feel we have here, it's awfully damned hard to hold back. Is there a risk? Sure there is.
Here's a GREAT example.
If I shared something very risque like, say, "I fucked a cantaloupe!" on facebook or a quilting forum, I'd either hear crickets or an open palm whistling towards my head.
If I posted "I fucked a canteloupe!" here I know exactly what responses would be garnered:
"Me too!"
"I've always wanted to try that!"
"That's a great idea!"
"How can I tell if a cantaloupe is ready to be fucked?"
"I love fruit salad! Bring it to the MnG!"

That right there my friend is what keeps me coming back.

And yes, I actually did fuck a canteloupe once. I might have done it again but it was totally destroyed in the process... and the supermarket was closed...

No regrets!

foxyfur that entirely is why i want to see the sunrise with you, you in the short time have known you have cut to the very heart of why i love it here, and partly why i feel so very unequal to the true affection i feel here.

JK you speak a strong truth but from your perspective, which is very different from mine. can i leave it at that i truely respect you which os why i didnt reply directly?

Post by **Elderberry** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 4:13 pm

graidawg wrote:
JK you speak a strong truth but from your perspective, which is very different from mine. can i leave it at that i truely respect you which os why i didnt reply directly?

*smiling* EVERYTHING I say is from MY perspective. It's the only perspective I have. Though I don't understand why truly respecting me should deter you from responding directly. But you can leave it any way that allows you be comfortable.

delle · Post by **delle** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:04 pm

Foxfur wrote:"How can I tell if a cantaloupe is ready to be fucked?"

Just read your thread to my guy here. He looked up at me over his little grampa glasses and said cooly.....

"Generally if you just knock on it and it sounds a little hollow, she's ready to go".

Now I'm trying desperately to remember if he tapped on my head before we had sex the first time....

Post by **Elderberry** » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:12 pm

Do you eat after you're done fucking it?

Reminds me of that old joke...well of course I would, haven't you ever heard about fucking it then eating the fuck out of it?

Foxfur · Post by **Foxfur** » Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:40 pm

jkisha wrote:Do you eat after you're done fucking it?

Reminds me of that old joke...well of course I would, haven't you ever heard about fucking it then eating the fuck out of it?

I tossed it out the window for the bears.

Reminded me of an old army phrase. Ate the fuck up or 8-Up.
Did they have that phrase when you were in?

Suicidal Tendencies

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