your stupid joke here

Indigo* · Post by Indigo* » Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:37 pm

*Worst joke ever*

How do you give a woman an orgasm?

Who cares?

BroadcastBurner · Post by **BroadcastBurner** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 5:37 am

Why do crows scavenge the highways in pairs? -
So one can scout for "caws, caws!" (helps if you have a NEngland accent)

BroadcastBurner · Post by **BroadcastBurner** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 5:39 am

why did the cowpoke buy a dahlmatian? -
'Cause his pardner said to "get a long li'l doggy"

Lark · Post by **Lark** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 6:03 am

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Wed Jul 14, 2004 2:05 pm

saw this walking down the street 1 hr ago...a guy wearing a t-shirt that said.....
"Satan is My Fucking Co-Pilot"

Fat SAM · Post by **Fat SAM** » Sun Aug 08, 2004 9:18 am

Where are all the spare belly buttons kept?

The Navel Reserves! Har Har.

Magikal · Post by **Magikal** » Sun Aug 08, 2004 11:11 am

It isn't widely known, but before he was a best-selling novelist, Charles Dickens worked as a writer for the London Times. Back then, there was a huge dragon that was living in the Thames river, chewing up little boys who didn't obey their mothers' orders to stay away from the river. Finally they convinced a brave knight to slay the dragon, but then they had the huge carcass to deal with. So they decided to chop it up and convert it into spicy German sausages. So Charles Dickens dutifully penned the headline: "It was the beast of Thames, it was the wurst of Thames".

Ba-doom!

Magikal · Post by **Magikal** » Sun Aug 08, 2004 11:19 am

And if you liked THAT one... YOU'RE LAME!!!

But seriously, folx...

Since Ghandi walked many miles in his life, usually barefoot, his feet were very calloused and tough. Too, he didn't brush his teeth much, so his breath was not-so-fresh. And as he aged, he became quite frail. All of which caused people to observe (are you ready for this?) that he was a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

BADA-BADA-BOOM!

Well, you did say you wanted stupid jokes...

Fat SAM · Post by **Fat SAM** » Sun Aug 08, 2004 4:00 pm

Those two posts covered possibly the worst joke ever to maybe the absolute best play on words in history.

This woman goes to her doctor and she says, "Look, Doc, this hormone treatment you have me on for my menopause symptoms is not working out at all."

The doctor asks "Are you having any side effects?"

She pulls up her shirt and there's this thick, wooly, welcome-mat-like covering of dense fur from the top of her pants all the way up to the bottom of her neck.

"WHOA!!!,"says the doctor, "that really is a serious side effect! Are you experiencing anything else?"

"Yes," she says, "this hair goes all the way down to my testicles."

But seriously, you guys, I was reading the paper this morning and I saw that a psychic midget had busted out of jail. So apparently, we all need to look out for a small medium at large.

Thank you! I'm here for the next three weeks!

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Sun Aug 08, 2004 4:11 pm

Fat SAM · Post by **Fat SAM** » Sun Aug 08, 2004 9:23 pm

Performance art, eh?

Magikal · Post by **Magikal** » Mon Aug 09, 2004 9:13 am

Fat SAM wrote:Those two posts covered possibly the worst joke ever to maybe the absolute best play on words in history.

Thank you! Thank you! You're all wonderful! I will be signing autographs now, for a small, undisclosed sum...

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Mon Aug 09, 2004 4:37 pm

A penguin is driving his car through the arctic and, ironically, it's overheating. So he pulls over to a service station and asks the mechanic to look at it. After a few minutes, the mechanic comes out to the lobby and says to the penguin "I think you blew a seal," to which the penguin replies: "Just fix the damn thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

swampdog · Post by **swampdog** » Mon Aug 09, 2004 5:25 pm

So the Dalai Lama is doing a retreat in San Francisco and in between gigs he’s wandering around downtown. He’s feeling a little hungry, so he walks up to a hot dog cart. The guy running the hot dog cart says “hey, we gotcher veggie dogs, gotcher kraut dogs, gotcher polish dogs. What do you want, pal?” and the Dalai Lama says “make me one with everything”

So the hot dog vendor has a few yucks, makes the man a hot dog. The Dalai Lama gives him a $10 and stands there. After a minute or two, he says, “excuse me, aren’t you going to give me my change” and the hot dog vendor says “change comes from within, pal”

swampdog · Post by **swampdog** » Mon Aug 09, 2004 5:29 pm

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.

The old man said, "Okay" and walked away The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Mon Aug 09, 2004 11:41 pm

DVD Burner wrote:

Fat SAM wrote:Performance art, eh?

yepper.

The joke is......it's what happens when ya follow stupid guys stupidly.

I have no sympathy.

Woo Hoo! Yeah baby.

swampdog · Post by **swampdog** » Tue Aug 10, 2004 3:02 pm

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble started.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Sun Aug 15, 2004 11:06 am

(You know the funny part about this is that if you do a search on any search engine there are almost NO pictures of this guy.)

waltsnipe · Post by **waltsnipe** » Mon Aug 16, 2004 10:59 am

Rene Descartes is on an airplane, and the stewardess asks him:

"Would you like a beverage, sir? Coffe, tea, a boilermaker perhaps?

Descartes ponders, stroking his beard.

"I think not"

...and he disappears.

waltsnipe · Post by **waltsnipe** » Tue Aug 17, 2004 6:34 am

A woman walks into the gynocologist's office, and says "Doc, you gotta help me, I got stung by a bee!"

The doctor says "Good lord! Tell me what happened."

The woman replies, "I had just put my putter away, and it came out of nowhere and stung me."

"Where did you get stung," the doctor asked impatiently.

"Between the first and second hole," she answered.

"There's your problem--your stance is too wide."

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Aug 17, 2004 9:10 am

So, Rene Descarte dies and his friends are making the funeral arrangements. Some want to walk behind the coffin as it is carried to the graveyard on an elegant hearse. Some thought that it would be sacrilage to Descartes memory to do something so ostentatious, and wanted to carry the coffin on their shoulders. In the end, a compromise was reached: his coffin would be carried on the shoulders of six friends who would lead the procession, with the hearse following.

The first known instance of putting Descarte before de hearse...

waltsnipe · Post by **waltsnipe** » Tue Aug 17, 2004 9:28 am

ba-dum-dum

The only thing that would top that one would be to retell the one about the two peanuts walking down the road and one being assaulted......peanut. But I won't do that, because that would be wrong.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Tue Aug 17, 2004 10:31 am

waltsnipe · Post by **waltsnipe** » Wed Aug 18, 2004 5:55 am

Now THAT is funny.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:46 am

Country music.

Rap.

playadoc · Post by **playadoc** » Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:56 am

68.

Why? Because at 69 you eat it...

(sorry!)

-Doc.

playadoc · Post by **playadoc** » Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:58 am

Damn - the subject line is SO TEENY at the top there...

That last one's joke is in the subject line in case ya didn't get it.

Wasn't very funny, but beats working!

Speaking of 69... What's the Square Root of 69...?

Eight something. hrmf.

-Doc.

Lostfolio · Post by **Lostfolio** » Wed Aug 18, 2004 9:10 am

A young man returns home from college on winter break to his small farming community. It's late when he pulls into town and, rather than wak ehis family, he goes to the all night diner that he spent som many hours at in high school. It's a quiet night as he sits down and gets a cheerful welcome home from the waitress.

He orders the breakfast eggs benedict special. In a few minutes the waitress returns bearing his eggs benedict and whatnot on a gleaming hub cap. She places it in front of him and he tucks in. After finishing the meal, he turns to the waitress and says, "That was great, but what's with the hubcap?"

The waitress replies, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Aug 18, 2004 9:38 am

playadoc wrote:Damn - the subject line is SO TEENY at the top there...

That last one's joke is in the subject line in case ya didn't get it.

Yep, I know what you mean. That was done a while back as suggested by Precipt.

I guess it was her stupid joke on us.

Ducky · Post by **Ducky** » Sun Aug 22, 2004 4:18 pm

what sexually transmitted disease do birds get?

chirpies...

it's a canarial disease....

thats untweetable

your stupid joke here

is this stale?

rim shot

What's the speed limit of sex...?