Suicidal Tendencies

[Elderberry]

Someone once told me that if you actually look back at all of the things that bothered you or worried you over the years, almost 99% of them have worked out just fine. Remembering that can make it easier to stop letting things annoy or worry you in the moment.

[FIGJAM]

Heres an extreme example that included a situation that DID do something to me.

Last year I was building some steps for a friends trailer.

Working by myself with some old 2x6s that were a little warped.

I was using 3" nails in my nail gun to tack it together before putting some big screws in.

I was nailing a corner together and my left hand was about 2ft from where I was setting the nail.

The first nail went where I intended, but the recoil bounced the gun and the safety caught the edge of the corner.

The second nail went through the middle finger of my left hand just below the first joint, makeing it look like a perfect crusifix.

Lets stop right there for a moment.

What are you all thinking!

How is it making you feel.

Some might be cringing, or laughing, or fainting, depending on WHAT YOU ARE THINKING about what you just read.

Now heres what I did.

It was a perfect shot, dead center, right through the bone.

I looked at my hand and thought "The sooner I get this out, the quicker it will heal."

I braced my left thumb against the top of my middle finger and quickly but smoothly pulled that nail out of my finger.

This all happened in about 10 seconds.

I went in the house and flushed it with water, then dressed the wound.

After sitting down for 5min. in case of shock, I went out and finished those DAMN steps, as I wanted them out of my sight as soon as possible.

The next day I went to the doc for an xray to make sure I had'nt shattered the bone.

That xray showed a hole so perfect that it could'nt have been better if I had planned it.

They wanted to open everything up just to make sure it would'nt get infected.

I said "Hell no, I closed it up quick so it would heal faster!"

Got a tetinus shot and went home.

2 weeks later, there wasn't even a scar.

The point is, that I could have had any number of different thoughts about what happened.

All of which would have made me feel and act differently than I did.

If I had just gone to the hospital with that nail in my finger, the coagulation process would have made it stick in the wound, and treatment would have been more complicated.

I'd be curious to know what all of your first thoughts and feelings were as an example to Elliot of how thinking causes feelings.

On a side note, the nail did shift some ligaments a little, so now I can't clench my left hand into a tight fist.

Other than that, it's fine.

[ygmir]

I'd probably do the same thing, FJ.........good call, all the way.
And, I might be glad if the nail didn't have the pressure sensitive glue that some have on them..........

[FIGJAM]

Oh it had the glue, but it hardly had any time to react.

But what was your first thought and feeling initialy?

[ygmir]

you mean, had I done that myself, or, in seeing you do it?

I guess I'm not clear on what you're after?

[FIGJAM]

What is the first thought that went through your head when you read that FIGJAM had shot a nail through his finger?

Whatever that thought was, a feeling would follow.

"HA, that idiot shot a nail through his finger. Thats hilarious!"

Or "OMG, He's going to die off lock jaw. That's horrible!"

Or somthing in between the two.

It's ment to be an exersize in how thought cause feelings, and you can change the thought to change the feeling.

I was hoping to get some examples based on what people thought and felt from reading my little "Drama".

[ygmir]

oh, ok:

"awe crap! I bet that hurt!" but, admiring how you handled it, I'd hope you got no permanent damage.

[gyre]

I'm thinking this is why I don't use nail guns.

FYI nailguns never seem to work for steps.

Too much stress, I think.


I know someone that fell off a building.
Whatever his problems were before, they're much worse now.

[FIGJAM]

oh, ok:

"awe crap! I bet that hurt!" but, admiring how you handled it, I'd hope you got no permanent damage.

OK, now let me try to interpret that into feelings.

"awe crap! I bet that hurt"! (I feel sad FIGJAM is hurt)

"But, admiring how you handled it" (I feel better thinking he handled it well)

"I hope you got no permanent damage." (I feel even better thinking that everything is all right)


This is just an interpritation of your statments and how it generally works.

For me, somethings don't require an emotional investment.

Just facts to consider in making a choice on how to deal with a situation.

No negitive thought ("I bet that hurt"), equals no bad feeling.

All of this only applies if a person is not chemically depressed.

Of all diagnosed depresson 10% are chemically depressed, the other 90% are clinically depressed and don't require drugs to adjust the imbalance.

Most docs go right to the drugs cause its easier than getting the person the therepy they need.

[FIGJAM]

I'm thinking this is why I don't use nail guns.

FYI nailguns never seem to work for steps.

Too much stress, I think.


I know someone that fell off a building.
Whatever his problems were before, they're much worse now.

I was just tacking everything in position till I could drill and install the screws.

[Elderberry]

My first thought was simply OUCH!

I certainly wouldn't have pulled it out myself either!

When I was a kid, I remember my grandfather, who was an electrician, managed to push a screwdriver through his palm; the story of my grandmother chopping her thumb off accidentally with an axe when she was a child--her mother just pushed it back together, put a poultice on it and wrapped it up. I know there is some truth to that story because her thumb only had one joint and a big scar. And my uncle recently managed to saw off all the fingers of one hand with a chainsaw and just picked them up, got on the tractor and drove back to the house and then to the hospital. He's in his nineties, what he's doing playing around with a chain saw at his age is beyond me.

But those sorts of stories are why I try to avoid power tools if at all possible.

[FIGJAM]

There it is!

JK, you put an "OUCH" where you can't be sure an ouch was.

Suprisingly my thought went right to what to do about it, so the actual pain was minimal.

Good example!

Thanks.

[Elliot]

Many good posts this morning!

But this item from Figjam stands out:

Most docs go right to the drugs cause its easier than getting the person the therepy they need.

This seems to apply to me.

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Feeling lousy this morning (considered suicide for a couple of hours), so I'll get back here after I read a chapter or two of that Perelman book to cheer me up.

[Nipple]

During the couple of weeks when I was 99% certain I would "happily" kill myself by the end of November, I often enjoyed -- yes, ENJOYED -- this phenomenon: Some frustrating matter would crop up in my mind, and I was able to dismiss it by simply reminding myself that the issue would be moot by the end of the month. It was like taking a magic pill -- a sedative or intoxicant with no deleterious effects. The troublesome thought disappeared while the rest of me remained normal.

I wanted to mention this earlier... but it was kind of gallows humor so I didn't. It's kind of an amazing thing. In all frankness:

"Ugh...this traffic is fucking awful! *beat* WON'T BE SOON!"

At the same time it kind of creeps in as an all purpose solution to problems.

"I'll have to go talk to her about this... or I could just kill myself."

How I got out of it... introspection is AWFUL. Like, I imagine that some level of it is good, and healthy, and important... but introspection unbridled is a really deep, dark, and destructive force. It's grinding gears with no lubricants... and each turn of the cog shaves some more dust off the teeth. That just gets into the works and wears away at everything that much quicker.

Rumination... it's such a mug's game.

How I got out of it was by moving to a different city, and just... doing things. Someone mentioned unicycling, "Oh hey... I've never done that..." so I went and found a cheap one and put all my energy into that. Biking is big here, so I started going to bike events, until I eventually started doing long distance cycling and touring. I've always loved standup comedy, so I started keeping a journal, and started hitting open mic nights.

This kind of goes to what Gyre was asking earlier I think. Like... if you KNOW you could, or would be done for and over... why not just start trying everything and anything... and I think that largely, not being idle is the best medicine for me.

[Elliot]

...moving to a different city...

Hey Nipple, much good stuff in your post there.

Moving to a different city is on my short list -- except that I'm very torn on this issue, and it is not even doable.
I loathe Clearlake. But I can keep living here by paying only for utilities and groceries. (Well, property tax, car registration, gasoline, and some such also, of course.) And I have my life-dream hobby workshop here, and room to park my bus and other large toys.

And my property has no market value worth mentioning. There is simply no way I can move elsewhere. My only option is to spend more time at Peter & Jerri's house. So I will probably be doing that.

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Rough day today. I find myself constantly escaping into daydreams instead of concentrating on the issues. But I'm here.

[Elderberry]

There it is!

JK, you put an "OUCH" where you can't be sure an ouch was.

Suprisingly my thought went right to what to do about it, so the actual pain was minimal.

Good example!

Thanks.

LOL Oh, I'm pretty sure the was an ouch! If not sticking it in, pulling it out for sure!

[Elliot]

A sudden thought... looking at Clearlake from a different perspective.

Maybe my beloved hobby-shop-barn is trying to kill me.

[Elliot]

This may be realistic: If I had one of those tiny three-cylinder automobiles that gets 45 MPG, I could "get out of Dodge" more. To regional events in the North Bay, for example. My pickup-truck is a bit of a gasoline hog.

[FIGJAM]

There it is!

JK, you put an "OUCH" where you can't be sure an ouch was.

Suprisingly my thought went right to what to do about it, so the actual pain was minimal.

Good example!

Thanks.

LOL Oh, I'm pretty sure the was an ouch! If not sticking it in, pulling it out for sure!

You are still projecting a feeling that was'nt there.

I expected it to hurt to, but it was'nt a blip on what I expected.

[FIGJAM]

...moving to a different city...

Hey Nipple, much good stuff in your post there.

Moving to a different city is on my short list -- except that I'm very torn on this issue, and it is not even doable.
I loathe Clearlake. But I can keep living here by paying only for utilities and groceries. (Well, property tax, car registration, gasoline, and some such also, of course.) And I have my life-dream hobby workshop here, and room to park my bus and other large toys.

And my property has no market value worth mentioning. There is simply no way I can move elsewhere. My only option is to spend more time at Peter & Jerri's house. So I will probably be doing that.

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Rough day today. I find myself constantly escaping into daydreams instead of concentrating on the issues. But I'm here.

Geographical changes hardly ever work, as no matter where you go, there you are, without any personal change.

You wind up bringing all that baggage with you wherever you go.

[wh..sh]

This kind of goes to what Gyre was asking earlier I think. Like... if you KNOW you could, or would be done for and over... why not just start trying everything and anything... and I think that largely, not being idle is the best medicine for me.

Idle mind is devil's workshop... always applied to me.

[MyDearFriend]

Hey Nipple, much good stuff in your post there.

Moving to a different city is on my short list -- except that I'm very torn on this issue, and it is not even doable.
I loathe Clearlake. But I can keep living here by paying only for utilities and groceries. (Well, property tax, car registration, gasoline, and some such also, of course.) And I have my life-dream hobby workshop here, and room to park my bus and other large toys.

And my property has no market value worth mentioning. There is simply no way I can move elsewhere. My only option is to spend more time at Peter & Jerri's house. So I will probably be doing that.

------------------------------

Rough day today. I find myself constantly escaping into daydreams instead of concentrating on the issues. But I'm here.

Geographical changes hardly ever work, as no matter where you go, there you are, without any personal change.

You wind up bringing all that baggage with you wherever you go.

Well, a change of scene works for some people by helping them to bust out of that rut of rumination and repeated mistakes. Other folks might still be stuck inside their heads wherever they go.

Some folks need a kick in the butt and other folks need a helping hand.

Best to just keep trying different things until you find something that works.

[Elliot]

Some folks need a kick in the butt ...

Sometimes I almost wish this old trailer-house would burn down. I would still have my workshop, but would be prevented from living here full time.

[maryanimal]

Geographical changes could be good. There are more resources to be had in a larger town/city. Finding help would be easier. New places, new faces! There'll be more of a chance to find the proper help that is needed for you to cope with Elliot. When was the last time you had someone come out and give you an estimate for your property's worth?

Here's what I do to get bad or stressful thoughts out of my head. I take a few minutes to relax, I close my eyes and picture walking into a room with a big picture window. And outside of that window are all of the issues that bother me, all the destructive thought and feelings. I'll look out the window for a second or two, then I'll walk over and close the drapes. That leaves my mind free to redirect my thoughts. It helps me choose what is really important and what is not. I do it every day. As many times as I need to do it.

Remember, you have so many people behind you, who love you and will help you any time you need it. Whether you want it or not!

[Elliot]

...then I'll walk over and close the drapes.

I like it! That might be the sort of mental trick I'm looking for!

[ygmir]

There it is!

JK, you put an "OUCH" where you can't be sure an ouch was.

Suprisingly my thought went right to what to do about it, so the actual pain was minimal.

Good example!

Thanks.

LOL Oh, I'm pretty sure the was an ouch! If not sticking it in, pulling it out for sure!

*gets notepad and enters this into "Noteable JK quotes"*

[Elderberry]

There it is!

JK, you put an "OUCH" where you can't be sure an ouch was.

Suprisingly my thought went right to what to do about it, so the actual pain was minimal.

Good example!

Thanks.

LOL Oh, I'm pretty sure the was an ouch! If not sticking it in, pulling it out for sure!

You are still projecting a feeling that was'nt there.

I expected it to hurt to, but it was'nt a blip on what I expected.

You either have an exceptionally high tollerence to pain, or you have no feeling in your extremities. You will never convince you otherwise.

This also just reminded me of another story...in our company sales portfolio (construction company) there was a picture of a carpenter that ran a nail through his hand from a nail gun and an offset picture of the X-ray. We always flipped to that page when we explained the importance of hiring a contractor that had liability insurance and a bond. That picture sold a lot of home remodeling projects.

[Elliot]

Hmmmm.... Maybe there is hope for Clearlake after all. I just went for a walk, and discovered a new gym within easy walking distance of my house. Big room full of exercise machines. $30,- per month, $275 for a year. Open every day. Coach on staff; two introductory sessions included with new membership. Local Mom & Pop business.

Maybe I should "say YES" and plunk down $30 and go every day for a month. After all, I'm stuck with being alive thru December anyway.

I'm not asking you. I know what the answer is!

*looks in wallet.*
Yep, just over $30 in my wallet.

[maryanimal]

Exercising is a great outlet for stress relief and it gets all those good endorphins coursing through you body! After a while it'll put a spring in your step, a twinkle in your eye, and a more positive outlook on life!

Go for it Elliiot!

[Elderberry]

Hmmmm.... Maybe there is hope for Clearlake after all. I just went for a walk, and discovered a new gym within easy walking distance of my house. Big room full of exercise machines. $30,- per month, $275 for a year. Open every day. Coach on staff; two introductory sessions included with new membership. Local Mom & Pop business.

Maybe I should "say YES" and plunk down $30 and go every day for a month. After all, I'm stuck with being alive thru December anyway.

I'm not asking you. I know what the answer is!

*looks in wallet.*
Yep, just over $30 in my wallet.

Sounds like a plan to me.