Suicidal Tendencies

[lucky420]

Figgy, are you current on your tetnus shot?

[Elliot]

.

The morning was rough, but this evening.... For a penniless suicidal, I'm making out like a bandit!

Went back to the gym (name: The Gym) and paid my $30, lest I change my mind by tomorrow. Realized while there, that a gym has -- of course -- showers. Talk about perfect timing -- for I have no hot water at home while I am out of propane! And to top it off, I noticed that there were ladies also working out at The Gym. Can you say "In like Flynn"?

(Look up "mood swings", and you'll see a picture of today. )

[Patsh]

.

The morning was rough, but this evening.... For a penniless suicidal, I'm making out like a bandit!

Went back to the gym (name: The Gym) and paid my $30, lest I change my mind by tomorrow. Realized while there, that a gym has -- of course -- showers. Talk about perfect timing -- for I have no hot water at home while I am out of propane! And to top it off, I noticed that there were ladies also working out at The Gym. Can you say "In like Flynn"?

(Look up "mood swings", and you'll see a picture of today. )

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!!

[FIGJAM]

Figgy, are you current on your tetnus shot?

You did'nt look close enough.

Yes, it was the only thing I let them do!

[ygmir]

.

The morning was rough, but this evening.... For a penniless suicidal, I'm making out like a bandit!

Went back to the gym (name: The Gym) and paid my $30, lest I change my mind by tomorrow. Realized while there, that a gym has -- of course -- showers. Talk about perfect timing -- for I have no hot water at home while I am out of propane! And to top it off, I noticed that there were ladies also working out at The Gym. Can you say "In like Flynn"?

(Look up "mood swings", and you'll see a picture of today. )

*notes Elliot at the "gym"*
[youtube][/youtube]

[maryanimal]

YggY! I remember that cartoon!! LOL Thanks for the chuckle!!

[delle]

Sooooooooooo. Elliot's business decision of the day is to shoot for a little structural work and airing out of the building. Verrrrrrrrrry good!


I have a friend in Alaska who lives in a cabin with no water. Her membership to the gym is the only shower she's got. Been working out perfectly for her for years.

I hear her commenting all the time about "the men of the gym". Almost exclusively macho and loud and pumped on testosterone. She keeps wondering where all the REAL men are.

I think you might find yourself getting your own answer to your "Six men walk into a bar" question.... and pleasantly surprised by it.

Great decision all around! Congrats for making it!!!!

[delle]

And Figgy. I live with your twin. Because of that, my thoughts when reading your accident were:

1) That might be hard to remove; and then when it wasn't
2) Hope he had some clean duct tape handy.

Last time my guy came home wrapped in duct tape, he'd also been working on stairs. The skill saw had jumped on a knot and struck him on the leg.

It was a bad one (worst I'd seen on him, and I've seen some doozies!).... but he also finished his day. For him it's all about just getting it to stop leaking so he could carry on with the task at hand.

Although he too reports that pain becomes quite secondary when your attention is set on fixing the problem, I'm not sure that a physical injury story like this one is the best example of what you're trying to convey. Not all folks are able to react that way when nails (or saws) enter their bodies. Regardless of their ability to handle adversity with a shrug and creative thinking.

[Elliot]

She keeps wondering where all the REAL men are.

Ahah! I may have found my niche in life; Resident Sensitive & Vulnerable Man On Muscle Beach.

[NessaZee]

just read an interesting little article concerning bipolar patients...
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... te-balance

there's some good links on that page too

[Elliot]

just read an interesting little article concerning bipolar patients...
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... te-balance

there's some good links on that page too

Hey NessaZee, thanks for joining the discussion! Interesting stuff. Here's a sample:

"If you plan your life by just telling yourself what to avoid, then you're prioritizing the bad things and the anxiety around those,"

That might apply to me.

[NessaZee]

somebody once told me, "Worrying is like praying for the things you don't want". That hit me pretty hard...

[Elliot]

somebody once told me, "Worrying is like praying for the things you don't want". That hit me pretty hard...

That's the best line I have read in a long time.

[Ugly Dougly]

somebody once told me, "Worrying is like praying for the things you don't want". That hit me pretty hard...

That's exactly what it is.

[Ugly Dougly]

Raqn across this recently.
http://www.spontaneoushappiness.com/

In Spontaneous Happiness, Dr. Weil redefines the notion of happiness and demonstrates the limitations of the biochemical model of mental health. He presents a vast, scientifically proven array of integrative treatment strategies for low mood and depression, drawing on techniques from Ayurveda, Buddhism, acupuncture, psychotherapy, mindfulness training, and much more.

[burner von braun]

somebody once told me, "Worrying is like praying for the things you don't want". That hit me pretty hard...

That's the best line I have read in a long time.

A wise perspective indeed! Thanks NessaZee!

[NessaZee]

It is an absolute pleasure to be saying 'Happy December' to you Elliot. Having read through this whole thread today i feel 'full'. Brimming with so many different feelings. I feel more alive than I have in a while. What an amazing collection of souls here. I can't think of a singular word that can explain how finding you all makes me feel. It's like the best snuggle ever with a big dash of mischievousness.

My mind is whirling, I've been enduring the worst depression yet this october-november. This thread has flipped a switch.

Don't worry, suicide is not for me. It hasn't been for a long long time. I cannot tell anyone else that it is or isn't for them. Of course we'd like it not to be...but i also I feel that it possible that suicide can be a gift. The people left behind will almost certainly have a hard time seeing it that way. More on that later. ...What I have a difficult time digesting are the cases(and there's got to be some) where someone put the ball in motion and then realized that's not what they really wanted when it was too late to stop it. My heart aches imagining the personal hell those people must find themselves in at the very end. *shudder*



(((((MA))))) for reaching out and thank you ALL for your candor.

[Elliot]

It is an absolute pleasure to be saying 'Happy December' to you Elliot. Having read through this whole thread today i feel 'full'. Brimming with so many different feelings. I feel more alive than I have in a while. What an amazing collection of souls here. I can't think of a singular word that can explain how finding you all makes me feel. It's like the best snuggle ever with a big dash of mischievousness.

My mind is whirling, I've been enduring the worst depression yet this october-november. This thread has flipped a switch.

Don't worry, suicide is not for me. It hasn't been for a long long time. I cannot tell anyone else that it is or isn't for them. Of course we'd like it not to be...but i also I feel that it possible that suicide can be a gift. The people left behind will almost certainly have a hard time seeing it that way. More on that later. ...What I have a difficult time digesting are the cases(and there's got to be some) where someone put the ball in motion and then realized that's not what they really wanted when it was too late to stop it. My heart aches imagining the personal hell those people must find themselves in at the very end. *shudder*

(((((MA))))) for reaching out and thank you ALL for your candor.

I'm almost speachless. You are "one of us"! ("We must all hang together or we shall surely....)

With your, and everybody's, contributions, we shall one day change the name of this thread to "Thriving Survivors Of Suicidal Tendencies".

...with a big dash of mischievousness

Wouldn't want to kill myself without it!

[maryanimal]

(((((NessaZee)))))

[NessaZee]

thanks, i need it today

[maryanimal]

thanks, i need it today

Me too! Here's more! *hughughughughughughug*

I really miss being hugged.

[Elliot]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((NessaZee and Maryanimal))))))))))))))))))))))))))) !!!!!!!

[maryanimal]

Awww, Elliot, you are a sweet guy!! *hughughug*

[NessaZee]

Roland was the first friend who left. I met Roland when I was 18. We were close, lovers as well. Roland was always enticed by death. He felt he wasn't a worthy person to live, he had a son who was 5 and i guess he'd been trying to end it since before his son was born. One scary night, we and a bunch of friends were partying at a farm, we cut Roland down from a silo. It was difficult to find him, we wasn't breathing when he hit the ground. Got him breathing and Crazy drive to hospital, we were all a bit messed up thanks to A.Hoffman, didn't want to call an ambulance as we were out in the country. Roland survived that time.

It was a pretty dark time in my life, pretty fucked up and massively irresponsible. I treated myself like crap and also those around me. Suicide was interesting. It created crazy intense emotions in all affected. Crazy intense emotions made me feel alive.

That group of friends drifted apart, although I still talk to some. one I lost to an accidental overdose(about 6 years ago, right after I found out Roland had finally achieved his goal). Over the years since Roland and I drifted apart I heard of multiple attempts but never an end. It must have been hell for those he had close, he really was a person one felt they could 'help'.
One attempt left him a vegetable because he cut the air off long enough to cause major brain damage. His family had to make the choice to pull the plug.

My initial reaction to hearing that he was finally at peace was relief. I somehow knew that is soul wasn't being tortured anymore and that made me grateful. It was hard being happy for him because most others who were affected were exactly the opposite. They could not understand why i wasn't upset and i _think_ they felt I had no compassion. It was exactly the opposite. Compassion helped me. I could not have felt the way I did without it.

Roland was the father of my unborn baby('94). I had forgotten that I sent a soul, even when I had heard Roland passed. I didn't make the connection. It wasn't until 3 years ago, on the bus, I met an 'angel'. I say angel because this man asked me questions about things in my life NO ONE else had access to. that really threw me for a loop. he asked me if i ever met my child. i was like what child? and he just peered into my eyes. I realized right then I had never even recognized that soul i sent away. All at once i said hello and goodbye to that little soul. the peace i felt right then was amazing. and then i realized that Roland was there with his little soul he helped me create and that they were watching over me.

my theory is that when we pass out of these limiting meat-suits we have no constraints. that we join a collective group of souls that have the ability to spread love and help build strength amongst the meat-suit world. Every time I think about someone (passed, present) I feel a warmth spread through my body. I think we are all attached by our thoughts, here or not. So those people that surprised me by leaving earlier than I thought they would? If I think of them without judgment they will always look out for me. I suspect that they look out for me even when I have a hard time not judging them in some way...

((((((((MA/Elliot))))))))

[NessaZee]

...and I think that the more we learn and grow from our experiences in this current life the more we will be able to help and love once we pass. Suicide isn't for me for that particular reason. i want to maximize my time here so I can be more in the next life.

or maybe i'll just see you all in hell lol who really knows

[Elliot]

...or maybe i'll just see you all in hell lol who really knows

NessaZee, you are all right!

I have a hunch it took some courage and cost some pain to tell your story in such detail. Thank you for making the effort. Every story adds to our understanding, and thus to our ability to thrive together.

Beyond that, for the moment I'm speechless again.

[Elliot]

.
I just finished reading thru the whole thread.

It is all far too much for my mushy brain to properly process in the few hours it takes to read and briefly ponder. (Somebody ought to be able to make a poem out of that sentence if they really worked on it for a while. )

But I did come to one conclusion: If we were to explore in depth all the thoughts and emotions presented here, we would constitute a veritable College of Philosophy in all but ivy-covered brick halls. Once again, I thank you. And new "students and faculty" always welcome.

As for the biological medical issues hereto related, it all looks a bit fuzzier. Medications, from Alprazolam to Zoloft, clearly have different effects on different people. And the brain-chemical imbalances that these medications attempt to correct are so varied that no two patients are alike. In fact, I question whether the medical profession should pigeonhole any of us. (But I recognize it is a necessary tool for them.)

Now back to our regularly scheduled kvetching.

[NessaZee]

excerpt from this artice from September 2011 edition of Psychology Today

How does fat avoidance affect mental health? The brain is a cholesterol rich organ with fat contributing to 60% of its dry weight. As a fat-rich organ, optimal brain function relies on adequate amounts of cholesterol and essential omega-3 fatty acids, including docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA). Many research studies attest to this fact: Over the past 20 years, there have been several studies concluding that low omega-3 fatty acid levels are associated with depression, anxiety, and more recently suicide.

I think that fueling our bodies and minds is an important step to being able to weather our emotions. mood is perception's ball and chain. so how do we improve our moods? my theory is that there are 5 fuels that are important. Water, Rest, Nutrients, Movement, Awareness(of self). If all of these are pretty topped up, i find I feel like a can do and face anything. and i feel like a million bucks. it's when we don't keep fueling ourselves that we notice changes. lack of motivation, fuzzy brain, bad moods, low energy..blah blah blah the list goes on. The human body is so so very resilient, it can run on low fuel for years! (without us even figuring it out). It's easy to just focus on one thing at a time...i think we do it because of the perception that it is 'easier'. the bit about procrastination (oops, where did the day go) in the above article touches on this concept.

anyway I have a feeling the key to managing our emotions is to give them a healthy environment/platform by doing what we can to fuel our bodies proficiently. and it sucks, cause i've been doing experiments with individual fuels and it doesn't work the same. the fuels have some synergy and only seem to help when none are being overlooked/left alone.

.....and i f*cking suck at juggling !

[Elliot]

The human body is so so very resilient, it can run on low fuel for years! (without us even figuring it out).

You mean... that eventually we suffer the consequences, right? I suspect this applies to me. I spent so many years practically living in an 18-wheeler, just driving back and forth across the country like some crazed gypsy, seldom refueling my Awareness, and often-as-not with precious little Rest.

[Elliot]

The article NessaZee posted seems to pertain primarily to anorexia patients with severe malnutrition. So if you know anyone who might fit that description, send them to this thread.