Suicidal Tendencies

[NessaZee]

sorry Elliot, if the article seemed off topic. Posted because I think nutrition(or lack of it) is a main underlying cause of many emotional problems. it's proven itself to be in my case (and i'm not anorexic). the article goes into all the different behaviors we engage in to sabotage ourselves, not just comfort eating/mal-nutrition. a cycle of habitual self-sabotage almost certainly leads to depression....which can include thoughts of suicide.

gonna sign off for today, my mood sucks
(((( love you all ))))

[Elliot]

sorry Elliot, if the article seemed off topic. Posted because I think nutrition(or lack of it) is a main underlying cause of many emotional problems. it's proven itself to be in my case (and i'm not anorexic). the article goes into all the different behaviors we engage in to sabotage ourselves, not just comfort eating/mal-nutrition. a cycle of habitual self-sabotage almost certainly leads to depression....which can include thoughts of suicide.

gonna sign off for today, my mood sucks
(((( love you all ))))

No! Your post is NOT off topic! Nor the article! I must have expressed myself poorly again. But for me personally, nutrition is more of a "comfort eating" problem.

...a cycle of habitual self-sabotage almost certainly leads to depression...

I believe you put your finger right on my situation here. Hopefully, this thread is helping break that cycle.

What can we do to brighten your mood today, NessaZee?

[maryanimal]

excerpt from this artice from September 2011 edition of Psychology Today

How does fat avoidance affect mental health? The brain is a cholesterol rich organ with fat contributing to 60% of its dry weight. As a fat-rich organ, optimal brain function relies on adequate amounts of cholesterol and essential omega-3 fatty acids, including docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA). Many research studies attest to this fact: Over the past 20 years, there have been several studies concluding that low omega-3 fatty acid levels are associated with depression, anxiety, and more recently suicide.

I think that fueling our bodies and minds is an important step to being able to weather our emotions. mood is perception's ball and chain. so how do we improve our moods? my theory is that there are 5 fuels that are important. Water, Rest, Nutrients, Movement, Awareness(of self). If all of these are pretty topped up, i find I feel like a can do and face anything. and i feel like a million bucks. it's when we don't keep fueling ourselves that we notice changes. lack of motivation, fuzzy brain, bad moods, low energy..blah blah blah the list goes on. The human body is so so very resilient, it can run on low fuel for years! (without us even figuring it out). It's easy to just focus on one thing at a time...i think we do it because of the perception that it is 'easier'. the bit about procrastination (oops, where did the day go) in the above article touches on this concept.

anyway I have a feeling the key to managing our emotions is to give them a healthy environment/platform by doing what we can to fuel our bodies proficiently. and it sucks, cause i've been doing experiments with individual fuels and it doesn't work the same. the fuels have some synergy and only seem to help when none are being overlooked/left alone.

.....and i f*cking suck at juggling !

I've been over-refueling my body, being depressed, especially these past few months have caused me to look to food for comfort. I've put on some weight since burning man. I can't throw up anymore due to a stomach/esophageal surgery. Back in the day I was a bulemic for many years. I'd love to be able to puke up everythng I eat right now. It all stems to being bipolar, I learned long ago bingeing and purging wasn't the answer.

NessaZee and Elliot, you have been an inspiration to me in so many ways. And so have many others in this thread. But you two have opened up so fully and uninhibitedly. There's so much I would love to say, to reach out, but I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about my problems! lol I know I would be! But you guys are facing so much of lifes downside, but yet you are dealing with things the best you can. And seem to be doing a good job of it. I feel like I've lost some friends lately, and that's understandable. It's something I have to come to terms with.

NowI need to nourish my mind and soul. How many days until the man burns??

[ygmir]

why, MA, would you think you've lost friends?

you know we're all here.....

[Patsh]

((((((((((maryanimal)))))))))))

Lots of days 'til the man burns,
remember,

"Patience is a virtue,
keep it if you can.
Seldom in a woman...
never in a man."

And I hope to see you at the Meet'nGreet that Thursday!!!

[Elliot]

Awwwright, Maryanimal, let's get down to that open and uninhibited business here: Cut back on the comfort eating. I have short arms -- I cannot hug fat people. So there. "Tough love", you know.
I'll try to do the same. 208 pounds at the gym today. Current target 190. Are you on the "Fitness Club" thread?

We'll nourish your mind and soul. That stuff is much lighter to carry home from the grocery store anyway.

[maryanimal]

It just how I'm feeling these days Yg. I know everyone here has been so loving and caring to me since I've been here. I'm feeling very lonely and feeling like this is breaking me down. I've let myself down. I've let a lot of people down. I've done things I've never done before...I feel like I've driven a wedge between me and a friend or two with my unlike-me behavior. Each and everyone I've met in here and at the M&G mean so much to me.

Going to burning man was a big deal for me. I stepped so far out of my comfortable box. I can't believe I drove there all by myself. It was a catharsis for me.

But like Elliot and NessaZee, I have some work to do.

[ygmir]

It just how I'm feeling these days Yg. I know everyone here has been so loving and caring to me since I've been here. I'm feeling very lonely and feeling like this is breaking me down. I've let myself down. I've let a lot of people down. I've done things I've never done before...I feel like I've driven a wedge between me and a friend or two with my unlike-me behavior. Each and everyone I've met in here and at the M&G mean so much to me.

Going to burning man was a big deal for me. I stepped so far out of my comfortable box. I can't believe I drove there all by myself. It was a catharsis for me.

But like Elliot and NessaZee, I have some work to do.

well dang. MA............whatever you've done......tear that rear view mirror off the car......where you're going is all that counts!
Drive forward, we'll help direct traffic, or, at least point and laugh if you go in the ditch!!

But, we'll also pull ya out, dust ya off, hug ya and say "try again, but this time, keep it between the lines".......

ad infinitum.........

[Elliot]

whoa, Mary Ann. check your PM immediately.

[Elliot]

All is well. Maryanimal and I are PMing up a storm. That's how this is supposed to work!

[gaminwench]

Yes!
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes............!!!!!!!!!!


(take a hint, wouldja?)

[Elliot]

Going to burning man was a big deal for me. I stepped so far out of my comfortable box. I can't believe I drove there all by myself. It was a catharsis for me.

How cool is that!

----------

Good to "see" ya, Gaminwench!

----------

Hey there, Pat! (Bet only two other people here know who Pat is. )

(What am I doing up at 01:30 AM??? Couldn't sleep. Lots of PMs plus a telephone conversation related to this thread. Guess I ought to have that Trazodone after all. Trying warm milk with honey now.)

G'nite.

[graidawg]

I haven't had a suicidal thought since i went home to Brc, probably before that even though things that prior to that have happenned. like getting sacked or being ignored by friends or people taking advantage of my generous nature.
I have tried to curb my selfish tendencies and found I am much more positve and happy simply because of BM and here. as yggy said in another thread we are all friends we may fight cuss and fall out but when we meet (and thats important) we share beer hugs and the best of times. we support each other in truely amazing ways between our visits home and try to help those who may not be able to make it home.
those that can see each other throughout the year and tell those of us that can't what happenned so we can vicariously experience it. Wemake plans to increase our fun and the fun of others, many of whom we havent met yet.
when people are low, even if we have only just met them we do everything we can to help, or get others to if we can.
in short we are a commmunity as its meant to be.
this is what you get when i got the internet before i wake up

[gyre]

LOL


Beer hugs

[Sham]

Bare hugs!

[graidawg]

I hug BEER but would happily bare hug. however hugging a bear would not be fun.

[ibdave]

NessaZee, your alright in my book... I have a "love-hate" for this thread... I LOVE hearing what I need to hear and I HATE hearing what I need to hear..

NZ thanks for your insights.

[ygmir]

NessaZee, your alright in my book... I have a "love-hate" for this thread... I LOVE hearing what I need to hear and I HATE hearing what I need to hear..

NZ thanks for your insights.

yer a good man, IBD...........

[Elliot]

A few pages back, this photo was posted, but file was large and the photo may not have displayed properly on your screen -- cutting Jerri off. Peter and Jerri are my best friends on Earth, so this kept nagging me. Well, this morning I fixed it. Wish I could fix the bad focusing also. (I don't know who took the picture.)

They are riding two of Peter's own creations, of course.

--------

Didn't get much sleep, but feel all right anyway.
However, I'm worried about NessaZee feeling low yesterday -- specially if something I said contributed.

---------

Frosty here overnight, but bright sunshine now!

--------

Back a few posts, Triken posted a link to five regrets dying people tend to have. She and I have been discussing these items by PM. Sure makes me think. You might want to go back and click on that link if you didn't already.

--------

As Peter & Jerri oldest says in the mornings: "It's a brand new day!"

[Patsh]

Elliot, you referred to the link we've been talking about...
I hadn't actually posted it here, only in a PM to you.
I printed it out for my own reference and lost the actual link.
Now, after 1/2 hour searching for it, (and finding it) it tells me "404 page not found"
so, I'll try to retrieve my copy and put it here.
(not too computer savvy, I guarantee nothing!! )

Top 5 Regrets of The Dying
:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

[theCryptofishist]

All this fellowship puts me in mood for a nice chorus:
[youtube][/youtube]

[delle]

Elliot, you referred to the link we've been talking about...
I hadn't actually posted it here, only in a PM to you.
I printed it out for my own reference and lost the actual link.
Now, after 1/2 hour searching for it, (and finding it) it tells me "404 page not found"
so, I'll try to retrieve my copy and put it here.
(not too computer savvy, I guarantee nothing!! )

Top 5 Regrets of The Dying
:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

That gave me shivers.

And a little tear.

[motskyroonmatick]

Thanks Crypto!!!!!

I love the Leningrad Cowboys!

[Elliot]

Elliot, you referred to the link we've been talking about...
I hadn't actually posted it here, only in a PM to you.

Triken, I'm sorry. PMs should be kept private unless otherwise agreed. I fouled up. Luckily, no apparent harm done this time.
Thanks for posting the whole thing here.

[Patsh]

no harm done this time.
Thanks for posting the whole thing here.

'here' is where it belongs!
precious information!!
(I just wanted you to see it first!)

[graidawg]

Top 5 Regrets of The Dying
:snip:

everything on this list is why i came to burning man, my old friends werent friends anymore and i felt it was time to be happier. it worked and as a result my life is significantly happier. thanks for posting it as it reaffirmed for me why i live the way i do now.

[theCryptofishist]

Thanks Crypto!!!!!

I love the Leningrad Cowboys!

What's not to love, accordions, baililikas, bouncing red traktors? Thank you very many.

[gyre]

A great picture, Elliot.

That seems like a good list.
Unfortunately, if you have any ambitions, you can't have every dream fulfilled.

I can't speak for the universality of my experience, but I could tell you my thoughts as I lay dying.

There was one friend I kept trying to contact, though I was so impaired I couldn't recall his last name, or remember numbers long enough to dial them when I could find them.
He died the morning of september 11th, when the towers fell, while I was still trying to reach him.
He always urged me to be myself fully on the radio, and everywhere else.

I've been much more willing to talk about my feelings since then.
It really makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

It's much harder to impress me now, with anything, threats, abuse, violence, anything.
That may be why I've survived this past week though.
Or maybe I'm just still in shock?

I stood in front of, and under, heavy equipment last week, and wouldn't move as I was threatened.
Didn't even draw my guns, and I had every right to.
Does that count as suicidal?
It wasn't.

i couldn't kill myself, even if it was the right thing to do.
I could tell you why, but i'm not sure it would help.

[motskyroonmatick]

Thanks Crypto!!!!!

I love the Leningrad Cowboys!

What's not to love, accordions, baililikas, bouncing red traktors? Thank you very many.

Exactly!

[theCryptofishist]

*a moment to enjoy the meeting of minds that is eplaya*