2011 Ticket Thread Scorekeeping

[jenkalea]

I am a 40-yr-old virgin burner who desperately needs to come home to the magical place that is the playa, which I have frequently visited in my dreams on the astral plane.

I am a fire DJ whose divine calling is to align people's crystal energies by setting them on fire, and it's absolutely vital that I attend Burning Man in order to have the opportunity to share my humble, super important gifts with as many people as possible (especially sparkle ponies).

I was terribly busy using my talents to spread love (and chlamydia) for the past several months, plus I lacked funds, so I didn't buy a ticket, although I made urgent plans around attending and bought international plane tickets from an unspecified location - after all, who knew it would sell out?

Since this welcoming community, my beloved amazing people whom I've never met yet, embrace the golden gift giving culture, I am hoping and praying that someone can give me a miracle free ticket since I totally deserve to go and deserve the karma repayment - or four would be better, as a birthday gift for my dying family member, who is a military veteran and single parent making a film about the art of Burning Man, plus my niece who's a recent college graduate and artist and wants to volunteer for everything and is part of a project - and then we can have a family reunion. Also we need early entry so I can get married at the beginning, in case I need to get divorced and married again during the event.

I am overwhelmed with hope about the opportunity to add this incredible experience to my spiritual journey, and I want to come home, which I know will open doors and be good for my soul.

I want to share my positive energy, since my heart is filled with love for everyone - except of course I hate scalpers, pseudo-burners, non-contributors, and anyone wearing tacky practical clothing like dust masks.

I am still low on funds but I can share my incredible love and positive energy with you (and the doctor says I won't be contagious anymore after the antibiotics kick in, although he also made some strange comments about "the Typhoid Mary of cunts", don't know what that means).

Namaste and dusty hugs,
Crystal Raven Stormy Moonchild Smith

[Eric]

Jenkalea, that was perfect.

+10,000,000,000,000

[Savannah]

[Foxfur]

Jen, that's some mighty fine writing.

[Lassen Forge]

[BBadger]

Damn, I could just hear the score increasing like the sound of a slot machine hitting triple-7s.

[jella]

snort ! sniff ...ahem.. oh that was a very enjoyable read indeed !

[AntiM]

Wait, I only counted three tickets: you, dying family member and your niece. Is the fourth your personal raw foods chef who shares their talent for spiritual nude breast massage while DJing?

[jenkalea]

What, you think Crystal Raven Stormy Moonchild Smith can count?

[theCryptofishist]

Nice save.
Brava!

[theCryptofishist]

What is the punishment for bad free-form verse?

[theCryptofishist]

Gift a ticket, save teh world!!1
Can I hold up my "Lame" sign, or is that anti-disability?

[AntiM]

Nine tickets?

And hemp?

And I the only one thinking that ... wait, no, I am not.

[theCryptofishist]

Sorry, I didn't read that far. The whole post is a hoot. "We can save the world, listen to our mix tape!" If only Al Gore had known that was how it was done, we'd be living in Paradise, right about now.

[theCryptofishist]

"raw vegan fusion meals"
Maybe it's my experience with glass, but in my reality, "fusion" needs heat...

[FIGJAM]

Peas power?

[Simon of the Playa]

omg.


i just read that...

http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... 05#p719705

i think i may have just thrown up.















yup. i did.





i swear to god, not all stoners are like this...it's like abercrombie asking "the situation" not to wear their clothes.

[jenkalea]

Wow. I really want to believe he's fucking with us, but other material online supports it being a real request.

[International Incident]

Thanks Jen, I was about to click through and see if it was a joke. You saved me! Some people just have no idea. Each time I try to think of a joke ticket post a "real" one tops whatever could have come up with!

[graidawg]

I think i am a little in love with Jen. *sighs* that was a superb post

[swampdog]

Next year I'm going to buy a bunch of tickets and hold them to resell. Not to make a profit, of course, I'd resell at face+costs, but just for the fun of making people grovel. Does that make me a bad person? I wonder if it would be more fun to not tell people what my criteria are and then just see them squirm to figure out what I wanted.

I tell you this right the f**k now, any request with the word "manifest" in it is getting no love (nor tickets) from me.

Props to HG Crosby for the snark on that "9 tickets" thread, btw.

[Eric]

Nine tickets?

And hemp?

And I the only one thinking that ... wait, no, I am not.

My favorite part- the $11 million dollars to take their dome on a tour of all 7 continents being listed as "pending"

They couldn't buy 9 tickets ($3240 max before sell-out), but they're going to raise $11 million...

[theCryptofishist]

Now Eric, you're just not a "big picture" guy are you?
so sad...

[swampdog]

to be fair, I think the $11 million was at least partly a joke.

[theCryptofishist]

Ah, he makes jokes. Maybe we should break into our stash of 381 tickets and give them to his artists and support crew.

Now where did we put them? Last year it was frozen in a block of ice in Simon's freezer, but who has it and what did they do with it?

[swampdog]

http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... 28#p719828

"It just occurred to me that I need to return to the playa"

Yeah, good luck with that.

[swampdog]

[trilobyte]

There was another thread that made my eyes roll today, someone who lives in the mountains of Humboldt and says they only just now realized that tickets had sold out or that there was a cap, and of course would only be near a computer today (I'm guessing that meant she was looking for an immediate response). Good luck with that!

[swampdog]

I just checked it out on ebay for curiousity. It looks like tickets are selling around $450-$500 at the moment. Which is not good, not burny, not whatever. But if you're really committing the resources it takes to haul your butt out to TTITD, an extra $150/head really isn't that much. My small amount of sympathy just evaporated. I know there are people who can't afford that extra $150, I don't think I'm being callous. But if you're THAT close to make or break, well, next time you'll plan better.

Me personally? I'm getting my ticket thru my project. When JRS started sounding like there might be a sellout, I sent an email - "dude, you've really got me covered here, right?" And of course he did. And if, by some mysterious universal glitch, my very reliable friend screwed up? I'd pay the $150.

[theCryptofishist]

http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... 28#p719828

"It just occurred to me that I need to return to the playa"

Yeah, good luck with that.

Not to mention, someone already used the Dead Father Gambit.