P. J. O'Rourke Quotefest 2004

[can't sit still]

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.â€

[can't sit still]

*** Does money make you happy? No, said Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million. But I was just as happy when I had $48 million."

[can't sit still]

"H.L. Mencken quipped that the New Deal divided America into "those who work for a living and those who vote for a living." The explosion in the number of food-stamp recipients tilts the political playing field in favor of big government. The more people who become government dependents, the more likely that democracy will become a conspiracy against self-reliance."
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 04294.html

[Simon of the Playa]

funny you should quote Mr. Mencken.

he too was a vicious anti-semite...


seems appropriate for you two to think alike...

[Ugly Dougly]

Little poets, little poets,
Your star is growing dim—
A wind is coming out of the East
To rend you life from limb.

Oh, you that sit in the rhymer’s seat
And prattle of little things,
Turn your faces from the gilded scroll
And see what the black wind brings!

Your verse is smooth as a windless brook,
Your words fall well in line;
You have trimmed your accents carefully
And polished them till they shine.

Just so the workers in Babylon
Rubbed gem and gleaming ore,
Lit little lamps in the burnished hall,
Forgetting that rough stones hold the wall—
’Til the riders swept on Babylon
And Hell ran red before.

Little poets, little poets,
The people praise your rhymes;
You sing of kisses and spring and love,
The budding rose and the maiden’s glove,
Like a thousand tinkling chimes.

But a great bell booms in the deadly East
Where a fearsome people lurk;
There are shapes of doom in the gathering gloom
And monsters in the murk.

Gods of all Hells, can you not see
Before it is too late
That rhyme is the speech of the grisly dark—
The ghouls that haunt the Gate?

Oh, jingle your foolish, petty songs—
Jeer at the Talon and Tooth;
Till the portals break and the towers fall
And the terrible people nail you all
To a cross of iron truth.

What has the true rhyme to do with light,
Love or a flower’s smell?
The poems that set the sky on fire
Were born in the pits of Hell.

Murder and madness, hate and lust,
Gibbering heresies,
These are the tales that poets tell;
Of the seething brain in the rotting shell.
Loose the abhorrent hordes of Hell,
Then carve your poems in blood and rust,
Abysms and blasphemies.

[can't sit still]

The March Of The Dead; Robert Service

The cruel war was over -- oh, the triumph was so sweet!
We watched the troops returning, through our tears;
There was triumph, triumph, triumph down the scarlet glittering street,
And you scarce could hear the music for the cheers.
And you scarce could see the house-tops for the flags that flew between;
The bells were pealing madly to the sky;
And everyone was shouting for the Soldiers of the Queen,
And the glory of an age was passing by.

And then there came a shadow, swift and sudden, dark and drear;
The bells were silent, not an echo stirred.
The flags were drooping sullenly, the men forgot to cheer;
We waited, and we never spoke a word.
The sky grew darker, darker, till from out the gloomy rack
There came a voice that checked the heart with dread:
"Tear down, tear down your bunting now, and hang up sable black;
They are coming -- it's the Army of the Dead."

They were coming, they were coming, gaunt and ghastly, sad and slow;
They were coming, all the crimson wrecks of pride;
With faces seared, and cheeks red smeared, and haunting eyes of woe,
And clotted holes the khaki couldn't hide.
Oh, the clammy brow of anguish! the livid, foam-flecked lips!
The reeling ranks of ruin swept along!
The limb that trailed, the hand that failed, the bloody finger tips!
And oh, the dreary rhythm of their song!

"They left us on the veldt-side, but we felt we couldn't stop
On this, our England's crowning festal day;
We're the men of Magersfontein, we're the men of Spion Kop,
Colenso -- we're the men who had to pay.
We're the men who paid the blood-price. Shall the grave be all our gain?
You owe us. Long and heavy is the score.
Then cheer us for our glory now, and cheer us for our pain,
And cheer us as ye never cheered before."

The folks were white and stricken, and each tongue seemed weighted with lead;
Each heart was clutched in hollow hand of ice;
And every eye was staring at the horror of the dead,
The pity of the men who paid the price.
They were come, were come to mock us, in the first flush of our peace;
Through writhing lips their teeth were all agleam;
They were coming in their thousands -- oh, would they never cease!
I closed my eyes, and then -- it was a dream.

There was triumph, triumph, triumph down the scarlet gleaming street;
The town was mad; a man was like a boy.
A thousand flags were flaming where the sky and city meet;
A thousand bells were thundering the joy.
There was music, mirth and sunshine; but some eyes shone with regret;
And while we stun with cheers our homing braves,
O God, in Thy great mercy, let us nevermore forget
The graves they left behind, the bitter graves.

[can't sit still]

"Through our scientific and technological genius, we have made of this world a neighborhood and yet we have not had the ethical commitment to make of it a brotherhood. But somehow, and in some way, we have got to do this. We must all learn to live together as brothers or we will all perish together as fools."
"If we do not act, we shall surely be dragged down the long, dark, and shameful corridors of time reserved for those who possess power without compassion, might without morality, and strength without sight."
--Martin Luther King, Jr.,
"Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think."
--Martin Luther King Jr
"The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood."
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

[can't sit still]

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
"Germany will militarize herself out of existence,
England will expand herself out of existence,
and America will spend herself out of existence."

Ayn Rand... "You can avoid reality. But you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."

[can't sit still]

"'History fails to record a single precedent in which nations subject to moral decay have not passed into political and economic decline. There has been either a spiritual awakening to overcome the moral lapse, or a progressive deterioration leading to ultimate national disaster." Douglas MacArthur

[Elliot]

I'm reading O'Rourke's Give War A Chance, and realized this thread needs a bump. Here is a pearl from the book:

"Self-loathing is one of those odd illogical leaps of human intuition that is almost always correct."